ENTERED  ACCORDING  TO  ACT  OF  CONGRESS,  IN  THK  YEAR  1887,  BY 

HUBBARD    BROTHERS, 

IN  THK  OFFICE  oi»  TOK 'LIBRARIAN  ^i*  (j»ot£;RESf,  AT  WASHINGTON. 


AtL.HIGIfTS  P.ESHRVHD. 


NOTICE   TO   BOOKSELLERS. 

This  book  is  sold  exclusively  by  subscription,  all  agents  being  strictly  enjoined 
by  contract  from  selling  in  any  other  way.  Any  evasion  of  this  plan  of  sale  will  be 
a  trespass  upon  the  copyright  rights  of  the  author.  HUBBARD  BROS. 


PUBLISHERS'  PREFACE. 


IN  offering  this  book  to  the  lovers  of  genuine  humor, 
we  desire  simply  to  say  that  if  you  have  enjoyed  Samantha 
at  the  Centennial,  which  was  written  wholly  from  im 
agination  and  from  reading  the  descriptions  others  gave 
— the  author  never  haying  seen  the  Great  Exhibition — 
you  can  hardly  fail  to  enjcy  this  cook,  written,  as  it  was, 
upon  the  spotj  amid  alll'ae.inspjc-^i'p^  ,of  the  "  height  of 
the  season  "  at  the  proudest  pleasure  resort  of  our  nation. 

We  believe,  too,  that  our  patrons  will  rejoice  that  we 
were  fortunate  enough  to  secure  the  services  of  Mr.  Opper, 
the  famous  character  artist  of  "  Puck,"  to  illustrate  it. 


To  THE  GREAT  AK.MY  OF 


Summer    TVamps 

THIS   BOOK   IS   DEDICATED 

BY   THEIR    COMRADE   AND    FELLOW   WANDERER 

THE   AUTHOR. 


A  SORT  OF  A  PREFACE. 


WHICH   IT  IS  NOT  NECESSARY  TO  READ. 

When  Josiah  read  my  dedication  lie  said 
"  it  wuz  a  shame  to  dedicate  a  book  that  it 
had  took  most  a  hull  bottle  of  ink  to  write,  to 
a  lot  of  creeters  that  he  wouldn't  have  in  the 
back  door  yard." 

But  I  explained  it  to  him,  that  I  didn't 
mean  tramps  with  broken  hats,  variegated 
pantaloons,  ventilated  shirt-sleeves,  and  bare 
footed.  But  I  meant  tramps  with  diamond 
ear-rings,  and  cuff-buttons,  and  Saratoga 
trunks,  and  big  accounts  at  their  bankers. 

And  he  said,  "Ohshaw!" 

But  I  went  on  nobly  onmindful  of  that 
shaw,  as  female  pardners  have  to  be,  if  they 
accomplish  all  the  talkin'  they  want  to. 

7 


8  All  a  Chasin1  Pleasure. 

And  sez  I,  "It  duz  seem  sort  o'  pitiful,  don't 
it,  to  think  how  sort  o'  homeless  the  Ameri 
cans  are  a  gettin'  ?  How  the  posys  that  blow 
under  the  winders  of  Home,  are  left  to  waste 
their  sweet  breaths  amongst  the  weeds,  while 
them  that  used  to  love  'em,  are  a  climbin' 
mountain  tops  Rafter  strange  nosegays. 

The  smoke  'that  curled  up  from  the  chim- 
bleys,  a  wreathin'  its  way  up  to  the  heavens — 
all  dead  and  gone.  The  bright  light  that 
shone  out  of  the  winder  through  the  dark  a 
tellin'  everybody  that  there  wuz  a  Home,  and 
some  one  a  waitin'  for  somebody — all  dark, 
and  lonesome. 

Yes,  the  waiter  and  the  waited  for,  are  all  a 
rushin'  round  somewhere,  on  the  cars,  mebby, 
or  a  yot,  a  chasin'  Pleasure,  that  like  as  not 
settled  right  down  on  the  eaves  of  the  old 
house  they  left,  and  stayed  there. 

I  wonder  if  they  will  find  her  there  when 
they  go  back  agin.  Mebby  they  will,  and 
then  agin,  mebby  the}^  won't.  For  Happiness 
haint  one  to  set  round  and  lame  herself,  a 
waitin'  for  folks  to  make  up  their  minds. 


A  Runnin*  Vine.  9 

Sometimes  she  looks  folks  full  in  the  face, 
sort  o'  solemn  like,  and  heart  searching  and 
gives  'em  a  fair  chance  what  they  will  chuse. 
And  then  if  they  chuse  wrong,  she'll  turn  her 
back  to  'em,  for  always.  I've  hearn  of  jest 
such  cases. 

But  it  duz  seem  sort  o'  solemn  to  think — 
how  the  sweet  restful  feelin's  that  clings  like 
ivy  round  the  old  familier  door  steps — where 
old  4  fathers  feet  stopped,  and  stayed  there, 
and  baby  feet  touched  and  then  went  away — 
I  declare  for't,  it  almost  brings  tears,  to  think 
how  that  sweet  clingin'  vine  of  affection,  and 
domestic  repose,  and  content — how  soon  that 
vine  gets  tore  up  nowadays. 

It  is  a  sort  of  a  runnin'  vine  anyway,  and 
folks  use  it  as  such,  they  run  with  it.  Jest  as 
it  puts  its  tendrils  out  to  cling  round  some 
fence  post,  or  lilock  bush,  they  pull  it  up,  and 
start  off  with  it.  And  then  its  roots  get  dry, 
and  it  is  some  time  before  it  will  begin  to  put 
out  little  shoots  and  clingin'  leaves  agin 
round  some  petickuler  mountain  top,  or  bureau 
or  human  bein'.  And  then  it  is  yanked  up 


10  Our  Old  4  Fathers. 

agin,  poor  little  runnin'  vine,  and  run  with — 
and  so  on — and  so  on — and  so  on. 

Why  sometimes  it  makes  me  fairly  heart 
sick,  to  think  on't.  And  I  fairly  envy  our  old 
4  fathers,  who  used  to  set  down  for  several 
hundred  years  in  one  spot.  They  used  to  get 
real  rested,  it  must  be  they  did. 

Jacob  now,  a  settin'  right  by  that  well  of 
his'n  for  pretty  nigh  two  hundred  years. 
How  much  store  he  must  have  set  by  it  during 
the  last  hundred  years  of  'em  !  How  attached 
he  must  have  been  to  it ! 

Good  land !  Where  is  there  a  well  that  one 
of  our  rich  old  American  patriarks  will  set 
down  by  for  two  years,  leavin'  off  the  orts. 
There  haint  none,  there  haint  no  such  a  well. 
Our  patriarks  haint  fond  of  well  water,  any 
way. 

And  old  Miss  Abraham  now,  and  Miss 
Isaac — what  stay  to  home  wiinmen  they  wuz, 
and  equinomical ! 

What  a  good  contented  creeter  Sarah  Abra 
ham  wuz.  How  settled  down,  and  stiddy, 
stayin'  right  to  home  for  hundreds  of  years. 


Slight  Preparations.  1 1 

Not  gettin'  rampeiit  for  a  wider  spear,  not  a 
coaxin'  old  Mr.  Abraham  nights  to  take  her  to 
summer  resorts,  and  winter  hants  of  fashion. 

No,  old  Mr.  Abraham  went  to  bed,  and  went 
to  sleep  for  all  of  her. 

And  when  they  did  once  in  a  hundred  years 
or  so,  make  up  their  minds  to  move  on  a  mile 
or  so,  how  easy  they  traveled.  Mr.  Abraham 
didn't  have  to  lug  off  ten  or  twelve  wagon 
loads  of  furniture  to  the  Safe  Deposit  Com 
pany,  and  spend  weeks  and  weeks  a  settlin* 
his  bisness,  in  Western  lands,  and  Northern 
mines,  Southern  railroads,  and  Eastern  wild 
cat  stocks,  to  get  ready  to  go.  And  Miss 
Abraham  didn't  have  to  have  a  dozen  dress 
makers  in  the  house  for  a  month  or  two,  and 
messenger  boys,  and  dry  goods  clerks,  and 
have  to  stand  and  be  fitted  for  basks  and  pole- 
nays,  and  back  drapery,  and  front  drapery, 
and  tea  gowns,  and  dinner  gowns,  and  drivin' 
gowns,  and  mornin'  gowns,  and  evenin'  gowns, 
and  etcetery,  etcetery,  etcetery. 

No,  all  the  preperations  she  had  to  make  wuz 
to  wrop  her  mantilly  a  little  closter  round  her, 


12  Gird  up  his  Lions. 

and  all  Mr.  Abraham  had  to  do  wuz  to  gird 
up  his  lions.  That  is  what  it  sez.  And  I 
don't  believe  it  would  take  much  time  to  gird 
up  a  few  lions,  it  don't  seem  to  me  as  if  it 
would. 

And  when  these  few  simple  preperations  had 
been  made,  they  jest  histed  up  their  tent  and 
laid  it  acrost  a  camel,  and  moved  on  a  mild  or 
two,  walkin'  afoot. 

Why  jest  imagine  if  Miss  Abraham  had  to 
travel  with  eight  or  ten  big  Saratoga  trunks, 
how  could  they  have  been  got  up  onto 
that  camel  ?  It  couldn't  have  been  done. 
The  camel  would  have  died,  and  old  Mr.  Abra 
ham  would  also  have  expired  a  tryin'  to  lift 
'em  up.  No,  it  wuz  all  for  the  best. 

And  jest  think  on't,  for  all  of  these  simple, 
stay  to  home  ways,  they  called  themselves 
Pilgrims  and  Sojourners.  Good  land!  What 
would  they  have  thought  nowadays  to  see 
folks  make  nothin'  of  settin'  off  for  China,  or 
Japan,  or  Jerusalem  before  breakfast. 

And  what  did  they  know  of  the  hard 
ships  of  civilization  ?  Now  to  sposen  the 


On  the  Go.  13 

case,  sposen  Miss  Abraham  had  to  live 
in  New  York  winters,  and  go  to  two  or 
three  big  receptions  every  day,  and  to  dinner 
parties,  and  theatre  parties,  and  operas  and 
such  like,  evenin's,  and  receive  and  return 
about  three  thousand  calls,  and  be  on  more  'n 
a  dozen  charitable  boards  (hard  boards  they 
be  too,  some  on  'em)  and  lots  of  other  projects 
and  enterprizes — be  on  the  go  the  hull  winter, 
with  a  dress  so  tight  she  couldn't  breathe  in 
stead  of  her  good  loose  robes,  and  instead  of 
her  good  comfortable  sandals  have  her  feet 
upon  high-heeled  shoes  pinchin'  her  corns  al 
most  unto  distraction.  And  then  to  Washing 
ton  to  go  all  through  it  agin,  and  more  too,  and 
Florida,  and  Cuba  ;  and  then  to  the  sea  shore 
and  have  it  all  over  agin  with  sea  bathin' 
added. 

And  then  to  the  mountains,  and  all  over 
agin  with  climbin'  round  added.  Then  to 
Europe,  with  sea  sickness,  picture  galleries, 
etc.,  added.  And  so  on  home  agin  in  the  fall 
to  begin  it  all  over  agin. 

Why  Miss  Abraham  would  be  so  tuckered 


14  Luker  Gatherers. 

out  before  she  went  half  through  with  one 
season,  that  she  would  be  a  dead  4  mother. 

And  Mr.  Abraham — why  one  half  hour 
down  at  the  stock  exchange  would  have  been 
too  much  for  that  good  old  creeter.  The  yells 
and  crys,  and  distracted  movements  of  the 
crowd  of  Luker  Gatherers  there,  would  have 
skairt  him  to  death.  He  never  would  have 
lived  to  follow  Miss  Abraham  round  from  pil 
low  to  post  through  summer  and  winter 
seasons — he  wouldn't  have  lived  to  waltz,  or 
toboggen,  or  surfer  other  civilized  agonies. 
No,  he  would  have  been  a  dead  patriark.  And 
better  off  so,  I  almost  think. 

Not  but  what  I  realize  that  civilization  has 
its  advantages.  Not  but  what  I  know  that  if 
Mr.  Abraham  wanted  Miss  Abraham  to  part 
his  hair  straight,  or  clean  off  his  phylackrity 
when  she  happened  to  be  out  a  pickin'  up 
manny,  he  couldn't  stand  on  one  side  of  his 
tent  and  telephone  to  bring  her  back,  but  had 
to  yell  at  her. 

And  I  realize .  fully  that  if  one  of  his  herd 
got  strayed  off  into  another  county,  they 


Had  to  Kill  a  Sheep.  15 

hadn't  no  telegraf  to  head  it  off,  but  the  old 
man  had  to  poke  off  through  rain  or  sun,  and 
hunt  it  up  himself.  And  he  couldn't  set 
down  cross-legged  in  front  of  his  tent  in  the 
mornin',  and  read  what  happened  on  the 
other  side  of  the  world,  the  evenin'  before. 

And  I  know  that  if  he  wanted  to  set  down 
some  news,  they  had  to  kill  a  sheep,  and 
spend  several  years  a  dressin'  off  the  hide  into 
parchment — and  kill  a  goose,  or  chase  it  up 
till  they  wuz  beat  out,  for  a  goose-quill. 

And  then  after  about  20  years  or  so,  they 
could  put  it  down  that  Miss  Isaac  had  got  a 
boy — the  boy  probably  bein'  a  married  man 
himself  and  a  father  when  the  news  of  his 
birth  wuz  set  down. 

I  realize  this,  and  also  the  great  fundimen- 
tal  fact  that  underlies  all  philosophies,  that 
you  can't  set  down  and  stand  up  at  the  same 
time — and  that  no  man,  however  pure  and 
lofty  his  motives  may  be,  can't  lean  up  against 
a  barn  door,  and  walk  off  simultanious.  And 
if  he  don't  walk  off,  then  the  great  question 
comes  in,  How  will  he  get  there?  And  he 


16          Can't  Stop  to  Oil  Old  Axeltrys. 

feels  lots  of  times  that  lie  must  stand  tip  so's 
to  bring  his  head  up  above  the  mullien  and 
burdock  stalks,  amongst  which  he  is  a  settin1, 
and  get  a  wider  view — a  broader  horizeon. 
And  he  feels  lots  of  times  that  he  must  get 
there. 

This  is  a  sort  of  a  curius  world,  and  it 
makes  us  feel  curius,  a  good  deal  of  the  time 
as  we  go  through  it.  But  we  have  to  make 
allowances  for  it,  for  the  old  world  is  on  a 
tramp  too.  It  can't  seem  to  stop  a  minute  to 
oil  up  its  old  axeltrys— it  moves  on,  and  takes 
us  with  it.  It  seems  to  be  in  a  hurry. 

Everything  seems  to  be  in  a  hurry  here 
below.  And  some  say  Heaven  is  a  place  of 
continual  sailin'  round  and  goin'  up,  and  up 
all  the  time.  But  while  risin'  up  and  soarin' 
is  a  sweet  thought  to  me,  still  sometimes  I 
love  to  think  that  Heaven  is  a  place  where  I 
can  set  down,  and  set  for  some  time. 

I  told  Josiah  so  (waked  him  up,  for  he 
wuz  asleep)  and  he  said  he  sot  more  store  on 
the  golden  streets,  and  the  wavin'  palms,  and 
the  procession  of  angels.  (And  then  he 
went  to  sleep  agin.) 


Hull  Nation  in  a  Hurry.  17 

But  I  don't  feel  so.  I'd  love,  as  I  say,  to 
jest  set  down  for  quite  a  spell,  and  set  there, 
to  be  kinder  settled  down,  and  to  home  with 
them  whose  presence  makes  a  home  any 
where.  I  wouldn't  give  a  cent  to  sail  round 
unless  I  wuz  made  to  know  it  wuz  my  duty  to 
sail.  Josiah  wants  to. 

But,  as  I  say,  everybody  is  in  a  hurry. 
Husbands  can't  hardly  find  time  to  keep  up  a 
aquaintance  with  their  wives.  Fathers  don't 
have  no  time  to  get  up  a  intimate  aquaint 
ance  with  their  childern.  Mothers  are  in 
such  a  hurry — babys  are  in  such  a  hurry — 
that  they  can't  scarcely  find  time  to  be  born. 
And  I  declare  for't,  it  seems  sometimes  as  if 
folks  don't  want  to  take  time  to  die. 

The  old  folks  at  home  wait  with  faithful 
tired  old  eyes  for  the  letter  that  don't  come, 
for  the  busy  son  or  daughter  hasn't  time 
to  write  it — no,  they  are  too  busy  a  tearin'  up 
the  running  vine  of  affection  and  home  love, 
and  a  runnin'  with  it 

Yes  the  hull  nation  is  in  a  hurry  to  get 
somewhere  else,  to  go  on,  it  can't  wait.  It  is 


1 8  Beyond  the  Sunset. 

a  trampin'  on  over  the  Western  slopes,  a 
tramplin'  over  red  men,  and  black  men,  and 
some  white  men,  a  hurry  in'  on  to  the  West 
— hurryin'  on  to  the  sea.  And  what  then  ? 

Is  there  a  tide  of  restfulness  a  layin'  before 
it  ?  Some  cool  waters  of  repose  where  it  will 
bathe  its  tired  forward,  and  its  stun-bruised 
feet,  and  set  there  for  some  time  ? 

I  don't  s'pose  so.  I  don't  s'pose  it  is  in  its 
nater  to.  I  s'pose  it  will  look  off  longingly 
onto  the  far-off  somewhere  that  lays  over  the 
waters — beyend  the  sunset. 

JOSIAH  ALLEN'S  WIFE. 
NEW  YORK,  June,  1887. 


HE  idee  on't  come  to  me  one 
day  about  sundown,  or  a  lit 
tle  before  sundown.  I  wuz 
a  settin'  in  calm  peace,  and 
a  big  rockin'  chair  covered 
with  handsome  copperplate,  a  readin'  what 
the  Sam  mist  sez  about  "  Vanity,  vanity,  all 
is  vanity."  The  words  struck  deep,  and 
as  I  said,  it  was  jest  that  very  minute  that 
the  idee  struck  me  about  goin'  to  Saratoga. 
Why  I  should  have  had  the  idee  at  jest 
that  minute,  I  can't  tell,  nor  Josiah  can't. 
We  have  talked  about  it  sense. 

i  19 


2O  How  the  Idee  Canle. 

But  good  land !  such  creeters  as  thoughts 
be  never  wuz,  nor  never  will  be.  They  will 
creep  in,  and  round,  and  over  anything,  and 
get  inside  of  your  mind  (entirely  unbeknown 
to  you)  at  any  time.  Curious,  haint  it  ?  How 
you  may  try  to  hedge  'em  out,  and  shet  the 
doors  and  everything.  But  they  will  creep  up 
into  your  mind,  climb  up  and  draw  up  their 
ladders,  and  there  they  will  be,  and  stalk 
round  independent  as  if  they  owned  your  hull 
head;  curious! 

Well,  there  the  idee  wuz — I  never  knew 
nothin'  about  it,  nor  how  it  got  there.  But 
there  it  wuz,  lookin'  me  right  in  the  face  of 
my  soul,  kinder  pert  and  saucy,  sayin',  "  You'd 
better  go  to  Saratoga  next  summer ;  you  and 
Josiah." 

But  I  argued  with  it.  Sez  I,  "  What  should 
we  go  to  Saratoga  for  ?  None  of  the  relations 
live  there  on  my  side,  or  on  hiseii ;  why  should 

we  go?" 

But  still  that  idee  kep'  a  hantin  me  ;  "  You'd 
better  go  to  Saratoga  next  summer;  you 
and  Josiah."  And  it  whispered,  "  Mebby  it 


Josiah  Scarfing. 


will   help    Josiah's    corns."      (He   is    dretful 

troubled  with  corns.)     And  so  the  idee  kep' 

a  naggin'  me,  it  nagged  me 

for  three  days    and   three 

nights  before  I  mentioned 

it   to    my  Josiah.     And 

when  I  did,  he  scorfed 

at  the  idee.    He  said, 

"  The  idee  of  water 

curing    them   dumb 

corns — " 

Sez  I, "Josiah 
Allen,  stranger 
things  have 
been  done;" 
sez  I,  "that 
water  is  very 
strong.  It  does  wonders." 

And  he  scorfed  agin  and 
sez,  "Don't  you  believe 
faith  could  cure  'em?" 

Sez  I,  "If  it  wuz  strong  enough  it  could." 

But  the  thought  kep'  a  naggin'  me  stiddy, 
and   then — here  is  the  curious  part   of  it — 


He  scorfed  at  the  idee. 


22  Dr.  Gale  Consulted. 

the  thought  nagged  me,  and  I  nagged  Josiah, 
or  not  exactly  nagged;    not  a  clear  nag;   I 
despise  them,  and  always  did.     But  I  kinder 
kep'  it  before  his  mind  from  day  to  day,  and 
from    hour  to    hour.      And   the    idee   would 
keep  a  tellin'  me  things  and   I  would   keep 
a  tellin'  'em   to    my  companion.      The   idee 
would  keep  a  sayin'  to  me,  "  It  is  one  of  the 
most  beautiful  places  in  our  native  land, 
waters  will  help  you,  the  inspirin'  music,  and 
elegance   and   gay  enjoyment   you  will   find 
there,  will  sort  a  uplift  you.     You  had  better 
go  there  on  a  tower  ; "  and  agin  it  sez,  "  Mebby 
it  will  help  Josiah's  corns." 

And  old  Dr.  Gale  a  happeniu'  in  at  about 
that  time,  I  asked  him  about  it  (he  doctored 
me  when  I  wuz  a  baby,  and  I  have  helped  'em 
for  years.    Good  old  creetur,  he  don't  get  along 
as  well  as  he  ort  to.     Loontown  is  a  healthy 
place)      I  told  him  about  my  strong  desire 
go  to  Saratoga,  and  I  asked  him  plain  if  he 
thought  the  water  would  help  my  pardner's 
corns      And  he  looked  dretful  wise  and  he  nz 
up  and  walked  across  the  floor  2  and  fro  sev- 


Dr.  Gale  Advises.  23 

eral  times,  probably  3  times  to,  and  the  same 
number  of  times  fro,  with  his  arms  crossed 
back  under  the  skirt  of  his  coat  and  his  eye 
brows  knit  in  deep  thought,  before  he  answered 


"Then  you'd  advise  me  to  go  there  with  him?" 
"Yes,"  sez  he,  "on  the  hull,  I  advise  you  to  go." 

me.  Finely  he  said,  that  modern  science  had 
not  fully  demonstrated  yet  the  direct  bearing 
of  water  on  corn.  In  some  cases  it  might  and 
probably  did  stimulate  'em  to  greater  luxu- 


24  Josiah  Scorfs  Again. 

riance,  and  then  again  a  great  flow  of  water 
might  retard  their  growth. 

Sez  I,  anxiously,  "  Then  you'd  advise  me 
to  go  there  with  him  ?" 

"  Yes,"  sez  he,  "  on  the  hull,  I  advise  you 
to  go." 

Them  words  I  reported  to  Josiah,  and  sez  I 
in  anxious  axents,  "  Dr.  Gale  advises  us  to 
go." 

And  Josiah  sez,  "  I  guess  I  shan't  mind 
what  that  old  fool  sez." 

Them  wuz  my  pardner's  words,  much  as  I 
hate  to  tell  on  'em.  But  from  day  to  day  I 
kep'  it  stiddy  before  him,  how  dang'r'us  it 
wuz  to  go  ag'inst  a  doctor's  advice.  And  from 
day  to  day  he  would  scorf  at  the  plan.  And  I, 
ev'ry  now  and  then,  and  mebby  oftener,  would 
get  him  a  extra  good  meal,  and  attack  him  on 
the  subject  immegatly  afterwards.  But  all  in 
vain.  And  I  see  that  when  he  had  that  im- 
movible  sotness  onto  him,  one  extra  meal 
wouldn't  soften  or  molify  him.  No,  I  see 
plain  I  must  make  a  more  voyalent  effort. 
And  I  made  it.  For  three  stiddy  days  I  put 


Josiah  Consents.  25 

before  that  man  the  best  vittles  that  these 
hands  could  make,  or  this  brain  could  plan. 

And  at  the  end  of  the  3d  day  I  gently 
tackled  him  agin  on  the  subject,  and  his  state 
Wuz  such,  bland,  serene,  happified,  that  he 
consented  without  a  parlay.  And  so  it  wuz 
settled  that  the  next  summer  we  wuz  to  go  to 
Saratoga.  And  he  began  to  count  on  it  and 
make  preparation  in  a  way  that  I  hated  to  see. 

Yes,  from  the  very  minute  that  our  two 
minds  wuz  made  up  to  go  to  Saratoga,  Josiah 
Allen  wuz  set  on  havin'  sunthin  new  and 
uneek  in  the  way  of  dress  and  whiskers. 
I  looked  coldly  on  the  idee  of  puttin'  a  gay 
stripe  down  the  legs  of  the  new  pantaloons  I 
made  for  him,  and  broke  it  up,  also  a  figured 
vest.  I  went  through  them  two  crisises  and 
came  out  triumphent. 

Then  he  went  and  bought  a  new  bright  pink 
neck-tie  with  broad  long  ends  which  he  in 
tended  to  have  float  out,  down  the  front  of  his 
vest.  And  I  immegatly  took  it  for  the  light- 
colored  blocks  in  my  silk  log-cabin  bedquilt. 
,  I  settled  the  matter  of  that  pink  neck- 


26  Josiatis  Preparations. 

gear  with  a  high,  hand  and  a  pair  of  shears. 
And  Josiah  sez  now  that  he  bought  it  for  that 
purpose,  for  the  bedquilt,  because  he  loves  to 
see  a  dressy  quilt, — sez  he  always  enjoys 
seein'  a  cabin  look  sort  o'  gay.  But  good 
land  !  he  didn't.  He  intended  and  calculated 
to  wear  that  neck-tie  into  Saratoga, — a  sight 
for  men  and  angels,  if  I  hadn't  broke  it  up. 

But  in  the  matter  of  whiskers,  there  I  wuz 
powerless.  He  trimmed  'em  (unbeknown  to 
me)  all  off  the  side  of  his  face,  them  good 
honerable  side  whiskers  of  hisen,  that  had 
stood  by  him  for  years  in  solemnity  and 
decency,  and  begun  to  cultivate  a  little  patch 
on  the  end  of  his  chin.  I  argued  with  him, 
and  talked  well  on  the  subject,  eloquent,  but 
it  wuz  of  no  use,  I  might  as  well  have  argued 
with  the  wind  in  March. 

He  said,  he  wuz  bound  on  goin'  into  Sara 
toga  with  a  fashionable  whisker,  come  what 
would. 

And  then  I  sithed,  and  he  sez, — "  You  have 
broke  up  my  pantaloons,  my  vest,  and  my 
neck-tie,  you  have  ground  me  down  onto  plain 


A  Stand  on  Whiskers.  27 

broadcloth,  but  in  the  matter  of  whiskers  I  am 
firm !  Yes !"  sez  he,  "  on  these  whiskers  I 
take  my  stand !" 

And  agin  I  sithed  heavy,  and  I  sez  in  a 
dretfnl  impressive  way,  as  I  looked  on  'em, 
"Josiah  Allen,  remember  you  are  a  father, 
and  a  grandfather!" 

And  he  sez  firmly,  "  If  I  wuz  a  great-grand 
father  I  would  trim  my  whiskers  in  jest  this 
way,  that  is  if  I  wuz  a  goin'  to  set  up  to  be 
fashionable  and  a  goin'  to  Saratoga  for  my 
health." 

And  I  groaned  kinder  low  to  myself,  and 
kep'  hopin'  that  mebby  they  wouldn't  grow 
very  fast,  or  that  some  axident  would  happen 
to  'em,  that  they  would  get  afire  or  sunthin'. 
But  they  didn't.  And  they  grew  from  day  to 
day  luxurient  in  length,  but  thin.  And  his 
watchful  care  kep'  'em  from  axident,  and  I  wuz 
too  high  princepled  to  set  fire  to  'ern  when  he 
wuz  asleep,  though  sometimes,  on  a  moonlight 
night,  I  was  tempted  to,  sorely  tempted. 

But  I  didn't,  and  they  grew  from  day  to 
day,  till  they  wuz  the  guriusest  lookin'  patch 


28  The  Neighbors  and  the  News. 

o'  whiskers  that  I  ever  see.  And  when  we  sot 
out  for  Saratoga,  they  wuz  jest  about  as  long 
as  a  shavin'  brush,  and  looked  some  like  one. 
There  wuz  no  look  of  a  class-leader,  and  a  per- 
fesser  about  'em,  and  I  told  him  so.  But  he 
worshiped  'em,  and  gloried  in  the  idee  of  goin' 

afar  to   show 
'em  off. 

But  the 
neighbors  re 
ceived  the  news 
that  we  wuz  go- 
in'  to  a  water  in' 
place  coldly,  or 
with  ill-con 
cealed  envy. 
Uncle  Jonas 

He  is  deef  as  a  hemlock  post. 

Bently  told  us 

he  shouldn't  think  we  would  want  to  go  round 
to  waterin'  troughs  at  our  age. 

And  I  told  him  it  wuzn't  a  waterin'  trough, 
and  if  it  wuz,  I  thought  our  age  wuz  jest  as 
good  a  one  as  any,  to  go  to  it. 

He  had  the  impression  that  Saratoga  wuz  a 


What  the  Teacher  Said.  29 

immense  waterin'  trough  where  the  country  all 
drove  themselves  summers  to  be  watered.  He 
is  deef  as  a  hemlock  post,  and  I  yelled  up  at 
him  jest  as  loud  as  I  dast  for  fear  of  breakin' 
open  my  own  chest,  that  the  water  got  into  us, 
instid  of  our  gettin'  into  the  water,  but  I 
didn't  make  him  understand,  for  I  hearn  after 
wards  of  his  sayin'  that,  as  nigh  as  he  could 
make  out  we  all  got  into  the  waterin'  trough 
and  wuz  watered. 

The  school  teacher,  a  young  man,  with  long, 
small  lims,  and  soniCvpimpley  on  the  face,  but 
well  meanin',  he  sez  to  me:  "Saratoga  is  a 
beautiful  spah." 

And  I  sez  warmly,  "It  aint  no  such  thing,  it 
is  a  village,  for  I  have  seen  a  peddler  who  went 
right  through  it,  and  watered  his  horses  there, 
and  he  sez  it  is  a  waterin'  place,  and  a  village." 

"  Yes,"  sez  he,  "  it  is  a  beautiful  village,  a 
modest  retiren  city,  and  at  the  same  time  it  is 
the  most  noted  spah  on  this  continent." 

I  wouldn't  contend  with  him  for  it  wuz  on 
the  stoop  of  the  meetin'  house,  and  I  believe 
in  bein*  reverent.  But  I  knew  it  wuzn't  no 


What  the  Wimen  Said. 


u  spah," — that  had  a  dreadful  flat  sound  to  me» 
Aud  any  way  I  knew 
I  should  face  its 
realities  soon  and 


know  all  about  it. 
Lots   of  wimen   said 
that    for   anybody  who 

The  school  teacher  sez  to        1 .         i        •     1    ,  ,1  •  j 

me:  •«  Saratoga  is  a  beauti-       llVCd    Fight    OU    the    Side 

of  a  canal,  and  had  two 
good  cisterns  on  the  place,  and  a  well,  they 


A  Stiddy  Conversation.  31 

didn't  see  why  I  should  feel  in  a  sufferin' 
condition  for  any  more  water ;  and  if  I  did, 
why  didn't  I  ketch  rain  water  ? 

Such  wuz  some  of  the  deep  arguments  they 
brung  up  aginst  my  embarkin'  on  this  enter 
prise,  they  talked  about  it  sights  and  sights ; 
— why  it  lasted  the  neighbors  for  a  stiddy 
conversation,  till  along  about  the  middle  of 
the  winter.  Then  the  Minister's  wife  bought 
a  new  alpacky  dress — unbeknown  to  the 
church  till  it  wuz  made  up — and  that  kind 
^'  drawed  their  minds  off  o'  me  for  a  spell. 

Aunt  Polly  Pixley  wuz  the  only  one  who 
received  the  intelligence  gladly.  And  she 
thought  she  would  go  too.  She  had  been 
kinder  run  down  and  most  bed  rid  for  years. 
And  she  had  a  idee  the  water  might  help  her. 
And  I  encouraged  Aunt  Polly  in  the  idee,  for 
she  wuz  well  off.  Yes,  Mr.  and  Miss  Pixley 
wuz  very  well  off  though  they  lived  in  a  little 
mite  of  a  dark,  low,  lonesome  house,  with  some 
tall  Pollard  willows  in  front  of  the  door  in  a 
row,  and  jest  acrost  the  road  from  a  grave-yard. 

Her   husband  had  been  close   and  wuzn't 


3  a  Mr.  Pixley*s  Recreation. 

willin'  to  have  any  other  luxury  or  means  of 
recreation  in  the  house  only  a  bass  viol,  that 
had  been  his  father's — he  used  to  play  on  that 
for  hours  and  hours.  I  thought  that  wuz  one 

reason 
why  Pol 
ly  wuz  so 
nervous. 
I  said  to 
J  o  s  i  a  h 
that  it 
would 
have 
killed 
me  out 
right  to 
have 
that  low 
grum- 
blin'  a 

goin'  on  from  day  to  day,  and  to  look  at  them 
tall  lonesome  willows  and  grave  stuns. 

But  howsumever  Polly's  husband  had  died 
durin'  the  summer  and  Polly  parted  with  the 


Her  husband  used  to  play  on  that  for  hours 
and  hours. 


Low-necked  Dresses.  33 

bass  viol,  the  day  after  the  funeral.  She  got 
out  some  now,  and  wuz  quite  wrought  up  with 
the  idee  of  goin'  to  Saratoga. 

But  Sister  Minkley,  sister  in  the  church,  and 
sister-in-law  by  reason  of  Whitefield,  sez  to 
me,  that  she  should  think  I  would  think  twice, 
before  I  danced  and  waltzed  round  waltzes. 

And  I  sez,  "  I  haint  thought  of  doin'  it,  I 
haint  thought  of  dancin'  ro^nd  or  square  or 
any  other  shape." 

Sez  she,  "  You  have  got  to,  if  you  go  to 
Saratoga." 

Sez  I,  "  Not  while  life  remains  in  this 
frame." 

And  old  Miss  Bobbet  came  up  that  minute 
— it  wuz  in  the  store  that  we  were  a  talkin' — 
and  sez  she,  "  It  seems  to  me  Josiah  Allen's 
wife,  that  you  are  too  old  to  wear  low-necked 
dresses  and  short  sleeves." 

"  And  I  should  think  you'd  take  cold  a  goin' 
bareheaded,"  sez  Miss  Luman  Spink  who  wuz 
with  her. 

Sez  I,  lookin'  at  'em  coldly,  "  Are  you  lunys 
or  has  softness  begun  on  your  brains  ?" 


34 


A  Straight  Story. 


'  Why,"  sez  they,  "  you  are  talking  about 
goin'  to  Saratoga  haint  you?" 
"Yes,"  sez  I. 
"Well  then  you  have  got 
to  wear  'em,"  sez   Miss 
Bobbet.     "  They  don't 
let  anybody  inside  of 
the  incorporation 
without   they 
have  got  on 

a      low-        $&      liiyP7       sleeves." 
necked  "And 

dress  bare-headed," 

and        _  sez  Miss  Spink; 

"  if  they  have  got 
a    thing    on    their 
heads   they  won't   let 
'em  in." 

Sez  I,  "I  don't  believe 
it." 

Sez  Miss  Bobbet,  "  It  is 
so,    for    I    hearn    it,   and 
« i  beam  it  straight."        hearn  it  straight.     James 
Bobbets's  wife's  sister  had   a  second   cousin 


i  oats  Kinder  Pin  ted.  35 

who  lived  neighbor  to  a  woman  whose  niece 
had  .been  there,  been  right  there  on  the  spot. 
And  Celestine  Bobbet,  Uncle  Ephraim's  Celes- 
tine,  hearn  it  from  James'es  wife  when  she 
wuz  up  there  last  spring,  it  come  straight. 
They  all  have  to  go  in  low  necks." 

"  And  not  a  mite  of  anything  on  their 
heads,"  says  Miss  Spink. 

Sez  I  in  sarcasticle  axents,  "  Do  men  have 
to  go  in  low  necks  too  ?" 

"  No,"  says  Miss  Bobbet.  "  But  they  have 
to  have  the  tails  of  their  coats  kinder  pinted. 
Why,"  sez  she,  "  I  hearn  of  a  man  that  had 
got  clear  to  the  incorporation  and  they 
wouldn't  let  him  in  because  his  coat  kinder 
rounded  off  round  the  bottom,  so  he  went 
out  by  the  side  of  the  road  and  pinned  up 
his  coat  tails,  into  a  sort  of  a  pinted  shape, 
and  good  land  !  the  incorporation  let  him  right 
in,  and  never  said  a  word." 

I  contended  that  these  things  wuzn't  so,  but 

I  found  it  wuz  the  prevailin'  opinion.      For 

when   I  went   to    see    the    dressmaker    about 

makin'  me  a  dress  for  the  occasion, 'I  see  she 

3 


36  Getting  Ready  in  Time. 

felt  just  like  the  rest  about  it.  My  dress  was 
a  good  black  alpacky.  I  thought  I  would  have 
it  begun  along  in  the  edge  of  the  winter,  when 
she  didn't  have  so  much  to  do,  and  also  to 
have  it  done  on  time.  We  laid  out  to  start  on 


I  went  to  see  the  dressmaker. 


the  follerin*  July,  and  I  felt  that  I  wanted 
everything  ready. 

I  bought  the  dress  the  ;th  day  of  November 
early  in  the  forenoon,  the  next  day  after  my 
pardner  consented  to  go,  and  give  65  cents  a 


Agast  at  the  Idee.  37 

yard  for  it,  double  wedth.  I  thought  I  could 
get  it  done  on  time,  dressmakers  are  drove  a 
good  deal.  But  I  felt  that  a  dressmaker  could 
commence  a  dress  in  November  and  get  it 
done  the  follerin'  July,  without  110  great  strain 
bein'  put  onto  her ;  and  I  am  fur  from  bein' 
the  one  to  put  strains  onto  wimmen,  and 
hurry  'em  beyend  their  strength.  But  I 
felt  Alminy  had  time  to  make  it  on  honor 
and  with  good  button-holes. 

"  Wall,"  she  sez,  the  first  thing  after  she 
had  unrolled  the  alpacky,  and  held  it  up  to 
the  light  to  see  if  it  was  firm — sez  she  : 

"  I  s'pose  you  are  goin'  to  have  it  made  with 
a  long  train,  and  low  neck  and  short  sleeves, 
and  the  waist  all  girted  down  to  a  taper?" 

I  wuz  agast  at  the  idee,  and  to  think  Alminy 
should  broach  it  to  me,  and  I  give  her  a  piece 
of  my  mind  that  must  have  lasted  her  for  days 
and  days.  It  wuz  a  long  piece,  and  firm  as 
iron.  But  she  is  a  woman  who  likes  to  have 
the  last  word  and  carry  out  her  own  idees, 
and  she  insisted  that  nobody  was  allowed 
in  Saratoga — that  they  wuz  outlawed,  and 


38  Asfer  the  Waists. 

[aughed  at — if  they  didn't  have  trains  and 
low  necks,  and  little  mites  of  waists  no 
bigger  than  pipe-stems. 

Sez  I,  "  Almiiiy  Hagidoiie,  do  you  s'pose 
that  I,  a  woman  of  my  age,  and  a  member  of 
the  meetin'  house,  am  a  goiii'  to  wear  a  low- 
necked  dress  ?" 

"  Why  not  ?"  sez  she,  "  it  is  all  the  fashion 
and  wimmeii  as  old  agin  as  you  be  wear  'em." 

Well,  sez  I,  "  It  is  a  shame  and  a  disgrace 
if  they  do,  to  say  nothin'  of  the  wickedness  of 
it.  Who  do  you  s'pose  wants  to  see  their  old 
skin  and  bones  ?  It  haint  nothin'  pretty  any 
way.  And  as  fer  the  waists  bein'  all  girted  up 
and  drawed  in,  that  is  nothin'  but  crushed 
bones  and  flesh  and  vitals,  that  is  just  crowdin' 
down  your  insides  into  a  state  o'  disease  and 
deformity,  torturiii'  your  heart  down  so's  the 
blood  can't  circulate,  and  your  lungs  so's  you 
can't  breathe,  it  is  nothin'  but  slow  murder 
anyway,  and  if  I  ever  take  it  into  my  head  to 
kill  myself,  Alminy  Hagidoiie,  I  haint  a  goin' 
to  do  it  in  a  way  of  perfect  torture  and  torment 
to  me,  I'd  ruther  be  drownded." 


Saratoga  Style. 


She  quailed,  and  I  sez,  UI  am  one  that  is 
goin'  to  take  good  long  breaths  to  the  very 
last."      She  see    I   wuz    like    iron 
agiiist  the  idee  of  bein'  drawed  in, 
and    tapered, 
and  she  desist 
ed.      I    s'pose 
I     did     look 
skairful.    But 
she    seemed 
still    to   cling 
to  the  idee  of 
low  necks  and 
trains,    and 
she  sez  sort  a 
rebukingly : 

"  You  ortn't  to  go  to 
Saratoga  if  you  hain't  will- 
in'  to  do  as  the  rest  do.  I 
s'pose,"  sez  she  dreamily,  AH  on -em  a  flirting  with 

J-  J  i  some  man. 

"  the     streets     are    full   of 
wimmen  a  walkin'  np   and   down  with   long 
trains  a  hangin'  down  and  sweepin'  the  streets, 
and  ev'ry  one   on   'em   with   low  necks    and 


40  The  Dress  Completed. 

short  sleeves,  and  all  on  'em  a  flirting  with 


some  man." 


"  Truly,"  sez  I,  "  if  that  is  so,  that  is  why 
the  idee  come  to  me.  I  am  needed  there.  I 
have  a  high  mission  to  perform  about.  But  I 
don't  believe  it  is  so." 

"  Then  you  won't  have  it  made  with  a  long 
train  ?"  sez  she,  a  holdin'  up  a  breadth  of  the 
alpacky  in  front  of  me,  to  measure  the  skirt. 

"  No  mom !"  sez  I,  and  there  was  both 
dignity  and  deep  resolve  in  that  "  mom."  It 
wuz  as  firm  and  stern  principled  a  "  mom  "  as 
I  ever  see,  though  I  say  it  that  shouldn't. 
And  I  see  it  skairt  her.  She  measured  off  the 
breadths  kinder  trembly,  and  seemed  so 
anxious  to  pacify  me  that  she  got  it  a  leetle 
shorter  in  the  back  than  it  wuz  in  the  front. 
And  (for  the  same  reason)  it  fairly  choked  me 
in  the  neck  it  wuz  so  high,  and  the  sleeves 
wuz  that  long  that  I  told  Josiah  Allen  (in 
confidence)  I  was  tempted  to  knit  some  loops 
across  the  bottom  of  'em  and  wear  'em  for  mits, 

But  I  didn't,  and  I  didn't  change  the  dress 
neither.  Thinkses  I,  mebby  it  will  have  a  good 


Soothing  a  Pardner.  41 

moral  effect  on  them  other  old  wimmen  there. 
Thinkses  I,  when  they  see  another  woman 
melted  and  shortened  and  choked  fur  princi 
ple's  sake,  mebby  they  will  pause  in  their 
wild  careers. 

Wall,  this  wuz  in  November,  and  I  wuz  to 
have  the  dress,  if  it  wuz  a  possible  thing,  by 
the  middle  of  April,  so's  to  get  it  home  in 
time  to  sew  some  lace  in  the  neck.  And  so 
havin'  everything  settled  about  goin'  I  wuz 
calm  in  my  frame  most  all  the  time,  and  so 
wuz  my  pardner. 

And  right  here,  let  me  insert  this  one  word 
of  wisdom  for  the  special  comfort  of  my  sect 
and  yet  it  is  one  that  may  well  be  laid  to  heart 
by  the  more  opposite  one.  If  your  pardner 
gets  restless  and  oneasy  and  middlin'  cross,  as 
pardners  will  be  anon,  or  even  oftener — start 
them  off  on  a  tower.  A  tower  will  in  9  cases 
out  of  10  lift  'em  out  of  their  oneasiness,  their 
restlessness  and  their  crossness. 

* 

Why  this  is  so  I  cannot  tell,  no  more  than  I 
can  explain  other  mysteries  of  creation,  but  I 
know  it  is  so.  I  know  they  will  come  home 


42  The  Lion  and  the  Lamb. 

more  placider,  more  serener,  and  more  settled- 
downer.  Why  I  have  known  a  short  tower  to 
Slab  City  or  Loontown  act  like  a  charm  on  my 
pardner,  when  crossness  wuz  in  his  mean  and 
snappishness  wuz  present  with  him.  I  have 
known  him  to  set  off  with  the  mean  of  a  lion 


I  have  known  him  to  set  off  with  the  mean  of  a  lion  and  come  back 
with  the  liniment  of  a  lamb. 


and  come  back  with  the  liniment  of  a  lamb 
Curious,  haint  it  ? 

And  jest  the  prospect  of  a  tower  ahead  is  a 
great  help  to  a  woman  in  rulin'  and  keepin'  a 
pardner  straight  and  right  in  his  liniments 
and  his  acts.  Somehow  jest  the  thought  of  a 
tower  sort  a  lifts  him  up  in  mind,  and  happifys 


Quelling  a  Pardner. 


43 


him,  and  makes  Mm  easier  to  quell,  and 
pardners  must  be  quelled  at  times,  else  there 
would  be  no  livin'  with  'em.  This  is  known 
to  all  wimmen  companions  and  men  too. 
Great,  great  is  the  mystery  of  pardners. 


II. 


ARDEUA  TUTT  AND  HER  MOTHER. 


UT  to  resoom  and  continue  on.  I  was 
a  settin'  one  day,  after  it  wtiz  all 
decided,  and  plans  laid  on ;  I  wuz  a  settin'  by 
the  fire  a  mendin'  one  of  Josiali's  socks.  I 
wuz  a  settin'  there,  as  soft  and  pliable  in  my 
temper  as  the  woosted  I  wuz  a  darnin'  'em  with, 
my  Josiah  at  the  same  time  a  peacefelly  sawin' 
wood  in  the  wood-house,  when  I  heard  a  rap  at 
the  door  and  I  riz  up  and  opened  it,  and  there 
stood  two  perfect  strangers,  females.  I,  with 
a  perfect  dignity  and  grace  (and  with  the  sock 
still  in  my  left  hand)  asked  'em  to  set  down, 
and  consequently  they  sot.  Then  ensued  a 

44 


A  Hard  Sight.  45 

slight  pause  durin'  which  my  two  gray  eyes 
roamed  over  the  females  before  me. 

The  oldest  one  wuz  very  sharp  in  her  face 
and  had  a  pair  of  small  round  eyes  that 
seemed  when  they  were  sot  onto  you  to  sort  a 
bore  into  you  like  two  gimblets.  Her  nose 
was  very  sharp  and  defient,  as  if  it  wuz  con 
stantly  sayin'  to  itself,  "  I  am  a  nose  to  be 
looked  up  to,  I  am  a  nose  to  be  respected, 
and  feared  if  necessary."  Her  chin  said  the 
same  thing  and  her  lips  which  wuz  very  thin, 
and  her  elboes,  which  wuz  very  sharp. 

Her  dress  wuz  a  stiff  sort  of  a  shinin'  poplin, 
made  tight  acrost  the  chest  and  elboes.  And 
her  hat  had  some  stiff  feathers  in  it  that  stood 
up  straight  and  sort  a  sharp  lookin'.  She  had 
a  long  sharp  breast-pin  sort  a  stabbed  in 
through  the  front  of  her  stiff  standin'  collar, 
and  her  knuckles  sot  out  through  her  firm 
lisle  thread  gloves,  her  umberell  wuz  long  and 
wound  up  hard,  to  that  extent  I  have  never 
seen  before  nor  sense.  She  wuz,  take  it  all  in 
all,  a  hard  sight,  and  skairful. 

The  other  one  wuzn't  no  more  like  her  ia 


46  The  Tender  Poet. 

looks  than  a  soft  fat  young  cabbage  head  is 
like  the  sharp  bean  pole  that  it  grows  up  by 
the  side  on,  in  the  same  garden.  She  wuz 
soft  in  her  complexion,  her  lips,  her  cheeks, 
her  hands,  and  as  I  mistrusted  at  that  first 
minute,  and  found  out  afterwards,  soft  in  her 
head  too.  Her  dress  wuz  a  loose-wove  par- 
metty,  full  in  the  waist  and  sort  a  drabbly 
round  the  bottom.  Her  hat  wuz  drab-colored 
felt  with  some  loose  ribbon  bows  a  hangin' 
down  on  it,  and  some  soft  ostridge  tips.  She 
had  some  silk  mits  on  and  her  hands  wuz  fat 
and  kinder  moist-lookin'.  Her  eyes  wuz  very 
large,  and  round,  and  blue,  and  looked  sort  o' 
dreamy  and  wandering  and  there  wuz  a  kind  of 
a  wrapped  smile  on  her  face  all  the  time.  She 
had  a  roll  of  paper  in  her  hand  and  I  didn't 
dislike  her  looks  a  mite. 

Finally  the  oldest  female  opened  her  lips, 
some  as  a  steel  trap  would  open  sudden  and 
kinder  sharp,  and  sez  she;  "I  am  Miss  Deacon 
Tutt  of  Tuttville,  and  this  is  my  second 
daughter  Ardelia.  Cordelia  is  my  oldest, 
and  I  have  4  younger  than  Ardelia." 


A  Bagfull  of  Poems.  47 

I  bowed  real  polite  and  said,  "  I  wuz  glad  to 
make  the  acquaintance  of  the  hull  7  on  'em," 
I  can  be  very  genteel  when  I  set  out,  almost 
stylish. 

"  I  s'pose,"  sez  she,  "  I  am  talkin'  to  Josiah 
Allen's  wife  ?" 

I  gin  her  to  understand  that  that  wuz  my 
name  and  my  station,  and  she  went  on,  and 
sez  she :  "  I  have  hearn  on  you  through  my 
husband's  2d  cousin,  Cephas  Tutt." 

"  Cephas,"  sez  she,  "  bein'  wrote  to  by  ma 
on  the  subject  of  Ardelia,  the  same  letter  con- 
tainin'  seven  poems  of  hern,  and  on  bein' 
asked  to  point  out  the  quickest  way  to  make 
her  name  and  fame  known  to  the  world  at 
large,  wrote  back  that  he  havin'  always  dealt 
in  butter  and  lard,  wuzn't  up  to  the  market 
price  in  poetry,  and  that  you  would  be  a  good 
one  to  go  to  for  advice.  And  so,"  sez  she  a 
pointin'  to  a  bag  she  carried  on  her  arm  (a 
hard  lookin'  bag  made  of  crash  with  little 
bullets  and  knobs  of  embroidery  on  it),  "and 
so  we  took  this  bag  full  of  Ardelia's  poetry 
and  come  on  the  mornin'  train,  Cephases 


48  A  Soarin1  Genius. 

letter  havin'  reached  us  at  nine  o'clock  last 
night.  I  ain  a  woman  of  business." 

The  bag  would  hold  about  4  quarts  and  it 
wuz  full.  I  looked  at  it  and  sithed. 

"  I  see,"  sez  she,  "  that  you  are  sorry  that 
we  didn't  bring  more  poetry  with  us.  But  we 
thought  that  this  little  batch  would  give  you  a 
idee  of  what  a  mind  she  has,  what  a  glorious, 
.soarin'  genus  was  in  front  of  you,  and  we 
could  bring  more  the  next  time  we  come." 

I  sithed  agin,  three  times,  but  Miss  Tutt 
didn't  notice  'em  a  mite  no  more'n  they'd  been 
giggles  or  titters.  She  wouldn't  have  took 
no  notice  of  them.  She  wuz  firm  and  decided 
doin'  her  own  errent,  and  not  payin'  no  atten 
tion  to  anything,  nor  anybody  else. 

."Ardelia,  read  the  poem  you  have  got 
under  your  arm  to  Miss  Allen !  The  bag 
wuz  full  of  her  longer  ones,"  sez  she,  "  but 
I  felt  that  I  must  let  you  hear  her  poem 
on  Spring.  It  is  a  gem.  I  felt  it  would  be 
wrongin'  you,  not  to  give  you  that  treat. 
Read  it  Ardelia." 

I  see  Ardelia  wuz  used  to  obeyin'  her  ma. 


49 


The  First  Gem.  51 

She  opened  the  sheet  to  once,  and  begun.     It 
wuz  as  follows : 


"ARDElvIA  TUTT  ON  SPRING." 

"Oh  spring,  sweet  spring,  thou  comest  in  the  spring; 

Thou  comest  in  the  spring  time  of  the  year. 
We  fain  would  have  thee  come  in  Autumn  ;  fling- 
est  thou  so  sad  a  shade,  oh  Spring,  so  dear? 

1 '  So  dear  the  hopes  thou  draggest  in  thy  rear, 

So  mournful,  and  so  wan,  and  not  so  sweet ; 
So  weird  thou  art,  and  oh,  all !  all  !  too  dear 
Art  thou,  alas  !  oh  mournful  spring  ;  my  ear — 

'  *  My  ear  that  long  did  lay  at  gate  of  hope, 

Prone  at  the  gate  while  years  glided  by — • 
I  fain  would  lift  that  ear,  alas,  why  cope 

With  cruel  wrong,  it  must  lie  there  so  heavy    'tis 
my  eye — 

"  My  eye,  I  fling  o'er  buried  ruins  long, 

I  flung  it  there,  regardless  of  the  loss  ; 
That  eye,  I  fain  would  gather  in  with  song  ; 
In  vain  !  '  tis  gone,  I  bow  and  own  the  cross. 

4 


52  Another  Treat. 

"  Dear  ear,  lone  eye,  sweet  buried  hopes,  alas, 
I  give  thee  to  the  proud  inexorable  main  ; 
Deep  calls  to  deep,  and  it  doth  not  reply, 

But  sayeth  my  heart,  they  will  not  be  mine  ow» 
again," 

Jest  the  minute  Ardelia  stopped  readin7 
Miss  Tutt  says  proudly :  "  There  !  haint  that 
a  remarkable  poem  ?" 

Sez  I,  calml}^  "  Yes  it  is  a  remarkable  one." 

"  Did  you  ever  hear  anything  like  it?"  sez 
she  triumphly. 

"  No,"  sez  I  honestly,  "  I  never  did." 

"  Ardelia,  read  the  poem  on  Little  Ardelia 
Cordelia ;  give  Miss  Allen  the  treat  of  hearin' 
that  beautiful  thing." 

I  sort  a  sitlied  low  to  myself;  it  wuz  more 
of  a  groan  than  a  common  sithe,  but  Miss 
Tutt  didn't  heed  it,  she  kep'  right  on — 

"I  have  always  brought  up  my  children  to 
make  other  folks  happy,  all  they  can,  and  in 
rehearsin'  this  lovely  .and  remarkable  poem, 
Ardelia  will  be  not  only  makin'  you  perfectly 
happy,  givin'  you  a  rich  intellectual  feast,  that 
you  can't  often  have,  way  out  here  in  the 


Joy  and  Business.  53 

country,  fur  from  Tuttville;  but  she  will  also 
be  attendin'  to  the  business  that  brought  us 
here.  I  have  always  fetched  my  children  up  to 
combine  joy  and  business  ;  weld  'em  together 
like  brass  and  steel.  Ardelia  !  begin!" 

So  Ardelia  commenced  agin.  It  wuz  wrote 
on  a  big  sheet  of  paper  and  a  runnin'  vine  wuz 
a  runnin'  all  'round  the  edge  of  the  paper, 
made  with  a  pen,  it  wuz  as  follows : 

"  STANZAS  ENTITLED 
"SWEET  LITTLE  THING. 

' '  Wrote  on  the  death  of  Ardelia  Cordelia,  who  died  at 
the  age  of  seven  days  and  seven  hours. ' ' 

"  Sweet  little  thing,  that  erst  so  soon  did  bloom, 

And  didest  but  fade,  as  falls  the  mystic  flower  ! 
Sweet  little  thing,  we  did  but  erst  low  croon 

To  thee  a  plaintive  lay,  and  lo  !  for  hour  and  hour — 
Sweet  little  thing. 

1 '  For  hours  we  sang  to  thee  of  high  emprise,  the  songs 

of  hope 

Though   aged   but    week   (and   seven  hours)    thou 
laughested  in  thy  sleep  ; 


54  A  Remarkable  Poem. 

We  cling  to  that  in  peace,  though  mope 

The  dullard  knave,  and  biddest  us  go  and  weep — 
Sweet  little  thing. 

"  Thou  laughested  at  high  emprise,  and  yet,  in  sooth, 

'Twere  craven  to  say  thou  couldst  not  rise 
To  scale  the  mounts  !  to  soar  the  cliffs  !  if  worth 
Were  the  test,  twice  worthy  thou,  in  that  the  merit 

lies- 
Sweet  little  thing. 

' '  Thy  words   that   might  have   shook  the  breathless 

world  with  might ; 

Alas  !  I  catchested  not  on  any  earthly  ground, 
That   voice   that   might   have  guided  nations   high 

aright, 

Congealed  within  thy  tiny  windpipe  'twas,  it  did 
not  steal  around — 

Sweet  little  thing. 

"  Sweet  little  thing,  so  soon  thy  wings  unfurled 

A  wing,  a  feather  lone  low  floated  up  the  yard  ; 
A  worjd  might  weep,  a  world  might  stand  appalled, 
To  hear  it  low  rehearsed  by  tearful  female  bard — 
Sweet  little  thing." 

Jest  as  soon  as  Ardelia  stopped  rehearsin' 
the  verses,  Miss  Tutt  sez  agin  to  me : 
"  Haint  that  a  most  remarkable  poem  ?" 


A  Poem  of  Passion,  55 

And  agin  I  sez  calmly,  and  truthfully,  "  Yes, 
it  is  a  very  remarkable  one  !" 

"  And  now,"  sez  Miss  Tutt,  plungin'  her 
hand  in  the  bag,  and  drawin'  out  a  sheet  of 
paper,  "  to  convince  you  that  Ardelia  has  al 
ways  had  this  divine  gift  of  poesy  —  that  it  is 
not  all  the  effect  of  culture  and  high  education 
—  let  me  read  to  you  a  poem  she  wrote  when 
she  was  only  a  mere  child,"  and  Miss  Tutt 
read: 

"UNES  ON  A  CAT 


" 


WRITTKN   BY   ARDEXIA   TUTT, 


At  the  age  of  fourteen  years,  two  months  and  eight 
days. 

"  Oh  Cat  !  Sweet  Tabby  cat  of  mine  ; 

6  months  of  age  has  passed  o'er  thee, 
And  I  would  not  resign,  resign 
The  pleasure  that  I  find  in  you. 
Dear  old  cat." 


"  Don't  you  think,"  sez   Miss  Tutt,  "  that 
this  poem  shows  a  fund  of  passion,  a  reserve 


56  Shakespeare  Didn't. 

power  of  passion  and  constancy,  remarkable 
in  one  so  young  ?" 

"Yes,"  sez  I  reasonably,  "no  doubt  she 
liked  the  cat!  And,"  sez  I,  wantin'  to  say 
somethin'  pleasant  and  agreeable  to  her,  "  n<L 
doubt  it  wuz  a  likely  cat." 

"  Oh  the  cat  itself  is  of  miner  importance," 
sez  Miss  Tutt.  "We  will  fling  the  cat  to  the 
winds.  It's  of  my  daughter  I  would  speak.  I 
simply  handled  the  cat  to  show  the  rare  pre 
cocious  intellect.  Oh !  how  it  gushed  out  in 
the  last  line  in  the  unconquerable  burst  of 
repressed  passion — '  Dear  old  cat!'  Shake 
speare  might  have  wrote  that  line,  do  you 
not  think  so  ?" 

"  No  doubt  he  might,"  sez  I,  calmly,  "  but 
he  didn't." 

I  see  she  looked  mad  and  I  hastened  to  say: 
u  He  wuzn't  aquainted  with  the  cat." 

She  looked  kinder  mollyfied  and  continued : 
"  Ardelia  dashes  off  things  with  a  speed  that 
would  astonish  a  mere  common  writer.  Why 
she  dashed  off  thirty-nine  verses  once  while 
she  was  waitin'  for  the  dish  water  to  bile,  and 


Pegasus.  59 

sent  ?em  right  off  to  the  printer,  without 
glancin'  at  'em  agin." 

"  I  dare  say  so,"  sez  I,  "  I  should  judge  so 
by  the  sound  on  'em." 

"  Out  of  envy,  and  jealousy,  the  rankest 
envy,  and  the  shearest  jealousy,  them  verses 
wuz  sent  back  with  the  infamous  request  that 
she  should  use  'em  for  curl  papers.  But  she 
sot  right  down  and  wrote  forty-eight  verses  on 
a  '  Cruel  Request,'  wrote  'em  inside  of  eighteen 
minutes.  She  throws  off  things,  Ardelia  does, 
in  half  an  hour,  that  it  would  take  other  poets, 
weeks  and  weeks  to  write." 

"  I  persume  so,"  sez  I,  "  I  dare  persume  to 
say,  they  never  could  write  'em." 

"  And  now,"  sez  Miss  Tutt,  "  the  question 
is,  will  you  put  Ardelia  on  the  back  of  that 
horse  that  poets  ride  to  glory  on  ?  Will  you 
lift  her  onto  the  back  of  that  horse,  and  do  it 
at  once?  I  require  nothin'  hard  of  you,"  sez 
she,  a  borin'  me  through  and  through  with 
her  eyes.  u  It  must  be  a  joy  to  you,  Josiah 
Allen's  wife,  a  rare  joy,  to  be  the  means  of 
bringin'  this  rare  geruus  before  the  public.  I 


60  Fame  and  Wealth. 

ask  nothin'  hard  of  you,  I  only  ask  that  you 
demand,  demand  is  the  right  word,  not  ask ; 
that  would  be  grovelin'  trucklin'  folly,  but 
demand  that  the  public  that  has  long  ignored 
my  daughter  Ardelia's  claim  to  a  seat  amongst 
the  immortal  poets,  demand  them,  compel 
them  to  pause,  to  listen,  and  then  seat  her 
there,  up,  up  on  the  highest,  most  perpendiciler 
pinnacle  of  fame's  pillow.  Will  you  do  this?" 

I  sat  in  deep  dejection  and  my  rockin'  chair, 
and  knew  not  what  to  say — and  Miss  Tutt 
went  on  :  "  We  demand  more  than  fame,  death 
less  immortal  fame  for  'em.  We  want  money, 
wealth  for  'em,  and  want  it  at  once  I  We  want 
it  for  extra  household  expenses,  luxuries, 
clothing,  jewelry,  charity,  etc.  If  we  enrich 
the  world  with  this  rare  genius,  the  world  must 
enrich  us  with  it  richest  emmolients.  Will 
you  see  that  we  have  it  ?  Will  you  at  once  do 
as  I  asked  you  to  ?  Will  you  seat  her  immeg- 
ately  where  I  want  her  sot  ?" 

Sez  I,  considering  "  I  can't  get  her  up  there 
alone,  I  haint  strong  enough."  Sez  I,  sort  a 
mekanikly,  "  I  have  got  the  rheumatiz." 


Spunkin1  up.  6 1 

"  So  you  scoff  me  do  you?  I  came  to  you 
to  get  bread,  am  I  to  get  worse  than  a  stun — 
a  scoff?" 

"  I  haint  gin  you  no  scoff,"  sez  I,  a  spunkin' 
up  a  little,  "  I  haint  thought  on  it.  I  like 
Ardelia  and  wish  her  well,  but  I  can't  do 
merikles,  I  can't  compel  the  public  to  like 
things  if  they  don't." 

Sez  Miss  Tutt,  "  You  are  jealous  of  her, 
you  hate  her." 

"  No,  I  don't,"  sez  I,  "  I  haint  jealous  of  her, 
and  I  like  her  looks  first-rate.  I  love  a  pretty 
young  girl,"  sez  I  candidly,  "jest  as  I  love 
a  fresh  posy  with  the  dew  still  on  it,  a 
dainty  rose-bud  with  the  sweet  fragrance 
layin'  on  its  half-folded  heart.  I  love  'em," 
sez  I,  a  beginnin'  to  eppisode  a  little,  unbe 
known  to  me,  "  I  love  'em  jest  as  I  love 
the  soft  unbroken  silence  of  the  early  spring 
mornin',  the  sun  all  palely  tinted  with  rose 
and  blue,  and  the  earth  a  layin'  calm  and  un- 
woke-up,  fresh  and  fair.  I  love  such  a  mornin' 
and  such  a  life,  for  itself  and  for  the  unwritten 
prophecis  in  it,  And  when  I  see  genius  in 


62  Hens  and  Doves. 

such  a  sweet,  young  life,  why  it  makes  me 
feel  as  it  duz  to  see  through  all  the  tender 
prophetic  beauty  of  the  mornin'  skies,  a  big 
white  dove  a  soarin'  up  through  the  blue 
heavens." 

Sez  Miss  Tutt,  "  You  see  that  in  Ardelia,  but 
you  wont  own  it,  you  know  you  do." 

"  No!"  sez  I,  "  I  would  love  to  tell  you  that 
I  see  it  in  Ardelia ;  I  would  honest,  but  I 
can't  look  into  them  mornin'  skies  and  say  I 
see  a  white  dove  there,  when  I  don't  see 
nothin'  more  than  a  plump  pullet,  a  jumpin' 
down  from  the  fence,  or  a  pickin'  round  calmly 
in  the  back  door-yard.  Jest  as  likely  the  hen 
is,  as  the  white  dove,  jest  as  honerable,  but 
you  mustn't  confound  the  two  together." 

"  A  hen?  sez  Miss  Tutt  bitterly.  "  To  con 
found  my  Ardelia  with  a  hen!  And  I  don't 
think  there  wuz  ever  a  more  ironicler  (  hen ' 
than  that  wuz,  or  a  scornfuller  one." 

"  Why,"  sez  I  reasonably.  "  Hens  are 
necessary  and  useful  in  any  position,  both 
walkin',  and  settin',  and  layin'.  You  can't 
get  'em  in  any  position  hardly,  but  what  they 


Capacity  for  Soarm\  63 

are  useful  and  respectable,  only  jest  flyin'. 
Hens  can't  fly.  Their  wings  haint  shaped  for 
it.  They  look  some  like  a  dove's  wings  on 
the  outside,  the  same  feathers,  the  same  way 
of  stretchin'  'em  out.  But  there  is  sunthin 
lackin'  in  'em,  some  heaven-given  capacity  for 
soarin'  and  for  flight  that  the  hens  don't  have. 
And  it  makes  trouble,  sights  and  sights  of 
trouble  when  hens  try  to  fly,  try  to,  and 
can't ! 

"  At  the  same  time  it  is  hard  for  a  dove  to 
settle  down  in  a  back  yard  and  stay  there, 
hard  and  tegus.  She  can  and  duz  sometimes, 
but  never  till  after  her  wings  have  been 
clipped  in  some  way.  Poor  little  dove  !  I  am 
always  sorry  for  'em,  to  see  'em  a  walkin' 
round  there,  a  wantin'  to  fly — a  not  forgettin' 
how  it  seemed  to  have  their  wings  soarin'  up 
through  the  clear  sky,  and  the  rush  of  the 
pure  liquid  wind-waves  a  sweepin'  aginst  'em, 
as  they  riz  up,  up,  in  freedom,  and  happiness, 
and  glory.  Poor  little  creeters. 

"  Yes,  but  doves  can,  if  you  clip  their  wings, 
settle  down  and  walk,  but  hens  CAN'T  fly, 


64  Tuff  Sights. 

not  for  any  length  of  time  they  can't.  No 
amount  of  stimulatin'  poultices  applied  to  the 
ends  of  their  tail  feathers  and  wings  can  ever 
make  'em  fly.  They  can't ;  it  haint  their 
nater.  They  can  make  nests,  and  fill  them 
with  pretty  downy  chicks,  they  can  be  happy 
and  beautiful  in  life  and  mean  ;  they  can  spend 
their  lives  in  jest  as  honerable  and  worthy  a 
way  as  if  they  wuz  a  flyin'  round,  and  make  a 
good  honerable  appearance  from  day  to  day, 
till  they  begin  to  flop  their  wings,  and  fly — 
then  their  mean  is  not  beautiful  and  inspiring 
no,  it  is  fur  from  it.  It  is  tuff  to  see  'em,  tuff 
to  see  the  floppin',  tuff  to  see  their  vain  efforts 
to  soar  through  the  air,  tuff  to  see  'em  fall 
percepitously  down  onto  the  ground  agin. 
For  they  must  come  there  in  the  end ;  they  are 
morally  certain  to. 

"  Now  Ardelia  is  a  sweet  pretty  lookin' 
girl,  she  can  set  down  in  a  cushioned  arm 
chair  by  a  happy  fireside,  with  pretty  baby- 
faces  a  clusterin'  around  her  and  some  man's 
face  like  the  sun  a  reflectin'  back  the  light  of 
her  happy  heart.  But  she  can't  set  up  on  the 


Maternal  Pride  Aroused. 


pinnacle  of  fame's  pillow.  I  don't  believe  she 
can  ever  get  up  there,  I  don't.  Honestly 
speakin',  I  don't." 

"Envy!"  sez  Miss  Tutt, 
"  glarin',    shameless 


envy 


!      You  don't 


want  Ardelia  to  rise ! 


You  don't 
to  mount 
I  spoke  of ; 
want  to  own 


A  possible  future  for  Ardelia. 


want  her 
that  horse 
you  don't 
that  you 
i  n  her. 


see    genius 

But  you   do,  Josiah  Allen's  wife,  you  know 

you  do — " 


66  Samantha  Speaks  her  Mind. 

"No,"  sez  I,  "I  don't  see  it.  I  see  the 
sweetness  of  pretty  girlhood,  the  beauty  and 
charm  of  openin'  life,  but  I  don't  see  nothin' 
else,  I  don't,  honest.  I  don't  believe  she  has 
got  genius,"  sez  I,  "  seein'  you  put  the  ques 
tion  straight  to  me  and  demand  a  answer; 
seein'  her  future  career  depends  on  her  choice 
now,  I  must  tell  you  that  I  believe  she  would 
succeed  better  in  the  millionary  trade  or  the 
mantilly  maker's  than  she  will  in  tryin'  to 
mount  the  horse  you  speak  on. 

"  Why,"  sez  I,  candidly,  "  some  folks  can't 
get  up  on  that  horse,  their  legs  haint  strong 
enough.  And  if  they  do  manage  to  get  on, 
it  throws  'em,  and  they  lay  under  the  heels 
for  life.  I  don't  want  to  see  Ardelia  there,  I 
don't  want  to  see  her  maimed  and  lamed  and 
stunted  so  early  in  the  mornin'  of  life,  by  a 
kick  from  that  animal,  for  she  can't  ride  it," 
sez  I,  "  honestly,  she  can't. 

c  There  is  nothin'  so  useless  in  life,  and  so 
sort  a  wearin'  as  to  be  a  lookin'  for  sunthin' 
that  haint  there.  And  when  you  pretend  it  is 
there  when  it  haint,  you  are  addin'  iniquity  to 


A  Peace  Offering.  67 

uselessness  ;  so  if  you'll  take  my  advice,  the 
advice  of  a  well-wisher,  you  will  stop  looking 
for  I  tell  you  plain  that  it  haint  there." 

Sez  Miss  Tutt,  "  Josiah  Allen's  wife,  you 
have  for  reasens  best  known  to  your  conscience 
baulked  my  hopes  of  a  speedy  immortality. 
You  have  willfully  tried  to  break  down  my 
hopes  of  an  immense,  immediate  income  to 
flow  out  of  them  poems  for  luxuries,  jewelry, 
charity,  etc.  But  I  can  at  least  claim  this  at 
your  hands,  I  demand  honesty.  Tell  me 
honestly  what  you  yourself  think  of  them 
poems." 

Sez  I  (gettin'  up  sort  a  quick  and  goin'  into 
the  buttery,  and  bringin'  out  a  little  basket), 
"  Here  are  some  beautiful  sweet  apples,  won't 
you  have  one  ?  " 

"  Apples,  at  such  a  time  as  this  !"  sez  Miss 
Tutt.  "  When  the  slumberin'  world  trembles 
before  the  advancin'  tread  of  a  new  poet — 
When  the  heavens  are  listening  intently  to 
ketch  the  whispers  of  an  Ardelia's  fate — Sweet 
apples  !  in  such  a  time  as  this  1"  sez  she.  But 
she  took  two. 

5 


68  A  Fearful  Seen. 

"  I  demand  the  truth"  sez  she.  "  And  you 
are  a  base,  truckliii'  coward,  if  you  give  it 
not." 

Sez  I,  try  in'  to  carry  off  the  subject  and  the 
apples  into  the  buttery  ;  "  Poetry  ort  to  have 
pains  took  with  it." 

"Jealousy!"  sez  Miss  Tutt.  "  Jealousy 
might  well  whisper  this.  Envy,  rank  envy 
might  breathe  the  suspicion  that  Ardelia 
haint  been  took  pains  with.  But  I  can  see 
through  it,"  sez  she.  "  I  can  see  through  it." 

"  Well,"  sez  I,  wore  out,  "  if  they  belonged 
to  me,  and  if  she  wuz  my  girl,  I  would  throw 
the  verses  into  the  fire,  and  set  her  to  a 
trade." 

She  stood  for  a  minute  and  bored  me 
through  and  through  with  them  eyes.  Why  it 
seemed  as  if  there  wuz  two  holes  clear  through 
my  very  spirit,  and  sole ;  she  partly  lifted 
that  fearful  lookin'  umberell  as  if  to  pierce  me 
through  and  through  ;  it  wuz  a  fearful  seen. 

At  last  she  turned,  and  flung  the  apple  she 
wuz  a  holdin'  onto  the  floor  at  my  feet — and 
sez  she,  "  I  scorn  'em,  and  you  too."  And  she 


Enough  of  Troubles.  69 

kinder  stomped  her  feet  and  sez,  "  I  fling  off 
the  dust  I  have  gethered  here,  at  your  feet." 

Now  my  floor  wuz  clean  and  looked  like 
yeller  glass,  almost,  it  wuz  so  shinin'  and 
spotless,  and  I  resented  the  idee  of  her  sayin' 
that  she  collected  dust  off  from  it.  But  I 
didn't  say  nothin'  back.  She  had  the  bag  of 
poetry  on  her  arm,  and  I  didn't  feel  like  addin' 
any  more  to  her  troubles. 

But  Ardelia,  after  her  mother  had  swept  out 
ahead,  turned  round  and  held  out  her  hand, 
and  smiled  a  sweet  but  ruther  of  a  despondent 
and  sorrowful  smile,  and  I  kissed  her  warmly. 
I  like  Ardelia.  And  what  I  said,  I  said  for 
her  good,  and  she  knew  it.  I  like  Ardelia. 

Well,  Miss  Tutt  and  Ardelia  went  from  our 
house  to  Eben  Pixley's.  They  are  distant 
relatives  of  hern,  and  live  about  3  quarters  of 
a  mile  from  us.  The  Pixley's  think  every 
thing  of  Ardelia  but  they  can't  bear  her 
mother.  There  has  been  difficulties  in  the 
family. 

But  Ardelia  stayed  there  more'n  two  weeks 
right  along.  She  haint  very  happy  to  *  home 


7°  The  New  Teacher. 

I  believe.  And  before  she  went  back  home  it 
wuz  arranged  that  she  should  teach  the 
winter's  school  and  board  to  Miss  Pixley's. 
But  Miss  Pixley  wuz  took  sick  with  the  tyfus 
before  she  had  been  there  two  weeks — and, 
for  all  the  world,  if  the  deestrict  didn't  want 
us  to  board  her.  Josiah  hadn't  much  to  do,  so 
he  could  carry  her  back  and  forth  in  stormy 
weather,  and  it  wuz  her  wish  to  come.  And 
it  wuz  Josiah's  wish  too,  for  the  pay  wuz  good, 
and  the  work  light — for  him.  And  so  I  con 
sented  after  a  parlay. 

.  But  I  didn't  regret  it.  She  is  a  good  little 
creeter,  and  no  more  like  her  mother  than  a 
feather  bed  is  like  a  darnin'  needle.  I  like 
Ardelia:  so  duz  Josiah. 


III. 


THE   CHERITY   OF   THK  JONESVILLIANS. 


E  have  been  havin'  a  pound 
party  here  in  Jonesville. 
There  wuz  a  lot  of  chil 
dren  left  without  any  father  or  mother,  nobody 
only  an  old  grandma  to  take  care  of  'em,  and 
she  wuz  half  bent  with  the  rheumatiz,  and 
had  a  swelled  neck,  and  lumbago  and  fits. 
They  lived  in  an  old  tumble-down  house 

7* 


72  Big  Game. 

jest  outside  of  Jones ville.  The  father  wuz,  I 
couldn't  deny,  a  shiftless  sort  of  a  chap,  good- 
natured,  always  ready  to  obleege  a  neighbor, 
but  he  hadn't  no  faculty.  And  I  don't  know, 
come  to  think  of  it,  as  any  body  is  any  more 
to  blame  if  they  are  born  without  a  faculty, 
than  if  they  are  born  with  only  one  eye. 
Faculty  is  one  of  the  things  that  you  can't  buy. 

He  loved  to  hunt.  That  is,  he  loved  to 
hunt  some  kinds  of  things.  He  never  loved 
to  hunt  stiddy,  hard  work,  and  foller  on  the 
trail  of  it  till  he  overtook  success  and  cap 
tured  it.  No,  he  druther  hunt  after  cata 
mounts  and  painters,  in  woods  where  cata 
mounts  haint  mounted,  and  painters  haint 
painted  sence  he  wuz  born. 

He  generally  killed  nothin'  bigger  than  red 
squirrels  and  chipmunks.  The  biggest  game 
he  ever  brought  down  wuz  himself.  He  shot 
himself  one  cold  day  in  the  fall  of  the  year. 
He  wuz  gittin'  over  a  brush  fence,  they  s'posed 
the  gun  hit  against  somethin'  and  went  off,  for 
tiiey  found  him  a  layin'  dead  at  the  bottom  of 
the  fence. 


A  Strange  Providence.  75 

I  always  s 'posed  that  the  shock  of  his  death 
comin'  so  awful  sudden  onto  her,  killed  his 
wife.  She  had  been  sick  for  a  long  spell,  she  had 
consumption,  and  dropsy,  and  so  forth,  and  so 
forth,  for  a  long  time,  and  after  he  wuz 
brought  in  dead,  she  didn't  live  a  week.  She 
thought  her  eyes  of  him,  for  no  earthly  reason 
as  I  could  ever  see.  How  strange,  how  strange 
a  dispensation  of  Providence  it  duz  seem,  that 
some  women  love  some  men,  and  vicy  versey 
and  the  same. 

But  she  did  jest  about  worship  him,  and 
she  died  whisperin'  his  name,  and  reachiii'  out 
her  hands  as  if  she  see  him  jest  ahead  of  her. 
And  I  told  Josiah  I  didn't  know  but  she  did. 
I  shouldn't  wonder  a  mite  if  she  did  see  him, 
for  there  is  only  the  veil  of  mystery  between 
us  and  the  other  world  at  any  time,  and  she 
had  got  so  nigh  to  it,  that  I  s'pose  it  got  so 
thin  that  she  could  see  through  it. 

Just  as  you  can  see  through  the  blue  haze 
that  lays  before  our  forest  in  Injun  summer. 
Come  nigh  up  to  it  and  you  can  see  the  silvery 
trunks  of  the  maples  and  the  red  sumac 


76  A  Bereaved  Hottsehold. 

leaves,  and  the  bright  evergreens,  and  the 
forms  of  the  happy  hunters  a  passin'  along 
under  the  glint  of  the  sunbeams  and  the  soft 
shadows. 

They  died  in  Injun  summer.  I  made  a 
wreath  myself  of  the  bright  colored  leaves  to 
lay  on  their  coffins.  Dead  leaves,  dead  to 
all  use  and  purpose  here,  and  yet  with  the 
bright  mysterious  glow  upon  them  that  put 
me  in  mind  of  some  immortal  destiny,  and 
blossoming  beyond  our  poor  dim  vision.  Jane 
Smedley  wuz  a  good  woman,  and  so  wuz  Jim, 
good  but  shiftless. 

But  I  made  the  same  wreath  for  her  and 
Jim,  and  the  strange  mellow  light  lay  on  both 
of  'em,  makin'  me  think  in  spite  of  myself  of 
some  happy  sunrisin'  that  haply  may  dawn 
on  some  future  huntin'  ground,  where  poor 
Jim  Smedley  even,  may  strike  the  trail  of 
success  and  happiness,  hid  now  from  the  sight 
of  Samantha,  hid  from  Josiah. 

Wall,  they  died  within  a  week's  time  of 
each  other,  and  left  nine  children,  the  oldest 
one  of  'em  not  quite  fifteen.  She,  the  oldest 


Hard  Times.  77 

one,  wuz  a  good  girl,  only  she  had  the  rickets 
so  that  when  she  walked,  she  seemed  to  walk 
off  all  over  the  house  backwards,  and  side 
ways,  and  every  way,  but  when  she  sot  down, 
she  wuz  a  good  stiddy  girl,  and  faithful ;  she 
took  after  her  mother,  and  her  mother  took 
after  her  grandmother,  so  there  wuz  three 
takin'  after  each  other,  one  right  after  the 
other. 

Jane  wuz  a  good  faithful  hard-workin'  cree- 
ter  when  she  wuz  well,  brought  up  her 
children  good  as  she  could,  learnt  'em  the 
catechism,  and  took  in  all  kinds  of  work  to 
earn  a  little  somethin'  towards  gettin'  a  home 
for  'em ;  she  and  her  mother  both  did,  her 
mother  lived  with  'em,  and  wuz  a  smart  old 
woman,  too,  for  one  that  wuz  pretty  nigh 
ninety.  And  she  wuzn't  worrysome  much, 
only  about  one  thing — she  wanted  a  home, 
wanted  a  home  dretfully.  Some  wimmen  are 
so ;  she  had  moved  round  so  much,  from  one 
poor  old  place  to  another,  that  she  sort  o' 
hankered  after  bein'  settled  down  into  a  stiddy 
home. 


7 8  Town  Charity. 

Wall,  there  wuz  eight  children  younger 
than  Marvilla,  that  wuz  the  oldest  young  girl's 
name.  Eight  of  'em,  countin'  each  pair  of 
twins  as  two,  as  I  s'pose  they  ort.  The  Town 
buried  the  father  and  mother,  which  wuz  likely 
and  clever  in  it,  but  after  that  it  wouldn't 
give  only  jest  so  much  a  week,  which  wuz  very 
little,  because  it  said,  Town  did,  that  they 
could  go  to  the  poor-house,  they  could  be  sup 
ported  easier  there. 

I  don't  know  as  the  Town  could  really  be 
blamed  for  sayin'  it,  and  yet  it  seemed  kinder 
mean  in  it,  the  Town  wuz  so  big,  and  the  chil 
dren,  most  of  'em,  wuz  so  little. 

But  any  way,  it  wuz  jest  sot  on  it,  and 
there  wuz  the  end  of  it,  for  you  might  jest  as 
well  dispute  the  wind  as  to  dispute  the  Town 
when  it  gets  sot. 

Wall,  the  old  grandma  said  she  would  die  in 
the  streets  before  she  would  go  to  the  poor- 
house.  She  had  come  from  a  good  family  in 
the  first  place.  They  say  she  run  away  and 
left  a  good  home  and  got  married,  and  did 
dretful  poor  in  the  married  state.  He  wuz 


Wanting  a  Home. 


79 


shiftless  and  didn't  have  nothin',  and  didn't 
lay  up  any.  And  she  didn't  keep  any  of  her 
old  possessions  only  jest  her  pride.  She  kept 
that,  or  enough  of  it  to  say  that  she  would  die 
on  the  road  before  she  would  go  to  the  poor- 
house.  And  once 
I  see  her  cry  she 
wanted  a  home  so 
bad. 

And  lots  of 
folks  blamed  her 
for  it,  blamed  the 
old  woman  awful 
ly.  They  said 
pride  wuz  so 
wicked.  Wim- 


And  once  I  see  her  cry  she  wanted 
home  so  bad. 


men  who  would 
run  like  deers  if 
company  came 

when  they  wuzn't  dressed  up  slick,  they 
would  say  the  minute  they  got  back  into  the 
room,  all  out  of  breath  with  hurryin'  into 
their  best  clothes,  they'd  say  a-pantin',  u  That 
old  woman  ought  to  be  made  to  go  to  the 


80  A  Pound  Party  Proposed. 

poor-house,  to  take  the  pride  out  of  her,  pride 
wuz  so  awfully,  dretfully  wicked,  and  it  wuz 
a  shame  that  she  wuz  so  ongrateful  as  to 
want  a  home  of  her  own."  And  then  they 
would  set  dowrn  and  rest. 

Wall,  the  family  was  in  a  sufferin'  state. 
The  Town  allowed  'em  one  dollar  a  week.  But 
how  wuz  ten  human  beings  to  live  on  a  dollar 
a  week.  The  children  worked  every  chance 
they  got,  but  they  couldn't  earn  enough  to 
keep  'em  in  shoes,  let  alone  other  clothin'  and 
vittles.  And  the  old  house  was  too  cold  for 
'em  to  stay  in  durin'  the  cold  weather,  it  wuz 
for  Grandma  Smedley,  anyway,  if  the  children 
could  stand  it,  she  couldn't.  And  what  wuz 
to  be  done.  A  cold  winter  wuz  a  comin'  on, 
and  it  wouldn't  delay  a  minute  because  Jim 
Smedley  had  got  shot,  and  his  wife  had  fol- 
lered  him,  into,  let  us  hope,  a  happier  huntin' 
ground  than  he  had  ever  found  in  earthly 
forests. 

Wall,  I  proposed  to  have  a  pound  party  for 
'em.  I  said  they  might  have  it  to  our  house 
if  they  wanted  it,  but  if  they  thought  they 


fire-side  Meditations.  81 

wanted  it  in  a  more  central  place  (our  house 
wuz  quite  a  little  to  one  side),  why  we  could 
have  it  to  the  school-house. 

I  proposed  to  Josiah  the  first  one.  He  wuz 
a  settin'  by  the  fire  relapsed  into  silence.  It 
wuz  a  cold  night  outside,  but  the  red  curtains 
wuz  down  at  our  sitting-room  winders,  shettin' 
out  the  cold  drizzlin'  storm  of  hail  and  snow 
that  wuz  a  descendin'  onto  the  earth.  The 
fire  burned  up  warm  and  bright,  and  we  sot 
there  in  our  comfortable  home,  with  the  tea 
kettle  singin'  on  the  stove,  and  the  tea-table 
set  out  cosy  and  cheerful,  for  Josiah  had  been 
away  and  I  had  waited  supper  for  him. 

As  I  sot  there  waitin'  for  the  tea-kettle  to 
bile  (and  when  I  say  bile,  I  mean  bile,  I  don't 
mean  simmer)  the  thought  of  the  Smedleys 
would  come  in.  The  warm  red  curtains  would 
keep  the  storm  out,  but  they  couldn't  keep  the 
thought  of  the  children,  and  the  feeble  old 
grandmother  out  of  the  room.  They  come 
right  in,  through  the  curtains,  and  the  fire 
light,  and  everything,  and  sot  right  down  by 
me  and  hanted  me. 


82  Curious  Creeters. 

And  what  curious  creeters  thoughts  be, 
haint  the}7  ?  and  oncertain,  too.  You  may 
make  all  your  plans  to  get  away  from  'em. 
You  may  shet  up  your  doors  and  winders, 
and  set  with  a  veil  on  and  an  umberell  up — 
but  good  land  !  how  easy  they  jest  ontackle 
the  doors  and  windows,  with  no  sounds  of 
ontacklin'  and  come  right  in  by  you. 

First  you  know  there  they  be  right  by  the 
side  of  you,  under  your  umberell,  under  your 
veil,  under  your  spectacles,  a  lookin'  right 
down  into  your  soul,  and  a  hantin'  you. 

And  then  agin,  when  you  expect  to  be 
hanted  by  'em,  lay  out  to,  why,  they'll  jest 
stand  off  somewhere  else,  and  don't  come  nigh 
you.  Don't  want  to.  Oncertain  creeters, 
thoughts  be,  and  curious,  curious  where  they 
come  from,  and  how. 

Why,  I  got  to  thinkin'  about  it  the  other 
day,  and  I  got  lost,  some  like  childern  set- 
tin'  on  a  log  over  a  creek  a  ridin' ;  there  they 
be,  and  there  the  log  is,  but  they  don't  seem 
to  be  there,  they  seem  to  be  a  floatin'  down  the 
water. 


and  Wonderin1 .  83 

And  there  I  wuz,  a  settin'  in  my  rockin' 
chair,  and  I  seemed  to  be  a  floatin'  down  deep 
water,  very  deep.  A  thinkin'  and  a  wonderin'. 
A  thinkin'  how  all  through  the  ages  what 
secrets  God  had  told  to  man  when  the  time 
had  come,  and  the  reverent  soul  below  was 
ready  to  hear  the  low  words  whispered  to  his 
5oul,  and  a  wonderin'  what  strange  revelation 
God  held  now,  ready  to  reveal  when  the  soul 
below  had  fitted  itself  to  hear,  and  compre 
hend  it. 

Ah  !  such  mysteries  as  He  will  reveal  to  us 
if  we  will  listen.  If  we  wait  for  God's  voice. 
If  we  did  not  heed  so  much  the  confusing 
clamor  of  the  world's  voices  about  us.  Bmu- 
lation,  envy,  anger,  strife,  jealousy ;  if  we 
turned  our  heads  away  from  these  discords, 
and  in  the  silence  which  is  God's  temple, 
listened,  listened, — who  knows  the  secrets  He 
would  make  known  to  us  ? 

Secrets  of  the  day,  secrets  of  the  night,  the 

sunshine,    the    lightning,    the    storm.      The 

white  glow  of  that  wonderful  light  that  is  not 

like  the  glow  of  the  sun  or  of  the  moon,  but 

6 


84  Glowing  Secrets. 

yet  light  eth  the  world.  That  straagt  light 
that  has  a  soul — that  reads  our  thoughts, 
translates  our  wishes,  overleaps  distance,  car 
rying  our  whispered  words  after  holding  our 
thoughts  for  ages,  and  then  unfoldin'  'em  at 
will.  What  other  wondrous  mysteries  lie  con 
cealed,  wrapped  around  by  that  soft  pure 
flame,  mysteries  that  shall  lie  hidden  until 
some  inspired  eye  shall  be  waiting,  looking 
upward  at  the  moment  when  God's  hand  shall 
draw  back  the  shining  veil  for  an  instant,  and 
let  him  read  the  glowing  secret. 

Secrets  of  language !  shall  some  simple 
power,  some  symbol  be  revealed,  and  the  na 
tions  speak  together  ? 

Secrets  of  song !  shall  some  serene,  har 
monious  soul  catch  the  note  to  celestial 
melodies  ? 

Secrets  of  sight !  shall  the  eyes  too  dim  nowt 
see  the  faces  of  the  silent  throngs  that  sur 
round  them,  "  the  great  cloud  of  witnesses  "? 

Secrets  of  the  green  pathways  that  lead  up 
through  the  blue  silent  fields  of  space. — shall 
we  float  from  star  to  star  ? 


The  Listening  Soul.  85 

Secrets  of  holiness  !  shall  earthly  faces  wear 
the  pure  light  of  the  immortals  ? 

But  oh !  who  shall  be  the  happy  soul  that 
shall  be  listening  when  the  time  has  fully 
come  and  He  shall  reveal  His  great  secret  ? 
The  happy  soul  listening  so  intently  that  it 
shall  catch  the  low  clear  whisper. 

Listening,  maybe,  through  the  sweet  twi 
light  shadows  for  the  wonderful  secret,  while 
the  silver  shallop  of  the  moon  is  becalmed 
over  the  high  northern  mountains,  as  if  a  fleet 
of  heavenly  guests  had  floated  down  through 
the  clear  ocean  waves  of  the  sky  to  listen  too, 
— to  hear  the  wonderful  heavenly  secret  re- 
vealed  to  man, — and  a  clear  star  looks  out 
over  the  glowing  rose  of  the  western  heavens, 
looking  down  like  God's  eye,  searching  his 
soul,  searching  if  it  be  worthy  of  the  great 
trust. 

Maybe  it  will  be  in  the  fresh  dawning  of  the 
day,  that  the  great  secret  will  grow  bright  and 
clear  and  luminous,  as  the  dawning  of  the 
light. 

Maybe  it  will  be  in  the  midst  of  the  storm 


86  Floating. 

— a  mighty  voice  borne  along  by  the  breath  of 
the  wind  and  the  thunder,  clamoring  and  de 
manding  the  hearer  to  listen. 

Oh  !  if  we  were  only  good  enough,  only 
pure  enough,  what  might  not  our  rapt  vision 
discern  ?  But  we  know  not  where  or  when  the 
time  shall  be  fully  come,  but  who,  who,  shall 
be  the  happy  soul  that  shall,  at  the  time,  be 
listening  ? 

Oh  !  how  deep,  how  strange  the  waters  wuz, 
and  how  I  floated  away  on  'em,  and  how  I 
didn't.  For  there  I  wuz  a  settin'  in  my  own 
rockin'  chair  and  there  opposite  me  sot  my 
own  Josiah,  a  whittlin',  for  the  World  hadn't 
come,  and  he  wuz  restless  and  ill  at  ease,  and 
time  hung  heavy  on  his  hands. 

There  I  sot  the  same  Samantha — and  the 
thought  of  the  Smedleys,  the  same  old  Smed- 
leys,  was  a  hantin'  of  me,  the  same  old  hant, 
and  I  says  to  my  Josiah,  says  I  :  "  Josiah,  I 
can't  help  thinkin'  about  the  Smedleys,"  says 
I.  "  What  do  you  think  about  havin'  a  pound 
party  for  'em,  and  will  you  take  holt,  and  do 
your  part." 


Josiah  Surprised.  87 

"  Good  land,  Samantha !  Are  you  crazy  ? 
Crazy  as  a  loon  ?  What  under  the  sun  do  you 
want  to  pound  the  Smedleys  for?  I  should 
think  they  had  trouble  enough  without 
poundin'  'em.  Why,"  says  he,  "  the  old 


"Good  land,  Samantha!    Are  you  crazy?" 

woman  couldn't  stand  any  poundin'  at  all, 
without  killin'  her  right  out  and  out,  and  the 
childern  haint  over  tough  any  of  'em.  Why, 
what  has  got  into  you?  I  never  knew  you  to 
propose  anything  of  that  wicked  kind  before. 


88  The  Clever  Creeter. 

I  sha'n't  have  anything  to  do  with  it.  If  you 
want  'em  pounded  you  must  get  your  own  club 
and  do  your  own  poundin'." 

Says  I,  "  I  don't  mean  poundin'  'em  with  a 
club,  but  let  folks  buy  a  pound  of  different 
things  to  eat  and  drink  and  carry  to  'em,  and 
we  can  try  and  raise  a  little  money  to  get  a 
warmer  house  for  'em  to  stay  in  the  coldest 
of  the  weather." 

"Oh!"  says  he,  with  a  relieved  look. 
"  That's  a  different  thing.  I  am  willin'  to  do 
that.  I  don't  know  about  givin'  'em  any 
money  towards  gettin'  'eni  a  home,  but  I'll 
carry  'em  a  pound  of  crackers  or  a  pound  of 
flour,  and  help  it  along  all  I  can." 

Josiah  is  a  clever  creeter  (though  close) ,  and 
he  never  made  no  more  objections  towards 
havin'  it. 

Wall,  the  next  day  I  put  on  my  shawl  and 
hood  (a  new  brown  hood  knit  out  of  zephyr 
worsted,  very  nice,  a  present  from  our  daugh 
ter  Maggie,  our  son  Thomas  Jefferson's  wife) , 
and  sallied  out  to  see  what  the  neighbors 
thought  about  it. 


The  Poverty  of  Riches.  89 

The  first  woman  I  called  on  wuz  Miss 
Beazely,  a  new  neighbor  who  had  just  moved 
into  the  neighborhood.  They  are  rich  as  they 
can  be,  and  I  expected  at  least  to  get  a  pound 
of  tea  out  of  her. 

She  said  it  wuz  a  worthy  object,  and  she 
would  love  to  help  it  along,  but  they  had  so 
many  expenses  of  their  own  to  grapple  with, 
that  she  didn't  see  her  way  clear  to  promise  to 
do  anything.  She  said  the  girls  had  got  to 
have  some  new  velvet  suits,  and  some  sealskin 
sacques  this  winter,  and  they  had  got  to  new 
furnish  the  parlors,  and  send  their  oldest  boy 
to  college,  and  the  girls  wanted  to  have  some 
diamond  lockets,  and  ought  to  have  'em,  but 
she  didn't  know  whether  they  could  manage 
to  get  them  or  not,  if  they  did,  they  had  got 
to  scrimp  along  every  way  they  could.  And 
then  they  wuz  goin'  to  have  company  from  a 
distance,  and  had  got  to  get  another  girl  to 
wait  on  'em.  And  though  she  wished  the 
poor  well,  she  felt  that  she  could  not  dare  to 
promise  a  cent  to  'em.  She  wished  the  Smed- 
ley  family  well — dretful  well — and  hoped  I 


90  At  Miss  Hess'es. 

would  get  lots  of  things  for  'em.  But  she  didn't 
really  feel  as  if  it  would  be  safe  for  her  to 
promise  'em  a  pound  of  anything,  though 
mebbe  she  might,  by  a  great  effort,  raise  a 
pound  of  flour  for  'em,  or  meal. 

Says  I  dryly  (dry  as  meal  ever  wuz  in  its 
dryest  times),  "I  wouldn't  give  too  much. 
Though,"  says  I,  "  a  pound  of  flour  would  go 
a  good  ways  if  it  is  used  right."  And  I  thought 
to  myself  that  she  had  better  keep  it  to  make 
a  paste  to  smooth  over  things. 

Wall,  I  went  from  that  to  Miss  Jacob  Hess'es, 
and  Miss  Jacob  Hess  wouldn't  give  anything 
because  the  old  lady  was  disagreeable,  old 
Grandma  Smedley,  and  I  said  to  Miss  Jacob 
Hess  that  if  the  Lord  didn't  send  His  rain,  and 
dew  onto  anybody  only  the  perfectly  agree 
able,  I  guessed  there  would  be  pretty  dry 
times.  It  wuz  my  opinion  there  would  be  con 
siderable  of  a  drouth. 

There  wuz  a  woman  there  a  visitin'  Miss 
Hess — she  wuz  a  stranger  to  me  and  I  didn't 
ask  her  for  anything,  but  she  spoke  up  of  her 
own  accord  and  said  she  would  give,  and  give 


At  Ebin  Garvetfses.  91 

liberal,  only  she  wuz  hampered.  She  didn't 
say  why,  or  who,  or  when,  but  she  only  sez 
this,  that  "  she  wuz  hampered,"  and  I  don't 
know  to  this  day  what  her  hamper  wuz,  or 
who  hampered  her. 

And  then  I  went  to  Ebin  Garven'ses,  and 
Miss  Ebin  Garven  wouldn't  help  any  because 
she  said  u  Joe  Smedley  had  been  right  down 
lazy,  and  she  couldn't  call  him  anything 
else." 

But,  says  I,  "Joe  is  dead,  and  why  should 
his  children  starve  because  their  pa  wasn't 
over  and  above  smart  when  he  wuz  alive?" 
But  she  wouldn't  give. 

Wall,  Miss  Whymper  said  she  didn't  ap 
prove  of  the  manner  of  giving.  Her  face  wuz 
all  drawed  down  into  a  curious  sort  of  a  long 
expression  that  she  called  religus  and  I  called 
somethin'  that  begins  with  "  h-y-p-o  " — and  I 
don't  mean  hypoey,  either. 

No,  she  couldn't  give,  she  said,  because  she 
always  made  a  practice  of  not  lettin'  her  right 
hand  know  what  her  left  hand  give. 

And  I  said,  for  I  wuz  kinder  took  aback, 


92  Secret  Givm\ 

and  didn't  think,  I  said  to  her,  a  glancin'  at 
her  hands  which  wuz  crossed  in  front  of  her, 
that  I  didn't  see  how  she  managed  it,  unless 
she  give  when  her  right  hand  was  asleep. 

And  she  said,  she  always  gave  secret. 

And  I  said,  "  So  I  have  always  s'posed — 
very  secret." 

I  s'pose  my  tone  was  some  sarcastic,  for  she 
says,  "  Don't  the  Scripter  command  us  to  do 
so?" 

Says  I  firmly,  "  I  don't  believe  the  Scripter 
means  to  have  us  stand  round  talkin'  Bible,  and 
let  the  Smedleys  starve,"  says  I.  "  I  s'pose 
it  means  not  to  boast  of  our  good  deeds." 

Says  she,  "  I  believe  in  takin'  the  Scripter 
literal,  and  if  I  can't  git  my  stuff  there  en 
tirely  unbeknown  to  my  right  hand  I  sha'n't 
give." 

"  Wall,"  says  I,  gettin'  up  and  movin'  to 
wards  the  door,  "  you  must  do  as  you're  a 
mind  to  with  fear  and  tremblin'." 

I  said  it  pretty  impressive,  for  I  thought  I 
would  let  her  see  I  could  quote  Scripter  as  well 
a?  she  could,  if  I  sot  out. 


At  Miss  Bombus*  es. 


93 


But  good  land !  I  knew  it  wuz  a  excuse.  I 
knew  she  wouldn't  •  give  nothin',  not  if  her 
right  hand  had  the  num  palsy,  and  you  could 
stick  a  pin  into  it — no,  she  wouldn't  give, 
not  if  her  right  hand  was  cut  off  and  throwed 
away. 

Wall,  Miss 
Bombus,  old 
Dr.  Bombus' 
es  widow, 
wouldn't  give 
— and  for  all 
the  world — I 
went  right 
there  from 
Miss  Whym- 
per'ses.  Miss 
Bombus 

wouldn't  give  because  I  didn't  put  the  names 
in  the  Jonesville  Augur  or  Gimlet,  for  she 
said,  "  Let  your  good  deeds  so  shine." 

"Why,"  says  I,  "  Miss  Whymper  wouldn't 
give  because  she  wanted  to  give  secreter,  and 
you  won't  give  because  you  want  to  give 


"  You  must  do  as  you're  a  mind  to  with  fear 
and  tremblin'." 


94  Quoting  Scripture. 

publicker,   and  you   both   quote  Scripter,  but 
it  don't  seem  to  help  the  Sniedleys  much." 

She  said  "  that  probably  Miss  Whymper 
was  wrestin'  the  Scripter  to  her  own  destruc 
tion." 

"Wall,"  says  I,  "while  you  and  Miss 
Whymper  are  a  wrestin'  the  Scripter,  what 
will  become  of  the  Smedleys  ?  It  don't  seem 
right  to  let  them  freeze  to  death,  and  starve  to 
death,  while  we  are  a  debatin'  on  the  ways  of 
Providence." 

But  she  didn't  tell,  and  she  wouldn't 
give. 

A  woman  wuz  there  a  visitin',  Miss  Bom- 
bus'es  aunt,  I  think,  and  she  spoke  up  and 
said  she  fully  approved  of  her  niece  Bom- 
bus'es  decision.  And  she  said,  "  As  for  her 
self,  she  never  give  to  any  subject  that  she 
hadn't  thoroughly  canvassed." 

Says  I,  "  There  they  all  are  in  that  little 
hut,  you  can  canvass  them  at  any  time. 
Though,"  says  I  thoughtfully,  "  Marvilla 
might  give  you  some  trouble."  And  she  asked 
why. 


Bad  use  of  Bibles.  95 

And  I  told  her  she  had  the  rickets  so  she 
couldn't  stand  still  to  be  canvassed,  but  she 
could  probably  follow  her  up  and  canvass  her, 
if  she  tried  hard  enough.  And  says  I,  "  There 
is  old  Grandma  Smedley,  over  eighty,  and  five 
children  under  eight,  you  can  canvass  them 
easy." 

Says  she,  "The  Bible  says,  ( Search  the 
Sperits.'  " 

And  I  was  so  wore  out  a  seein'  how  place  after 
place,  for  three  times  a  runnin',  the  Bible  wuz 
lifted  up  and  held  as  a  shield  before  stingy 
creeters,  to  ward  off  the  criticism  of  the  world 
and  their  own  souls,  that  I  says  to  myself — 
loud  enough  so  they  could  hear  me,  mebbe; 
"  Why  is  it  that  when  anybody  wants  to  do  a 
mean,  ungenerous  act,  they  will  try  to  quote 
a  verse  of  Scripter  to  'uphold  'em,  jest  as  a  wolf 
will  pull  a  lock  of  pure  white  wool  over  his 
wolfish  foretop,  and  try  to  look  innocent  and 
sheepish." 

I  don't  care  if  they  did  hear  me,  I  wuz  or? 
the  step  mostly  when  I  thought  it,  pretty 
loud. 


96  Miss  Petingilt. 

Wall,  from  Miss  Bombus'es  I  went  to  Miss 
Petingill's. 

Miss  Petingill  is  a  awful  high-headed 
creeter.  She  come  to  the  door  herself  and  she 
said,  I  must  excuse  her  for  answerin'  the  door 
herself.  (I  never  heard  the  door  say  anything 
and  don't  believe  she  did,  it  wuz  jest  one  of 
her  ways.)  But  she  said  I  must  excuse  her  as 
her  girl  wuz  busy  at  the  time. 

She  never  mistrusted  that  I  knew  her  hired 
girl  had  left,  and  she  wuz  doin'  her  work  her 
self.  She  had  ketched  off  her  apron  I  knew, 
as  she  come  through  the  hall,  for  I  see  it  a 
layin'  behind  the  door,  all  covered  with  flour. 
And  after  she  had  took  me  into  the  parlor, 
and  we  had  set  down,  she  discovered  some 
spots  of  flour  on  her  dress,  and  she  said  she 
"  had  been  pastin'  some  flowers  into  a  scrap 
book  to  pass  away  the  time."  But  I  knew 
she  had  been  baking  for  she  looked  tired,  tired 
to  death  almost,  and  it  wuz  her  bakin'  day. 
But  she  would  sooner  have  had  her  head  took 
right  off  than  to  own  up  that  she  had  been 
doin'  housework — why,  they  say  that  once 


The  Petingitls  and  Bibbinses.  97 

when  she  wuz  doin'  her  work  herself,  and  wuz 
ketched  lookin'  awful,  by  a  strange  minister, 
that  she  passed  herself  off  for  a  hired  girl 
and  said,  "  Miss  Petingill  wasn't  to  home," 
and  when  pressed  hard  she  said  she  hadn't 
"  the  least  idee  where  Miss  Petingill  wuz." 

Jest  think  on  't  once — and  there  she  wuz 
herself.  The  idee ! 

Wall,  the  minute  I  sot  down  before  I  begun 
my  business,  or  anything,  Miss  Petingill  took 
me  to  do  about  puttin'  in  Miss  Bibbins  Presi 
dent  of  our  Missionary  Society  for  the  Relief 
of  Indignent  Heathens. 

The  Bibbins'es  are  good,  very  good,  but  poor. 

Says  Miss  Petingill :  "It  seems  to  me  as  if 
there  might  be  some  other  woman  put  in, 
that  would  have  had  more  influence  on  the 
Church." 

Says  I,  "  Hain't  Miss  Bibbins  a  good  Chris 
tian  sister,  and  a  great  worker?" 

"  Why  yes,  she  wuz  good,  good  in  her  place. 
But,"  she  said,  "  the  Petingills  hadn't  never 
associated  with  the  Bibbins'es." 

And  I  asked  her  if  she  s'posed  that  would 


g8  Jonesville*  s  First  Circles. 

make  an}-  difference  with  the  heathen ;  if  the 
heathen  would  be  apt  to  think  less  of  Miss 
Bibbins  because  she  hadn't  associated  with 
the  Petingills  ? 

And  she  said,  she  didn't  s'pose  "  the  heathens 
would  ever  know  it ;  it  might  make  some  dif 
ference  to  'em  if  they  did,"  she  thought,  "  for 
it  couldn't  be  denied,"  she  said,  "  that  Miss 
Bibbins  did  not  move  in  the  first  circles  of 
Jonesville." 

It  had  been  my  doin's  a  puttin'  Miss  Bib- 
bins  in,  and  I  took  it  right  to  home,  she 
meant  to  have  me,  and  I  asked  her  if  she 
thought  the  Lord  would  condemn  Miss  Bib- 
bins  on  the  last  day,  because  she  hadn't 
moved  in  the  first  circles  of  Jonesville? 

And  Miss  Petingill  tested  her  head  a  little, 
but  had  to  own  up,  that  she  thought  "  He 
wouldn't." 

"  Wall  then,"  sez  I,  "  do  you  s'pose  the 
Lord  has  any  objections  to  her  workin'  for 
Him  now  ?" 

"  Why  no,  I  don't  know  as  the  Lord  would 
object." 


She  passed  herself  off  for  a  hired  girl  and  said,  "  Miss  Petingill 
wasn't  to  home." 

99 


Pride  wuz  so 

"Wall,"  says  I,  "we  call  this  work  the 
Lord's  work,  and  if  He  is  satisfied  with  Miss 
Bibbins,  we  ort  to  be." 

But  she  kinder  nestled  round,  and  I  see  she 
wuzn't  satisfied,  but  I  couldn't  stop  to  argue, 
and  I  tackled  her  then  and  there  about  the 
Smedleys.  I  asked  her  to  give  a  pound,  or 
pounds,  as  she  felt  disposed. 

But  she  answered  me  firmly  that  she 
couldn't  give  one  cent  to  the  Smedleys,  she 
wuz  principled  against  it. 

And  I  asked  her,  "  Why  ?" 

And  she  said,  because  the  old  lady  was 
proud  and  wanted  a  home,  and  she  thought 
that  pride  wuz  so  wicked,  that  it  ort  to  be  put 
down. 

Wall,  Miss  Huff,  Miss  Cephas  Huff, 
wouldn't  give  anything  because  one  of  the 
little  Smedleys  had  lied  to  her.  She  wouldn't 
encourage  tyin'. 

And  I  told  her  I  didn't  believe  she  would  be 
half  so  apt  to  reform  him  on  an  empty 
stomach,  as  after  he  wuz  fed  up.  But  she 
wouldn't  yield. 


IO2  Gabriel  Boycotted. 

6  ^ilCsvV'K   i  /<;  "*  ) 

Wall,  Miss   Daggett   said  she  would  give, 

and  give  abundant,  only  she  didn't  consider  it 
a  worthy  object. 

But  it  wuzn't  nothin'  only  a  excuse,  for 
the  object  has  never  been  found  yet  that 
she  thought  wuz  a  worthy  one.  Why,  she 
wouldn't  give  a  cent  towards  paintin'  the 
Methodist  steeple,  and  if  that  haint  a  high 
and  worthy  object,  I  don't  know  what  is. 
Why,  our  steeple  is  over  seventy  feet  from  the 
ground.  But  she  wouldn't  help  us  a  mite — 
not  a  single  cent. 

Take  such  folks  as  them,  and  the  object 
never  suits  'em.  They  won't  come  right  out 
and  tell  the  truth,  tfiat  they  are  too  stingy  and 
mean  to  give  away  a  cent,  but  they  will  always 
put  the  excuse  onto  the  object — tne  object  don't  . 
suit  'em. 

Why  I  do  believe  it  is  the  livin'  truth  tfiat 
if  the  angel  Gabriel  wuz  the  object,  if  he  wuz 
in  need  and  we  wuz  gittin'  up  a  pound  party 
for  him — she  would  find  fault  with  Gabriel, 
and  wouldn't  give  him  a  ounce  of  provi 
sions. 


Miss  Mooneyes  Ideas.  103 

Yes,  I  believe  it — I  believe  they  would  tost 
their  heads  and  say,  they  always  had  had  their 
thoughts  about  anybody  that  tooted  so  loud — 
it  might  be  all  right,  but  it  didn't  look  well, 
and  would  be  apt  to  make  talk.  Or  they 
would  say  that  he  wuz  shiftless  and  extrava 
gant  a  loafin'  round  in  the  clouds,  when  he 
might  go  to  work — or  that  he  might  raise  the 
money  himself  by  sellin'  the  feathers  oifen 
his  wings  for  down  pillers — or  some  of  the 
rest  of  the  Gabriel  family  might  help  him — or 
something,  or  other — anyway  they  would  pro 
pose  some  way  of  gittin'  out  of  givin'  a  cent 
to  Gabriel.  I  believe  it  as  much  as  I  believe 
I  live  and  breathe ;  and  so  does  Josiah. 

Wall,  Miss  Mooney  wouldn't  give  anything 
because  she  thought  Jane  Smedley  wuzn't  so 
sick  as  she  thought  she  wuz ;  she  said  "  she 
wuz  spleeny." 

And  I  told  Miss  Mooney  that  when  a 
woman  was  sick  enough  to  die,  I  thought  she 
ort  to  be  called  sick. 

But  Miss  Mooney  wouldn't  give  up,  and  in 
sisted  to  the  very  last  that  Miss  Smedley  wuz 


104  Clean  Discouraged. 

hypoey  and  spleeny — and  thought  she  wuz 
sicker  than  she  really  wuz.  And  she  held  her 
head  and  her  nose  np  in  a  very  disagreeable 
and  haughty  way,  and  said  as  I  left,  that  she 
never  conld  bear  to  help  spleeny  people. 

Wall,  all  that  forenoon  did  I  traipse  through 
the  street  and  not  one  cent  did  I  get  for  the 
Smedleys,  only  Miss  Gowdey  said  she  would 
bring  a  cabbage — and  Miss  Deacon  Peedick 
and  Miss  Ingledue  partly  promised  a  squash 
apiece.  And  I  mistrusted  that  they  give  'em 
more  to  please  me  than  anything  else. 

Wall,  I  wuz  clean  discouraged  and  beat 
out,  and  so  I  told  Josiah.  But  he  encouraged 
me  some  by  sayin' : 

"  Wall,  I  could  have  told  you  jest  how  it 
would  be,"  and,  "  You  would  have  done  better, 
Samantha,  to  have  been  to  home  a  cookin'  for 
your  own  famishin'  family."  And  several 
more  jest  such  inspirin'  remarks  as  men  will 
give  to  the  females  of  their  families  when  they 
are  engaged  in  charitable  enterprises. 

But  I  got  a  good,  a  very  good  dinner,  and 
it  made  me  feel  some  better,  and  then  I 


Splendid  Success.  105 

haint  one  to  give  up  to  discouragements,  any 
way. 

So  I  put  on  a  little  better  dress  for  after 
noon,  and  my  best  bonnet  and  shawl,  and  set 
sail  again  after  dinner. 

And  if  I  ever  had  a  lesson  in  not  givin'  up 
to  discouragements  in  the  first  place,  I  had  it 
then.  For  whether  it  wuz  on  account  of  the 
more  dressy  look  of  my  bonnet  and  shawl — or 
whether  it  wuz  that  folks  felt  cleverer  in  the 
afternoon — or  whether  it  wuz  that  I  had  gone 
to  the  more  discouragin'  places  in  the  forenoon, 
and  the  better  ones  in  the  afternoon — or 
whether  it  wuz  that  I  tackled  on  the  subject 
in  a  better  way  than  I  had  tackled  'em — 
whether  it  wuz  for  any  of  these  reasons,  or  all 
of  'em,  or  somethin' — anyway,  my  luck  turned 
at  noon,  12  M.,  and  all  that  afternoon  I  had 
one  triumph  after  another — place  after  place 
did  I  collect  pound  or  pounds  as  the  case  may 
be  (or  collected  the  promises  of  'em,  I  mean). 
I  did  splendid,  and  wuz  prospered  perfectly 
aniazin' — and  I  went  home  feelin'  as  happy 
and  proud  as  a  king  or  a  zar. 


io6  Ready  for  the  Party. 

And  tlie  next  Tuesday  evenin'  we  had  the 
pound  party.  They  concluded  to  have  it  to 
our  house.  And  Thomas  Jefferson  and  Mag 
gie,  and  Tirzah  Ann  and  Whitefield  came 
home  early  in  the  afternoon  to  help  trim  the 
parlor  and  settin'  room  with  evergreens  and 
everlastin'  posies,  and  fern  leaves. 

They  made  the  room  look  perfectly  beauti 
ful.  And  they  each  of  'em,  the  two  childern 
and  their  companions,  brought  home  a  motto 
framed  in  nice  plush  and  gilt  frames,  which 
they  put  up  on  each  side  of  the  settin'  room, 
and  left  them  there  as  a  present  to  their  pa 
and  me.  They  think  a  sight  of  us,  the  chil 
dern  do — and  visey  versey,  and  the  same. 

One  of  'em  wuz  worked  in  gold  letters  on  a 
red  back-ground — "  Bear  Ye  One  Another's 
Burdens."  And  the  other  wuz  "  Feed  my 
Lambs." 

They  think  a  sight  on  us,  the  childern  do 
—  they  knew  them  mottoes  would  highly 
tickle  their  pa  and  me.  And  they  did  seem 
to  kinder  invigorate  up  all  the  folks  that  come 
to  the  party. 


The  Pound  Party.  109 

And  they  wuz  seemingly  legions.  Why, 
they  come,  and  they  kept  a  comin'.  And  it 
did  seem  as  if  every  one  of  'em  had  tried  to 
see  who  could  bring  the  most.  Why,  they 
brought  enough  to  keep  the  Smedleys  com 
fortable  all  winter  long.  It  wuz  a  sight  to  see 
'em. 

It  wuz  a  curious  sight,  too,  to  set  and  watch 
what  some  of  the  folks  said  and  done  as  they 
brought  their  pounds  in. 

I  had  to  be  to  the  table  all  the  time  a'most 
for  I  wuz  appointed  a  committee,  or  a  board — 
I  s'pose  it  would  be  more  proper  to  call  myself 
a  board,  more  business  like.  Wall,  I  wuz  the 
board  appointed  to  lay  the  things  on — to  see 
that  they  wuz  all  took  care  of,  and  put  where 
they  couldn't  get  eat  up,  or  any  other  casuality 
happen  to  'em. 

And  I  declare  if  some  of  the  queerest  lookin' 
creeters  didn't  come  up  to  the  table  and  talk  to 
me.  There  wuz  lots  of  'em  there  that  I  didn't 
know,  folks  that  come  from  Zoar,  Jim  Smed- 
ley's  old  neighborhood. 

There  wuz  a  long  table  stretched  acrost  one 


no  Queer   Visitors. 

end  of  the  settin'  room,  and  I  stood  behind  it 
some  as  if  I  wuz  a  dry  goods  merchant  or  gro 
cery,  and  some  like  a  preacher. 

And  the  women  would  come  up  to  me  and 
talk.  There  wuz  one  woman  who  got  real 
talkative  to  me  before  the  evenin'  wuz  out. 
She  said  her  home  wuz  over  two  miles  beyond 
Zoar. 

She  had  a  young  babe  with  her,  a  dark  com- 
plexioned  babe,  with  a  little  round  black  head, 
that  looked  some  like  a  cannon  ball.  She  said 
she  had  shingled  the  child  that  day  about  8 
o'clock  in  the  forenoon  ;  she  talked  real  confi 
dential  to  me. 

She  said  the  babe  had  sights  of  hair,  and 
she  told  her  husband  that  day  that  if  he  would 
shingle  the  babe  she  would  come  to  the  party 
and  if  he  wouldn't  shingle  it  she  wouldn't 
come.  It  seemed  they  had  had  a  altercation 
on  the  subject,  she  wanted  it  shingled  and  he 
didn't.  But  it  seemed  that  ruther  than  stay 
away  from  the  party — he  consented,  and 
shingled  it.  So  they  come. 

They  brought  a  eight  pound  loaf  of  maple 


Generous  Gifts.  1 1 1 

sugar  and  two  dozen  eggs.  They  did  well, 
Then  there  wuz  another  woman  who  would 
walk  her  little  girl  into  the  bedroom  every  few 
minutes,  and  wet  her  hair,  and  comb  it  over, 
and  curl  it  on  her  fingers.  The  child  had  a 
little  blue  flannel  dress  on,  with  a  long  plain 
waist,  and  a  long  skirt  gethered  on  full  all 
round.  Her  hair  lay  jest  as  smooth  and  slick 
as  glass  all  the  time,  but  five  times  did  she 
walk  her  off,  and  go  through  with  that  per 
formance.  She  brought  ten  yards  of  factory 
cloth,  and  a  good  woolen  petticoat  for  the  old 
grandma.  She  did  first-rate. 

And  then  there  wuz  another  woman  who 
stayed  by  the  table  most  all  the  eveiiin'.  She 
would  gently  but  firmly  ask  everybody  who 
brought  anything,  what  the  price  of  the  article 
wuz — and  then  she  would  tackle  the  different 
women  who  come  up  to  the  table  for  patterns. 
I  do  believe  she  got  the  pattern  of  every  bask 
waist  there  wuz  there,  and  every  mantilly. 

And  Abram  Gee,  brought  twenty-five  loaves 
of  bread — of  different  sizes,  but  all  on  'em 
good.  And  he  looked  at  Ardelia  Tutt  every 


H2  A  Splendid  Good  Time. 

minute  of  the  time.  And  Ardelia  brought  a 
lot  of  verses, — "  Stanzas  on  a  Grandmother." 
I  didn't  think  they  would  do  Grandma  Smed- 
ley  much  good,  and  then  on  the  other  hand  I 
didn't  s'pose  they  would  hurt  her  any. 

But  we  had  a  splendid  good  time  after  the 
things  wuz  all  brought  in — of  course  bein'  a 
board  the  fore  part  of  the  evenin'  I  naturally 
had  a  harder  time  than  I  did  the  latter  part, 
after  I  had  got  over  it. 

The  childern,  Thomas  J.,  and  Tirzah  Ann, 
and  Ardelia  Tutt,  and  Abram  Gee,  and  some 
of  the  rest  of  the  young  folks  sung  and  played 
some  beautiful  pieces,  and  they  had  four  tab- 
lows,  which  wuz  perfectly  beautiful. 

And  then  we  passed  good  nice  light  biscuit 
and  butter,  and  hot  coffee,  and  pop  corn,  and 
apples.  And  it  did  seem,  and  all  the  neigh 
bors  said  so,  that  it  wuz  the  very  best  party 
they  had  ever  attended  to. 

And  before  they  went  away  they  made  a 
motion  some  of  the  responsable  men  did — some 
made  the  motions  and  some  seconded  'em  — 
that  they  would  adjourn  till  jest  one  year  from 


Off  to  the  Smedley's. 

that  night,  when  if  the  Smedleys  was  still 
alive  and  in  need — we  would  have  jest  such  a 
party  ag'in. 

And  at  the  last  on't  Elder  Minklcy  made  a 
prayer — a  very   thank 
ful  and  good  prayer,  but 
short.     And  then  they 
went  home. 

Wall,  the  next  morn 
in'  we  started  to  carry 
the  things  to  the  Smed 
leys.  It  wuz  very  early, 
for  Josiah  had  got  to 
go  clear  to  Loontown 
on  business,  and  I  wuz 
goin'  to  stay  with  the 
childern  till  he  got 
back. 

It  wuz  a  very  cold 
mornin'.  We  hadn't 

heard     from     the     Smed-         At  the  last  on't  Elder  Minkley 
i  r  ^  made  a  Prayer. 

leys   for   two   or   three 

days,  because  we  wanted  to  surprise  'em,  so  we 

didn't  want  to  give  'em  a  hint  beforehand  of 


ii4  ^  Sorry  Sight. 

what  we  wuz  a  doin'.  So,  as  I  say,  it  wuz  a 
number  of  days  sense  we  had  heard  from  'em, 
and  the  weather  wuz  cold. 

When  we  got  to  the  door  it  seemed  to  be 
dretful  still  there  inside.  And  there  wuz 
some  white  frost  on  the  latch  jest  as  if  a  icy, 
white  hand  had  onlatched  the  door,  and  had 
laid  on  it  last. 

We  rapped,  but  nobody  answered.  And  then 
we  opened  the  door  and  went  in,  and  there  they 
all  lay  asleep.  The  childern  waked  up.  But 
old  Grandma  didn't. 

There  wuzn't  any  €re  in  the  room,  and  you 
could  see  by  the  freezing  coldness  of  the  air 
that  there  hadn't  been  any  for  a  day  or  two. 

Grandma  Smedley  had  took  the  poor  old 
coverin's  all  off  from  herself,  and  put  'em 
round  the  youngest  baby,  little  Jim.  And  he 
lay  there  all  huddled  up  tight  to  his  Grandma, 
with  his  red  cheek  close  to  her  white  one,  for 
he  loved  her. 

Josiah  cried  and  wept,  and  wept  and  cried 
onto  his  bandana — but  I  didn't. 

The  tears  run  down  my  face  some,  to  see 


Grandma  Smedley^s  Release.          117 

the  childern  feel  so  bad  when  Grandma  couldn't 
speak  to  'em. 

But  I  knew  that  the  childern  would  be  took 
care  of  now,  I  knew  the  Jonesvillians  would  be 
all  rousted  up  and  sorry  enough  for  'em,  and 
would  be  willin'  to  do  anything  now,  when  it 
wuz  some  too  late. 

And  I  felt  that  I  couldn't  cry  nor  weep  (and 
told  Josiah  so),  the  tears  jest  dripped  down  my 
face  in  a  stream,  but  I  wouldn't  weep — for  as  I 
said  to  myself: 

"  While  the  Jonesvillians  had  been  a  dis- 
putiii'  back  and  forth,  and  wrestin'  Scripter, 
and  the  meanin'  of  Providence  in  regard  to 
helpin'  Grandma  Smedley  and  gittin'  her  a 
comfortable  place  to  stay  in,  and  somethin'  to 
eat,  the  Lord  Himself,  had  took  the  case  in 
hand,  and  had  gin  her  a  home,  and  the  bread 
that  satisfies. " 


IV. 

ARDELIA   AND   ABRAM   GEE. 


ALL  I  don't  s'pose  there  had 
been  a  teacher  in  our  dee- 
strict  for  years  and  years 
that  gin  better  satisfaction 
than  Ardelia  Tutt.  Good  soft  little  creeter, 
the  scholars  any  one  of  'em  felt  above  hnrtin' 
on  her  or  plagin'  her  any  way.  She  sort  a 
made  'em  feel  they  had  to  take  care  on  her, 
she  wvz  so  sort  a  helpless  actin',  and  good 
118 


Falling  in  Love.  119 

natured,  and  yet  her  learnin'  wuz  good,  fust- 
rate. 

Yes,  Ardelia  wuz  thought  a  sight  on  in 
Jonesville  by  scholars  and  parents  and  some 
that  wuzn't  parents.  One  young  chap  in  per- 
ticiler,  Abram  Gee  by  name,  who  had  just 
started  a  baker's  shop  in  Jonesville,  he  fell  so 
deep  in  love  with  her  from  the  very  start  that 
I  pitied  him  from  about  the  bottom  of  my 
heart.  It  wuz  at  our  house  that  he  fell. 

The  young  folks  of  our  meetin'-house  had 
a  sort  of  a  evenin'  meetin'  there  to  see  about 
raisin'  some  money  for  the  help  of  the  steeple 
— repairin'  of  it.  Abram  is  a  member,  and 
so  is  Ardelia,  and  I  see  the  hull  thing.  I  see 
him  totter  and  I  see  him  fall.  And  prostrate 
he  wuz,  from  that  first  night.  Never  was 
there  a  feller  that  fell  in  love  deeper,  or  lay 
more  helpless.  And  Ardelia  liked  him,  that 
wuz  plain  to  see;  at  fust  as  I  watched  and  see 
him  totter,  I  thought  she  wuz  a  sort  o'  wob- 
blin'  too,  and  when  he  fell  deep,  deep  in  love, 
I  looked  to  see  her  a  follerin'  on.  But  Ardelia, 
as  soft  as  she  wuz,  had  an  element  of  strength. 


I2O 


ArdelicPs  Hope. 


She  wuz  ambitious.  She  liked  Abram,  but 
she  had  read  novels  a  good  deal,  and  she  had 
for  years  been  lookin'  for  a  Prince  to  come 
a  ridin'  up  to  their  door-yard  in  disguise  with 


Jhe  had    been    lookin1  for  a   Prince  to  come  a  ridin'  up  with  a  crown 
on  under  his  hat,  and  woo  her  to  be  his  bride. 

a  crown  on  under  his  hat,  and  woo  her  to  be 
•his  bride. 

And  so  she  braced  herself  aginst  the  sweet 
influence  of  love  and  it  wuz  tuff — I  could  see 


Abram's  Prospects.  121 

for  myself  that  it  wuz,  when  she  had  laid  out 
to  set  on  a  throne  by  the  side  of  a  Prince,  he 
a  holdin'  his  father's  scepter  in  his  hand — to 
descend  from  that  elevation  and  wed  a  hus 
band  who  wuz  a  moulder  of  bread,  with  a 
rollin'  pin  in  his  hand.  It  wuz  tuff  for  Ar- 
delia ;  I  could  see  right  through  her  mind  (it 
wuzn't  a  great  distance  to  see),  and  I  could 
see  jest  how  a  conflict  wuz  a  goin'  on  between 
love  and  ambition. 

But  Abram  had  my  best  wishes,  for  he  wuz 
a  boy  I  had  always  liked.  The  Gees  had 
lived  neighbor  to  us  for  years.  He  wuz  a 
good  creeter  and  his  bread  wuz  delicious  (milk 
emptin's).  He  wuz  a  sort  of  a  hard,  sound 
lookin'  chap,  and  she,  bein'  so  oncommon 
soft,  the  contrast  kinder  sot  each  other  off  and 
made  'em  look  well  together. 

He  had  a  house  and  lot  all  paid  for,  with  no 
incumbrances  only  a  mortgage  of  150  dollars 
and  a  lame  mother.  But  he  laid  out  to  clear 
off  the  mortgage  this  year  and  I  wuz  told  that 
mother  Gee  wuz  a  goin'  to  live  with  her 
daughter  Susan,  who  had  jest  come  into  a  big 


122  Love  Reciprocated. 

property — as  much  as  700  dollars  worth  of 
land,  besides  cows,  2  heads  of  cow,  and  one 
head  of  a  calf. 

I  knew  Mother  Gee  and  she  wuz  goiii'  to 
stay  with  Abram  till  he  got  married  and  then 
she  wuz  goin'  to  live  with  Susan.  And  I 
s'pose  it  is  so.  She  is  a  likely  old  woman  with 
a  milk  leg. 

Wall,  Abram  paid  Ardelia  lots  of  attention, 
sech  as  walkin'  home  with  her  from  protracted 
meetin's  nights,  and  lookiii'  at  her  durin'  the 
meetin's  more  protracted  than  the  meetin's 
wuz,  fur.  And  3  times  he  sent  her  a  plate  of 
riz  biscuit  sweetened,  sweetened  too  sweet 
almost,  he  went  too  fur  in  this  and  I  see  it. 

Yes,  he  done  his  part  as  well  as  his  condi 
tion  would  let  him,  paralyzed  by  his  feelin's, 
— but  she  acted  kinder  offish,  and  I  see  that 
sunthin  wuz  in  the  way.  I  mistrusted  at  first, 
it  might  be  Abram's  incumbrance,  but  duriii1 
a  conversation  I  had  with  her,  I  see  I  wuz  in 
the  wrong  on't.  And  I  could  see  plain,  though 
some  couldn't,  that  she  liked  Abram  as  she 
did  her  eyes.  Somebody  run  him  down  a 


Fighting  Shy.  123 

little  one  day  before  me  and  she  sprouted 
right  up  and  took  his  part  voyalent.  I  could 
see  her  feelin's  towards  him  though  she 
wouldn't  own  up  to  'em.  But  one  day  she 
came  out  plain  to  me  and  lamented  his  condi 
tion  in  life.  Somebody  had  attact  her  that 
day  before  me  about  marryin'  of  him — and 
she  owned  up  to  me,  that  she  had  laid  out  to 
marry  somebody  to  elevate  her.  Some  one 
with  a  grand  pure  mission  in  life. 

And  I  spoke  right  up  and  sez,  "  Why  bread 
is  jest  as  pure  and  innocent  as  anything  can 
be,  you  won't  find  anything  wicked  about  good 
yeast  bread,  nor,"  sez  I,  cordially,  "  in  milk 
risin',  if  it  is  made  proper." 

But  she  said  she  preferred  a  occupation  that 
wuz  risin',  and  noble,  and  that  made  a  man 
necessary  and  helpful  to  the  masses. 

And  I  sez  agin — "  Good  land !  the  masses 
have  got  to  eat.  And  I  guess  you  starve  the 
masses  a  spell  and  they'll  think  that  good 
bread  is  as  necessary  and  helpful  to  'em  as 
anything  can  be.  And  as  fer  its  bein'  a  risin' 
occupation,  why,"  sez  I,  "  it  is  stiddy  risin', — > 


124  Abram  Depressed. 

risin'  in  the  mornin',  and  risin'  at  night,  and 
all  night,  both  hop  and  milk  emptin's.  Why," 
sez  I,  u  I  never  see  a  occupation  so  risin'  as 
his'n  is,  both  milk  and  hop."  But  she 
wouldn't  seem  to  give  in  and  encourage  him 
much  only  by  spells. 

And  then  Abram  didn't  take  the  right  way 
with  her.  I  see  he  wuz  a  goin'  just  the  wrong 
way  to  win  a  woman's  love.  For  his  love,  his 
great  honest  love  for  her  made  him  abject,  he 
groveled  at  her  feet,  loved  to  grovel. 

I  told  him,  for  he  confided  in  me  from  the 
first  on't  and  bewailed  her  coldness  to  me,  I 
told  him  to  sprout  up  and  act  as  if  he  had  some 
will  of  his  own  and  some  independent  life  of 
his  own.  Sez  I,  "Any  woman  that  sees  a 
man  a  layin'  around  under  her  feet  will  be 
tempted  to  step  on  him,"  sez  I.  "  I  don't  see 
how  she  can  help  it,  if  she  calcerlates  to  get 
round  any,  and  walk."  Sez  I,  "  Sprout  up 
and  be  somebody.  She  is  a  good  little  creeter, 
but  no  better  than  you  are,  Abram  ;  be  a  man." 

And  he  would  try  to  be.  I  could  see  him 
try.  But  one  of  her  soft  little  glances, 


"  Be  a  man,  Abram    be  a  man.' 


I2S 


*  \  -*  «•'    •  <•,"  •  «    « 


Abram's  Humility. 

specially  if  it  wuz  kind  and  tender  to  him,  es 
it  wuz  a  good  deal  of  the  time,  why  it  would 
just  overthrow  him  agin.  He  would  collapse 
and  become  nothin'  ag'in,  before  her.  Why  I 


They  loved  to  sing  together. 

have  hearn  him  sing  that  old  him,  a  lookin' 
right  at  Ardelia  stiddy  : 

"  Oh  to  be  nothin',  nothin'  !" 

And  thinks  I  to  myself,  "  if  this  keeps  on, 
you  are  in  a  fair  way  to  git  your  wish." 


128  Singing   Together. 

He  wuz  a  good  singer,  a  beartone,  and  she 
a  secent.  They  loved  to  sing  together.  They 
needed  some  air,  but  then  they  got  along 
without  it ;  and  it  sounded  quite  well,  though 
rather  low  and  deep. 

Wall,  it  run  along  for  weeks  and  weeks,  he 
with  his  hopes  a  risin'  up  sometimes  like  his 
yeast  and  then  bein'  pounded  down  ag'in  like 
his  bread,  under  the  hard  knuckles  of  a 
woman's  capricious  cruelty.  For  I  must  say 
that  she  did,  for  sech  a  soft  little  creeter,  have 
cold  and  cruel  ways  to  Abram.  (But  I  s'pose 
it  wuz  when  she  got  to  thinkin'  about  the 
Prince,  or  some  other  genteel  lover.) 

But  her  real  feelin's  would  break  out  once 
in  a  while,  and  lift  him  up  to  the  3d  heaven 
of  happiness  and  then  he'd  have  to  totter  and 
fall  down  ag'in.  Abram  Gee  had  a  hard  time 
on't.  I  pitied  him  from  nearly  the  bottom  of 
my  heart.  But  I  still  kep'  a  thinkin7  it  would 
turn  out  well  in  the  end.  For  it  wuz  jest  about 
this  time  that  I  happened  to  find  this  poetry  in 
a  book  where  she  had,  I  s'posed,  left  it.  And  I 
read  'em,  almost  entirely  unbeknown  to  myself. 


Ardelufs  Effusions.  129 

[t  wuz  wrote  in  a  dretful  blind  way  but  I 
recognized  it  at  once.  I  looked  right  through 
it,  and  see  what  she  wuz  a  writin'  about 
though  many  wouldn't ;  it  wuz  wrote  in  sech 
a  deep  style. 

"  STANZAS  ON  BREAD 
or 

41  A  I,AY  OF  A  BROKEN  HEART. 

"  Oh  Bread,  dear  Bread,  that  seemest  to  us  so  cold, 
Oft' times  concealed  thee  within,  may  be  a  sting  ! 

Sweet  buried  hopes  may  in  thy  crust  be  rolled 
A  sad,  burnt  crust  of  deepest  suffering. 

"  There  are  some  griefs  the  female  soul  don't  tell, 
And  she  may  weep,  and  she  may  wretched  be  ; 

Though  she  may  like  the  name  of  Abram  well 
And  she  may  not  like  dislike  the  name  of  G — . 

"  Oh  Fel  Ambition,  how  thou  lurest  us  on, 
How  by  thy  high,  bold  torch  we're  stridin'  led  ; 

Thou  lurest  us  up,  cold  mountain  top  upon, 
And  seated  by  us  there,  thou  scoffest  at  bread. 

"  Thou  lookest  down,  Ambition,  on  the  ovens  brim  ; 
Thou  brookest  not  a  word  of  him  save  with  contuni- 
alee ; 


130  More  Poems. 

And  yet,  wert  thou  afar,  how  sweet  to  set  by  him 
And  cut  low  slices  of  sweet  joy  with  G — . 

"  Oh  !  Fel  Ambition,  wert  but  thou  away, 
Could  we  thy  haimtin'  form  no  more,  nor  see  ; 

How  sweet  'twould  be  to  linger  on  with  A , 

How  sweet  'twould  be  to  dwell  for  aye  with  G — ." 


Wall,  as  I  say,  she  gin  good  satisfaction  in 
the  deestrict  and  I  declare  for  it,  I  got  to  likin' 
her  dretful  well  before  the  winter  wuz  over. 
Softer  she  wuz,  and  had  to  be,  than  any  fuzz 
that  wuz  ever  on  any  cotton  flannel  fur  or 
near.  And  more  verses  she  wrote  than  wuz 
good  for  her,  or  for  anybody  else. — Why  she 
would  write  "  Lines  on  the  Tongs,"  or  "  Stan 
zas  on  the  Salt  Stiller,"  if  she  couldn't  do 
any  better ;  it  beats  all !  And  then  she  would 
read  'em  to  me  to  get  my  idees  on  'em.  Why 
I  had  to  call  on  every  martyr  in  the  hull 
string  of  martyrs  sometimes  to  keep  myself 
from  tellin'  her  my  full  mind  about  'em  unbe 
known  to  me.  For,  if  I  had,  it  would  have 
skairt  the  soft  little  creeter  out  of  what  little 
wit  she  had. 


Josiah  and  the  Girls.  131 

So  I  kep'  middlin'  still,  and  see  it  go  rn. 
For  she  wuz  a  good  little  soul,  affectionate 
and  kinder  helpful.  A  good  creeter  now  to 
find  your  speks.  Why  she  found  'em  for  me 
times  out  of  number,  and  I  got  real  attached 
to  her  and  visey  versey.  And  when  she  came 
a  visitin'  me  in  the  spring  (at  my  request), 
and  I  happened  to  mention  that  Josiah  and 
me  laid  out  to  go  to  Saratoga  for  the  summer, 
what  did  the  soft  little  creeter  want  to  do  but 
to  go  too.  Her  father  was  well  off  and  wuz 
able  to  send  her,  and  she  had  relatives  there 
on  her  own  side,  some  of  the  Pixleys,  so  her 
board  wouldn't  cost  iiothin'.  So  it  didn't 
look  nothin'  onreasonable,  though  whether  I 
could  get  her  there  and  back  without  her 
mashin'  all  down  on  my  hands,  like  a  over 
ripe  peach,  she  wuz  that  soft,  wuz  a  question 
that  ha'nted  me,  and  so  I  told  Josiah. 

But  Josiah  kinder  likes  young  girls  (nothin' 
light;  a  calm  meetin'-house  affection),  it  is 
kinder  nater  that  he  should,  and  he  sez : 
"  Better  let  her  go,  she  won't  make  much 
trouble." 

9 


132  Ardelia's  Helpfulness. 

"  No,"  sez  I,  "  not  to  you,  but  if  you  had  to 
set  for  hours  and  hours  and  hear  her  verses 
read  to  you  on  every  subject — on  heaven,  and 
earth,  and  the  seas,  and  see  her  a  measurin'  of 
it  with  a  stick  to  get  the  lines  the  right  length; 
if  you  had  to  go  through  all  this,  mebby  you 
would  meditate  on  the  subject  before  you  took 
it  for  a  summer's  job." 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  mebby  she  won't  write  so 
much  when  she  gets  started ;  she  will  be  kin 
der  jogged  round  and  stirred  up  in  body  and 
mebby  her  feelin's  will  kinder  rest.  I  shouldn't 
wonder  a  mite  if  they  did,"  sez  he.  "And  then 
she  can  take  a  good  many  steps  for  you,  and 
I  love  to  see  you  favored,"  sez  he. 

He  wanted  her  to  go,  I  see  that,  and  I  see 
that  it  wuz  nater  that  he  should,  and  so  I 
consented  in  my  mind — after  a  parlay. 

She  found  his  specks  a  sight  and  his  hat. 
Nothin'  seemed  to  please  her  better  than  to  be 
gropin'  round  after  things  to  please  somebody; 
her  disposition  wuz  such.  So  it  wuz  settled 
that  she  should  accompany  and  go  with  us. — 
And  the  mornin'  we  started  she  met  us  at  the 


Starting  for  Saratoga. 

Jonesville  Depot  in  good  sperits  and  a  barege 
delaine  dress,  cream  color,  and  a  hat  of  the 
same. 

I  hadn't  seen  her  for  some  weeks,  and  she 


The  mornin'  we  started  she  met  us  at  the  Jonesville  Depot. 

seemed  softly  tickled  to  see  Josiah  and  me, 
and  asked  a  good  many  questions  about  Jones 
ville,  kinder  turnin'  the  conversation  gradually 
round  onto  bread,  as  I  could  see.  So  I 


134  Ar delicts  Sighs. 

branched  right  out,  knowin'  what  she  wanted 
of  me,  and  told  her  plain,  that  "  Abrain  Gee 
wuz  a  lookiii'  kinder  mauger.  But  doin'  his 
duty  stiddy"  sez  I,  lookin'  keenly  at  her, 
"  a  doin'  his  duty  by  everybody,  and  beloved  by 
everybody,  him  and  his  bread  too." 

She  turned  her  head  away  and  kinder  sithed, 
and  I  guess  it  wuz  as  much  as  a  quarter  of  a 
hour  after  that,  that  I  see  her  take  out  a  pen 
cil  and  a  piece  of  paper  out  of  her  portmonny, 
and  a  little  stick,  and  she  went  to  makin' 
some  verses,  a  measurin'  'em  careful  as  she 
wrote  'em,  and  when  she  handed  'em  to  me 
they  wuz  named 


A  LAY  ON  A  CAR; 


"THE  LESSON  OF  A  LOCOMOTIVE. 

* '  Oh  cars  that  bearest  us  on  ;  oh  cars  that  run  ; 
If  backward  thou  didst  go,  we  should  not  near 
The  place  we  started  for  at  break  of  sun  ; 
The  place  we  love,  with  love  devout,  sincere. 


Rhyme  and  Rhythm.  135 

"  Oh!  snortin'  Engine,  didst  thou  not  so  snort 
Thou  wouldst  not  start,  and  lo!  we  see — 
Our  sorrows'  hidden  griefs,  they  do  not  come  for  nort 
They  start  the  locomotive,  L,ife,  with  screechin'  agony 

"  Oh  passengers  that  wail,  and  dread  the  screech, 
Wail  not;  but  lift  eyes  o'er  the  chimney  top 
As  they  bend  o'er  the  locomotive;  beach 
Thy  hopes  on  fairer  shores,  a  sweeter  crop. '  * 

After  I  had  read  it  and  handed  it  back  to 
her,  she  sez  :  u  Don't  you  think  I  improve  on 
the  melody  and  rhythm  of  my  poetry  ?  I  take 
this  little  stick  with  me  now  wherever  I  go, 
and  measure  my  lines  by  it.  They  are  jest  of 
a  length,  I  am  very  particular ;  you  know  you 
advised  me  to  be." 

"Yes,"  sez  I  mechanikly,  "  but  I  didn't 
mean  jest  that."  Sez  I,  "  the  poetry  I  wuz 
a  thinkin'  on,  is  measured  by  the  soul,  the  en 
raptured  throb  of  heart  and  brain;  it  don't 
need  takin'  a  stick  to  it.  Howsumever,"  sez 
I,  for  I  see  she  looked  sort  a  disapinted,  "how- 
sumever,  if  you  have  measured  'em,  they  are 
probable  about  the  same  length  ;  it  is  a  good 


136 


Bad  Weather  for  Poetry. 


sound  stick,  I  haint  no  doubt,"  and  I  kinder 

Bithed. 

And  she  sez,  "  What  do  you  think  of  the 

first  verse  ?  Haint  that  verse  as  true  as  fate, 

or  sadness,  or  anything  else  you  know  of?" 

"Oh  yes,"  sez  I 
candidly,  "  yes  ;  if 
the  cars  run  back 
wards  we  shouldn't 
go  on  ;  that  is  true 
as  anything  can  be. 
But  if  I  wuz  in  your 
place,  Ardelia,"  sez 
I,  "  I  wouldn't  write 
any  more  to-day. 
It  is  a  kind  of  mug 
gy,  damp  day.  It  is 
a  awfully  bad  day 
for  poetry  to-day. 

And,"  sez  I,  to  get  her  mind  offen  it,  "  Have 

you     seen     anything     of     my     companion's 

specks  ?" 

And  that  took  her  mind  offen  poetry  and 

she  went  a  huntin'  for  'em,  on  the  seat  and 


The  Specks  Found. 


137 


under  the  seat.  She  hunted  truly  high  and 
low  and  at  last  she  found  'em  on  my  pardner's 
foretop,  the  last  place  any  of  us  thought  of 
lookin'.  And  she  never  said  another  word  about 
poetry,  or  any  other  trouble,  nor  I  nuther. 


V. 


WE  ARRIVE  AT   SARATOGA. 


E  arrived  at  Saratoga 
jest  as  sunset  with  a 
middlin'  gorgeous 
dress  on  wuz  a  walk- 
in'  down  trie  west  and 
a  biddin'  us  and  trie 
earth  good-bye.  There  wuz  every  color  you 
could  think  on  almost,  in  her  gown,  and  some 
stars  a  shinin'  through  the  noatin'  drapery 
and  a  half  moon  restin'  up  on  her  cloudy 
foretop  like  a  beautiful  orniment. 

(I  s'pose  mebby  it  is  proper  to  describe  sun 
set  in  this  way  on  goin'  to  such  a  dressy  place, 
though  it  haint  my  style  to  do  so,  I  don't  love 
138 


At  Saratoga.  139 

to  describe  sunset  as  a  female  and  don't,  much, 
of  the  time,  but  I  love  to  see  things  corre 
spond.) 

Wall,  we  descended  from  the  cars  and  went 
to  the  boardin'  place  provided  for  us  before 
hand  by  the  look  out  of  friends.  It  wuz  a 
good  place,  there  haint  no  doubt  of  that,  good 
folks  ;  good  fare  and  clean. 

Ardelia  parted  away  from  us  at  the  depo. 
She  wuz  a  goin'  to  board  to  a  smaller  boardin' 
house  kep'  by  a  second  cousin  of  her  father's 
brother's  wife's  aunt.  It  wuz  her  father's  re 
quest  that  she  should  get  her  board  there  on 
account  of  its  bein'  in  the  family.  He  loved 
"  to  see  relations  hang  together ;"  so  he  said, 
and  "  get  their  boards  of  each  other."  But  I 
thought  then,  and  I  think  now,  that  it  wuz 
because  they  asked  less  for  the  board.  Deacon 
Tutt  is  close.  But  howsumever  Ardelia  went 
there,  and  my  companion  and  me  arrove 
at  the  abode  where  we  wuz  to  abide,  with 
110  eppisode  only  the  triflin'  one  of  the  driver 
bein'  dretful  mistook  as  to  the  price  he  asked 
to  take  us  there. 


140  Dispute  with  the  Hackman. 

I  thought  and  Josiah  thought  that  50  cents 
wuz  the  outlay  of  expendatur  he  required  to 
carry  us  where  we  would  be  ;  it  wuz  but  a 
short  distance.  But  no !  He  said  that  5  dol 
lars  wuz  what  he  said,  that  is,  if  we  heard  any 
thing  about  a  5.  But  he  thought  we  wuz  deef, 
and  dident  hear  him.  He  thought  he  spoke 
plain,  and  said  4  dollars  for  the  trip. 

And  on  that  price  he  sot  down  immovible. 
They  argued,  and  Josiah  Allen  even  went  so 
far  as  to  use  language  that  -  grated  on-  my 
nerve,  it  wuz  so  voyalent  and  vergin'  on  the 
profane.  But  there  the  man  sot,  right  onto 
that  price,  and  he  had  to  me  the  appeerance 
of  one  who  wuz  goin'  to  sot  there  on  it  all 
night.  And  so  rather  than  to  spend  the  night 
outdoors,  in  conversation  with  him,  he  a  settin' 
on  that  price,  and  Josiah  a  shakin'  his  fist  at 
it,  and  a  jawin'  at  it,  I  told  Josiah  that  he  had 
better  pay  it.  And  finally  he  did,  with  groan- 
in's  that  could  hardly  be  uttered. 

Wall,  after  supper,  (a  good  supper  and 
enough  on't,)  Josiah  proposed  that  we  should 
take  a  short  walk,  we  two  alone,  for  Ardelia 


An  Evening  Ramble.  143 

wuz  afar  from  us,  most  to  the  other  end  of  the 
village,  either  asleep  or  a  writin'  poetry,  I 
didn't  know  which,  but  I  knew  it  wuz  one  or 
the  other  of  'em.  And  I  wuz  tired  enough  my 
self  to  lay  my  head  down  and  repose  in  the 
arms  of  sleep,  and  told  my  companion  so,  but 
he  said : 

"  Oh  shaw !  Let  old  Morpheus  wait  for  us 
till  we  get  back,  there'll  be  time  enough  to  rest 
then." 

Josiah  felt  so  neat,  that  he  wuz  fairly  begin- 
iiin'  to  talk  high  learnt,  and  classical.  But  I 
didn't  say  nothin'  to  break  it  up,  and  tied  on 
my  bonnet  with  calmness  (and  a  double  bow 
knot)  and  we  sallied  out. 

Soon,  or  mebby  a  little  after,  for  we  didn't 
walk  fast  on  account  of  my  deep  tucker,  we 
stood  in  front  of  what  seemed  to  be  one  hull 
side  of  a  long  street,  all  full  of  orniments  and 
open  work,  and  pillows,  and  flowers,  and  carv- 
in's,  and  scollops,  and  down  between  every 
scollop  hung  a  big  basket  full  of  posys,  of 
every  beautiful  color  under  the  heavens.  And 
over  all,  and  way  back  as  fur  as  we  could  see, 


144  Beuler  Land. 

wuz  innumerable  lights  of  every  color,  gor- 
geousness  a  shinin'  down  on  gorgeousness, 
glory  above,  a  shinin'  down  on  glory  below. 
And  sweet  strains  of  mnsic  wnz  a  floatin'  out 
from  somewhere,  a  shinin'  somewhere,  ren- 
derin'  the  seen  fur  more  beautiful  to  all  4  of 
our  wraptured  ears. 

And  Josiah  sez,  as  we  stood  there  nearly 
rooted  to  the  place  by  our  motions,  and  a  picket 
fence,  sez  he  dreamily, 

"  I  almost  feel  as  if  we  had  made  a  mistake, 
and  that  this  is  the  land  of  Beuler."  And  he 
murmured  to  himself  some  words  of  the  old 
him  : 

"  Oh  Beuler  land  !  Sweet  Beuler  land  !  " 

And  I  whispered  back  to  him  and  sez — 
"  Hush !  they  don't  have  brass  bands  in  Beu- 
lah  land." 

And  he  sez,  "  How  do  you  know  what  they 
have  in  Beuler?" 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  'tain't  likely  they  do." 

But  I  don't  know  as  I  felt  like  blamin'  him, 
for  it  did  seem  to  me  to  be  the  most  beautiful 


Gorgeousness.  145 

place  that  I  ever  sot  rny  eyes  on.  And  it  did 
seem  fairly  as  if  them  long  glitterin'  chains 
and  links  of  colored  lights,  a  stretchin'  fur 
back  into  the  distance  sort  a  begoned  for  us  to 
enter  into  a  land  of  perfect  beauty  and  Pure 
Delight. 

And  then  them  glitterin'  chains  of  light 
would  jine  onto  other  golden,  and  crimson,  and 
orange,  and  pink,  and  blue,  and  amber  links  of 
glory  and  hang  there  all  drippin'  with  radiance, 
and  way  back  as  fur  as  we  could  see.  And 
away  down  under  the  shinin'  lanes  the  white 
statues  stood,  beautiful  snow-white  females, 
a  lookiii'  as  if  they  enjoyed  it  all.  And  the 
lake  mirrowed  back  all  of  the  beauty. 

Right  out  onto  the  lake  stood  a  fairy-like 
structure  all  glowin'  with  big  drops  of  light 
and  every  glitterin'  drop  reflected  down  in  the 
water  and  the  fountain  a  sprayin'  up  on  each 
side.  Why  it  sprayed  up  floods  of  diamonds, 
and  rubys,  and  sapphires,  and  topazzes,  and 
turkeys,  and  pearls,  and  opals,  and  sparklin' 
'em  right  back  into  the  water  agin. 

And   right   while   we    stood   there,   neerly 


146  A  Charming  Soloist. 

rooted  to  the  spot  and  gazin'  through  extacy 
and  2  pickets,  the  band  gin  a  loud  burst  of 
melody  and  then  stopped,  and  after  a  minute 
of  silence,  we  hearn  a  voice  angel-sweet  a 
risin'  up,  up,  like  a  lark,  a  tender-hearted, 
golden-throated  lark. 

High,  high  above  all  the  throngs  of  human 
folks  who  wuz  cheerin'  her  down  below — up 
above  the  sea  of  glitterin'  light — up  above 
the  bendin'  trees  that  clasped  their  hands  to 
gether  in  silent  applaudin'  above  her,  up,  up 
into  the  clear  heavens,  rose  that  glorious 
voice  a  singin'  some  song  about  love,  love 
that  wuz  deathless,  eternal. 

Why  it  seemed  as  if  the  very  clouds  wuz 
full  of  shadowy  faces  a  bendin'  down  to  hear 
it,  and  the  new  moon,  shaped  just  like  a  boat, 
had  glided  down,  down  the  sky  to  listen. 

If  the  man  of  the  moon  wuz  there  he  wuz 
a  layin'  in  the  bottom  of  the  boat,  he  wuzn't 
in  sight.  But  if  he  heard  that  music  I'll  bet  he 
would  say  he  wuzn't  in  the  practice  of  hearin' 
any  better.  And  Josiah  stood  stun  still  till  she 
had  got  done,  and  then  he  sort  a  sithed  out : 


//  must  be  Beuler. 


147 


tart,  partly  to  hide 
my  own  feelin's, 
which  wuz  perfect 
ly  rousted  up,  and 
partly  from  prin 
ciple,  and  sez  I, 
"  Don't  for  mercy's 
sake  call  it  Beuler." 
Josiah  always 
will  call  it  so.  I've 
got  a  4th  cousin, 
10 


"  Oh,  it  seems  as  if  it 
must  be  Beuler  land! 
Do  you  s'pose,  Saman- 
tha,  Beuler  land  is  any 
more  beautiful?" 

And  I  sez,  "  I  haint  a 
thinkin'  about  Beulah." 
I  sez  it  pretty  middlin' 


It  must  be  Beuler  land." 


148  Amid  the  Crowds. 

Beulali  Smith  (rny  own  age  and  unmarried 
up  to  date) ,  and  he  always  did  and  would  call 
her  Beuler.  Truly  in  some  things  a  pardner's 
influence  and  encouragement  fails  to  accom 
plish  the  ends  aimed  at. 

Wall,  it  wuz  after  some  words  that  I  drew 
Josiah  away  from  that  seen  of  enchantment — 
or  he  me,  I  don't  exactly  know  which  way  it 
wuz — and  we  wended  onwards  in  our  walk. 

The  hull  broad  streets  wuz  full  of  folks, 
full  as  they  could  be,  all  on  'em  perfect 
strangers  to  us  and  who  knew  what  motives 
or  weapons  they  wuz  a  carryin'  with  'em  ;  but 
we  knew  we  wuz  safe,  Josiah  and  me  did,  for 
way  up  over  all  our  heads,  stood  a  big  straight 
soldier,  a  volunteer,  volunteerin'  to  see  to  the 
hull  crew  on  'em  below,  a  seem'  that  they  be 
haved  themselves.  His  age  wuz  seventy-seven 
as  near  as  I  could  make  out,  but  he  didn't 
look  more'n  half  that.  He  had  kep'  his  age 
remarkable. 

Wall,  it  wuz,  if  I  remember  right,  jest  about 
now  that  we  see  a  glitterin'  high  up  over  our 
heads  some  writin'  in  flame.  I  never  see  such 


Way  up  over  all  our  heads  stood  a  big  straight  soldier  volunteerin'  to 
see  to  the  hull  crew  of  'em  below. 

I49 


Letters  of  Flame.  151 

brilliant  writin'  before  nor  don't  know  as  I  ever 
shall  ag'in. 

And  Josiah  stopped  stun  still,  and  stood  a 
lookin'  perfectly  dumbfoundered  at  it.  And 
finally  lie  sez,  "  I'd  give  a  dollar  bill  if  I  could 
write  like  that." 

I  see  he  wuz  deeply  rousted  up  for  2  cents 
is  as  high  as  he  usually  goes  in  bettin'.  I  see 
he  felt  deep  and  I  didn't  blame  him.  "  Why," 
sez  he,  "  jest  imagine,  Samantha,  a  hull  letter 
wrote  like  that!  how  I'd  love  to  send  one  back 
to  Uncle  Nate  Gowdey.  How  Uncle  Nate's 
eyes  would  open,  and  he  wouldn't  want  no 
spectacles  nor  nothin'  to  read  it  with,  would 
he  ?  I  wonder  if  I  could  do  it,"  sez  he,  a  begin- 
nin'  to  be  all  rousted  up. 

But  I  sez,  "  Be  calm ;"  for  so  deep  is  my 
mind  that  I  grasped  the  difficulties  of  the  un- 
dertakin'  at  once.  "  How  could  you  send  it, 
Josiah  Allen  ?  Where  would  you  get  a  en 
velop?  How  could  you  get  it  into  the  mail 
bag?"  Sez  I,  "  When  any  body  would  send  a 
letter  wrote  like  that,  they  would  want  to 
write  it  on  sheets  of  lightnin',  and  fold  it  up  in 


152  Writing  on  the  Sky. 

the  envelopin'  clouds  of  the  skies,  and  it  should 
be  received  by  a  kneelin'  and  reverent  soul. 
Who  is  Uncle  Nate  that  he  should  get  it  ?  He 
has  not  a  reverent  soul  and  he  has  also  rheu- 
matiz  in  his  legs." 

And  then  I  thought,  so  quick  and  active  is 
my  mind  when  it  gets  to  startin'  off  on  a 
tower,  I  thought  of  what  I  had  hearn  a  few 
days  before,  of  how  the  secret  had  been  learnt 
by  somebody  who  lived  right  there  in  the  vil 
lage,  of  floatin'  letters  up  at  sea  from  one  ship 
to  another,  signalin'  out  in  letters  of  flame — 
"Help!  I'm  a  sinkin' I"  or,  "Danger  ahead! 
Look  out !" 

And  I  thought  what  it  must  be  to  stand  on 
a  dusky  night  on  a  lone  deck  and  see  up  on 
the  broad,  dark,  lonesome  sky  above,  a  sudden 
message,  a  flash  of  vivid  lightnin',  takin'  to 
itself  the  form  of  language.  And  I  wondered 
to  myself  if  in  the  future  we  should  use  the 
great  pages  of  the  night-sky  to  write  messages 
from  one  city  to  another,  or  from  sea  to  land, 
of  danger  and  warnin' ;  and  then  I  thought  to 
myself,  if  souls  clog-bound  to  earth  are  able  to 


Busy  Thoughts.  153 

accomplish  so  much,  who  knows  but  the  freed 
soul  goin'  outward  and  onward  from  height  to 
height  of  wisdom  may  yet  be  able  to  signal 
down  from  the  Safe  Land  messages  of  help 
and  warnin'  to  the  souls  it  loved  below.  The 
souls  a  sailin'  and  a  driftin'  through  the  dark 
night  of  despair — a  dashin'  along  through  fog 
and  mist  and  darkness  aginst  rocks.  What  it 
would  be  to  one  kneelin'  in  the  lonesome  night 
watches  by  a  grave,  if  the  dark  sky  could  grow 
luminous  and  he  could  read, — "  Do  not  de 
spair  !  I  am  alive  1  I  love  you  !" 

Or,  in  the  hour  of  the  blackest  temptation 
and  dread,  when  the  earth  is  hollow  and  the 
sky  a  black  vault,  and  the  only  way  of  happi 
ness  on  God's  earth  seems  down  the  danger 
ous,  beautiful  way,  God-forbidden,  what  would 
it  be  to  have  the  empty  vault  lit  up  with, 
"  Danger  ahead  !  We  will  help  you  !  be  patient 
a  little  longer!" 

Oh  how  fur  my  thoughts  wuz  a  trav 
elling  and  at  what  a  good  jog,  but  not  one 
trace  did  my  companion  see  on  my  forwerd  of 
these  thoughts  that  wuz  a  passin'  through  my 


154  Following  the  Light. 

foretop  ;  and,  at  that  very  minute,  we  came  up 
nigh  enough  to  see  that  right  back  of  the 
glitterin'  language  overhead,  went  a  long  line 
of  big  glowin'  stars  of  glory  way  up  over  our 
heads,  and  leadin'  down  a  gentle  declivity — 
and  Josiah  sez,  "  Le's  foller  on,  and  see  what 
it  will  lead  us  to,  Samantha." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "light  is  pretty  generally 
safe  to  foller,  Josiah  Allen."  And  so  we 
meandered  along,  keepin'  our  2  heads  as  nigh 
as  we  could  under  that  long  glitterin'  chain 
of  golden  drops  that  wuz  high  overhead.  And 
on,  and  on,  we  follered  it  dilligently  ;  till  for 
the  land's  sake  !  if  it  didn't  lead  us  to  another 
one  of  them  openwork  buildin's,  fixed  off  beau 
tiful,  and  we  could  see  inside  2  big  wells  like, 
with  acres  of  floor  seemin'ly  on  each  side  on 
'em,  and  crowds  of  folks  a  walkin'  about  and 
settin'  at  little  tables  and  most  all  of  'em  a 
drinkin'. 

The  water  they  drinked  we  could  see  wuz  a 
bubblin'  up  and  a  runnin'  over  all  the  time, 
in  big  round  crystal  globes.  And  up,  up  on 
a  slender  pole  way  up  over  one  of  the  wells 


Tired  Out.  -  155 

hung  another  one  of  them  crystal  bowls,  a 
bubblin'  over  with  the  water  and  sparklin'. 

And  ag'in  Josiah  asked  me  if  I  thought 
Beuler  land  could  compare  with  it  ? 

And  I  told  him  ag'in  kinder  sharp,  That  I 
wuzn't  a  thinkin'  about  Beuler,  I  didn't  know 
any  sech  a  place  or  name.  I  wish  he  would 
call  things  right. 

Wall,  we  wuz  so  dead  tired  by  this  time, 
that  we  sot  sail  homewards  ;  that  is,  my  feet 
wuz  tired,  and  my  bones,  but  my  mind  seemed 
more  rousted  up  than  common. 


VI. 

SARATOGA   BY   DAYLIGHT. 


ALL,  the  next  mornin'  Josiah 
and  me  sallied  out  middlin' 
early  to  explore  still  further  the  beauties  and 
grandness  of  Saratoga.  I  had  on  a  black 
straw  bonnet,  a  green  vail,  and  a  umberell. 
I  also  have  my  black  alpacky,  that  good  moral 
dress. 

My  dress  bein'   such  a  high  mission  one 
choked  me.     It  wuz  so  high  in  the  neck  it 


Suffering  for  Principle.  157 

held  my  chin  up  in  a  most  uncomfortable  po 
sition,  but  sort  a  grand  and  lofty  lookin'.  My 
sleeves  wuz  so  long  that  more'n  half  the  time 
my  hand  wuz  covered  up  by  'em  and  I  wuz 
too  honerable  to  wear  'em  for  mits ;  no,  in  the 
name  of  principle  I  wore  'em  for  sleeves,  good 
long  sleeves,  a  pattern  to  other  grandmas  that 
I  might  meet. 

I  felt  that  when  they  see  me  and  see  what 
I  wuz  a  doin'  and  endurin'  for  the  cause  of 
female  dressin'  they  would  pause  in  their  wild 
career,  and  cover  up  their  necks  and  pull  their 
sleeves  down. 

Wall,  it  haint  to  be  expected  that  I  could 
walk  along  carryin'  such  hefty  emotions  as  I 
wuz  a  carryin',  and  havin'  iny  neck  held  high 
and  stiddy  both  by  principle  and  alpacky,  and 
see  to  every  step  I  wuz  a  takin'.  And,  first  I 
knew,  right  while  I  wuz  enjoyin'  the  loftiest 
of  these  emotions,  I  ketched  my  foot  in  sun- 
thin',  and  most  fell  down.  Instinctively  (such 
is  the  power  of  love)  I  put  out  my  hand  and 
clutched  at  the  arm  of  my  pardner.  But  he  too 
nearly  fallin'  at  the  same  time.  It  wuz  a 


158  "Them  Dumb  Sidewalks. ' 

narrow  chance  that  we  wuz  a  runnin'  .from 
having  our  prostrate  forms  a  layin'  there 
outstretched  on  the  highway. 

Instinctively  I  sez,  "  Good  land !"  and  Josiah 
sez — wall,  it  is  fur  from  me  to  tell  what 
he  said,  but  it  ended  up  with  these  words, 
"Dumb  them  dumb  sidewalks  anyway;"  and 
sez  he,  u  I  should  think  it  would  pay  to  have 
a  little  less  gilt  paint  and  spangles  and 
ornirnents  overhead  and  a  few  more  solid 
bricks  unless  they  want  more  funerals  here, 
dumb  'em !" 

Sez  I,  "  Be  calm !  who  be  you  a  talkin* 
about  ?  who  do  you  want  to  bring  down  your 
fearful  curses  on,  Josiah  Allen  ?" 

"  Why,  onto  the  dumb  bricks,"  sez  he. 

He  wuz  agitated  and  I  said  no  more.  But 
four  times  in  that  first  walk,  did  I  descend 
almost  percipitously  into  declivities  amongst 
the  bricks,  'risin'  simultaneously  on  similar 
elevations. 

It  wuz  a  fearful  ordeel  and  I  felt  it  so,  but 
upheld  by  principle  and  Josiah,  I  moved  on 
wards,  through  what  seemed  to  be  5  great 


A  Parasol  Show.  159 

throngs  and  masses  of  people,  3  on  the  ground 
and  2  histed  up  above  us  on  tall  pillows. 

Them  immense  places  overhead  long  as  the 
streets,  wuz  kinder  scalloped  out  and  trimmed 
off  handsum with  railin's,  etc.  And  on  it — oh! 
what  a  vast  congregation  of  heads  of  all  sorts 
and  sizes  and  colors.  And  oh!  what  a  im 
mense  display  of  parasols ;  why  no  parasol 
store  in  the  land  could  begin  with  what  I  see 
there. 

I  can  truly  say  that  I  thought  I  knew  sun- 
thin'  about  parasols,  havin'  owned  3  different 
ones  in  the  course  of  my  life,  and  havin'  one 
covered  over.  I  thought  I  knew  sunthin'  of 
their  nater  and  habits,  which  is  a  good  deal, 
so  I  had  always  s'posed,  like  a  urnberell's. 
But  good  land  !  I  gin  up  that  I  knew  them  not, 
nor  never  had. 

Why  anybody  could  learn  more  on  'em 
through  one  jerney  down  that  street,  than 
from  a  hull  lifetime  in  Jonesville.  Truly 
travel  is  very  upliftin'  and  openin'  and 
spreadin'  out  to  the  mind,  both  in  parasols 
and  human  nater. 


160  Struggling  Masses. 

Wall,  them  2  masses  over  our  heads  wuz  2, 
then  the  one  in  which  we  wuz  a  strugglin' 
and  the  one  opposite  to  it  made  4.  For  any 
body  with  any  pretence  to  learnin'  knows  that 
twice  2  is  4.  And  then  in  the  middle  of  the 
broad  street  wuz  a  bigger  mass  of  chariots  and 
horsemen,  and  carts  and  carriages,  and  great 
buggies  and  little  ones,  and  big  loads  of  bar 
rels,  and  big  loads  of  ladies,  and  then  a  load  of 
wood,  and  then  a  load  of  hay,  and  then  a  pair 
of  young  folks  pretty  as  a  picture.  And  then 
came  some  high  big  coaches  as  big  as  our 
spare  bed  room,  and  as  high  as  the  roof  on  our 
horse  barn,  with  six  horses  hitched  to  'em,  all 
runnin'  over  on  top  with  men,  and  wimmen, 
and  children,  and  parasols,  and  giggles,  and 
ha  ha's.  And  a  man  wuz  up  behind  a  sound- 
in'  out  on  a  trumpet,  a  dretful  sort  of  a  high, 
sweet  note,  not  dwindlin'  down  to  the  end  as 
some  music  duz,  but  kinder  crinklin'  round 
and  endin'  up  in  the  air  every  time. 

Josiah  wuz  dretful  took  with  it  and  he  told 
me  in  confidence  that  he  laid  out  when  he  got 
home  to  buy  a  trumpet  and  blow  out  jest  them 


Strange  Displays.  161 

strains  every  time  he  went  into  Jonesville  01 
out  of  it.  He  said  it  would  sound  so  sort  a 
warlike  and  impressive. 

I  expostulated  aginst  the  idee.  But  sea 
he,  "  You'll  enjoy  it  when  you  get  used 
to  it." 

"  Never!"  sez  I. 

"  Yes  you  will,"  sez  he,  "  and  while  I  live, 
I  lay  out  that  you  shall  have  advantages,  and 
shall  enjoy  things  new  and  uneek." 

"  Yes,"  sez  I  feelin'ly,  "  I  expect  to,  Josiah 
Allen,  as  long  as  I  live  with  you."  And  I 
sithed.  But  I  had  little  time  to  enjoy  even 
sithin',  for  oh  !  the  crowd  that  wuz  a  pressin' 
onto  us  and  surroundin'  us  on  every  side,  some 
on  'em  curius  and  strange  lookin',  some  on  'em 
beautiful  and  grand.  Pretty  young  girls 
lookin'  sweet  enough  to  kiss,  and  right  behind 
'em  a  Chinese  man  with  a  long  dress,  and 
wooden  shoes,  and  his  hair  in  a  long  braid  be 
hind,  and  his  eyes  sot  in  sideways.  And  then 
would  come  on  a  hull  lot  of  wimmen  in  dresses 
ev'ry  color  of  the  rainbow,  and  some  men. 
Then  a  few  childern,  lookin'  sweet  as  roses, 


162 


Black  Ma's. 


with  their  mothers  a  pushin'  the  little  carts 
ahead  on  'em.  And  if  you'll  believe  it,  I  don't 
s'pose  you  will,  but  it  is  true,  that  lots  of  black 
ma's  had  childern  jest  as  white  as  snow,  and 
pretty  as  rosebuds,  took  after  their  fathers  I 


Lots  of  black  ma's  had  childern  jest  as  white  as  snow. 

s'pose.  But  I  don't  believe  in  a  mixin'  of  the 
races.  And  when  I  see  'em  a  kissin'  the 
pretty  babys,  I  begun  to  muse  a  very  little  on 
the  feelin's  of  the  indignent  South,  at  havin' 
a  colered  girl  set  in  the  same  car  with  'em,  or 
on  a  bench  in  the  same  school  room. 


Samantha  Mewses.  163 

I  mewsed  on  how  they  held  the  white  forms 
^lost  to  their  black  breasts  at  birth,  and  in  the 
hour  of  death — the  black  lips  pressed  to  the 
white  cheeks  and  lips,  in  both  cases.  And  all 
the  way  between  life  and  death  they  mingle 
clost  as  they  can,  some  in  some  cases  like  the 
hill  of  knowledge.  Then  the  contact  is  too 
clost,  when  they  sot  ont  to  climb  up  by  'em. 
Truly  there  are  deep  conundrums  and  strange 
ones,  all  along  through  life  ;  though  the  white 
man  may  be,  and  is,  cleer  up  out  of  his  way, 
on  the  sunshiny  brow  of  the  hill,  and  the 
black  man  at  the  foot,  way  down  amongst  the 
shadows  and  darkness  of  the  low  grounds. 
They  don't  come  very  nigh  each  other.  But 
the  arms  that  have  felt  the  clasp  and  the  lips 
that  have  felt  the  kisses  of  that  very  same 
black  climber  all  through  life,  moves  'em  and 
shouts  'em  to  "  go  down,"  to  "  go  back."  "The 
contact  is  getting  too  clost,  danger  is  ahead." 
Curious,  haint  it?  Jest  as  if  any  danger  is  so 
dangerous  as  ignorance  and  brutality.  Cu 
rious,  haint  it  ?  But  I  am  a  eppisodin',  and  to 
resoom. 
ii 


164  Mixed  Multitudes. 

Wall,  right  after  the  babies  we'd  meet  a 
Catholic  priest  with  a  calm  and  fur  away  look 
on  his  face,  a  lookin'  at  the  crowd  as  if  he  wuz 
in  it,  but  not  of  it.  And  then  a  burgler,  mebby, 
anyway  a  mean  lookin'  creeter,  ragged  and 
humble.  And  then  2  or  3  men  foreign  lookin', 
jabberin'  in  a  tongue  I  know  nothin'  of,  nor 
Josiah  either.  And  then  some  more  childern, 
and  wimmen,  and  dogs,  and  parasols,  and 
men,  and  babies,  and  Injuns,  and  French 
men,  and  old  young  wimmen,  and  young  old 
ones,  and  handsome  ones,  and  hombly  ones, 
and  parasols,  and  some  sweet  young  girls 
ag'in,  and  some  black  men,  and  some  white 
men,  and  some  more  wimmen,  and  parasols, 
and  silk,  and  velvet,  and  lace,  and  puckers,  and 
ruffles,  and  gethers,  and  gores,  and  flowers, 
and  feathers,  and  fringes,  and  frizzles,  and 
then  some  men,  some  Southerners  from  the 
South,  some  Westerners  from  the  West,  some 
Easterners  from  the  East,  and  some  Cubebs 
from  Cuba,  and  some  Chinamen  from  China: 

Oh  !  what  a  seen  !  What  a  seen  !  back  and 
forth,  passin'  and  repassin',  to  and  fro,  parasols, 


Scattered  Minds.  165 

and  dogs,  and  wimmen,  and  men,  and  babies, 
and  parasols,  to  and  fro,  to  and  fro.  Why,  if  I 
stood  there  long  so  crazed  would  I  have  become 
at  the  seen,  that  I  should  have  felt  that  Josiah 
wuz  a  To  and  I  wuz  a  Fro,  or  I  wuz  a  parasol 
and  he  wuz  a  dog. 

And  to  prevent  that  fearful  catastrophe,  I 
sez,  "  If  we  ever  get  beyond  this  side  of  the 
village  that  seems  all  run  together,  if  we  ever 
do  get  beyond  it,  which  seems  doubtful,  le's  go 
and  set  down,  in  some  quiet  spot,  and  try  to 
collect  our  scattered  minds."  Sez  I,  "  I  feel 
curius,  Josiah  Allen !"  and  sez  I,  "  How  do 
you  feel  ?" 

His  answer  I  will  not  translate ;  it  wuz 
neither  Biblical,  nor  even  moral.  And  I  sez 
agin,  "  Haint  it  strange  that  they  have  the 
village  all  run  together  with  no  streets  turnin' 
off  of  it."  Sez  I,  "It  makes  me  feel  queer, 
Josiah  Allen,  and  I  am  a  goin'  to  enquire  into 
it.  So  we  wended  our  way  some  further  on 
amongst  the  dense  crowd  I  have  spoke  of,  only 
more  crowded  and  more  denser,  and  anon,  if 
not  oftener,  Josiah's  head  would  be  scooped  in 


i66 


Josiah  Scooped  In. 


by  passin'  parasols,  and  then  in  low,  deep 
tones,  Josiah  would  use  words  that  I  wouldn't 
repeat  for  a  dollar  bill,  till  at  last  I  asked  a 
bystander  a  standin'  by,  and  sez  I,  "Is  this 


Anon,  if  not  oftener,  Josiah's  head  would  be  scooped  in  by 
passin'  parasols. 

village  all  built  together — don't  you  have  no 
streets  a  turnin'  off  of  it  ?" 

"  Yes,"  sez  he,  "  you'll  find  a  street  jest  as 
soon  as  you  get  by  this  hotel." 

I  stopped  right  in  my  tracts  ;  I  wuz  dumb- 
foundered.  Sez  I,  "Do  you  mean  to  say  that 
this  hull  side  of  the  street  that  we  have  been 


Still  Pressing  On.  167 

a  traversin'  anon,  or  long  before  anon, — do 
you  say  that  this  is  all  one  buildin'  ?" 

"  Yes  mom,"  sez  he. 

Sez  I,  in  faint  axents,  "  When  shall  we  get 
to  the  end  on  it?" 

Sez  he,  "  You  have  come  jest  about  half 
way." 

Josiah  gin  a  deep  groan  and  turned  him 
round  in  his  tracts,  and  sez  "  Le's  go  back  this 
minute." 

„  I  too  thought  of  the  quiet  haven  from  whence 
we  had  set  out,  with  a  deep  longin',  but  sech 
is  the  force  and  strength  of  my  mind  that  I 
grasped  holt  of  the  situation  and  held  it  there 
tight.  If  we  wuz  half  way  acrost  it  wouldn't 
be  no  further  to  go  on  than  it  would  to  go 
back.  Such  wuz  my  intellect  that  I  see  it  to 
once,  but  Josiah's  mind  couldn't  grasp  it,  and 
with  words  murmured  in  my  ears  which  I  will 
never  repeat  to  a  livin'  soul  he  wended  on  by 
my  side  through  the  same  old  crowd — parasols, 
and  wiminen,  and  dogs,  and  babies,  and  men, 
and  parasols,  and  Injuns,  and  Spannards,  and 
Creoles,  and  pretty  girls,  and  old  wimmen,  and 


The  Escape. 

puckers,  and  gethers,  and  bracelets,  and  dia 
monds,  and  lace,  and  parasols.  Several  times, 
if  not  more,  wuz  Josiah  Allen  scooped  in  by  a 
parasol  held  by  a  female,  and  I  felt  he  wuz 
liable  to  be  tore  from  me.  His  weight  is  but 
small.  3  times  his  hat  fell  off  in  the  operation 
and  wuz  reskued  with  difficulty,  and  he  spoke 
words  I  blush  to  recall  as  havin'  passed  my 
pardner's  lips. 

Wall,  in  the  fullness  of  time,  or  a  little  after, 
for  truly  I  wuz  not  in  a  condition  to  sense 
things  much,  we  arrove  at  a  street  and  we 
gladly  turned  our  2  frames  into  it,  and  wended 
our  way  on  it,  goin'  at  a  pretty  good  jog.  The 
crowd  a  growin'  less  and  less  and  we  kep  a 
goin',  and  kep  a  goin',  till  Josiah  sez  in  weary 
axents  : 

"  Where  be  you  a  goin',  Samantha  ?  Haint 
you  never  goin'  to  stop?  I  am  fairly  tuckered 


out." 


And  I  sez  in  faint  axents,  "  I  would  fain 
reach  a  land  where  parasols  and  puckers  are 
not  and  dogs  and  diamonds  are  no  more." 

I  wuz  middlin'  incoherent  from  my  agitation. 


Beautiful  Places.  169 

But  I  meant  well.  I  wuz  truly  in  hopes  I 
would  reach  some  quiet  place  where  Josiah 
and  me  could  set  down  alone.  Where  I  could 
look  in  quiet  and  repose  upon  that  dear  bald 
head,  and  recooperate  my  strength. 

We  went  by  beautiful  places,  grand  houses 
of  different  colors  but  every  one  on  'em  good 
lookin'  ones,  a  settin'  back  amongst  their  green 
trees,  with  shady,  grass-covered  yards,  and 
fountains  and  flower  beds  in  front  of  'em, 
and  more  grand  handsome  houses,  and  more 
big  beautiful  yards,  green  velvet  grass  and 
beautiful  flowers  and  fountains,  and  birds  and 
beauty  on  every  side  on  us. 

And  though  I  felt  and  knew  that  in  them 
big  carriages  that  wuz  a  passin'  2  and  fro  all 
the  time,  though  I  felt  that  parasols  and 
puckers  and  laces  and  dogs  and  diamonds  wuz 
a  bein'  borne  past  me  all  the  time,  yet  sech  is 
the  force  of  my  mind  that  I  could  withdraw  my 
specks  from  'em,  and  look  at  the  beautiful 
works  of  nater  (assisted  by  man)  that  wuz 
about  me  on  every  hand. 

Finally  my  long  search  wuz   rewarded,  we 


17°  Mice  CrteterS. 

came  to  a  big  open  gateway  that  seemed  to  lead 
into  a  large,  quiet  delightful  forest.  And  in 
that  lovely,  lonesome  place,  Josiah  and  me  sot 
down  to  recooperate  our  2  energies. 

Josiah  looked  good  to  me.  Men  are  nice 
creeters,  but  you  don't  want  to  see  too  meny 
of  'eni  to  once,  likeways  with  wimmen.  Josiah 
looked  to  me  at  that  moment  some  like  a  calico 
dress  that  you  have  picked  out  of  a  dense 
quantity  of  patterns  of  calico  at  a  store,  it  looks 
better  to  you  when  you  get  it  away  from  the 
rest.  Josiah  Allen  looked  good  to  me. 

But  anon,  after  I  had  bathed  my  distracdet 
eyes  (as  you  may  say)  in  the  liniment  of  my 
pardner,  I  began  to  take  in  the  rare  beauty  of 
the  seen  laid  out  before  me  and  we  arose  and 
wended  our  way  onwards  peaceful  and  serene, 
as  2  children  led  on  by  their  mother. 

Dear  Mother  Nature!  how  dost  thou  rest 
and  soothe  thy  destracted  childern  when  too 
hardly  used  by  the  grindin',  oppressive  hands 
of  fashion  and  the  weerisome  elements  of  a 
too  civilized  life.  Maybe  thou  art  a  heathen 
mother,  oneducated  and  ignorant  in  all  but 


JosiaJfs  Wild  Commotion.  171 

the  wisdom  of  love,  but  thy  bosom  is  soft  and 
restful,  and  thy  arms  lovin'  and  tender.  And, 
heathen  if  thou  art,  we  love  thee  first  and  at 
last.  We  are  glad  to  slip  out  of  all  the  vain 
and  gilded  supports  that  have  held  us  weerily 
up,  and  lay  down  our  tired  heads  on  thy  kindly 
and  unquestionin'  bosom  and  rest. 

As  we  rose  from  the  soft  turf,  on  which  we 
had  been  a  restin',  and  meandered  on  through 
that  beautiful  park,  (so  tenderly  had  nature 
used  him,)  not  one  trace  of  the  wild  commo 
tion  that  had  almost  rent  Josiah  Allen's  breast, 
could  be  seen  save  one  expirin'  threeoh  of 
agony.  As  we  started  out  ag'in,  he  looked 
down  onto  my  faithful  umberell,  that  had  stid- 
died  me  on  so  many  towers  of  principle,  and 
sez  he,  in  low  concentrated  axents  of  skern 
and  bitterness,  "  If  that  wuz  a  dumb  parasol, 
Samantha,  I  would  crush  it  to  the  earth  and 
grind  it  to  atoms. " 

Truly  he  could  not  forget  how  his  bald 
head  had  been  gethered  in  like  a  ripe  sheaf, 
by  7  females,  during  that  very  walk,  hombly 
ones  too,  so  it  had  happened.  But  I  sez  nothin' 


172  A  Startling  Sight. 

in  reply  to  this  expirin'  note  of  the  crysis  he 
had  passed  through,  knowin'  this  was  not  the 
time  for  silver  speech  but  for  golden  silence, 
and  so  we  meandered  onwards. 

And  it  wuz  anon  that  we  see  in  the  distance 
a  fair  white  female  a  standin'  kinder  still  in 
the  edge  of  the  woods,  and  Josiah  spoke  in  a 
seemin'ly  careless  way,  and  sez  he,  "  She  don't 
seem  to  have  many  clothes  on,  Samantha." 

Sez  I,  "Hush,  Josiah!  she  has  probable 
overslept  herself,  and  come  out  in  a  hurry, 
mebby  to  look  for  some  herbs  or  sunthin'. 
I  persoom  one  of  her  children  are  sick,  and 
she  sprung  right  up  out  of  bed,  and  come  out 
to  get  some  wether-wort,  or  catnip,  or  sunthin'." 

And  as  I  spoke  I  drawed  Josiah  down  a  side 
path  away  from  her.  But  he  stopped  stun  still 
and  sez  he,  "  Mebby  I  ought  to  go  and  help 
her,  Samantha." 

Sez  I,  "Josiah  Allen,  sense  I  lived  with  you, 
I  don't  think  I  have  been  shameder  of  you ;" 
sez  I,  "it  would  mortify  her  to  death  if  she 
should  mistrust  you  had  seen  her  in  that  con 
dition." 


Only  a  Statue.  175 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  still  a  hangin'  back,  "  if 
the  child  is  very  sick,  and  I  can  be  any  help 
to  her,  it  is  my  dnty  to  go." 

His  eye  had  been  on  her  nearly  every  mo 
ment  of  the  time,  in  spite  of  my  almost  voya- 
lent  protests,  and  sez  he,  kinder  excited  like, 
"  She  is  standin'  stnn  still,  as  if  she  is  skairt; 
mebby  there  is  a  snake  in  front  of  her  or  sun- 
thin',  or  mebby  she  is  took  paralysed,  I'd  bet 
ter  go  and  see." 

Sez  I,  in  low  deep  axents,  "  Yon  stay  where 
yon  be,  Josiah  Allen,  and  I  will  go  forward, 
bein'  2  females  together,  it  is  what  it  is 
right  to  do  and  if  we  need  yonr  help  I  will 
holler." 

And  finally  he  consented  after  a  parlay. 

Wall,  as  I  got  tip  to  her  I  see  she  wuzn't 
a  live,  meat  woman,  bnt  a  statute  and  so  I 
hastened  back  to  my  Josiah  and  told  him 
"  there  wuzn't  no  need  of  his  help  and  he  wuz 
in  the  right  on't — she  wuz  stnn  still." 

He  said  he  guessed  we'd  better  go  that  way. 
And  I  sez,  "  No,  Josiah,  I  want  to  go  round  by 
the  other  road." 


176 


Ending  the  Walk. 


Wall,  we  got  back  to  our  abode  perfectly 
tuckered  out,  but  perfectly  .happy.  And  we 
concluded  that  after  dinner  we  would  set  out 
and  see  the  different  springs  and  partake  of 
'em.  Had  it  not  been  for  our  almost  frenzied 
haste  to  get  away  from  parasols  and  dogs  and 
destraction  into  a  place  of  rest  we  should  have 
beheld  them  sooner.  And  our  afternoon's 
adventures  I  will  relate  in  another  epistol. 


VII. 


SEEING  THE   DIFFERENT   SPRINGS, 


MMEGEATLY  after  dinner  (a  good 
one)  Josiah  Allen,  Ardelia  Tutt  and 
me  sot  out  to  view  and  look  at  the 
different  springs  and  to  partake  of  the  same. 
We  hadn't  drinked  a  drop  of  it  as  yet.     Ar 
delia  had  come  over  to  go  with  us.    She  had  on 
a  kind  of  a  yellowish  drab  dress  and  a  hat 
made  of  the  same,  with  some  drab  and  blue 
bows  of  ribbon  and  some  pink  holly-hawks  in 
it,  and  she  had  some  mits  on  (her  hands  pre- 
177 


i78 


Soft  as  a  Goslin\ 


spired  dretfully  and  she  sweat  easy).  As  I 
have  said,  she  is  a  good  lookin'  girl  but  soft. 
And  most  any  dress  she  puts  on  kinder  falls 
into  the  same  looks.  It  may  be  quite  a  hard 

lookin''  dress 
before  she 
puts  it  on,  but 
before  she  has 
wore  it  half 
a  hour  it  will 
kinder  crease 
down  into  the 
softest  lookin' 
thing  you 
oversee.  And 
so  with  her 
bonnets,  and 
and  me  sot  out  to  niaiitillys,  and 

;  springs. 

everything. 
The  down  onto  a  goslin's  breast  never 
looked  softer  than  every  rag  she  had  on  this 
very  afternoon,  and  no  tender  goslin'  itself 
wuz  ever  softer  than  she  wuz  on  the  inside 
on't.  But  that  didn't  hinder  my  likin'  her. 


Josiah  Allen,  Ardelia  Tutt 
view  the  different 


An   Open  House.  179 

Wall,  anon,  or  a  little  before,  we  came  to 
that  long,  long  buildin',  beautiful  and  dretful 
ornimental,  but  I  could  see  plain  by  daylight 
what  I  had  mistrusted  before,  that  it  wuzn't 
built  for  warmth.  It  must  be  dretful  cold  in 
the  winter,  and  I  don't  see  how  the  wimmen 
folks  of  the  home  could  stand  it,  unless  they 
hang  up  bed  quilts  and  blankets  round  the 
side,  and  then,  I  should  think  they  would 
freeze.  They  couldn't  keep  their  house  plants 
over  winter  any  way — and  I  see  they  had 
sights  of  'em — unless  they  kep'  'em  down 
stiller. 

But  howsumever,  that  is  none  of  my  look 
out.  If  they  want  to  be  so  fashionable,  as  to 
try  to  live  out  doors  and  in  the  house  too, 
that  is  none  of  my  business.  And  of  course  it 
looked  dretful  ornimental  and  pretty.  But  J 
will  say  this,  it  haint  bein'  mejum.  I  should 
rather  live  either  out  doors,  or  in  the  house, 
one  of  the  2.  But  I  am  a  eppisodin'.  And  to 
resoom. 

Josiah  Allen  paid  the  money  demanded  of 
him  and  we  went  in  and  advanced  onwards  to 
12 


i  So  Water  Thoughts. 

where  a  boy  wuz  a  pullin'  up  the  water  and 
handin'  of  it  round. 

It  looked  dretful  bubblin'  and  sparklin'. 
Why  sunthin'  seemed  to  be  a  sparklin'  up  all 
the  time  in  the  water  and  I  thought  to  myself 
mebby  it  wuz  water  thoughts,  mebby  it  wanted 
to  tell  sunthin',  mebby  it  has  all  through  these 
years  been  a  tryin'  to  bubble  up  and  sparkle 
out  in  wisdom  but  haint  found  any  one  yet 
that  could  understand  its  liquid  language. 
Who  knows  now  ? 

I  took  my  glass  and  looked  close — sparkle, 
sparkle,  up  come  the  tiny  thought-sparks ! 
But  I  wuzn't  wise  enough  to  read  the  glitterin* 
language.  No,  I  wuzn't  deep  enough.  It 
would  take  a  deep  mind,  mebby  thousands  of 
feet  deep,  to  understand  the  great  glowin' 
secret  that  it  has  been  a  tryin'  to  reveal  and 
couldn't.  Mebby,  it  has  been  a  tryin'  to  tell 
of  big  diamond  mines  that  it  has  passed 
through — great  cliffs  and  crags  of  gold  sot 
deep  with  the  crystalized  dew  of  diamonds. 

Bui  no,  I  didn't  believe  that  wuz  it.  That 
wouldn't  help  the  world,  only  to  make  it  hap- 


Speculations  on  the  Future.  181 

pier,  and  these  seemed  to  me  to  be  dretful  in- 
spirin',  upliftin'  thoughts.  No,  mebby  it  is  a 
tryin'  to  tell  a  cold  world  about  a  way  to  heat  it. 
Mebby  it  has  been  a  runnin'  over  and  is  spark- 
lin>  with  bright  thoughts  about  how  deep  un 
derneath  the  earth  lay  a  big  fire-place,  that  all 
the  cold  beggars  of  mortality  could  set  round 
and  warm  their  frozen  fingers  by, — a  tryin'  to 
tell  how  the  heat  of  that  fire  that  escapes  now 
up  the  chimbleys  of  volcanoes,  and  sometimes 
in  sudden  drafts  blows  out  sideways  into  earth 
quakes,  etc.,  could  be  utilized  by  conveyin'  it 
up  on  top  of  the  ground,  and  have  it  carried 
into  the  houses  like  Croton  water.  Who  knows 
now  ?  Mebby  that  is  it ! 

Oh  !  I  felt  that  it  would  be  a  happy  hour  for 
Samantha  when  she  could  bile  her  potatoes  by 
the  heat  of  that  large  noble  fire-place.  And 
more  than  that,  far  more  wuz  the  thought  that 
heat  might  become,  in  the  future,  as  cheap  as 
cold.  That  the  little  cold  hands  that  freeze 
every  winter  in  the  big  cities,  could  be 
stretched  out  before  the  big  generous  warmth 
of  that  noble  fire-place.  And  who  built  that 


1 82  Josiah  Imbibes  Freely. 

fire  in  the  first  place  ?  Who  laid  the  first 
sticks  on  the  hand-irons,  and  pnt  the  match  to 
it  ?  Who  wuz  it  that  did  it,  and  how  did  he 
look,  and  when  wuz  he  born,  and  why,  and 
where  ? 

These,  and  many  other  thoughts  of  similar 
size  and  shape,  filled  my  brane  almost  full 
enough  to  lift  up  the  bunnet,  that  reposed 
gracefully  on  my  foretop,  as  I  stood  and  held 
the  sparklin'  glass  in  my  hands. 

Sparkle  !  sparkle  !  sparkle  !  what  wuz  it,  it 
wuz  a  tryin'  to  say  to  me  and  couldn't  ?  Good 
land !  I  couldn't  tell,  and  Josiah  couldn't,  I 
knew  instinctively  he  couldn't,  though  I  didn't 
ask  him. 

No,  I  turned  and  looked  at  that  beloved  man, 
for  truly  I  had  for  the  time  bein'  been  by  the 
side  of  myself,  and  I  see  that  he  wuz  a  drinkin' 
lavishly  of  the  noble  water.  I  see  that  he  was 
a  drinkin'  more  than  wuz  for  his  good,  his 
linement  showed  it,  and  sez  I,  for  he  wuz  a 
liftiii'  another  tumbler  full  onto  his  lips,  sez  I, 
"  Pause,  Josiah  Allen,  and  don't  imbibe  too 
much." 


I  see  that  he  was  a  drinkia'  more  than  wuz  for  his  good. 


Getting  the  Moneys  Worth.  185 

"  Why,"  he  whispered,  "  you  can  drink  all 
you  are  a  mind  to  for  5  cents.  I  am  bound  for 
once,  Samantha  Allen,  to  get  the  worth  of  my 
money." 

And  he  drinked  the  tumbler  full  down  at 
one  swoller  almost,  and  turned  to  the  weary 
boy  for  another.  He  looked  bad,  and  eager, 
and  sez  I,  "  How  many  have  you  drinked?" 

Sez  he,  in  a  eager,  animated  whisper,  u  9." 
And  he  whispered  in  the  same  axents,  u  5 
times  9  is  45 ;  if  it  had  been  to  a  fair,  or  Fourth 
of  July,  or  anything,  it  would  have  cost  me  45 
cents,  and  if  it  had  been  to  a  church  social — 
lemme  see — 9  times  10  is  90.  It  would  have 
cost  me  a  dollar  bill !  And  here  I  arn  a  havin' 
it  all  for  5  cents.  Why,"  sez  he,  u  I  never  see 
the  beat  on't  in  my  life." 

And  ag'in  he  drinked  a  tumbler  full  down, 
and  motioned  to  the  frightened  boy  for  another. 

But  I  took  him  by  the  vest  and  whispered 
to  him,  sez  I,  "  Josiah  Allen,  do  you  want  to 
die,  because  you  can  die  cheap  ?  Why,"  sez 
I,  u  it  will  kill  you  to  drink  so  much." 

"  But  think  of  the  cheapness  on't,  Samantha  ! 


1 86  fosiatfs  Zeal  Quelled. 

The  chance  I  have  of  gettin'  the  worth  of  my 
money." 

But  I  whispered  back  to  him  in  anxus  axents 
and  told  him,  that  I  guessed  if  funeral  ex 
penses  wuz  added  to  that  5  cents  it  wouldn't 
come  so  cheap,  and  sez  I,  u  you  wont  live 
through  many  more  glasses,  and  you'll  see 
you  wont.  Why,"  sez  I,  u  you  are  a  drowndin' 
out  your  insides." 

He  wuz  fairly  a  gettin'  white  round  the 
mouth,  and  I  finally  got  him  to  withdraw, 
though  he  looked  back  longingly  at  the  tum 
blers  and  murmured  even  after  I  had  got  him 
to  the  door,  that  it  wuz  a  dumb  pity  when  any 
body  got  a  chance  to  get  the  worth  of  their 
money,  which  wuzn't  often,  to  think  they 
couldn't  take  advantage  on  it. 

And  I  sez  back  to  him  in  low  deep  axents, 
"  There  is  such  a  thing  as  bein'  too  grasping 
Josiah  Allen."  Sez  I,  u  The  children  of  Israel 
used  to  want  to  lay  up  more  manny  than  they 
wanted  or  needed,  and  it  spilte  on  their  hands." 
And  sez  I,  "  you  see  if  it  haint  jest  so  with 
you  ;  you  have  been  in  too  great  haste  to  enrich 


Josiatts  Sensations. 


yourself,  and  you'll  be  sorry  for  it,  you  see  if 
you  haint." 

And  he  was.  Though  he  uttered  language  I 
wouldn't  wish  to  repeat,  about  the  children  of 
Israel  and  about  me  for  bringin'  of  'eni  up. 
But  that  man  wuz 
dethly  sick.  Why  he 
had  drinked  n  tum 
blers  full,  and  I  trem 
ble  to  think  what 
would  have  follered 
on,  and  ensued,  if  I 
hadn't  interfered.  As 
it  wuz,  he  wuz  con 
fined  to  our  abode  for 
the  rest  of  the  day. 

But  I  wouldn't  have 
Josiah  Allen  blamed 
more  than  is  due  for  this  little  incedent,  for  H 
only  illustrates  a  pervailin'  trait  in  men's 
nater,  and  sometimes  winimen's — a  too  great 
desire  to  amass  sudden  riches,  and  when  op 
portunity  offers,  burden  themselves  with  use 
less  and  wearysome  and  oft-times  painful  gear. 


That  man  wuz  dsthly  sick. 


1 88  The  Race  for  Riches. 

They  don't  need  it  but  seeing  they  have  a 
chance  to  get  it  cheap,  "  dog  cheap  "  as  the 
poet  observes,  why  they  weight  themselves 
down  with  it,  and  then  groan  under  the  burden 
of  unnecessary  and  wearin'  wealth.  This  is  a 
deep  subject,  deep  as  .the  well  from  which  my 
companion  drinked,  and  nearly  drinked  him 
self  into  a  untimely  grave. 

Men  heap  up  more  riches  than  they  can  en 
joy  and  then  groan  and  ritlie  under  the  taxes, 
the  charity  given,  the  envy,  the  noteriety,  the 
glare,  and  the  glitter,  the  crowd  of  fortune- 
hunters  and  greedy  hangers-on,  and  the  care 
and  anxiety.  They  orniment  the  high  front 
of  their  houses  with  the  paint,  the  gildin',  the 
fashion,  and  the  show  of  enormus  wealth,  and 
while  the  crowd  of  fashion-seekers  and  fortune- 
hunters  pour  in  and  out  of  the  lofty  door-way 
they  set  out  on  the  back  stoop  a  groanin'  and 
a  sithiii'  at  the  cares  and  sleepless  anxietes  of 
their  big  wealth,  and  then  they  git  up  and  go 
down  street  and  try  their  best  to  heap  up  more 
treasure  to  groan  over. 

And  wirnmen  now,  when  wuz  there  ever  a 


Irresutibleness  of  Bargains.  189 

woman  who  could  resist  a  good  bargain  ?  Her 
upper  beauro  draws  may  be  a  runnin'  over 


with,  laces  and  rib 
bons,  but  let  her  see 
a  great  bargain  sold 
for  nothin'  almost, 
and  where  is  the 
female  woman  that 
can  resist  addin'  to 


When  wuz  there  ever  a  woman  who 
could  resist  a  good  bargain? 


that  already  too  filled 
up  beauro  draw. 

A  baby,  be  he  a  male,  or  be  he  a  female 
child,  when  he  has  got  a  appel  in  both  hands, 


190          Samantha  Unjustly  Accused. 

will  try  to  lay  holt  of  another,  if  you  hold  it 
out  to  him.  It  is  human  nater.  Josiah  must 
not  be  considered  as  one  alone  in  layin'  up 
more  riches  than  he  needed.  He  suffered, 
and  I  also,  for  sech  is  the  devine  law  of  love, 
that  if  one  member  of  the  family  suffers,  the 
other  members  suffer  also,  specially  when  the 
sufferin'  member  is  impatient  and  voyalent  in 
his  distress,  and  talks  loud  and  angry  at  them 
who  truly  are  not  to  blame. 

Now  I  didn't  make  the  springs  nor  I  wuzn't 
to  blame  for  their  bein'  discovered  in  the  first 
place.  But  Josiah  laid  it  to  me.  And  though 
I  tried  to  make  him  know  that  it  wuz  a  Injun 
that  discovered  'em  first,  he  wouldn't  gin  in 
and  seemed  to  think  they  wouldn't  have  been 
there  if  it  hadn't  been  for  me. 

I  hated  to  hear  him  go  on  so.  And  in  the 
cause  of  Duty,  I  brung  up  Sir  William  John 
son  and  others.  But  he  lay  there  on  the 
lounge,  and  kep'  his  face  turned  resolute  to 
wards  the  wall,  in  a  dretful  oncomfertable  po 
sition  (sech  wuz  his  temper  of  mind),  and  said, 
he  never  had  heard  of  them,  nor  the  springs 


An  Unreasonable  Man.  191 

nuther,  and  shouldn't  if  it  hadn't  been  for 
me. 

Why,  sez  I,  "  A  Injun  brought  Sir  William 
Johnson  here  on  his  back." 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  cross  as  a  bear,  "  that  is  the 
way  you'll  have  to  take  me  back,  if  you  go  on 
in  this  way  much  longer." 

"  In  what  way,  Josiah  ?"  sez  I. 

"  Why  a  findin'  springs  and  draggin'  a  man 
off  to  'em,  and  makin'  him  drink." 

"  Why,  Josiah  Allen,"  sez  I,  "  I  told  you  not 
to  drink — don't  you  remember?" 

"  No  !  I  don't  remember  nuthin',  nor  don't 
want  to.  I  want  to  go  to  sleep  !"  sez  he,  snap 
pish  as  anything,  so  I  went  out  and  let  him 
think  if  he  wanted  to,  that  I  made  the  Springs, 
and  the  Minerals,  and  the  Gysers,  and  the 
Spoutin'  Rock,  and  everything.  Good  land ! 
I  knew  I  didn't ;  but  I  had  to  rest  under  the 
unkind  insinnuation.  Such  is  some  of  the  trials 
of  pardners. 

But  Josiah  waked  up  real  clever.  And  I 
brung  him  up  some  delicate  warm  toast  and 
some  fragrant  tea,  and  his  smile  on  me  wuz 


192 


Josiah  Convalescent. 


dretful  good-natured,  almost  warm.  And  I 
forgot  all  his  former  petulance  and  basked  in 
the  rays  of  love  and  happiness  that  beamed  on 
me  out  of  the  blue  sky  of  my  companion's  eyes. 
The  clear  blue  sky  that  held 
two  stars,  to  which  my  heart 
turned. 

Such  is  some  of  the  joys  of 


"  I  don't  remember  nuthin',  nor  don't  want  to.    I  want  to  go  to  sleep." 

pardners  with  which  the  world  don't  meddle 
with,  nor  can't  destroy. 

But  to  resoom.  Ardelia  sot  down  awhile 
in  our  room  before  she  went  back  to  her 
boardin'  house.  I  see  she  wuz  a  writin'  for 


Ardelia  at  Work.  193 

she  had  a  long  lead  pencil  in  her  right  hand 
and  occasionally  she  would  lean  her  forrerd 
down  upon  it,  in  deep  thought,  and  before  she 
went,  she  slipped  the  follerin'  verses  into  my 
hand : 

"  STANZAS  ON  A  MINERAL  SPRING. 

' '  Oh  !  waters  that  doth  bubble  up  and  spout 
Oh,  didst  thou  bubble  down  insted  of  up, 
Thou  couldest  not  with  all  thy  minerals  get  out 
We  could  not  then  arise  and  drink  thee  in  a  cup. 

' '  Oh !  human  waves  that  float  and  seeth  and  tear 
Oh  wiltest  thou  not  too  a  learn  to  bubble  up 
Instead  of  down,  a  lesson  deep  to  bear, 
Oh  Soul,  can  here  be  learned,  one  smooth,  or  rough. 

' '  A  lesson  deep  of  powerful  min-er-als 
That  act  with  power  the  constitution  on,* 
And  still  that  softly  bubbles  up,  and  tells 
To  souls  unborn,  how  sweetly  they  have  ron. 

"  Oh  water  that  doth  mount  on  slender  tip, 
And  spoutest  up  some  30  feet,  through  pole; 
Oh  Hope,  learn  thou  a  lesson  from  the  water's  lip. 
Spout  out,  spout  out,  in  peace  from  hollow  soul." 


*  As  in  the  case  of  Mr.  Allen,  poor  dear  man. 


194  Poetic  License. 

Sez  I,  a  lookin'  over  my  specks  at  Ardelia 
after  I  had  finished  readin'  the  verses : 
"What  does  '  ron  '  mean?  I  never  heerd  of 
<iiat  word  before,  nor  knew  there  wuz  sech  a 


one." 


Sez  she,  u  I  meant  ran,  but  I  s'pose  it  is  a 
poetical  license  to  say  '  ron,'  don't  yon  think 
^;o?" 

"  Oh,  yes,"  sez  I,  "  I  s'pose  so,  I  don't  know 
much  about  licenses,  nor  don't  want  to,  they 
are  sunthin'  I  never  believed  in.  But,"  sez  I, 
for  I  see  she  looked  red  and  overcasted  by  my 
remarks,  "  I  don't  s'pose  it  will  make  any  dif 
ference  in  a  100  years  whether  you  say  ran  or 
ron." 

But  sez  I,  "  Ardelia,  it  is  a  hot  day,  and  I 
wouldn't  write  any  more  if  I  wuz  in  your 
place.  If  you  should  heat  your  bra — ,  the  up 
per  part  of  your  head,  you  might  not  get  over 
it  for  some  time." 

"  But,"  sez  she,  "  you  have  told  me  some 
times  to  stop  on  account  of  cold  weather." 

u  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  most  any  kind  of  weather 
is  hard  on  some  kinds  of  poetry."  Sez  I, 


A  Re  sky  Thing. 

"  Poetry  is  sunthin'  that  takes  particular 
kinds  of  folks,  and  weather  to  be  successful." 
Sez  I,  "  It  is  sunthin'  that  can't  be  tampered 
with  with  impunity  by  Christians  or  world's 
people.  It  is  a  kind  of  a  resky  thing  to  do, 
and  I  wouldn't  write  any  more  to-day,  Ar- 
delia." 

And  she  heard  to  me  and  after  a  settin'  a 
while  with  us,  she  went  back  to  Mr.  Pixley's. 


VIII. 


JOSIAH   AND   SAMANTHA   TAKE  A  LONG  WALK, 


ALL,  we  hadn't  been  to  Sara 
toga  long  before  Aunt  Polly 
Pixley  come  over  to  see  us, 
for  Aunt  Polly  had  been  as 
good  as  her  word  and  had  come  to  Saratoga, 
to  her  2d  cousins,  the  Mr.  Pixley'ses,  where 
Ardelia  was  a  stopping.  Ardelia  herself  is  a 
distant  relation  to  Aunt  Polly,  quite  distant, 
about  40  or  50  milds  distant  when  they  are 
both  to  home. 
196 


Aunt  Polly  Likes  the   Water.         197 

Wall,  the  change  in  Aunt  Polly  is  wonder 
ful,  perfectly  wonderful.  She  don't  look  like 
the  same  woman. 

She  took  her  kiiittin'  work  and  come  in  the 
forenoon,  for  a  all  day's  visit,  jest  as  she  wuz 
used  to  in  the  country,  good  old  soul — and  I 
took  her  right  to  my  room,  and  done  well  by 
her,  and  we  talked  considerable  about  other 
wimmen,  not  runnin'  talk,  but  good  plain 
talk. 

She  thinks  a  sight  of  the  Saratoga  water, 
and  well  she  may,  if  that  is  what  has  brung 
her  up,  for  she  wuz  always  sick  in  Jonesville, 
kinder  bedrid.  And  when  she  sot  out  for  Sar 
atoga  she  had  to  have  a  piller  to  put  on  the 
seat  behind  her  to  sort  a  prop  her  up  (hen's 
feather) . 

And  now,  she  told  me  she  got  up  early 
every  mornin',  and  walked  down  to  the  spring 
for  a  drink  of  the  water — walked  afoot.  And 
she  sez,  "  It  is  astonishin'  how  much  good 
that  water  is  a  doin'  me ;  for,"  sez  she,  "  when 
I  am  to  home  I  don't  stir  out  of  the  house 
from  one  day's  end  to  the  other ;  and  here," 


198  Samantha  Likes  the  Air. 

sez  she,  "  I  set  out  doors  all  day  a'most,  a  list- 
enin'  to  the  music  in  the  park  mornin'  and 
evenin' ;  I  hear  every  strain  on't." 

Aunt  Polly  is  the  greatest  one  for  music  I 
ever  see,  or  hearn  on.  And  I  sez  to  her, 
"  Don't  you  believe  that  one  great  thing  that 
is  helpin'  you,  is  bein'  where  you  are  kep'  gay 
and  cheerful,  by  music  and  good  company ; 
and  bein'  out  so  much  in  the  sunshine  and 
pure  air."  (Better  air  than  Saratoga  has  got 
never  wuz  made ;  that  is  my  opinion  and  Jo- 
siah's  too.)  And  sez  I,  "  I  lay  a  good  deal  to 
that  air." 

"  No,"  she  said,  "  it  wuz  the  water." 
Sez  I,  u  The  water  is  good,  I  don't  make  no 
doubts  on't.'  But  I  continued  calmly — for 
though  I  never  dispute,  I  do  most  always 
maintain  my  opinion — and  I  sez  again  calmly, 
"  There  has  been  a  great  change  in  you  for 
the  better,  sense  you  come  here,  Miss  Pixley. 
But  some  on't  I  lay  to  your  bein'  where  things 
are  so  much  more  cheerful,  and  happyfyin'. 
You  say  you  haint  heerd  a  strain  of  music  ex 
cept  a  base  viol  for  over  14  years  before  you 


Base   Viols. 


199 


come  here.  And  though  base  viols  if  played 
right  may  be  melodious,  yet  Sam  Pixley's  base 
viol  wuz  a  old  one,  and  sort  a  cracked  and 
grurnbly  in  tone,  and 
he  wuzn't  much  of 
a  player  anyway,  and 
to  me,  base  viols  al 
ways  sounded  kinder 
base  anyway." 

And  sez  I,  "  Don't 
you  believe  a  gettin' 
out  of  your  little  low 
dark  rooms,  shaded 
by  Pollard  willers 
and  grave  stuns,  and 
gettin'  out  onto  a 
place  where  you  can 
heer  sweet  music 
from  mornin'  till 
night,  a  liftin'  you 
up  and  a  makin'  you  happier — don't  you  be 
lieve  that  has  sunthin'  to  do  with  your  feelin' 
so  much  better — that  and  the  pure  sweet  air  of 
the  mountains  coniin'  down  and  bein'  softened 


Aunt  Polly  Pixley. 


200  The  Last  Word. 

and  enriched  by  the  breath  of  the  valley,  and 
the  minerals,  makin'  a  balmy  atmosphere 
most  full  of  balm — I  lay  a  good  deal  to  that." 

"  Oh  no,"  sez  she,  "  it  is  the  water." 

"  Yes,"  sez  I,  in  a  very  polite  way, — I  will 
be  polite, — "  the  water  is  good,  first  rate." 

But  at  that  very  minute,  word  come  to  her 
that  she  had  company,  and  she  sot  sail  home 
wards  immegetly,  and  to  once. 

And  now  I  don't  care  anything  for  the  last 
word,  some  wimmen  do,  but  I  don't.  But  I  sez 
to  her,  as  I  watched  her  a  goin'  down  the  stair 
way,  steppin'  out  like  a  girl  almost,  sez  I, 
"  How  well  you  do  seem,  Aunt  Polly ;  and  I 
lay  a  good  deal  on't  to  that  air." 

Now  who  would  have  thought  she  would 
speak  out  from  the  bottom  of  the  stairway  and 
say,  "  No,  it  is  the  water  "  ? 

Wall,  the  water  is  good,  there  haint  no 
doubt,  and  anyway,  through  the  water  and  the 
air,  and  bein'  took  out  of  her  home  cares,  and 
old  surroundin's  onto  a  bright  happy  place, 
the  change  in  Polly  Pixley  is  sunthin'  to  be 
wondered  at. 


Separateness  of  the  Waters.  201 

Yes,  the  water  is  good.  And  it  is  dretful 
smart,  knowin'  water  too.  Why,  wouldn't  any 
body  think  that  when  it  all  comes  from  the 
same  place,  or  pretty  nigh  the  same  place  any 
way,  that  they  would  get  kinder  flustrated  and 
mixed  up  once  in  a  while  ? 

But  they  don't.  These  hundreds  and  thou 
sands  of  years,  and  I  don't  know  how  much 
longer,  they  have  kep'  themselves  separate 
from  each  other,  livin'  nigh  neighbors  there 
down  under  the  ground,  but  never  neighborin' 
with  each  other,  or  intermarryin'  in  each  other's 
families.  No,  they  have  kep'  themselves  apart, 
livin'  exclosive  down  below  and  bubblin'  up 
exclosive. 

They  know  how  to  make  each  other  keep 
their  proper  distance,  and  I  s'pose  through  all 
the  centuries  to  come  they  will  bubble  up, 
right  side  by  side,  entirely  different  from  each 
other. 

Curius  haint  it  ?  Dretful  smart,  knowin1 
waters  they  be,  fairly  sparklin'  and  flashin' 
with  light  and  brightness,  and  intelligence. 
They  are  for  the  healin'  and  refreshin'  of  the 


2O2  The  New  Beau. 

nations,  and  the  nations  are  all  here  this  sum 
mer,  a  bein'  healed  by  'era.  But  still  I  lay  a 
good  deal  to  that  air. 

Amongst  the  things  that  Aunt  Polly  told 
me  about  wimmen  that  day,  wuz  this,  that 
Ardelia  Tutt  had  got  a  new  Bo,  Bial  Flamburg, 
by  name. 

She  said  Mr.  Flamburg  had  asked  Ardelia's 
3d  cousin  to  introduce  him  to  her,  and  from 
that  time  his  attentions  to  her  had  been  unre- 
mittent,  voyalent,  and  close.  She  said  that  to 
all  human  appearance  he  wuz  in  love  with  her 
from  his  hat  band  down  to  his  boots  and  she 
didn't  know  what  the  result  would  be,  though 
she  felt  that  the  situation  wuz  dangerus,  and 
niore'n  probable  Abram  Gee  had  more  trouble 
ahead  on  him.  (Aunt  Polly  jest  worships 
Abram  Gee,  jest  as  everybody  duz  that  gets  to 
know  him  well.)  And  I  too,  felt  that  the 
situation  wuz  dubersome.  For  Ardelia  I  knew 
wuz  one  of  the  soft  little  wimmen  that  has  got 
to  have  men  a  trailin'  round  after  'em  ;  and  her 
bein'  so  uncommon  tender  hearted,  and  Mr. 
Flamburg  so  deep  in  love,  I  feared  the  result. 


"  Through  all  the  centuries  to  come,  they  will  bubble  up. 


A  Walk  in  the  Park.  205 

Wall  I  wuz  jest  a  tliiiikin'  of  this  that  day 
after  dinner  when  Josiah  proposed  a  walk,  so 
we  sot  out.  He  proposed  we  should  walk 
through  the  park,  so  we  did.  The  air  wuz 
heavenly  sweet  and  that  park  is  one  of  the 
most  restful  and  beautiful  places  this  side  of 
Heaven,  or  so  it  seemed  to  us  that  pleasant 
afternoon.  The  music  was  very  soft  and  sweet 
that  day,  sweet  with  a  undertone  of  sadness, 
some  like  a  great  sorrowful  soul  in  a  beautiful 
body. 

The  balmy  south  wind  whispered  through 
the  branches  of  the  bendiii'  trees  on  the  hill 
where  we  sot.  The  light  was  a  shinin'  and  a 
siftin'  down  through  the  green  leaves,  in  a  soft 
golden  haze,  and  the  music  seemed  to  go  right 
up  into  them  shadowy,  shinin'  pathways  of 
golden  misty  light,  a  climbin'  up  on  them 
shadowy  steps  of  mist,  and  gold,  and  amber, 
up,  up,  into  the  soft  depths  of  the  blue  over 
head — up  to  the  abode  of  melody  and  love. 

Down  the  hill  in  the  beautiful  little  valley, 
all  amongst  the  fountains  and  windin'  walks 
and  white  statutes,  and  green,  green  grass. 


2o6  Adelia  and  Bial. 

little  children  wuz  a  playin'.  Sweet  little 
toddlers,  jest  able  to  walk  about,  and  bolder 
spirits,  though  small,  a  trudgin'  about  with 
little  canes,  and  jumpin'  round,  and  havin'  a 
good  time. 

Little  boys  and  little  girls  (beautiful  creeters, 
the  hull  on  'em),  for  if  their  faces,  everyone 
on  'em,  wuzn't  jest  perfect !  They  all  had  the 
beauty  of  childhood  and  happiness.  And 
crowds  of  older  folks  wuz  there.  And  some 
naPPy  young  couples,  youths  and  maidens, 
wuz  a  settin'  round,  and  a  wanderin'  off  by  them 
selves,  and  amongst  them  we  see  the  form 
of  Ardelia,  and  a  young  man  by  her  side. 

She  wuz  a  leanin'  on  the  stun  railin'  that 
fences  in  the  trout  pond.  She  wuz  evidently 
a  lookin'  down  pensively  at  the  shinin'  dartin' 
figures  of  the  trout,  a  niovin'  round  down  in 
the  cool  waters. 

I  wuzn't  nigh  enough  to  'em  to  see  really 
how  her  companion  looked,  but  even  at  that 
distance  I  recognized  a  certain  air  and  atmos 
phere  a  surroundin'  Ardelia  that  I  knew  meant 
poetry. 


By  the  Trout  Pond. 


207 


And  Josiah  recognized  it  too,  and  he  sez  to 
me,  "We  may  as  well  go  round  the  hill  and 
out  to  the  road  that  way,"  sez  he,  (a  pointin' 
to  the  way  furthest  from  Ardelia)  "  and  we 
may  as  well  be  a  goin'." 


Ardelia  and  Bial  at  the  railing  of  the  trout  pond. 

That  man  abhors  poetry. 

Wall,  we  wandered  down  into  the  high  way 
and  havin'  most  the  hull  afternoon  before  us, 
we  kinder  sauntered  round  amongst  the  store's 
that  wuz  pretty  nigh  to  where  we  wuz.  There 
is  some  likely  good  lookin'  stores  kep'  by  the 


208  Summer  Wares. 

natives,  as  they  call  the  stiddy  dwellers  in  Sara 
toga.  Good  lookin'  respectable  stores  full  of 
comfort  and  consolation,  for  the  outer  or 
inner  man  or  woman.  (I  speak  it  in  a  mortal 
sense.) 

But  with  the  hundred  thousand  summer 
dwellers,  who  flock  here  with  the  summer 
birds,  and  go  out  before  the  s wallers  go  south, 
there  comes  lots  of  summer  stores,  and  sum 
mer  shops,  and  picture  studios,  etc.,  etc.  Like 
big  summer  bird's-nests,  all  full  and  a  runnin' 
over  with  summer  wealth,  to  be  blowed  down 
by  the  autumn  winds.  These  shops  are  full 
of  everything  elegant  and  beautiful  and  useful. 
The  most  gorgeous  vases  and  plaks  and  chiner 
ware  of  every  description  and  color,  and  books, 
and  jewelry,  and  rugs,  and  fans,  and  parasols, 
and  embroideries,  and  laces,  and  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

And  one  shop  seemed  to  be  jest  full  of  drops 
of  light,  light  and  sunshine,  crystalized  in 
golden,  clear,  tinted  amber.  There  wuz  a  young 
female  statute  a  standin'  up  in  the  winder  of 
that  store  with  her  hands  outstretched  and  jest 
a  drippin'  with  the  great  glowin'  amber  drops. 


Choice  Pictures.  209 

Some  wuz  a  hangin'  over  her  wings,  for  she 
wuz  a  young  flyin'  female.  And  I  thought  to 
myself  it  must  be  she  would  fly  better  with 
all  that  golden  light  a  drippin'  about  her. 

Josiah  liked  her  looks  first  rate.  And  he 
liked  the  looks  of  some  of  the  pictures  ex 
tremely.  There  wuz  lots  of  places  all  full  of 
pictures.  A  big  collection  of  water  colors 
though  as  Josiah  said  and  well  said,  How  they 
could  get  so  many  colors  out  of  water  wuz  a 
mystery  to  him. 

But  my  choice  out  of  all  the  pictures  I  see, 
wuz  a  little  one  called  "  The  Sands  of  Dee." 
It  wuz  "  Mary  a  callin*  the  cattle  home."  The 
cruel  treacherus  water  wuz  a  risin'  about  her 
round  bare  ankles  as  she  stood  there  amongst 
the  rushes  with  her  little  milk-bucket  on  her 
arm. 

Her  pretty  innocent  face  wuz  a  lookin'  off 
into  the  shadows,  and  the  last  ray  of  sunset 
wuz  a  fall  in'  on  her.  Maybe  it  wuz  the  pity 
on't  that  struck  so  hard  as  I  looked  at  it,  to 
know  that  the  "  cruel,  crawlin'  foam  "  wuz  so 
soon  to  creep  over  the  sweet  young  face  and 


2to  A  Hasty  Retreat. 

round  lirnbs.  And  there  seemed  to  be  a  shadow 
of  the  comin'  fate,  a  sweepin'  in  on  the  gray 
mist  behind  her. 

I  stood  for  some  time,  and  I  don't  know  but 
longer,  a  lookin'  at  it,  my  Josiah  a  standin' 
placidly  behind  me,  a  lookin'  over  my  shoul 
der  and  enjoyin'  of  it  too,  till  the  price  wuz 
mentioned.  But  at  that  fearful  moment,  my 
pardner  seized  me  by  the  arm,  and  walked  me 
so  voyalently  out  of  that  store  and  down  the 
walk  that  I  did  not  find  and  recover  myself 
till  we  stood  at  the  entrance  to  Philey 
street. 

And  I  wuz  so  out  of  breath,  by  his  powerful 
speed,  that  she  didn't  look  nateral  to  me,  I 
hardly  re^nized  Philey.  But  Josiah  hurried 
me  down  Philey  and  wanted  to  get  my  mind 
offen  Mary  Dee  I  knew,  for  he  sez  as  we  come 
under  a  sign  hangin'  down  over  the  road, 
a  Horse  Exchange,"  sez  he,  "  What  do  you 
say,  Samantha,  do  yo-i  s'pose  I  could  change 
off  the  old  mair,  for  a  camel,  or  sunthin'  ?  How 
would  you  like  a  camel  to  ride  ?" 

I   looked    at   him    in    speechless   witherin' 


At  that  fearful  moment,  my  pardner  seized  me  by  the  arm,  and  walked 

me  voyalently  out  cf  that  store. 
14  211 


Reading   the  Signs.  213 

silence,  and  lie  went  on  hurridly,  "  It  would 
make  a  great  show  in  Jonesville,  wouldn't  it, 
to  see  us  come  to  meetin'  on  a  camel,  or  to  see 
us  ridin'  in  a  cutter  drawed  by  one.  I  guess 
I'll  see  about  it,  some  other  time." 

And  he  went  on  hurridly,  and  almost  in 
coherently  as  we  see  another  sign,  over  the 
road — oh  !  how  vollubly  he  did  talk — "  Quick, 
Livery." 

"  I  hate  to  see  folks  so  dumb  conceeted ! 
Now  I  don't  s'pose  that  man  has  got  any 
horses  much  faster  than  the  old  mair." 

'Wing's  !'  Shaw!  I  don't  believe  no  such 
thing — a  livery  on  wings.  I  don't  believe  a 
word  on't.  And  you  wouldn't  ketch  me  on 
one  on  'em,  if  they  had  !" 

"  '  Yet  Sing ! ' :  sez  he,  a  lookin'  acrost  the 
street  into  a  laundry  house.  '  What  do  I  care 
if  you  do  sing?  'Taint  of  much  account  if 
you  do  any  way.  /  sing  sometimes,  I  yet 
sing,"  sez  he. 

"  Sing"  sez  I  in  neerly  witherin'  tones. 
"  I'd  love  to  heer  you  sing,  I  haint  yet  and  I've 
lived  with  you  agoin'  on  30  years." 


214  Samantha  Needs  Prayer. 

1  Wall,  if  you  haint  heerd  me,  it  is  because 
you  are  deef,"  sez  He. 

But  that  is  jest  the  way  he  kep'  on,  a  hur- 
ryin'  me  along,  and  a  talkin'  fast  to  try  to  get 
the  price  of  that  picture  out  of  my  head. 
Anon,  and  sometimes  oftener,  we  would  come 
to  the  word  in  big  letters  on  signs,  or  on  the 
fence,  or  the  sides  of  barns,  "  Pray."  And 
sometimes  it  would  read,  "  Pray  for  my  wife !" 
And  Josiah  every  time  he  came  to  the  words 
would  stop  and  reflect  on  'em. 

"'Pray!'  What  business  is  it  of  yourn, 
whether  I  pray  or  not  ?  '  Pray  for  my  wife ! J 
That  haint  none  of  your  business." 

Sez   he,    a    shakin'    his    fist   at   the   fence, 
'Taint  likely  I  should  have  a  wife  without 
prayin'  for  her.     She  needs  it  bad  enough," 
sez  he  once,  as  he  stood  lookin'  at  it. 

I  gin  him  a  strange  look,  and  he  sez, 
"  You  wouldn't  like  it,  would  you,  if  I  didn't 
pray  for  you  ?" 

"  No,"  sez  I,  "  and  truly  as  you  say,  the 
woman  who  is  your  wife  needs  prayer,  she 
needs  help,  more'n  half  the  time  she  duz." 


Still  on  the  Go.  215 

He  looked  kinder  dissatisfied  at  the  way  I 
turned  it,  but  anon  he  sez,  "  (  Plumbin'  done 
here !'  " 

"  I'd  love  to  know  where  they  are  goin'  to 
plum.  I  don't  see  no  sign  of  plum  trees,  nor 
no  stick  to  knock  'em  off  with."  And  agin  he 
sez,  "  You  would  make  a  great  fuss,  Saman- 
tha,  if  I  should  say  what  is  painted  up  right 
there  on  that  cross  piece.  You  would  say  I 


wuz  a  swearin'." 


Sez  I  coldly,  (or  as  cold  as  I  could  with  my 
blood  heated  by  the  voyalence  and  rapidity  of 
the  walk  he  had  been  a  leadin'  me,)  "  There  is 
a  Van  in  front  of  it.  Van  Darn  haint 


swearin'." 


"  You  would  say  it  wuz  if  /  used  it,"  sez  he, 
reproachfully.  "  If  I  should  fall  down  on  the 
ice,  or  stub  my  toe,  and  trip  up  on  the  meetin' 
house  steps,  and  I  should  happen  to  mention 
the  name  of  that  street  about  the  same  time, 
you  would  say  I  wuz  a  swearin'." 

I  did  not  reply  to  him ;  I  wouldn't.  And 
ag'in  he  hurried  me  on'ards  by  some  good 
lookin'  bildin's,  and  trees,  and  tavrens,  and 


2i6  The  Hdnted  House. 

cottages,  and  etc., etc.,  and  we  come  to  Caroline 
street,  and  Jane,  and  Matilda,  and  lots  of  wim- 
men's  names. 

And  Josiah  sez,  "  I'll  bet  the  man  that 
named  them  streets  wuz  love  sick  I" 

But  he  wuzn't  no  snch  thing.  It  wuz  a 
father  that  owned  the  land,  and  laid  out  the 
streets,  and  named  'em  for  his  daughters. 
Good  old  creeter !  I  wuzn't  goin'  to  have  him 
run  at  this  late  day,  and  run  down  his  own 
streets  too. 

But  ag'in  Josiah  hurried  me  on'ards.  And 
bimeby  we  found  ourselves  a  standin'  in  front 
of  a  kind  of  a  lonesome  lookin'  house,  big  and 
square,  with  tall  pillows  in  front.  It  wuz  a 
standin'  back  as  if  it  wuz  a  kinder  a  drawin' 
back  from  company,  in  a  square  yard  all  dark 
and  shady  with  tall  trees.  And  it  all  looked 
kinder  dusky,  and  solemn  like.  And  a  by 
stander  a  standin'  by  told  us  that  it  wuz 
"  ha'nted." 

Josiah  pawed  at  it,  and  shawed  at  the  idee 
of  a  gost. 

But  I  sez,  "  There  !  that  is  the  only  thing 


And  a  bystander  a  standin'  by  told  us  it  wuz  "ha'nted," 
Josiah  pawed  at  it,  and  shawed  at  the  idee  of  a  gost. 
But  I  sez,  "There  !  that  is  the  only  thing  Saratoga  lacked  to  make  her 
perfectly  interesting  and  that  is  a  gost!" 

217 


Josiah's  Scorn.  219 

Saratoga  lacked  to  make  her  perfectly  interest- 
in',  and  that  is  a  gost !" 

But  ag'in  Josiah  pawed  at  the  idee,  and  sez, 
"  There  never  wuz  sech  a  thing  as  a  gost !  and 
never  will  be."  And  sez  he,  "  What  an  ex- 
traordeiiery  idiot  anybody  must  be  to  believe 
in  any  sech  thing."  And  ag'in  he  looked  very 
skernful,  and  high-headed,  and  once  ag'in  he 
shawed. 

And  I  kep'  pretty  middlin'  calm  and  serene 
and  asked  the  bystander,  when  the  gost 
ha'nted,  and  where  ? 

And  he  said,  it  opened  doors  and  blowed  out 
lights  mostly,  and  trampled  up  stairs. 

"  Openin',  and  blowin',  and  tramplin',"  sez 
1  dreamily. 

"  Yes,"  sez  the  man,  "  that  is  what  it  duz." 

And  agin  Josiah  shawed  loud.  And  agin  I 
kep'  calm,  and  sez  I,  "  I'd  give  a  cent  to  see 
it."  And  sez  I,  "  Do  you  s'pose  it  would  blow 
out  and  trample  if  we  should  go  in?" 

But  Josiah  grasped  holt  of  my  arm,  and  sez? 
"  'Taint  safe!  my  dear  Samantha  !  don't  le's  go 
near  the  house." 


220  Why   Teeth  Chatter. 

"  Why ?"  sez  I  coldly,  "you  say  there  haint  no 
sech  thing  as  a  gost,  what  are  yon  afraid  on  ?" 

His  teeth  wnz  fairly  chatterin'.  "Oh  !  there 
might  be  spiders  there,  or  mice,  it  haint  best 
to  go." 

I  turned  silently  round  and  started  on,  for  my 
companion's  looks  wnz  pitiful  in  the  extreme. 
Bnt  I  merely  observed  this,  as  we  wended  on 
wards',  "I  have  always  noticed  this,  Josiah  Allen, 
that  them  that  shaw  the  most  at  sech  things, 
are  the  ones  whose  teeth  chatter  when  they 
come  a  nigh  'em,  showin'  plain  that  the  shawers 
are  really  the  ones  that  believe  in  'em." 

"  My  teeth  chattered,"  sez  he,  "  because 
my  gooms  ache." 

"  Well,"  sez  I,  "  the  leest  said  the  soonest 
mended."  And  we  went  on  fast  ag'in  by  big 
houses  and  little,  and  boardin'  houses,  and 
boardin'  houses,  and  boardin'  houses,  and 
tavrens,  and  tavrens,  and  he  kep'  me  a  walkin' 
till  my  feet  wuz  most  blistered. 

I  see  what  his  aim  wuz ;  I  had  re^^nized  it 
all  the  hull  time. 

But  as  we  went  up  the  stair-way  into  out 


Power  in  a  Groan.  221 

room,  perfectly  tuckered  out,  both  on  us,  I  sez 
to  him,  in  weary  axents,  "  That  picture  wuz 
cheep  enough  for  the  money,  wuzn't  it  ?" 

He  groaned  aloud.  And  sech  is  my  love 
for  that  man,  that  the  minute  I  heard  that 
groan  I  immegetly  added,  "  Though  I  haint  no 
idee  of  buyin'  it,  Josiah." 

Immegetly  he  smiled  warmly,  and  wuz  very 
affectionate  in  his  demeener  to  me  for  as  much 
as  two  hours  and  a  half.  Sech  is  the  might 
of  human  love.  His  hurryin'  me  over  them 
swelterin'  and  blisterin'  streets,  and  showin' 
me  all  the  beauty  and  glory  of  the  world,  and 
his  conversation  had  no  effect,  skercely,  on  my 
mind.  But  what  them  hours  of  frienzied  effert 
could  not  accomplish, .  that  one  still,  small 
groan  did.  I  love  that  man.  I  almost  worship 
him,  and  he  me,  visey  versey,  and  the  same. 

We  found  that  Ardelia  Tutt  had  been  to  see 
us  in  our  absence.  She  had  been  into  our 
room  I  see,  for  she  had  dropped  one  of  her  mits 
there.  And  the  chambermaid  said  she  had  been 
in  and  waited  for  us  quite  a  spell — the  young 
man  a  waitin'  below  on  the  piazza,  so  I  s'pose. 


222 


A  Fruitless  Search. 


I  expect  Ardelia  wanted  to  show  him  off  to  us 
and  I  myself  wuz  quite  anxus  to  see  him,  feelin' 

worried  and  oncomferta- 
ble  about  Abram  Gee  and 
wantin'  to  see  if  this 
young  chap  wuz  any 
where  nigh  so  good  as 
Abram. 
Well  about  a  hour  after 


We  looked  all  over  the  house  for  'em,  and  under  the  bed,  and  on  the 
ceilin'. 


we  came  back,  Josiah  missed  his  glasses  he 
reads  with.    And  we  looked  all  over  the  house 


The  Glasses  Found.  223 

for  'em,  and  under  the  bed,  and  on  the  ceilin', 
and  through  our  trunks  and  bandboxes,  and 
all  our  pockets,  and  in  the  Bible,  and  Josiah's 
boots,  and  everywhere.  And  finely,  after  givin' 
'em  up  as  lost,  the  idee  come  to  us  that  they 
might  possibly  have  ketched  on  the  fringe  of 
Ardelia's  shawl,  and  so  rode  home  with  her 
on  it. 

So  we  sent  one  of  the  office-boys  home  with 
her  mit  and  asked  her  if  she  had  seen  Josiah's 
glasses.  And  word  come  back  by  the  boy 
that  she  hadn't  seen  'em  ;  and  she  sent  word 
to  me  to  look  on  my  pardner's  head  for  'em, 
and  sure  enough  there  we  found  'em,  right  on 
his  foretop,  to  both  of  our  surprises. 

She  sent  also  by  the  boy  a  poem  she  had 
wrote  that  afternoon,  and  sent  word  how  sorry 
she  wuz  I  wuzn't  to  home  to  see  Mr.  Flamburg. 
But  I  see  him  only  a  day  or  two  after  that, 
and  I  didn't  like  his  looks  a  mite. 

But  he  said,  and  stuck  to  it,  that  his  father 
owned  a  large  bank,  that  he  wuz  a  banker,  and 
a  doin'  a  heavy  business. 

Wall,  that  raised  him  dretfully  in  Ardelia's 


224  Banker  and  Baker. 

eyes  ;  she  owned  up  to  me  that  it  did.  She 
owned  to  me  that  she  had  always  thought  she 
would  love  to  be  a  Banker's  Bride.  She 
thought  it  sounded  rich.  She  said,  "  banker 
sounded  so  different  from  baker." 

I  sez  to  her  coolly,  that  "it  wuz  only  a  differ 
ence  of  one  letter,  and  I  never  wuz  much  of  a 
one  to  put  the  letter  N  above  any  of  the  others, 
or  to  be  haughty  on  haviii'  it  added  to,  or  dim 
inished  from  my  name." 

But  she  kep'  on  a  goin'  with  him.  She  told 
me  it  wuz  real  romanticle  the  way  he  got 
aquanted  with  her.  He  see  her  onbeknown  to 
her  one  day,  when  she  wuz  a  writin'  a  poem 
on  one  of  the  benches  in  the  park. 

"A  Poem  011  a  Bench !" 

She  wuz  a  settin'  on  the  bench,  and  a  writin' 
about  it,  she  was  a  writin'  on  the  bench  in  two 
different  ways.  Curius  haint  it  ? 

But  to  resoom.  He  immegetly  fell  in  love 
with  her.  And,  he  got  a  feller  who  wuz  a 
boardin'  to  his  boardin'  place  to  interduce  him 
to  Ardelia's  relative,  Mr.  Pixley,  and  Mr. 
Pixley  interduced  him  to  Ardelia.  He  told 


Stales  Personal  Habits.  225 

Ardelia's  relatives  the  same  story, — That  his 
father  wuz  a  banker,  that  he  owned  a  bank  and 
wuz  doin'  a  heavy  business. 

Wall,  I  watched  that  yonng  chap,  and 
watched  him  close,  and  I  see  there  wuz  one 
thing  about  him  that  could  be  depended  on,  he 
wuz  truthful. 

He  seemed  almost  morbid  on,  the  subject, 
and  would  dispute  himself  half  a  hour,  to  get 
a  thing  or  a  story  he  wuz  tellin'  jest  exactly 
right.  But  he  drinked ;  that  I  know  for  I 
know  the  symptoms.  Coffee  can't  blind  the 
eyes  of  her  that  wuz  once  Smith,  nor  pepper 
mint  cast  a  mist  before  'em.  My  nose  could 
have  took  its  oath,  if  noses  wuz  ever  put  onto 
a  bar  of  Justice — my  nose  would  have  gin  its 
firm  testimony  that  Bial  Flamburg  drinked. 

And  there  wuz  that  sort  of  a  air  about  him, 
that  I  can't  describe  exactly — a  sort  of  a  half 
offish,  half  familier  and  wholly  disagreeable 
mean,  that  can  be  onderstood  but  not  de 
scribed.  No,  you  can't  picture  that  liniment, 
but  you  can  be  affected  by  it.  Wall,  Bial 
had  it. 


22,6 


Keeping  an  Eye  on  Bial. 


And  I  kep'  on  a  not  likin'  him,  and  kep5 
stiddy  onwards  a  likin'  Abram  Gee.  I  couldn't 
help  it,  nor  didn't  want  to.  And  I  looked  out 
constant  to  ketch  him  in  some  big  story  that 

would  break  him 
right  down  in  Arde^ 
lia's  eyes,  for  I  knew 
if  she  had  been 
brought  up  on  any 
one  commandment 
more'n  another,  it  wuz 
the  one  ag'inst  lyin\ 
She  hated  lyin'. 

She  had  been 
brought  up  on  the 
hull  of  the  command 
ments  but  on  that  one 


There  wuz  that  sort  of  a  air  about 
him,  that  I  can't  describe  exactly. 


n 


brung  up  sharp  but 
good.  But  not  one  lie  could  I  ketch  him  in. 
And  he  stuck  to  it,  that  his  father  wuz  a 
banker  and  doin7  a  heavy  business. 

Wall,   it    kep'  on,   she    a   goin'    with    him 
through   ambition,  for  I  see  plain,  by  signs 


A  Hint  to  Abram.  227 

I  knoo,  that  she  didn't  love  him  half  as  well 
as  she  did  Abram.  And  I  felt  bad,  dretful  bad, 
to  set  still  and  see  Ambition  ondoin'  of  her. 
For  oft  and  oft  she  would  speak  to  me  of  Bial's 
father's  bank  and  the  heft  of  the  business  he 
wuz  a  doin'. 

And  I  finally  got  so  worked  up  in  my  mind 
that  I  gin  a  sly  hint  to  Abram  Gee,  that  if  he 
ever  wanted  to  get  Ardelia  Tutt,  he  had  better 
make  a  summer  trip  to  Saratoga.  I  never  told 
Ardelia  what  I  had  done,  but  trusted  to  a  over- 
rulin'  destiny,  that  seems  to  enrap  babys,  and 
lunatiks,  and  soft  little  wimmen,  when  their 
heads  get  kinder  turned  by  a  man,  and  to 
Abram's  honest  face  when  she  should  compare 
it  with  Bial  Flainburg's,  and  to  Abram's  pure, 
sweet  breath  with  that  mixture  of  stale  cigars, 
tobacco,  beer,  and  peppermint. 

But  Abram  wrote  back  to  me  that  his  mother 
wuz  a  lyin'  at  the  p'int  of  death  with  a  fever, 
— that  his  sister  Susan  wuz  sick  abed  with  the 
same  fever  and  couldn't  come  a  nigh  her  and  he 
couldn't  leave  what  might  be  his  mother's 
death-bed.  And  he  sez,  if  Ardelia  had  forgot 


228  Bread  and  Humanity. 

him  in  so  short  a  time,  mebby  it  wuz  the  best 
thing  he  could  do,  to  try  and  forget  her.  Any 
way  he  wouldn't  leave  his  dyin'  mother  for 
anything,  or  anybody. 

That  wuz  Abram  Gee  all  over,  a  doin'  his 
duty  every  time  by  bread  and  humanity.  But 
he  added  a  postscript  and  it  wuz  wrote  in  a 
agitated  hand, — that  jest  as  soon  as  his  mother 
got  so  he  could  leave  her,  he  should  come  to 
Saratoga. 

The  verses  that  Ardelia  sent  over  to  me 
wuz  as  follers  : 

"  A  LAY  ON  A  FEMALE  TROUT  IN  CENTRAL 
PARK. 

"  BY  ARDKUA  TUTT. 

* '  Oh  trout,  sweet  female  trout,  oh  fain  would  I 
In  hottest  day,  perspirin'  dretfelee 
Desend,  and  dressed  most  cool  like  thee,  would  lie 
As  deep  in  water,  some  two  feet,  or  three 

Or  even  four. 

"  Who  would  not  dress  like  thee  on  summer  day  ? 
How  cool  thy  robes — lo  !  not  one  boddice  waist 
Or  corset  stay,  to  make  thee  taper  small. 
Thou  taperest  without  them,  and  not  then  with  haste, 

Or  Bandaline. 


Poem  on  a   Trout.  229 

•(  Thou  crimpest  not,  or  bangest  up  thy  hair ; 
Thou  hast  no  hair  to  bang,  sweet  trout  so  dear, 
Thou  dost  not  dance  round  dances,  nor  repair 
Unto  the  thronged  piazzas,  nor  appear, 

Sweet  modest  trout. 

:i  In  long  and  haughty  trains  thou  never  dost  appear 
And  switch  them  up  and  down  the  corredere  and  hall 
With  diamond  jewels  hanging  to  thy  ear ; 
Thou  hast  not  ears  to  hang  them  on,  no  !  not  at  all. 

No,  not  one  ear. 

"  Thou  walkest  not  in  high  heeled  shoes,  thou  cannest 

not 

For  reesons  it  were  vain  to  now  relate. 
Ah  no  !     But  let  us  cast  one  eye  adown  thy  grot 
And  see  thee  sweet  and  patient  wear  thy  fate, 

And  wear  it  well. 

"  At  Garden  parties,  Race  Course,  Music  Hall, 
We  ne'er  have  set  our  weary  eyes  thy  form  upon  ; 
Thou  dost  not  ramble  in  the  crowded  maul, 
Thou  hast  no  legs  sweet  trout  to  ramble  on  ; 

Ah  !  no  !  dear  one. 

'  And  so  thou  seemest  well  content  to  saunter  not, 
Or  waltz  about  in  garments  fine  and  gay  ; 
Oh,  Mortal  Man  !  a  lesson  learn  of  Trout 
If  thou  no  legs  hast  got,  why  seek  to  waltz  away, 

Or  promenade  ? 
15 


230 


Lessons  from  a   Trout. 


"  And,  beautius  female,  learn  them  of  dear  trout 
So  move  and  swim  in  thine  own  native  way  ; 
Seek  not  high  stations,  titles  great,  and  flout 
Not  thou  at  fate,  but  gently  swim  away 

On  native  waves. 

"  Cool  blooded  hold  thy  heart,  like  female  trout ; 
Melt  not  at  sweet,  false  words,  that  melt  and  seeth 

and  burn  ; 

She  melteth  not,  oh  no  !  she  cooly  turns  about 
And  nibbles  on,  so  thou,  and  follow  on 

Sweet  female  one. ' ' 


IX. 

JOSIAH'S   FLIRTATIONS. 


talked 
Night 
tell  me 


Njy     —rO, 

HEY  say  there  is  a  sight  of  flirtin' 
done  at  Saratoga.  I  didn't  hear  so 
much  about  it  as  Josiah  did,  natu 
rally  there  are  things  that  are 
of  more  amongst  men  than  women 
after  night  he  would  come  home  and- 
how  fashionable  it  wuz,and  pretty  soon  I 

231 


232  Flirtation  Discussed. 

could  see  that  lie  kinder  wanted  to  follow  the 
fashion. 

I  told  him  from  the  first  on't  that  he'd  bet 
ter  let  it  entirely  alone.  Says  I,  "Josiah 
Allen,  you  wouldn't  never  carry  it  through 
successful  if  you  should  undertake  it — and 
then  think  of  the  wickedness  on't." 

But  he  seemed  sot.  He  said  "  it  wuz  more 
fashionable  amongst  married  men  and  wirn- 
men,  than  the  more  single  ones,"  he  said  "  it 
wuz  dretful  fashionable  amongst  pardners." 

"  Wall,"  says  I,  "  I  shall  have  nothin'  to  do 
with  it,  and  I  advise  you,  if  you  know  when 
you  are  well  off,  to  let  it  entirely  alone." 

"  Of  course,"  says  he  fiercely,  "  You  needn't 
have  nothin'  to  do  with  it.  It  is  nothin'  you 
would  want  to  foller  up.  And  I  would  ruther 
see  you  sunk  into  the  ground,  or  be  sunk  my 
self,  than  to  see  you  goin'  into  it.  Why,"  says 
he  savagely,  "  I  would  tear  a  man  lim  from 
lim,  if  I  see  him  a  tryin'  to  flirt  with  you." 
(Josiah  Allen  worships  me.)  "  But,"  says  he, 
more  placider  like,  u  men  have  to  do  things 
sometimes,  that  they  know  is  too  hard  for  their 


4 1  would  tear  a  maa  lim.  from  ^ 


:ehimatryin'toairtwithyou,, 
233 


Fragile  Creeters.  235 

pardners  to  do — men  sometimes  feel  called 
upon  to  do  things  that  their  pardners  don't 
care  about — that  they  haint  strong  enough  to 
tackle.  Wimmen  are  fragile  creeters  any 
way." 

Oh,  the  fallacy  of  them  arguments — and  the 
weakness  of  'em. 

But  I  didn't  say  nothin'  only  to  reiterate  my 
utterance,  that  "  if  he  went  into  it,  he  would 
have  to  foller  it  up  alone,  that  he  musn't  ex 
pect  any  help  from  me." 

"Oh  no!"  says  he.     "  Oh  !  certainly  not." 

His  tone  wtiz  very  genteel,  but  there  seemed 
to  be  sumthin'  strange  in  it.  And  I  looked  at 
him  pityin'ly  over  my  specks.  The  hull  idea 
on't  wuz  extremely  distasteful  to  me,  this  talk 
about  flirtin',  and  etc.,  at  our  ages,  and  with 
our  stations  in  the  Jonesville  meetin'  house, 
and  with  our  grandchild ern. 

But  I  see  from  day  to  day  that  he  wuz 
a  hankerin'  after  it,  and  I  almost  made  up  my 
mind  that  I  should  have  to  let  him  make  a 
trial,  knowin'  that  experience  wuz  the  best 
teacher,  and  knowin'  that  his  morals  wuz 


236  The  English  Girl. 

sound,  and  he  wuz  devoted  to  me,  and  only 
went  into  the  enterprize  because  he  thought  it 
wuz  fashionable. 

There  wuz  a  young  English  girl  a  boardin' 
to  the  same  place  we  did.  She  dressed  some 
like  a  young  man,  carried  a  cane,  etc.  But  she 
wuz  one  of  the  upper  10,  and  wuz  as  pretty  as 
a  picture,  and  I  see  Josiah  had  kinder  sot  his 
eyes  on  her  as  bein'  a  good  one  to  try  his  ex 
periment  with.  He  thought  she  wuz  beauti 
ful.  But  good  land !  I  didn't  care.  I  liked 
her  myself.  But  I  could  see,  though  he 
couldn't  see  it,  that  she  wuz  one  of  the  girls 
who  would  flirt  with  the  town  pump,  or  the 
meetin'  house  steeple,  if  she  couldn't  get  no 
body  else  to  flirt  with.  She  wuz  born  so,  but 
I  suppose  entirely  unbeknown  to  her  when  she 
wuz  born. 

Wall,  Josiah  Allen  would  set  and  look  at 
her  by  the  hour — dretful  admirin'.  But  good 
land  !  I  didn't  care.  I  loved  to  look  at  her 
myself.  And  then  too  I  had  this  feelin'  that 
his  morals  wuz  sound.  But  after  awhile,  I 
could  see,  and  couldn't  help  seein',  that  he  wuz 


Josiatts  Feeble  Efforts. 


237 


a  tryin'  in  his   feeble  way  to  flirt  with   her. 
And  I  told  him  kindly,  but  firmly,  "  that  it 


Josiah  Allen  would  set  and  look  at  her  by  the  hour. 

wuz    somethin'  that   I   hated  to    see   a  goin' 


on. 


But  he  says,  "  Well,  dumb  it  all,  Samantha, 


238  Drawing  Him  On. 

if  anybody  goes  to  a  fashionable  place,  they 
ort  to  try  to  be  fashionable.  'Taint  nothin'  I 
want  to  do,  and  you  ort  to  know  it." 

And  I  says  in  pity  in'  axents  but  firm,  "  If 
you  don't  want  to,  Josiah,  I  wouldn't,  fashion 
or  110  fashion." 

But  I  see  I  couldn't  convince  him,  and  there 
happened  to  be  a  skercity  of  men  jest  then— 
and  he  kep'  it  up,  and  it  kep'  me  on  the  key 
veav}  as  Maggie  says,  when  she  is  on  the  ten 
ter  hooks  of  suspense. 

I  felt  bad  to  see  it  go  on,  not  that  I  wuz 
jealous,  no,  my  foretop  lay  smooth  from  day 
to  day,  not  a  jealous  hair  in  it,  not  one — but 
I  felt  sorry  for  my  companion.  I  see  that 
while  the  endurin'  of  it  wuz  hard  and  tejus  for 
him  (for  truly  he  was  not  a  addep  at  the  busi 
ness  ;  it  come  tuff,  feerful  tuff  on  him) ,  the 
endin'  wuz  sure  to  be  harder.  And  I  tried  to 
convince  him,  from  a  sense  of  duty,  that  she 
wuz  makin'  fun  of  him — he  had  told  me  lots 
of  the  pretty  things  she  had  said  to  him 
— and  out  of  principle  I  told  him  that  she 
didn't  mean  one  word  of  'em.  But  I  couldn't 


Miss  Balch  Arrives.  239 

convince  him,  and  as  is  the  way  of  pardners, 
after  I  had  sot  the  reasen  and  the  sense  before 
him,  and  he  wouldn't  hear  to  me,  why  then  I 
had  to  set  down  and  bear  it.  Snch  is  some  of 
the  trials  of  pardners  ! 

Wall,  it  kep'  a  goin'  on,  and  a  goin'  on,  and 
I  kep'  a  hatin'  to  see  it,  for  if  anybody  has  got 
to  flirt,  which  I  am  far  from  approvin'  of,  but 
if  I  have^tf/  to  see  it  a  goin'  on,  I  would  fain 
see  it  well  done,  and  Josiah's  efforts  to  flirt 
wuz  like  an  effort  of  our  old  mair  to  play  a  tune 
on  the  melodian,  no  grace  in  it,  no  system,  nor 
comfort  to  him,  nor  me. 

I  spose  the  girl  got  some  fun  out  of  it ;  I 
hope  she  did,  for  if  she  didn't  it  wuz  a  weari 
some  job  all  round. 

Wall,  a  week  or  so  rolled  on,  and  it  wuz 
still  in  progress.  And  one  day  an  old  friend 
of  ours,  Miss  Ezra  Balch,  from  the  east  part 
of  Jonesville,  come  to  see  me.  She  come  to 
Saratoga  for  the  rheumatiz,  and  wuz  gettin' 
well  fast,  and  Ezra  wuz  gettin'  entirely  cured 
of  biles,  for  which  he  had  come,  carbunkles. 

Wall,  she  invited  Josiah  and  me  to  take  a 


240 


Ready  to  Ride. 


ride  with  'em,  and  we  both  accepted  of  it,  and 
at   the   appointed   time    I    wuz    ready  to  the 


vV 


m  i  n  n  t  e , 
down  on  the 
piazza,  with 
my  brown 
cotton  gloves 
on,  and  my 
mantilly 
hnng  grace 
fully  over  my 
arm.  But  at 

the  last  minute,  Josiali  Allen  said  "  he  could 
n't  go." 

I  says  "  Why  can't  you  go  ?" 


Miss  Ezra  Balch. 


JosiaKs  Broken  Promise.  24.1 

"  Oh,"  lie  says,  kinder  drawin'  up  his  collar, 
and  smoothin'  down  his  vest,  "  Oh,  I  have  got 
another  engagement." 

He  looked  real  high-headed,  and  I  says  to 
him  : 

"  Josiah  Allen  didn't  you  promise  Druzilla 
Balch  that  you  would  go  with  her  and  Ezra 
to-day?" 

"  Wall  yes,"  says  he,  "  but  I  can't." 

"Why  not?"  says  I. 

"  Wall,  Samantha,  though  they  are  well 
meanin',  good  people,  they  haint  what  you 
may  call  fashionable,  they  haint  the  upper 


10." 


Says  I,  "Josiah  Allen  you  have  fell  over  15 
cents  in  my  estimation,  sense  we  have  begun 
talkin',  you  won't  go  with  'em  because  they 
haint  fashionable.  They  are  good,  honest, 
Christian  Methodists,  and  have  stood  by  you 
and  me  many  a  time,  in  times  of  trouble,  and 
now,"  says  I,  "  you  turn  against  'em  because 
they  haint  fashionable."  Says  I,  "Josiah 
Allen  where  do  you  think  you'll  go  to  ?" 

"Oh,  probable  down  through  Congress  Park, 


242  Not  Jealous. 

and  we  may  walk  up  as  fur  as  the  Indian  En 
campment.  I  feel  kinder  manger  to-day,  and 
my  corns  ache  feerful."  (His  boots  wuz 
that  small,  that  they  wuz  sights  to  behold, 
sights !)  "  We  probably  shan't  walk  fur,n 
says  he. 

I  see  how  'twuz  in  a  minute.  That  English 
girl  had  asked  him  to  walk  with  her,  and  my 
pardner  had  broken  a  solemn  engagement 
with  Ezra  and  Druzilla  Balch  to  go  a  walkin' 
with  her.  I  see  how  'twuz,  but  I  sot  in  silence 
and  one  of  the  big  rockin'  chairs,  and  didn't 
say  nothin'. 

Finally  he  says,  with  a  sort  of  a  anxious 
look  onto  his  fore  ward  : 

"You  don't  feel  bad,  do  you  Samantha? 
You  haint  jealous,  are  you  ?" 

"Jealous!"  says  I,  a  lookin'  him  calmly 
over  from  head  to  feet — it  wuz  a  witherin'  look, 
and  yet  pitiful,  that  took  in  the  hull  body  and 
soul,  and  weighed  'em  in  the  balances  of  com 
mon  sense,  and  pity,  and  justice.  It  wuz  a 
look  that  seemed  to  envelop  him  all  to  one 
time,  and  took  him  all  in,  his  bald  head,  his 


The  Upper  Ten,  243 

vest,  and  his  boots,  and  his  mind  (what  he 
had),  and  his  efforts  to  be  fashionable,  and  his 
trials  and  tribulations  at  it,  and — and  every 
thing.  I  give  him  that  one  long  look,  and 
then  I  says : 

"  Jealous  ?  No,  I  haint  jealous." 

Then  silence  rained  again  about  us,  and 
Josiah  spoke  out,  (his  conscience  wuz  a  trou- 
blin'  him)  and  he  says  : 

"  You  know  in  fashionable  life,  Samantha, 
you  have  to  do  things  which  seem  unkind,  and 
Ezra,  though  a  good,  worthy  man,  can't  un 
derstand  these  things  as  I  do." 

Says  I:  "Josiah  Allen,  you'll  see  the  day 
that  you'll  be  sorry  for  your  treatment  of  Dru- 
zilla  Balch,  and  Ezra." 

"  Oh  wall,"  says  he,  pullin'  up  his  collar, 
"  I'm  bound  to  be  fashionable.  While  I  can 
go  with  the  upper  10,  it  is  my  duty  and  my 
privilege  to  go  with  'em,  and  not  mingle  in 
the  lower  classes  like  the  Balches." 

Says  I  firmly,  "  You  look  out,  or  some  of 
them  10  will  be  the  death  of  you,  and  you  may 
see  the  day  that  you  will  be  glad  to  leave  'em, 


244  Deacon  Balch  of  Chicago. 

the  hull  10  of   'em,  and  go  back  to  Druzilla 
and  Ezra  Balch." 

But  what  more  words  might  have  passed  be 
tween  us,  wuz  cut  short  by  the  arrival  of  Ezra 
and  Druzilla  in  a  good  big  carriage,  with  Miss 
Balch  on  the  back  seat,  and  Ezra  acrost  from 
her,  and  a  man  up  in  front  a  drivin'.  It  wuz  a 
good  lookin'  sight,  and  I  hastened  down  the 
steps,  Josiah  disapearin'  inside  jest  as  quick  as 
he  ketched  sight  of  their  heads. 

They  asked  me  anxiously  "  where  Josiah 
wuz  and  why  he  didn't  come?"  And  I  told 
7em  u  that  Josiah  had  told  me  that  mornin'  that 
he  felt  manger,  and  he  had  some  corns  that 
wuz  a  achin'." 

So  much  wuz  truth,  and  I  told  it,  and  then 
moved  off  the  subject,  and  they  seein'  my 
looks,  didn't  pursue  it  any  further.  They 
proposed  to  go  back  to  their  boardin'  place, 
and  take  in  Deacon  Balch,  Ezra's  brother  from 
Chicago,  who  wuz  stayiii'  there  a  few  days,  to 
recooperate  his  energies,  and  get  help  for  tizick. 
So  they  did.  He  wuz  a  widowed  man.  Yes, 
he  wuz  the  widower  of  Cornelia  Balch  who  I 


The  Deacons  Flattery.  245 

used  to  know  well,  a  good  lookin',  and  a  good 
actin'  man.  And  lie  seemed  to  like  my  ap- 
peerance  pretty  well,  though  I  am  fur  from 
belli'  the  one  that  ort  to  say  it. 

And  as  we  rolled  on  over  the  broad  beautiful 
road  towards  Saratoga  Lake,  I  begun  to  feel 
better  in  my  mind. 

The  Deacon  wuz  edifyin'  in  conversation, 
and  he  thought,  and  said,  "  that  my  mind  wuz 
the  heftiest  one  that  he  had  ever  met,  and  he 
had  met  hundreds  and  hundreds  of  'em."  He 
meant  it,  you  could  see  that,  he  meant  every 
word  he  said.  And  it  wuz  kind  of  comfortiii' 
to  heer  the  Deacon  say  so,  for  I  respected  the 
Deacon,  and  I  knew  he  meant  jest  what  he 
said. 

He  said,  and  believed,  though  it  hain't  so, 
but  the  Deacon  believed  it,  "  that  I  looked 
younger  than  I  did  the  day  I  wuz  married." 

I  told  him  "  I  didn't  feel  so  young." 

"  Wall,"  he  said,  "  then  my  looks  deceived 
me,  for  I  looked  as  young,  if  not  younger." 

Deacon   Balch  is    a  good,  kind,   Christian 
man. 
16 


246  Edifyirf  Conversation. 

His  conversation  wuz  very  edify  in',  and  lie 
looked  kinder  good,  and  warm-hearted  at  me 
out  of  his  eyes,  which  wuz  blue,  some  the 
color  of  my  Josiah's.  But  alas !  I  felt  that 
though  some  comforted  and  edified  by  his  talk, 
still,  my  heart  wuz  not  there,  not  there  in  that 
double  buggy  with  2  seats,  but  wuz  afur  off 
with  my  pardner.  I  felt  that  Josiah  Allen  wuz 
a  carryin'  my  heart  with  him  wherever  he  wuz 
a  goin'.  Curious,  haint  it  ?  Now  you  may 
set  and  smile,  and  talk,  and  seem  to  be  en- 
joyin'  yourself  first-rate,  with  agreeable  per 
sonages  all  round  you,  and  you  do  enjoy 
yourself  with  that  part  of  your  iiater.  But 
with  it  all,  down  deep  under  the  laughs,  and 
the  bright  words,  the  comfort  you  get  out  of 
the  answerin'  laughs,  the  gay  talk,  under  it  all 
is  the  steady  consciousness  that  the  real  self 
is  fur  away,  the  heart,  the  soul,  is  fur  away 
held  by  some  creeter  whether  he  be  high,  or 
whether  he  be  low,  it  don't  matter — there  your 
heart  is,  a  goin'  towards  happiness,  or  a  tra- 
vellin'  towards  pain,  as  the  case  may  be — 
curious  haint  it  ? 


Sulphur  Springs.  247 

Wall,  Ezra  and  Druzilla  wanted  to  go  to 
the  Sulphur  Springs  way  beyend  Saratoga 
Lake,  and  as  the  Deacon  wuz  agreeable,  and  I 
also,  we  sot  out  for  it,  though,  as  we  all  said, 
it  wuz  goiii'  to  be  a  pretty  long  and  tegus 
journey  for  a  hot  day.  But  we  went  along 
the  broad,  beautiful  highway,  by  the  high, 
handsome  gates  of  the  Racin'  Park,  down,  down, 
by  handsome  houses  and  shady  woods,  and 
fields  of  bright-colored  wild  flowers  on  each  side 
of  the  road,  down  to  the  beautiful  lake,  acrost  it 
over  the  long  bridge,  and  then  into  the  long, 
cool  shadows  of  the  bendin'  trees  that  bend 
over  the  road  on  each  side,  while  through  the 
green  boughs,  jest  at  our  side  we  could  ketch 
a  sight  of  the  blue,  peaceful  waters,  a  lyin' 
calm  and  beautiful  jest  by  the  side  of  us — on, 
on,  through  the  long,  sheltered  pathway,  out 
into  the  sunshine  for  a  spell,  with  peaceful 
fields  a  layin'  about  us,  and  peaceful  cattle 
a  wanderin'  over  'em,  and  then  into  the  shade 
agin,  till  at  last  we  see  a  beautiful  mounting 
with  its  head  held  kinder  high,  crowned  with 


248  Beautiful  Scenes. 

ferns  and  hemlocks,  and  its  feet  washed  by 
the  cool  water  of  the  beautiful  lake. 

The  shadows  of  this  mounting  tree  crowned, 
lay  on  the  smooth,  placid  wave,  and  a  white 
sail  boat  wuz  a  comin'  round  the  side  on't,  and 
floatin'  over  the  green,  crystal  branches,  and 
golden  shadows.  It  was  a  fair  seen,  seen  for 
a  moment,  and  then  away  we  went  into  the 
green  shadows  of  the  woods  again,  round  a 
corner,  and  here  we  wuz,  at  the  Sulphur 
Springs. 

It  wuz  a  quiet  peaceful  spot.  The  house 
looked  pleasant,  and  so  did  the  Landlord,  and 
Landlady,  and  we  dismounted  and  walked 
through  a  long  clean  hall,  and  went  out  onto 
a  back  piazza  and  sot  down.  And  I  thought 
as  I  sot  there,  that  I  would  be  glad  enough  to 
set  there  for  some  time.  Everything  looked 
so  quiet  and  serene.  The  paths  leadin'  up  the 
hills  in  different  directions,  out  into  the  green 
woods,  looked  quiet ;  the  pretty,  grassy  back 
yard  leadin'  down  to  the  water  side  looked 
green  and  peaceable,  and  around  all,  and 
beyond  all,  wuz  the  glory  of  the  waters.  They 


One  of  Uncle  Jonas  Bently's  "Waterin'  Troughs." 


Lemonade  with  Straws.  251 

lay  stretched  out  beautiful  and  in  heavenly 
calm,  and  the  sun,  which  wuz  low  in  the  West, 
made  a  gold  path  acrost  'em,  where  it  seemed 
as  if  one  could  walk  over  only  a  little  ways, 
into  Perfect  Repose.  The  Lake  somehow 
looked  like  a  glowin'  pavement,  it  didn't  look 
like  water,  but  it  seemed  like  broad  fields  of 
azure  and  palest  lavender,  and  pinky  grey,  and 
pearly  white,  and  every  soft  and  delicate  color 
that  water  could  be  crystalized  into.  And  over 
all  lay  the  glowin',  tender  sunset  skies — it  wuz 
a  fair  seen.  And  even  as  I  looked  on  in  a 
almost  rapped  way,  the  sun  come  out  from  be 
hind  a  soft  cloud,  and  lay  on  the  water  like  a 
pillow  of  fire — jest  as  I  dream  that  pillow  did, 
that  went  ahead  of  my  old  4  fathers. 

The  rest  on  'em  seemed  to  be  more  intent 
on  the  lemonade  with  2  straws  in  'em.  I 
didn't  make  no  fuss.  They  are  nice,  clean 
folks,  I  make  no  doubt.  I  wouldn't  make  110 
fuss  and  tell  on  the  hired  man — women  of  the 
house  have  enough  to  worry  'em  anyway. 
But  he  had  dropped  some  straws,  into  our 
tumblers,  every  one  on  'em,  I  dare  presume  to 


252 


Free  Thinkers1  Convention. 


say  they  had  been  a  fillin'  straw  ticks.  I  jest 
took  mine  out  in  a  quiet  way,  and  throwed  'em 
to  one  side.  The  rest  on  'em,  I  see,  and  it 
wuz  real  good  in  'em,  drinked 
through  'em,  as  we  used  to  at 

^  was  real  g°°d  in  E)ni- 
zilla,    and    Ezra,    and 

also  in  tne  Deacon.    It 
kinder     ondeared    the 


•$ 

hull  on  'em  to  me.  I  hope  this 
won't  be  told  of,  it  orto  be  kep 
— for  he  wuz  a  good-natured 
lookin'  hired  man,  black,  but 
not  to  blame  for  that — and 
good  land !  what  is  a  straw  ? 
— anyway  they  wuz  clean. 

There  wuz  some  tents  sot  up 
He  wuz  a  good-    there  in  the  back  vard,  lookin' 

natured  lookin'  hired 

man,    black,   but    not      sOUlC      aS      I      s'pOSC      OUT      old     4 

to  blame  for  that. 

fathers  tents  did,  in  the  pleas 
ant  summer  times  of  old.  And  I  asked  a 
bystander  a  standin'  by,  whose  tents  they 
wuz,  and  he  said  they  wuz  Free  Thinkers 
havin'  a  convention. 


Deep  Subjects.  253 

And  I  says,  "How  free?" 

And  he  said  "  they  wuz  great  cases  to  doubt 
everything,  they  doubted  whether  they  wuz  or 
not,  and  if  they  wuz  or  when,  and  if  so,  why." 

And  he  says,  "  won't  you  stay  to-night  over 
and  attend  the  meetin'  ?" 

And  I  says,  "  What  are  they  goin'  to  teach 
to-night  ?" 

And  he  says,  "  The  Whyness  of  the  What." 

I  says,  "I  guess  that  is  too  deep  a  subject 
for  me  to  tackle,"  and  says  I,  "  Don't  they 
believe  anything  easier  than  that?" 

And  he  says,  "  They  don't  believe  anything. 
That  is  their  belief— to  believe  nothin'." 

"Nothin'?"  says  I. 

"  Yes,"  says  he,  "  Nothin'."  And,  says  he, 
"to-morrer  they  are  goin'  to  prove  beyond  any 
question,  that  there  haint  any  God,  nor  any 
thing,  and  never  wuz  anything." 

"  Be  they  ?"  sez  I. 

"  Yes,"  says  he,  "and  won't  you  come  and 
be  convinced  ?" 

I  looked  off  onto  the  peaceful  waters,  onto 
the  hills  that  lay  as  the  mountains  did  about 


254 


Better  Thoughts. 


Jerusalem,  onto  the  pillow  of  fire  that  seemed 
to  hold  in  it  the  flames  of  that  light  that  had 
lighted  the  old  world  onto  the  mornin'  of  the 
new  day, — and  one  star  had  come  out,  and 
stood  tremblin'  over  the  brow  of  the  mountain 


'Won't  you  come  and  be 
convinced  ?" 


and  I  thought  of 

that     star    that 

had  riz  so  long  '^-^ 

time      ago,     and      had 

guided  the    three  wise 

men,    guided    'em    jest 

alike  from  their  three  different  homes,  entirely 

unbeknown    to    each    other,    guidiii'    'em    to 

the    cradle    where    lay   the    infant    Redeemer 

of  the  world,  so  long   foretold  by  bard   and 

prophet.     I  looked    out    onto    the   heavenly 


Starting  Homeward.  255 

glory  of  the  day,  and  then  inside  into  my 
heart,  that  held  a  faith  jest  as  bright  and 
undyin'  as  the  light  of  that  star — and  I  says, 
"  No,  I  guess  I  won't  go  and  be  convinced." 

Wall,  we  riz  np  to  go  most  immediately 
afterwerds,  and  the  Deacon  (he  is  very  smart) 
observed :  "  How  highly  tickled  and  even 
highlarious  the  man  seemed  in  talkin'  about 
there  not  bein'  any  future."  And  he  says  "It 
wuz  a  good  deal  like  a  man  laughin'  and 
clappin'  his  hands  to  see  his  house  burn 
down." 

And  I  sez  "  it  wuz  far  wurse,  for  his  home 
wouldn't  stand  more'n  a  100  years  or  so,  and 
this  home  he  wuz  a  tryin'  to  destroy,  wuz  one 
that  would  last  through  eternity."  "  But," 
says  I,  "it  hain't  built  by  hands,  and  I  guess 
their  hands  hain't  strong  enough  to  tear  it 
down,  nor  high  enough  to  set  fire  to  it." 

And  the  Deacon  says,  "Jest  so,  Miss  Allen, 
you  spoke  truthfully,  and  eloquent."  (The 
Deacon  is  very  smart.) 

When  we  got  into  the  buggy  to  start,  the 
Deacon  says,  "I  would  like  to  resoom  the  con- 


256  Beside  the  Deacon. 

versation  with  you,  Josiah  Allen's  wife,  a  goin' 
back." 

And  Drnzilla  spoke  right  out  and  says,  "  I 
will  set  on  the  front  seat  by  Ezra.'-  I  says, 
"  Oh  no,  Druzilla,  I  can  hear  the  Deacon 
from  where  I  sot  before." 

But  the  Deacon  says,  Talking  loud  to 
wards  night  always  effected  his  voice  onpleas- 
antly,  mebby  Druzilla  and  he  had  better 
change  seats. 

Again  I  demurred.  And  then  Druzilla 
said  she  must  set  by  Ezra,  she  wanted  to  tell 
him  sumthin'  in  confidence. 

And  so  it  wuz  arraigned,  for  I  felt  that  I  wuz 
not  the  one  to  come  between  pardners,  no 
indeed.  The  road  lay  peacefuller  and  beauti- 
fuller  than  ever,  or  so  it  seemed  under  the 
sunset  glory  that  sort  o'  hung  round  it.  Jest 
about  half  way  through  the  woods  we  met  the 
English  girl,  a  stridin'  along  alone,  each  step 
more'n  3  feet  long,  or  so  it  seemed  to  me. 
There  wuz  a  look  of  health,  and  happy  deter 
mination  on  her  forwerd  as  she  strided  rapidly 
by. 


Where  wuz  may  Pardner  ? 


257 


I  would  have  fain  questioned  her  concern- 
in'  my  pardner,  as  she  strode  by,  but  before  I 
could  call  out,  or  begon  to  her  she  wuz  far  in 
the  rearwerd,  and  goin'  in  a  full  pressure  and 
in  a  knot  of  several  miles  an  hour. 


She  wuz  far  in  the  rearwerd. 


Wall, 

from  that 
minute  I 

felt  strange  and  curious. 
And  though  Druzilla 
and  Ezra  wuz  agreeable, 
and  the  Deacon  edify  in', 

I  didn't  seem  to  feel  edified,  and  the  most 
warm-hearted  looks  didn't  seem  to  warm  my 
heart  none,  it  wuz  oppressed  with  gloomy  fore 
bodings  of,  Where  wuz  my  pardner  ?  They 
had  laid  out  to  set  out  together !  Had  they 
sot  ?  This  question  wuz  a  governin'  me,  and 


258  Agonizing  Considerations. 

the  follerin'  one  :  If  they  had  sot  out  together, 
where  wuz  my  pardner,  Josiah  Allen,  now? 
As  I  thought  these  feerful  thoughts,  instinct 
ively  I  turned  around  to  see  if  I  could  ;see  a 
trace  of  his  companion  in  the  distance.  Yes,  I 
could  ketch  a  faint  glimpse  of  her  as  •  he  wuz 
mountin'  a  diclevity,  and  stood  for  an  instant 
in  sight,  but  long  before  even,  she  disopeered 
agin,  for  her  gait  wuz  tremendous,  and  at  a 
rate  of  a  good  many  knots  she  wuz  a  goin', 
that  I  knew.  And  the  fearful  thought  would 
rise,  Josiah  Allen  could  not  go  more  than  half 
a  knot,  if  he  could  that.  He  wuz  a  slow  pre- 
destinatur  any  way,  and  then  his  corns  wuz 
feerful,  and  never  could  be  told — and  his  boots 
had  in  'em  the  elements  of  feerful  suiferin'. 
It  wuz  all  he  could  do  when  he  had  'em  on  to 
hobble  down  to  the  spring,  and  post-office. 
Where  ?  where  wuz  he  ?  And  she  a  goin' 
at  the  rate  of  so  many  knots. 

Oh !  the  agony  of  them  several  minutes, 
while  these  thoughts  wuz  rampagin  through 
my  destracted  brain. 

Oh !  if  pardners  only  knew  the  agony  they 


The  End  of  Flirtations.  259 

bring  onto  their  devoted  companions,  by  their 
onguarded  and  thoughtless  acts,  and  attentions 
to  other  females,  gin  without  proper  reseerch 
and  precautions,  it  would  draw  their  liniments 
down  into  expressions  of  shame  and  remorse. 
Josiah  wouldn't  have  gone  with  her  if  he  had 
known  the  number  of  knots  she  wuz  a  goin' 
no,  not  one  step — then  why  couldn't  he  have 
found  out  the  number  of  them  knots — why 
couldn't  he  ?  Why  can't  pardners  look  ahead 
and  see  to  where  their  gay  attentions,  their 
flirtations  that  they  call  mild  and  innercent, 
will  lead  'em  to  ?  Why  can't  they  realize  that 
it  hain't  only  themselves  they  are  injuring  but 
them  that  are  bound  to  'em  by  the  most  sacred 
ties  that  folks  can  be  twisted  up  in  ?  Why 
can't  they  realize  that  a  end  must  come  to  it, 
and  it  may  be  a  fearful  and  a  shameful  one, 
and  if  it  is  a  happiness  that  stops,  it  will  leave 
in  the  heart  when  happiness  gets  out,  a 
emptiness,  a  holler  place,  where  like  as  not 
onhappiness  will  get  in,  and  mebby  stay  there 
for  some  time,  gaulin'  and  heart-breakin'  to 
the  opposite  pardner  to  see  it  go  on  ? 


26o 


Chasing  the  Butterfly. 


If  it  is  indifference,  or  fashion,  or  anything 
of  that  sort,  why  it  don't  pay  none  of  the  time, 


it  don't  seem  to 
the  end  will  be 
hollerer  then  the 
In  the  case  of 
it  wuz  fashion, 
the  butterfly  of 
to  act  in  a  high- 


nieitduz,and 
emptier  and 
beginniii'. 
my  pardner 
nothing  but 
fashion  he  wuz  after, 
toned,  fashionable 
manner,    like    other 
fashionable  men.  And 
jest    see   the   end  on't, 
why  he  had  brought  suffer- 
in'  of  the  deepest  dye  onto 
his  companion,  and  what, 
what  lied  he  brought  onto 
himself — onto  his  feet  ? 

Oh !  the  agony  of  them 
several  moments  while  them 
thoughts  wuz  a  rackin'  at  me. 

Josiah's  Pursuit. 

The  moments  swelled  out  into 
a  half  hour,  it  must  have  been  a  long  half 
hour,  before  I  see  far  ahead,  for  the  eyes  of 
love  is  keen — a  form  a  settiii'  on  the  grass  by 


A  Sad  Discovery.  261 

the  wayside,  that  I  re^nized  as  the. form  of 
my  pardner.  As  we  drew  nearer  we  all  re^- 
nized  the  figure — but  Josiah  Allen  didn't  seem 
to  notice  us.  His  boots  wuz  off,  and  his  stock- 
in's,  and  even  in  that  first  look  I  could  see  the 
agony  that  wuz  a  rendin.'  them  toes  almost  to 
burstin'.  Oh,  how  sorry  I  felt  for  them  toes  ! 
He  wuz  a  restiii'  in  a  most  dejected  and  melan 
choly  manner  on  his  hand,  as  if  it  wuz  more 
than  sufferin'  that  ailed  him — he  looked  a 
sufferer  from  remorse,  and  regret,  and  also  had 
the  air  of  one  whom  mortification  has  stricken. 

He  never  seemed  to  sense  a  thing  that  wuz 
passin'  by  him,  till  the  driver  pulled  up  his 
horses  clost  by  him,  and  then  he  looked  up 
and  see  us.  And  far  be  it  from  me  to  describe 
the  way  he  looked  in  his  lowly  place  on  the 
grass.  There  wuz  a  good  stun  by  him  on 
which  he  might  have  sot,  but  no,  he  seemed 
to  feel  too  mean  to  get  up  onto  that  stun ; 
grass,  lowly,  unassumin'  grass,  wuz  what 
seemed  to  suit  him  best,  and  on  it  he  sot  with 
one  of  his  feet  stretched  out  in  front  of  him. 

Oh  !  the  pitifulness  of  that  look  he  gin  us, 


262 


Josiah  in  Distress. 


oh  !  the  meakinness  of  it.  And  even,  when 
his  eye  fell  on  the  Deacon  a  settin'  by  my 
side,  oh !  the  wild  gleam  of  hatred,  and  sullen 
anger  that  glowed  within  his  orb,  and  revenge  ! 
He  looked  at  the  Deacon,  and  then  at  his 
boots,  and  I  see  the  wild 
thought  wnz  a  enterin'  his  sole, 
to  throw  that  boot  at  him.  But 
I  says  out  of  that 
buggy  the  very  first 
thing  the  words  I 
have  so  oft  spoke  to 
him  in  hours  of 
danger:  "Josiah',  be 
calm  !" 

His  eye  fell  onto 
the  peaceful  grass 
agin,  and  he  says : 

"  Who  hain't  a  bein'  calm  ?     I  should  say  I 
wuz  calm  enough,  if  that  is  wha't  you  want." 
But  oh,  the  sullenness  of  that  love. 
Says  Ezra,  good  man, — he  see  right  through 
it  all  in  a  minute,  and  so  did  Druzilla  and 
the  Deacon — says  Ezra,  "  Get  up  on  the  seat 


On  it  he  sot  with  one  of  his  feet 
stretched  out  in  front  of  him. 


Josiah  is  Jealous.  263 

with  the  driver,  Josiah  Allen,  and  drive  back 
with  us." 

"  No,"  says  Josiah,  "  I  have  no  occasion,  I 
am  a  settin'  here,"  (looking  round  in  perfect 
agony)  "  I  am  a  settin'  here  to  admire  the 
scenery." 

Then  I  leaned  over  the  side  of  the  buggy, 
and  says  I,  "Josiah  Allen,  do  you  get  in  and 
ride,  it  will  kill  you  to  walk  back  ;  put  on  your 
boots  if  you  can,  and  ride,  seein'  Ezra  is  so 
perlite  as  to  ask  you." 

u  Yes,  I  see  he  is  very  perlite,  I  see  you 
have  set  amongst  very  polite  folks,  Samantha," 
says  he,  a  glarin'  at  Deacon  Balch  as  if  he 
would  rend  him  from  lim  to  lim.  "  But  as  I 
said,  I  have  no  occasion  to  ride,  I  took  off  my 
boots  and  stockings  merely — merely  to  pass 
away  time.  You  know  at  fashionable  resorts," 
says  he,  "it  is  sometimes  hard  for  men  to  pass 
away  time." 

Says  I  in  low,  deep  accents,  "  Do  put  on 
your  stockin's,  and  your  boots,  if  you  can  get 
'em  on,  which  I  doubt,  but  put  your  stockin's 
on  this  minute,  and  get  in,  and  ride." 


264  Josiatts  Excuses. 

1  Yes,"  says  Ezra,  "  hurry  up  and  get  in, 
Josiah  Allen,  it  must  be  dretful  oncomfortable 
a  settin7  down  there  in  the  grass." 

"Oh  no!"  says  Josiah,  and  he  kinder 
whistled  a  few  bars  of  no  tune  that  wuz  ever 
heard  on,  or  ever  will  be  heard  on  agin,  so 
wild  and  meloncholy  it  wuz, — "  I  sot  down 
here  kind  o'  careless.  I  thought  seein'  I 
hadn't  much  on  hand  to  do  at  this  time  o' 
year,  I  thought  I  would  like  to  look  at  niy 
feet — we  hain't  got  a  very  big  lookin'  glass  in 


our  room." 


Oh,  how  incoherent,  and  over-crazed  he  wuz 
a  becomin' !  Who  ever  heard  of  seein'  any 
body's  feet  in  a  lookin'  glass — of  dependin'  on 
a  lookin'  glass  for  a  sight  on  'em  ?  Oh  how  I 
pitied  that  man!  and  I  bent  down  and  says  to 
him  in  soothin'  axents :  "Josiah  Allen,  to 
please  your  pardner  you  put  on  your  stockin's 
and  get  into  this  buggy.  Take  your  boots  in 
your  hand,  Josiah,  I  know  you  can't  get  'em 
on,  you  have  walked  too  far  for  them  corns. 
Corns  that  are  trampled  on,  Josiah  Allen,  rise 
up  and  rends  you,  or  me,  or  anybody  else  who 


Josiah  Rides.  265 

owns  'em  or  tramples  on  'em.     It  hain't  your 
fault,    nobody   blames   you.     Now   get   right 


in." 


"  Yes,  do,"  says  the  Deacon. 

Oh  !  the  look  that  Josiah  Allen  gin  him.  I 
see  the  voyolence  of  that  look,  that  rested  first 
on  the  Deacon,  and  then  on  that  boot. 

And  agin  I  says,  ujosiah  Allen."  And 
agin  the  thought  of  his  own  feerful  acts,  and 
niy  warnin's,  came  over  him,  and  again  morti 
fication  seemed  to  envelop  him  like  a  mantilly, 
the  tabs  goin'  down  and  coverin'  his  lims — and 
agin  he  didn't  throw  that  boot.  Agin  Deacon 
Balch  escaped  oninjured,  saved  by  my  voice, 
and  Josiah's  inward  conscience,  inside  of  him. 

Wall,  suffice  it  to  say,  that  after  a  long 
parley,  Josiah  Allen  wuz  a  settin'  on  the  high 
seat  with  the  driver,  a  holdin'  his  boots  in  his 
hand,  for  truly  no  power  on  earth  could  have 
placed  them  boots  on  Josiah  Allen's  feet  in  the 
condition  they  then  wuz. 

And  so  he  rode  on  homewards,  occasionally 
a  lookin'  down  on  the  Deacon  with  looks  that 
I  hope  the  recordin'  angel  didn't  photograph, 


266  An  Ignominious  End. 

so  dire,  and  so  revengeful,  and  jealous,  and — 
and  everything,  they  wuz.  And  ever,  after 
ketchin'  the  look  in  iny  eye,  the  look  in  his'n 
would  change  to  a  heart-rendin'  one  of  remorse, 
and  sorrow,  and  shame  for  what  he  had  done. 
And  the  Deacon,  wantin'  to  be  dretful  perlite 
to  him,  would  ask  him  questions,  and  I  could 
see  the  side  of  Josiah's  face,  all  glarin'  like  a 
hyena  at  the  sound  of  his  voice,  and  then  he 
would  turn  round  and  ossuine  a  perlite  genteel 
look  as  he  answered  him,  and  then  he'd  glare 
at  me  in  a  mad  way  every  time  I  spoke  to  the 
Deacon,  and  then  his  mad  look  would  change, 
even  to  one  of  shame  and  meakinness.  And 
he  in  his  stockin'  feet,  and  a  pretendin'  that  he 
didn't  put  his  boots  on,  because  it  wuzn't  wuth 
while  to  put  'em  on  agin  so  near  bed-time. 
And  he  that  sot  out  that  afternoon  a  feelin'  so 
haughty,  and  lookin'  down  on  Ezra  and  Dru- 
zilla,  and  bein'  brung  back  by  'em,  in  that 
condition — and  being  goured  all  the  time  by 
thoughts  of  the  ignominious  way  his  nirtin' 
had  ended,  by  her  droppin'  him  by  the  side  of 
the  road,  like  a  weed  she  had  trampled  on  too 


An  Agonizing  Ride.  269 

hardly.  And  a  bein'  gourded  deeper  than  all 
the  rest  of  his  agonies,  by  a  senseless  jealonsy 
of  Deacon  Balch — and  a  thinkin'  for  the  first 
time  in  his  life,  what  it  would  be,  if  her  affec 
tions,  that  had  been  like  a  divine  beacon  to 
him  all  his  life,  if  that  flame  shonld  ever  go 
ont,  or  ever  flicker  in  its  earthly  socket — oh, 
those  thoughts  that  he  had  seemed  to  con 
sider  in  his  own  mad  race  for  fashion — oh,  how 
that  sass  that  had  seemed  sweet  to  him  as  a 
gander,  oh  how  bitter  and  poisonous  it  wuz  to 
partake  of  as  a  goose. 

Oh!  the  agony  of  that  ride.  We  went 
middlin'  slow  back — and  before  we  got  to 
Saratoga  the  English  girl  went  past  us,  she 
had  been  to  the  Sulphur  Springs  and  back 
agin.  She  didn't  pay  no  attention  to  us,  for 
she  wuz  a  layin'  on  a  plan  in  her  own  mind, 
for,  a  moonlight  pedestrian  excursion  on  foot, 
that  evening  out  to  the  old  battle  ground  of 
Saratoga. 

Josiah  never  looked  to  the  right  hand  nor 
the  left,  as  she  passed  him,  at  many,  many  a 
knot  an  hour.  And  I  felt  that  my  pardner's 


270 


A  Changed  Man. 


sufferings  from  that  cause  was  over,  and  mine 
too,  but  oh!  by  what  agony  wuz  it  gained. 
For  3  da}^s  and  3  nights  he  never  stood  on  any 
of  his  feet  for  a  consecutive  minute  and  a  half, 
and  I  bathed  him  with  anarky,  and  bathed  his 
very  soul  with  many  a  sweet  moral  lesson  at 
the  same  time.  And  wrhen  at  last  Josiah  Allen 
emerged  from  that  chamber,  he  wuz  a  changed 
man  in  his  demeanor  and  linenient,  such  is 
the  power  of  love  and  womanly  devotion. 

He  never  looked  at  a  woman  during  our 
hull  stay  at  Saratoga,  save  with  the  eye  of  a 
philosopher  and  a  Methodist. 


X. 


MISS   G.    WASHINGTON   FLAMM. 


7 


ISS  G.  Washington  Flamm  is  a  very 
fashionable  woman.  Thomas  Jef 
ferson  carried  her  through  a  law 
suit,  and  carried  her  stiddy  and 
safe.  (She  wuz  in  the  right  on't,  there  haint 
no  doubt  of  that.) 

271 


272  Hunting  for  Health. 

She  had  come  to  Jonesville  for  the  summer 
to  board,  her  husband  bein'  to  home  at  the 
time  in  New  York  village,  down  on  Wall 
Street.  He  had  to  stay  there,  so  she  said. 
I  don't  know  why,  but  s'pose  sunthin' 
wuz  the  matter  with  the  wall ;  anyway  he 
couldn't  leave  it.  And  she  went  round  to 
different  places  a  good  deal  for  her  health. 
There  didn't  seem  to  be  much  health  round 
where  her  husband  wuz,  so  she  had  to  go  away 
after  it,  go  a  huntin'  for  it,  way  over  to  Europe 
and  back  ag'in ;  and  away  off  to  California, 
and  Colerado,  and  Long  Branch,  and  Newport, 
and  Saratoga,  and  into  the  Country.  It  made 
it  real  bad  for  Miss  Flamm. 

Now  I  always  found  it  healthier  where 
Josiah  wuz  than  in  any  other  place.  Difference 
in  folks  I  s'pose.  But  they  say  there  is  sights 
and  sights  of  husbands  and  wives  jest  like 
Miss  Flamin.  Can't  find  a  mite  of  health  any 
where  near  where  their  families  is,  and  have 
to  poke  off  alone  after  it.  It  makes  it  real  bad 
for  'em. 

But  anyway  she  came  to  Jonesville  for  her 


Portrait  of  Miss  Flamm.  273 

health.  And  she  hearn  of  Thomas  Jefferson 
and  employed  him.  It  wuz  money  that  fell 
onto  her  from  her  father,  or  that  should  have 
fell,  that  she  wuz  a  tryin'  to  git  it  to  fall.  And 
he  won  the  case.  It  fell.  She  was  rich  as  a 
Jew  before  she  got  this  money,  but  she  acted 
as  tickled  over  it  as  if  she  wuzn't  worth  a  cent. 
(Human  nater.)  She  paid  Thomas  J.  well 
and  she  and  Maggie  and  he  got  to  be  quite 
good  friends. 

She  is  a  well-meanin',  fat  little  creeter,  what 
there  is  of  her.  I  have  seen  folks  smaller  than 
she  is,  and  then  ag'in  we  seen  them  that 
wuzn't  so  small.  She  is  middlin'  good 
lookin',  not  old  by  any  means,  but  there  is  a 
deep  wrinkle  plowed  right  into  her  forward, 
and  down  each  side  of  her  mouth.  They  are 
plowed  deep.  And  I  have  always  wondered 
to  myself  who  held  the  plow. 

It  wuzn't  age,  for  she  haint  old  enough. 
Wuz  it  Worry  ?  That  will  do  as  good  a  day's 
work  a  plowin'  as  any  creeter  I  ever  see,  and 
work  as  stiddy  after  it  gits  to  doin}  day's  works 
in  a  female's  face. 


274  D°g  Worriment. 

Was  it  Dissatisfaction  and  Disappointment  ? 
They,  too,  will  plow  deep  furrows  and  a  sight 
of  'em.  I  don't  know  what  it  wuz.  Mebby 
it  wuz  her  waist  and  sleeves.  Her  sleeves 
wuz  so  tight  that  they  kep'  her  hands 
lookin'  kinder  bloated  and  swelled  all  the  time, 
and  must  have  been  dretful  painful.  And  her 
waist — it  wuz  drawed  in  so  at  the  bottom,  that 
to  tell  the  livin*  truth  it  wuzn't  much  bigger'n 
a  pipe's  tail.  It  beat  all  to  see  the  size  im- 
megatly  above  and  below,  why  it  looked  per 
fectly  meraculous.  She  couldn't  get  her  hands 
up  to  her  head  to  save  her  life ;  if  she  felt  her 
head  a  tottlin'  off  of  her  shoulders  she  couldn't 
have  lifted  her  hands  to  have  stiddied  it, 
and,  of  course,  she  couldn't  get  a  long  breath, 
or  short  ones  with  any  comfort. 

Mebby  that  worried  her,  and  then  ag'in, 
mebby  it  wuz  dogs.  I  know  it  would  wear  me 
out  to  take  such  stiddy  care  on  one,  day  and 
night.  I  never  seemed  to  feel  no  drawin's  to 
take  care  of  animals,  wash  'em,  and  bathe 
'em,  and  exercise  'em,  etc.,  etc.,  never  havin' 
been  in  the  menagery  line  and  Josiah  always 


Neglect  of  Children.  275 

keepin'  a  boy  to  take  care  of  the  animals  when 
he  wuzn't  well.  Mebby  it  wuz  dogs.  Any 
way  she  took  splendid  care  of  hern,  jest  wore 
herself  out  a  doin'  for  it  stiddy  day  and  night 
and  bein'  trampled  on,  and  barked  at  almost 
all  the  time  she  wnz  a  bringin'  on  it  up. 

Yes,  she  took  perfectly  wonderful  care  on't, 
for  a  woman  in  her  health.  She  never  had 
been  able  to  take  any  care  of  her  children,  bein' 
very  delicate.  Never  had  been  well  enough  to 
have  any  of  'em  in  the  room  with  her  nights, 
or  in  the  day  time  either.  They  tired  her  so,  and 
she  wuz  one  of  the  wimmen  who  felt  it  wuz  her 
duty  to  preserve  her  health  for  her  family's 
sake.  Though  when  they  wuz  a  goin'  to  get 
the  benefit  of  her  health,  I  don't  know. 

But  howsumever  she  never  could  take  a  mite 
of  care  of  her  children,  they  wuz  brought  up 
on  wet  nurses,  and  bottles,  etc.,  etc.,  and  wuz 
rather  weakly,  some  on  'em.  The  nurses,  wet 
and  dry  ones  both,  used  to  gin  'em  things  to 
make  'em  sleep,  and  kinder  yank  'em  round 
and  scare  'em  nights  to  keep  'em  in  the  bed, 
and  neglect  'em  a  good  deal,  and  keep  'em  out 


276 


A  Nurse's  Care. 


in  the  brilin'  sun  when  they  wanted  to  see 
their  bows ;  and  for  the  same  reeson  keepin' 
'em  out  in  their  little  thin  dresses  in  the  cold, 
and  pinch  their  little  arms  black  and  blue  if 


The  nurses  used  to  keep  'em  out  in  the  brilin'  sun  when  they  wanted 
to  see  their  bows. 

they  went  to  tell  any  of  their  tricks.  And  they 
learnt  the  older  ones  to  be  deceitful  and  sly 
and  cowerdly.  Learnt  'em  to  use  jest  the 
same  slang  phrases  and  low  language  that 


Children  or  Dogs.  277 

they  did ;  tell  the  saine  lies,  and  so  they  wuz 
a  spilin'  'em  in  every  way  ;  spilin'  their  brains 
with  narcotics,  their  bodies  by  neglect  and  bad 
usage,  and  their  minds  and  morals  by  evil  ex 
amples. 

You  see  some  nurses  are  dretful  good.  But 
Miss  Flanim's  health  bein'  so  poor  and  her 
mind  bein'  so  took  up  with  fashion,  dogs,  etc., 
that  she  couldn't  take  the  trouble  to  find  out 
about  their  characters  and  they  wuz  dretful 
poor,  unbeknown  to  her.  She  had  dretful  bad 
luck  with  'em,  and  the  last  one  drinked,  so  I 
have  been  told. 

Yes,  it  made  it  dretful  bad  for  Miss  Flamm 
that  her  health  wuz  so  poor,  and  her  fashion 
able  engagements  so  many  and  arduous  that 
she  didn't  have  the  time  to  take  a  little  care 
of  her  children  and  the  dog  too.  For  you 
could  see  plain,  by  the  care  that  she  took  of 
that  dog,  what  a  splendid  hand  she  would  be 
with  the  children,  if  she  only  had  the  time  and 
health. 

Why,  I  don't  believe  there  wuz  another  dog 
in  America,  either  the  upper  or  lower  continent, 


278  The  Science  of  Dogs. 

that  had  more  lovin',  anxus,  intelligent,  de 
voted  attention  than  that  dog  had,  day  and 
night,  from  Miss  Flamm.  She  took  2  dog 
papers,  so  they  say,  to  get  the  latest  informa 
tion  on  the  subject ;  she  compared  notes  with 
other  dog  wimmen,  I  don't  say  it  in  a  runnin' 
way  at  all.  I  mean  wimmen  who  have  gin  their 
hnll  minds  to  dog,  havin',  some  on  'em,  re 
nounced  husbands,  and  mothers,  and  children 
for  dog  sake. 

You  know  there  are  sich  wimmen,  and  Miss 
Flamm  read  up  and  studied  with  constant  and 
absorbed  attention  all  the  latest  things  on  dog. 
Their  habits,  their  diet,  their  baths,  their 
robes,  their  ribbons,  and  bells,  and  collars, 
their  barks — nothin'  escaped  her ;  she  put  the 
best  things  she  learned  into  practice,  and  studied 
out  new  ones  for  herself.  She  said  she  had 
reduced  the  subject  to  a  science,  and  she  boasted 
proudly  that  her  dog,  the  last  one  she  had, 
went  ahead  of  any  dog  in  the  country.  And 
I  don't  know  but  it  did.  I  knew  it  had  a  good 
healthy  bark.  A  loud  strong  bark  that  must 
have  made  it  bad  for  her  in  the  night.  It 


Dog  -  Worsh  ip.  279 

always  slept  with  her,  for  she  didn't  dast  to 
trust  it  out  of  her  sight  nights.  It  had  had 
some  spells  in  the  night,  kinder  chills,  or 
spuzzums  like,  and  she  didn't  dast  to  be  away 
from  it  for  a  minute. 

She  wouldn't  let  the  wet  nurse  tech  it,  for 
her  youngest  child,  little  G.  Washington 
Flamm,  Jr.,  wuzn't  very  healthy,  and  Miss 
Flamm  thought  that  mebby  the  dog  might 
ketch  his  weakness  if  the  nurse  handled  it 
right  after  she  had  been  nursin'  the  baby. 
And  then  she  objected  to  the  nurse,  so  I  hearn, 
on  account  of  her  bein'  wet.  She  wanted  to 
keep  the  dog  dry.  I  hearn  this  ;  I  don't  know 
as  it  wuz  so.  But  I  hearn  these  things  long 
enough  before  I  ever  see  her.  And  when  I 
did  see  her  I  see  that  they  didn't  tell  me  no 
lies  about  her  devotion  to  the  dog,  for  she  jest 
worshiped  it,  that  was  plain  to  be  seen. 

Wall,  she  has  got  a  splendid  place  at  Sara 
toga  ;  a  cottage  she  calls  it.  /,  myself,  should 
call  it  a  house,  for  it  is  big  as  our  house  and 
Deacon  Peddick'ses  and  Mr.  Bobbett'ses  all 

put  together,  and  I  don't  know  but  bigger. 
18 


280  A  Pleasure  Ride. 

Wall,  she  invited  Josiah  and  me  to  drive  with 
her,  and  so  her  dog  and  she  stopped  for  us. 
(I  put  the  dog  first,  for  truly  she  seemed  to 
put  him  forward  on  every  occasion  in  front  of 
herself,  and  so  did  her  high-toned  relatives, 
who  wuz  with  her.) 

Or  I  s'pose  they  wuz  her  relatives  for  they 
sot  up  straight,  and  wuz  dretful  dressed  up, 
and  acted  awful  big-feelin'  and  never  took  no 
notice  of  Josiah  and  me,  no  more  than  if  we 
hadn't  been  there.  But  good  land  !  I  didn't 
care  for  that.  What  if  they  didn't  pay  any 
attention  to  us  ?  But  Josiah,  on  account  of 
his  tryin'  to  be  so  fashionable,  felt  it  deeply, 
and  he  sez  to  me  while  Miss  Flamni  wuz  a 
bendin'  down  oVer  the  dog,  a  talkin'  to  him, 
for  truly  it  wuz  tired  completely  out  a  barkin' 
at  Josiah,  it  had  barked  at  him  every  single 
minute  sense  we  had  started,  and  she  wuz  a 
talkin'  earnest  to  it  a  tryin'  to  soothe  it,  and 
Josiah  whispered  to  me,  "  I'll  tell  you,  Saman- 
tha,  why  them  fellers  feel  above  me  ;  it  is  be 
cause  I  haint  dressed  up  in  sech  a  dressy 
fashion.  Let  me  once  have  on  a  suit  like 


Ambitious  for  Gay  Dress.  283 

their'n,  white  legs,  and  yeller  trimmin's,  and 
big  shinin'  buttons  sot  on  in  rows,  and  white 
gloves,  and  rosettes  in  my  hat — why  I  could 
appear  in  jest  as  good  company  as  they  go  in." 

Sez  I,  "  Yon  are  too  old  to  be  dressed  up  so 
gay,  Josiah  Allen.  There  is  a  time  for  all 
things.  Gay  buttons  and  rosettes  look  well 
with  brown  hair,  and  sound  teeth,  but  they  ort 
to  gently  pass  away  when  they  do.  Don't 
talk  any  more  about  it,  Josiah,  for  I  tell  you 
plain,  you  are  too  old  to  dress  like  them,  they 
are  young  men." 

"  Wall,"  he  whispered,  in  deep  resolve-,  "  I 
will  have  a  white  rosette  in  my  hat,  Samantha. 
I  will  go  so  fur,  old  or  not  old.  What  a  sen 
sation  it  will  create  in  the  Jonesville  meetin'- 
house  to  see  me  come  a  walkin'  proudly  in, 
with  a  white  rosette  in  my  hat." 

"  You  are  goin'  to  walk  into  meetin'  with 
your  hat  on,  are  you  ?"  sez  I,  coldly. 

"  Oh,  ketch  a  feller  up.  You  know  what  1 
mean.  And  don't  you  think  I'll  make  a  show? 
Won't  it  create  a  sensation  in  Jonesville  ?" 

Sez  I,  "  Most  probable  it  would.     But  you 


284  Aspirations  in  Dress. 

haint  a  goin'  to  wear  no  bows  on  your  hat  at 
your  age,  not  if  I  can  break  it  up,"  sez  I. 

He  looked  almost  black  at  me,  and  sez  he, 
"  Don't  go  too  fur,  Samantha !  I'll  own  you 
have  been  a  good  wife  and  mother  and  all  that, 
but  there  is  a  line  that  you  must  stop  at.  You 
mustn't  go  too  fur.  There  is  some  things  in 
which  a  man  must  be  foot-loose,  and  that  is  in 
the  matter  of  dress.  I  shall  have  a  white 
rosette  on  my  hat,  and  some  big  white  buttons 
up  and  down  the  back  of  iny  overcoat !  That 
is  my  aim,  Samantha,  and  I  shall  reach  it,  if 
I  walk  through  goar." 

He  uttered  them  fearful  words  in  a  loud 
fierce  whisper  which  made  the  dog  bark  at 
him  for  more'n  ten  minutes  stiddy,  at  the  top 
of  its  voice,  and  in  quick  short  yelps. 

If  it  had  been  her  young  child  that  wuz 
yellin'  at  a  visitor  in  that  way  and  ketchin' 
holt  of  him,  and  tearin'  at  his  clothes,  the  child 
would  have  been  consigned  to  banishment  out 
of  the  room,  and  mebby  punishment.  But  it 
wuzn't  her  babe  and  so  it  remained,  and  it  dug 
its  feet  down  into  the  satin  and  laces  and  beads 


A  Sweet  Little  Angel. 


285 


of  Miss  Flarnm's  dress,  and  barked  to  that  ex 
tent  that  we  couldn't  hear  ourselves  think. 

And  she  called  it  "  sweet  little  angel,"  and 
told  it,  it  might  "  bark  its  little  cunnin'  bark." 
The  idee  of  a  angel  barkin' ;  jest  think  on't. 
And  we  endured  it  as  best  we  could  with  shak- 
in'  nerves  and 
achin'  ear-pans. 

It  was  a  curius 
time.  The  dog 
harrowin'  our 
nerve,  and  snap- 
pin'  at  Josiah 
anon,  if  not  of- 
tener,  and  ketch- 
in'  holt  of  him 
any  where,  and  "Its  little  cunnin>  bark'" 

she  a  callin'  it  a  angel ;  and  Josiah  a  look- 
in'  so  voyalent  at  it,  that  it  seemed  almost  as 
if  that  glance  could  stun  it. 

It  was  a  curi'us  seen.  But  truly  worse  wuz 
to  come,  for  Miss  Flamni  in  an  interval  of 
silence,  sez,  "  We  will  go  first  to  the  Gizer 
Spring  and  then,  afterwards,  to  the  Moon." 


286  Danger  Ahead. 

Or,  that  is  what  I  understand  her  to  say. 
And  though  I  kep'  still,  I  wuz  determined  to 
keep  my  eyes  out  and  if  I  see  her  goin'  into 
anything  dangerus,  I  wuz  goin'  to  reject  her 
overtures  to  take  us.  But  thinkses  I  to  my 
self,  "  We  always  said  I  believed  we  should 
travel  to  the  stars  sometime,  but  I  little 
thought  it  would  be  to-day,  or  that  I  should  go 
in  a  buggy." 

Josiah  shared  my  feelin's  I  could  see,  for  he 
whispered  to  me,  "  Don't  le's  go,  Samantha,  it 
must  be  dangerus !" 

But  I  whispered  back,  "  Le's  wait,  Josiah, 
and  see.  We  won't  donothin'  percipitate,  but," 
sez  I,  "  this  is  a  chance  that  we  most  probable 
never  will  have  ag'in.  Don't  le's  be  hasty." 
We  talked  these  things  in  secret,  while 
Miss  Flamm  wuz  a  bendin'  over,  and  conver- 
sin'  with  the  dog.  For  Josiah  would  ruther 
have  died  than  not  be  spozed  to  be  "  Oh  Fay," 
as  Maggie  would  say,  in  every  thing  fashion 
able.  And  it  has  always  been  my  way  to  wait 
and  see,  and  count  10,  or  even  20,  before 
speakin*. 


A  Great  Undertaking.  287 

And  then  Miss  Flainm  sez  sunthin'  about 
what  beautiful  fried  potatoes  you  could  get 
there  in  the  moon,  and  you  could  always  get 
them,  any  time  you  wanted  'em. 

And  the  very  next  time  she  went  to  kissin' 
the  dog  so  voyalently  as  not  to  notice  us,  my 
Josiah  whispered  to  me  and  sez,  "  Did  you 
have  any  idee  that  wuz  what  the  old  man  wuz 
a  doin'  ?  I  knew  he  wuz  always  a  settin'  up 
there  in  the  moon,  but  it  never  passed  my 
mind  that  he  wuz  a  fryin'  potatoes." 

But  I  sez,  "  Keep  still,  Josiah.  It  is  a  deep 
subject,  a  great  undertaking  and  it  requires 
caution  and  deliberation." 

But  he  sez,  "  I  haint  a  goin',  Samantha  ! 
Nor  I  haint  a  goin'  to  let  you  go.  It  is  dan- 
gerus." 

But  I  kinder  nudged  him,  for  she  had  the 
dog  down  on  her  lap,  and  wuz  ready  to  resoom 
conversation.  And  about  that  time  we  got  to 
the  entrance  of  the  spring,  and  one  of  her  rela 
tives  got  down  and  opened  the  carriage  door. 

I  wondered  ag'in  that  she  didn't  introduce 
us.  But  I  didn't  care  if  she  didn't.  I  felt  that 


288          Friendly  Overtures  Rejected. 

I  wuz  jest  as  good  as  they  wuz,  if  they  wuz  so 
haughty.  But  Josiah  wantin'  to  make  him 
self,  agreeable  to  'em  (he  hankers  after  gettin' 
into  high  society),  he  took  off  his  hat  and 
bowed  low  to  'em,  before  he  got  out,  and  sez 
he,  "  I  am  proud  to  know  you,  sir,"  and  tried 
to  shake  hands  with  him.  But  the  man  re 
jected  his  overtoors  and  looked  perfectly 
wooden,  and  oninterested.  A  big-feelin',  high- 
headed  creeter.  Josiah  Allen  is  as  good  as  he 
is  any  day.  And  I  whispered  to  him  and  sez, 
"  Don't  demean  yourself  by  tryin'  to  force 
your  company  onto  them  any  more." 

"  Wall,"  he  whispered  back,  "  I  do  love  to 
move  in  high  circles." 

Sez  I,  "  Then  I  shouldn't  think  you  would 
be  so  afraid  of  the  undertakin'  ahead  on  us. 
If  neighborin'  with  the  old  man  in  the  moon, 
and  eatin'  supper  with  him,  haint  movin'  in 
high  circles,  then  I  don't  know  what  is." 

"But  I  don't  want  to  go  into  any  thing 
dangerus,"  sez  he. 

But  jest  then  Miss  Flamm  spoke  to  me,  and 
I  moved  forward  by  her  side  and  into  a  niiddlin' 


At  the  Spring.  289 

big  room,  and  in  the  middle  wuz  a  great  sort 
of  a  well  like,  with  the  water  a  bubblin'  up  into 
a  cleer  crystal  globe,  and  a  sprayin'  up  out  of 
it,  in  a  slender  misty  sparklin'  spray.  It  wuz 
a  pretty  sight.  And  we  drinked  a  glass  full 
of  it  apiece,  and  then  we  wandered  out  of  the 
back  door-way,  and  went  down  into  the  pretty, 
old-fashioned  garden  back  of  the  house. 

Josiah  and  me  and  Miss  Flamm  went.  The 
dog  and  the  two  relatives  didn't  seem  to  want 
to  go.  The  relatives  sot  up  there  straight 
as  two  sticks,  one  of  'em  holdin'  the  dog,  and 
they  didn't  even  look  round  at  us. 

"  Felt  too  big  to  go  with  us,"  sez  Josiah, 
bitterly,  as  we  went  down  the  steps.  "  They 
won't  associate  with  me." 

a  Wall,  I  wouldn't  care  if  I  wuz  in  your 
place,  Josiah  Allen,"  sez  I,  "  you  are  jest  as 
good  as  they  be,  and  I  know  it." 

"  You  couldn't  make  them  think  so,  dumb 
'em,"  sez  he. 

I  liked  the  looks  of  it  down  there.  It  seems 
sometimes  as  if  Happiness  gets  kinder  home 
sick,  in  the  big  dusty  fashionable  places,  and 


290  Natures    Choice  Abode. 

so  goes  back  to  the  wild,  green  wood,  and 
kinder  wanders  off,  and  loafs  round,  amongst 
the  pine  trees,  and  cool  sparklin'  brooks  and 
wild  flowers  and  long  shinin'  grasses  and  slate 
stuns,  and  etc.,  etc. 

I  don't  believe  she  likes  it  half  so  well  up  in 
the  big  hotel  gardens  or  Courtin'  yards,  as 
she  does  down  there.  You  see  it  seems  as  if 
Happiness  would  have  to  be  more  dressed  up, 
up  there,  and  girted  down,  and  stiff  actin',  and 
on  her  good  behavior,  and  afraid  of  actin'  or 
lookin'  onfashionable.  But  down  here  by  the 
side  of  the  quiet  little  brook,  amongst  the  cool, 
green  grasses,  fur  away  from  diamonds,  and 
satins,  and  big  words,  and  dogs,  and  parasols, 
and  so  many,  many  that  are  a  chasin'  of  her 
and  a  follerin'  of  her  up,  it  seemed  more  as  if 
she  loved  to  get  away  from  it  all,  and  get  where 
she  could  take  her  crown  off,  lay  down  her 
septer,  onhook  her  corset,  and  put  on  a  long 
loose  gown,  and  lounge  round  and  enjoy  her 
self  (metafor) . 

We  had  a  happy  time  there.  We  went  over 
the  little  rustick  bridges  which  would  have 


Josiah  Disgusted.  293 

been  spilte  in  my  eyes  if  they  had  been  rounded 
off  on  the  edges,  or  a  mite  of  paint  on  'em. 
Truly,  I  felt  that  I  had  seen  enough  of  paint 
and  gildin'  to  last  me  through  a  long  life,  and 
it  did  seem  such  a  treat  to  me  to  see  a  board 
ag'in,  jest  a  plain  rough  bass-wood  board,  and 
some  stuns  a  lyiii'  in  the  road,  and  some  deep 
tall  grass  that  you  had  to  sort  a  wade 
through. 

Miss  Flamm  seemed  to  enjoy  it  some  down 
there,  though  she  spoke  of  the  dog,  which  she 
Jiad  left  up  with  her  relatives. 

"  3  big-feelin'  ones  together,"  I  whispered  to 
Josiah. 

And  he  sez,  "  Yes,  that  dog  is  a  big-feelin' 
little  cuss-torner.  And  if  I  wuz  a  chipmunk 
he  couldn't  bark  at  me  no  more  than  he  duz." 

And  I  looked  severe  at  Josiah  and  sez  I,  "If 
you  don't  jine  your  syllables  closer  together 
you  will  see  trouble,  Josiah  Allen.  You'll 
find  yourself  swearin'  before  you  know  it." 

"  Oh  shaw,"  sez  he,  "  customer  haint  a 
swearin' word ;  ministers  use  it.  I've  hearn 
'em  many  a  time." 


294  A  Crisis  Impending. 

"  Yes,"  sez  I,  "  but  they  don't  draw  it  out  as 
you  did,  Josiah  Allen." 

"  Oh !  wall !  Folks  can't  always  speak  up  pert 
and  quick  when  they  are  off  on  pleasure  ex 
ertions  and  have  been  barked  at  as  long  as  I 
have  been.  But  now  I've  got  a  minute's 
chance,"  sez  he,  "  let  me  tell  you  ag'in,  don't 
you  make  no  arraingments  to  go  to  the  Moon. 
It  is  dangerus,  and  I  won't  go  myself,  nor  let 
you  go." 

"  Let?  sez  I  to  myself.  "  That  is  rather  of  a 
gaulin'  word  to  me.  Won't  let  me  go."  But 
then  I  thought  ag'in,  and  thought  how  love 
and  tenderness  wuz  a  dictatin'  the  term,  and  I 
thought  to  myself,  it  has  a  good  sound  to  me, 
I  like  the  word.  I  love  to  hear  him  say  he 
won't  let  me  go. 

And  truly  to  me  it  looked  hazerdus.  But 
Miss  Flainm  seemed  ready  to  go  on,  and  on- 
willin'ly  I  follered  on  after  her  footsteps.  But 
I  looked  round,  and  said  "  Good-bye  "  in  my 
heart,  to  the  fine  trees,  the  cleer,  brown  waters 
of  the  brook,  the  grass,  and  the  wild  flowers, 
and  the  sweet  peace  that  wuz  over  all. 


Communing  with  Nature.  295 

"  Good-bye,"  sez  I.  "  If  I  don't  see  you  ag'in, 
jou'll  find  some  other  lover  that  will  appreciate 
you,  though  I  am  fur  away." 

They  didn't  answer  me  back,  none  on  'em, 
but  I  felt  that  they  understood  me.  The  pines 
whispered  sunthin'  to  each  other,  and  the 
brook  put  its  moist  lips  up  to  the  pebbly  shore 
and  whispered  sunthin'  to  the  grasses  that 
bent  down  to  hear  it.  I  don't  know  exactly 
what  it  wuz,  but  it  wuz  sunthin'  friendly  I 
know,  for  I  felt  it  speak  right  through  the  soft, 
summer  sunshine  into  my  heart.  They  couldn't 
exactly  tell  what  they  felt  towards  me,  and  I 
couldn't  exactly  tell  what  I  felt  towards  them, 
yet  we  understood  each  other ;  curi'us  haint  it  ? 

Wall,  we  got  into  the  carriage  ag'in,  one  of 
her  relatives  gettin'  down  to  open  the  door. 
They  knew  what  good  manners  is  ;  I'll  say  that 
for  'em.  And  Miss  Flamm  took  her  dog  into 
her  arms  seemin'ly  glad  to  get  holt  of  him 
ag'in,  and  kissed  it  several  times  with  a  deep 
love  and  devotedness.  She  takes  good  care  of 
that  dog.  And  what  makes  it  harder  for  her 
to  handle  him  is,  her  dress  is  so  tight,  and 


296  A  Defective  Goddess. 

her  sleeves.  I  s'pose  that  is  why  she  can't 
breathe  any  better,  and  what  makes  her  face 
and  hands  red,  and  kinder  swelled  np.  She 
can't  get  her  hands  to  her  head  to  save  her, 
and  if  a  assassin  should  strike  her,  she  couldn't 
raise  her  arm  to  ward  off  the  blow  if  he  killed 
her.  I  s'pose  it  worrys  her. 

And  she  has  to  put  her  bunnet  on  jest  as 
quick  as  she  gets  her  petticoats  on,  for  she 
can't  lift  her  arms  to  save  her  life  after  she 
gets  her  corsets  on.  She  owned  up  to  me  once 
that  it  made  her  feel  queer  to  be  a  walkin' 
round  her  room  with  not  much  on  only  her 
bunnet  all  trimmed  off  with  high  feathers  and 
artificial  flowers. 

But  she  said  she  wuz  willin'  to  do  anythin' 
necessary,  and  she  felt  that  she  must  have  her 
waist  taper,  no  matter  what  stood  in  the  way 
on't.  She  loves  the  looks  of  a  waist  that 
tapers.  That  wuz  all  the  fault  she  found  with 
the  goddus  of  Liberty  enlightenin'  the  world 
in  New  York  Harber.  We  got  to  talkin'  about 
it  and  she  said,  "  If  that  Goddus  only  had  cor 
sets  on,  and  sleeves  that  wuz  skin  tight,  and  her 


Mrs.  Flamm's  Ideal   Goddess.         297 


overskirt  looped  back  over  a  bustle,  it  would 
be  perfect!" 

But  I  told  her 
I  liked  her  looks 
as  well  ag'in  as 
she  wuz.  Why, 
s ez  I,  "  Ho  w 
could  she  lift  her 
torch  above  her 
head?  And  how 
could  she  ever 
enlighten  the 
world,  if  she  wuz 
so  held  down  by 
her  corsets  and 
sleeves  that  she 
couldn't  wave 
her  torch  ?" 

She  see  in  a 


Mrs-  Flamm's  Ideal  Goddess. 


minute    that    it 
couldn't  be  done. 
She  owned  up  that  she  couldn't  enlighten  the 
world  in  that  condition,  but  as  fur  as  looks 
went,  it  would  be  perfectly  beautiful. 
19 


Charity  Obscured  by  a  Dog. 

But  I  don't  think  so  at  all.  But,  as  I  say, 
Miss  Flamm  has  a  real  hard  time  on't,  all  bard 
down  as  she  is,  and  takin'  all  the  care  of  that 
dog,  day  and  night.  She  is  jest  devoted  to  it. 

Why  jest  before  we  started  a  little  lame  girl 
with  a  shabby  dress,  but  a  face  angel  sweet, 
came  to  the  side  of  the  carriage  to  sell  some 
water  lilies.  Her  face  looked  patient,  and 
wistful,  and  she  jest  held  out  her  flowers 
silently,  and  stood  with  her  bare  feet  on  the 
wet  ground  and  her  pretty  eyes  lookin'  piti 
fully  into  our'n.  She  wanted  to  sell  'em 
awfully,  I  could  see.  And  I  should  have 
bought  the  hull  of  'em  immegitly,  my  feelin's 
wuz  sech,  but  onfortionably  I  had  left  my  port- 
money  in  my  other  pocket,  and  Josiah  said  he 
had  left  his  (mebby  he  had).  But  Miss 
Flamm  would  have  bought  'em  in  a  minute,  I 
knew,  the  child's  face  looked  so  mournful  and 
appealin'  ;  she  would  have  bought  'em,  but 
she  wuz  so  engrossed  by  the  dog ;  she  wuz  a 
holdin'  him  up  in  front  of  her  a  admirin'  and 
carressin'  of  him,  so's  she  never  ketched  sight 
of  the  lame  child. 


At  the  Vichy  Spring.  299 

No  body,  not  the  best  natured  creeter  in  the 
world,  can  see  through  a  dog  when  it  is  held 
clost  up  to  the  eye,  closer  than  any  thing  else. 

Wall,  we  drove  down  to  what  they  called 
Vichy  Spring  and  there  on  a  pretty  pond  clost 
to  the  spring-house,  we  see  a  boat  with  a 
bycycle  on  it,  and  a  boy  a  ridin'  it.  The  boat 
wuz  rigged  out  to  look  like  a  swan  with  its 
wings  a  comin'  up  each  side  of  the  boy.  And 
down  on  the  water,  a  sailin'  along  closely  and 
silently  wuz  another  swan,  a  shadow  swan,  a 
follerin'  it  right  along.  It  wuz  a  fair  seen. 

And  Josiah  sez  to  me,  "  He  should  ride  that 
boat  before  he  left  Saratoga  ;  he  said  that  wuz 
a  undertakin'  that  a  man  might  be  proud  to 
accomplish." 

Sez  I,  "Josiah  Allen,  don't  you  do  anything 
of  the  kind." 

"  I  must,  Samantha,"  sez  he.  And  then  he 
got  all  animated  about  fixin'  up  a  boat  like  it 
at  home.  Sez  he,  "Don't  you  think  it  would 
be  splendid  to  have  one  on  the  canal  jest  be 
yond  the  orchard?"  And  sez  he,  "  Mebby, 
bein'  on  a  farm,  it  would  be  more  appropriate 


300  An  Appropriate  Emblem. 

to  have  a  big  goose  sculptured  out  on  it ;  don't 
you  think  so  ?" 

Sez  I,  "  Yes,  it  would  be  fur  more  appropri 
ate,  and  a  goose  a  ridin'  on  it.  But,"  sez  I, 
"  you  will  never  go  into  that  undertaken'  with 
niy  consent,  Josiah  Allen." 

"  Why,"  sez  he,  "  it  would  be  a  beautiful  re 
creation  ;  so  uneek." 

But  at  that  minute  Miss  Flamm  gin  the 
order  to  turn  round  and  start  for  the  Moon,  or 
that  is  how  I  understood  her,  and  I  whispered 
to  Josiah  and  sez,  "  She  means  to  go  in  the 
buggy,  for  the  land's  sake  !" 

And  Josiah  sez,  "  Wall,  I  haint  a  goin'  and 
you  haint.  I  won't  let  you  go  into  anything 
so  dangerus.  She  will  probably  drive  into  a 
baloon  before  long,  and  go  up  in  that  way,  but 
jest  before  she  drives  in,  you  and  I  will  get 
out,  Samantha,  if  we  have  to  walk  back." 

"  I  never  heard  of  anybody  goin'  up  in  a 
baloon  with  two  horses  and  a  buggy,"  sez  I. 

"  Wall,  new  things  are  a  happenin'  all  the 
time,  Sarnantha.  And  I  heard  a  feller  a  talk- 
in'  about  it  yesterday.  You  know  they  are  a 


The  Vichy  Spring  House. 


Ready  to  Jump.  303 

havin'  the  big  political  convention  here,  and 
he  said,  (he  wuz  a  real  cute  chap  too,)  he  said, 
( if  the  wind  wasted  in  that  convention  conld  be 
utilized  by  pipes  goin'  up  out  of  the  ruff  of 
that  buildin'  where  it  is  held,'  he  said,  l  it 
would  take  a  man  up  to  the  moon.'  I  heerd 
him  say  it.  And  now,  who  knows  but  they 
have  got  it  all  fixed.  There  was  dretful  windy 
speeches  there  this  morn  in'.  I  hearn  'em,  and 
I'll  bet  that  is  her  idee,  of  bein'  the  first  one  to 
try  it ;  she  is  so  fashionable.  But  I  haint  a  goin' 
up  in  no  sech  a  way." 

"  No,"  sez  I.  "  Nor  I  nuther.  It  would  be 
fur  from  my  wishes  to  be  carried  up  to  the 
skies  on  the  wind  of  a  political  convention. 
Though,"  sez  I  resonably,  "  I  haint  a  doubt  that 
there  wuz  sights,  and  sights  of  it  used  there." 

But  jest  at  this  minute  Miss  Flamm  got 
through  talkin'  with  her  relatives  about  the 
road,  and  settled  down  to  caressin'  the  dog 
ag'in,  and  Josiah  hadn't  time  to  remark  any 
further,  only  to  say,  "  Watch  me,  Samantha, 
and  when  I  say  jump,  jump." 

And  then  we  sot  still  but  watchful.     And 


304  A  Gnawirf  Angel. 

Miss  Flamm  kissed  the  dog  several  times  and 
pressed  him  to  her  heart  that  throbbed  full  of 
such  a  boundless  love  for  him.  And  he  lifted 
his  head  and  snapped  at  a  fly,  and  barked  at 
my  companion  with  a  renewed  energy,  and 
showed  his  intellect  and  delightful  qualities  in 
sech  remarkable  ways,  that  filled  Miss  Flamm's 
soul  deep  with  a  proud  joy  in  him.  And  then 
he  went  to  sleep  a  layin'  down  in  her  lap,  a 
mashin'  down  the  delicate  lace,  and  embroidery 
and  beads.  He  had  been  a  eatin'  the  beads,  I 
see  him  gnaw  off  more'n  two  dozen  of  'em,  and 
I  called  her  attention  to  it,  but  she  said,  "  The 
dear  little  darlin'  had  to  have  some  such  re 
creation."  And  she  let  him  go  on  with  it,  a 
mo  win'  'em  down,  as  long  as  he  seemed  to 
have  a  appetite  for  'em.  And  ag'in  she  called 
him  "  angel."  The  idee  of  a  angel  a  gnawin'  off 
beads,  and  a  yelpin'  ! 

And  I  asked  her,  and  I  couldn't  help  it, 
How  her  baby  wuz  that  afternoon,  and  if  she 
ever  took  it  out  to  drive  ? 

And  she  said  she  didn't  really  know  how  it 
wuz  this  afternoon  ;  it  wuzn't  very  well  in  the 


A  Killin*  Care. 


305 


mornin'.  The  nurse  had  it  out  somewhere, 
she  didn't  really  know  just  where.  And  she 
said,  no,  she  didn't  take  it  out  with  her  at  all 


She  had  to  get  up  to  warm  blankets  to  put  round  it. 

— fur  she  didn't  feel  equal  to  the  care  of  it,  in 
this  hot  weather. 

Miss  Flamm  haint  very  well,  I  could  see 
that.  The  care  of  that  dog  is  jest  a  killin'  her, 
a  carryin'  it  round  with  her  all  the  time  day 


306  Moon's. 

times,  and  a  bein'  up  with  it  so  much  nights. 
She  said  it  had  a  dretful  chill  the  night  before, 
and  she  had  to  get  up  to  warm  blankets  to  put 
round  it ;  "  its  nerves  wuz  so  weak,"  she  said, 
"  and  it  wuz  so  sensative  that  she  could  not 
trust  it  to  a  nurse."  She  has  a  hard  time  of  it ; 
there  haint  a  doubt  of  it. 

Wall,  it  wuz  anon,  or  jest  about  anon,  that 
Miss  Flamm  turned  to  me  and  sez,  "  Moon's 
is  one  of  the  pleasantest  places  on  the  lake.  I 
want  you  to  see  it ;  folks  drive  out  there  a 
sight  from  Saratoga." 

And  then  I  looked  at  Josiah,  and  Josiah 
looked  at  me,  and  peace  and  happiness  settled 
down  ag'in  onto  our  hearts. 

Wall,  we  got  there  considerably  before  anon 
and  we  found  that  Moon's  insted  of  bein'  up 
in  another  planet  wuz  a  big,  long  sort  a  low 
buildin'  settled  right  down  onto  this  old  earth, 
with  a  immense  piazza  stretchin'  along  the 

side  on't. 

And  Miss  Flamm  and  Josiah  and  me  dis 
embarked  from  the  carriage  right  onto  the  end 
of  it.  But  the  dog  and  her  relatives  stayed 


Fried  Potatoes.  307 

back  in  the  buggy  and  Josiah  spoke  bitterly  to 
me  ag'in  but  low,  "  They  think  it  would  hurt 
'em  to  associate  with  me  a  little,  dumb  'em  ; 
but  I  am  jest  as  good  as  they  be  any  day  of  the 
week,  if  I  haint  dressed  up  so  fancy." 

"  That's  so,"  sez  I,  whisperin'  back  to  him, 
"  and  don't  let  it  worry  you  a  mite.  Don't  try 
to  act  like  Haman,"  sez  I.  "  You  are  havin' 
lots  of  the  good  things  of  this  world,  and  are 
goin'  to  have  some  fried  potatoes.  Don't  let 
them  two  Mordecais  at  the  gate,  poisen  all  your 
happiness,  or  you  may  get  come  up  with  jest 
as  Haman  wuz." 

"I'd  love  to  hang  'em,"  sez  he,  "  as  high  as 
Haman's  gallows  would  let  'em  hang." 

"  Why, "sez  I,  "they haint  injured  you  in  any 
way.  They  seem  to  eat  like  perfect  gentle 
men.  A  little  too  exclusive  and  aristoocratic, 
mebby,  but  they  haint  done  nothin'  to  you." 

"  No,"  sez  he,  "  that  is  the  stick  on  it,  here 
we  be,  three  men  with  a  lot  of  wimmen.  And 
they  can't  associate  with  me  as  man  with  man, 
but  set  off  by  themselves  too  dumb  proud  to 
say  a  word  to  me,  that  is  the  dumb  of  it" 


308 


At  the  Tables. 


But  at  this  very  minute,  before  I  could  re 
buke  him  for  his  feerful  profanity,  Miss  Flamm 
motioned  to  us  to  come  and  take  a  seat  round 
a  little  table,  and  consequently  we  sot. 


A  long  broad  piazza  with  sights  and  sights  of  folks  on  it  a  settin' 
round  little  tables  like  our'n. 

It  was  a  long  broad  piazza  with  sights  and 
sights  of  folks  on  it  a  settin'  round  little  tables 
like  our'n,  and  all  a  lookin'  happy,  and  a 
laughin',  and  a  talkin'  and  a  drinkin'  different 


Saratoga  Lake.  309 

drinks,  sech  as  lemonade,  etc.,  and  eatin'  fried 
potatoes  and  sech. 

And  out  in  the  road  by  which  we  had  come, 
wuz  sights  and  sights  of  vehicles  and  con 
veyances  of  all  kinds  from  big  Tally  Ho 
coaches  with  four  horses  on  'em,  down  to  a 
little  two  wheeled  buggy.  The  road  wuz  full 
on  'em. 

In  front  of  us,  down  at  the  bottom  of  a  steep 
though  beautiful  hill,  lay  stretched  out  the 
clear  blue  waters  of  the  lake.  Smooth  and 
tranquil  it  looked  in  the  light  of  that  pleasant 
afternoon,  and  fur  off,  over  the  shinin'  waves, 
lay  the  island.  And  white-sailed  boats  wuz  a 
sailin'  slowly  by,  and  the  shadow  of  their  white 
sails  lay  down  in  the  water  a  floatin'  on  by  the 
side  of  the  boats,  lookin'  some  like  the  wings 
of  that  white  dove  that  used  to  watch  over 
Lake  Saratoga. 

And  as  I  looked  down  on  the  peaceful  seen, 
the  feelin's  I  had  down  in  the  wild  wood,  back 
of  the  Gizer  Spring  come  back  to  me.  The 
waves  rolled  in  softly  from  fur  off,  fur  off, 
bringin'  a  greetin'  to  me  unbeknown  to  any- 


310  Fearful  Meditations. 

body,  unbeknown  to  me.  It  come  into  my 
heart  unbidden,  unsought,  from  afur,  afur. 
Where  did  it  come  from  that  news  of  lands 
more  beautiful  than  any  that  lay  round  Mr. 
Moons'es,  beautiful  as  it  wuz. 

Echoes  of  music  sweeter  fur  than  wuz  a 
soundin'  from  the  band  down  by  the  shore, 
music  heard  by  some  finer  sense  than  heard 
that,  heavenly  sweet,  heavenly  sad,  throbbin' 
through  the  remoteness  of  that  country, 
through  the  nearness  of  it,  and  fillin'  my  eyes 
with  tears.  Not  sad  tears,  not  happy  ones, 
but  tears  that  come  only  to  them  that  shet 
their  eyes  and  behold  the  country,  and  love  it. 
The  waves  softly  lappin'  the  shore  brought  a 
message  to  me  ;  my  soul  hearn  it.  Who  sent 
it  ?  And  where,  and  when,  and  why  ? 

Not  a  trace  of  these  emotions  could  be  read 
on  my  countenance  as  I  sot  there  calmly  a 
eatin'  fried  potatoes.  And  they  did  go  beyond 
anything  I  ever  see  in  the  line  of  potatoes, 
and  I  thought  I  could  fry  potatoes  with  any 
one.  Yes,  such  wuz  my  feelin's  when  I  sot  out 
for  Mr.  Moons'es.  But  I  went  back  a  thinkin' 


Splendid  Fried  Potatoes.  311 

that  potatoes  had  never  been  fried  by  me,  sech 
is  the  power  of  a  grand  achievment  over  a  in 
ferior  one,  and  so  easy  is  the  sails  taken  down 
out  of  the  swellin'  barge  of  egotism. 

No,  them  potatoes  you  could  carry  in  your 
pocket  for  weeks  right  by  the  side  of  the  finest 
lace,  and  the  lace  would  be  improved  by  the 
purity  of  'em.  Fried  potatoes  in  that  condition, 
you  could  eat  'em  with  the  lightest  silk  gloves 
on,  and  the  tips  of  the  fingers  would  be  im 
proved  by  'em ;  fried  potatoes, — jest  think  oii't ! 

Wall  we  had  some  lemonade  too,  and  if 
you'll  believe  it, — I  don't  s'pose  you  will  but  it 
is  the  truth, — there  wuz  straws  in  them  glasses 
too.  But  you  may  as  well  believe  it  for  I  tell 
the  truth  at  all  times,  and  if  I  wuz  a  goin'  to  lie, 
I  wouldn't  lie  about  lemons.  And  then  I've 
always  noticed  it,  that  if  things  git  to  happenin' 
to  you,  lots  of  things  jest  like  it  will  happen. 
That  made  twice  in  one  week  or  so,  that  I  had 
found  straws  in  my  tumbler.  But  then  I  have 
had  company  three  days  a  runnin',  rainy  days 
too  sometimes.  It  haint  nothin'  to  wonder  at 
too  much.  Any  way  it  is  the  truth. 


312  End  of  the  Ride. 

Wall,  we  drinked  our  lemonade,  I  a  quietly 
takin'  out  the  straws  and  droppin'  'em  on  the 
floor  at  my  side  in  a  quiet  ladylike  manner, 
and  Josiah,  a  bein'  wunk  at  by  me,  doin'  the 
same  thing. 

And  anon,  our  carriage  drove  up  to  the  end 
of  the  piazza  agin  and  we  sot  sail  homewards. 
And  the  dog  barked  at  Josiah  almost  every 
step  of  the  way  back,  and  when  we  got  to  our 
boardin'  place,  Miss  Flamm  shook  hands  with 
us  both,  and  her  relatives  never  took  a  mite  of 
notice  of  us,  further  than  to  jump  down  and  open 
the  carriage  door  for  us  as  we  got  out.  (They 
are  genteel  in  their  manners,  and  Josiah  had  to 
admit  that  they  wuz,  much  as  his  feelin's  wuz 
hurt  by  their  haughtiness  towards  him.) 

And  then  the  dog,  and  Miss  Flamin  and  Miss 
Flamm's  relatives  drove  off. 


XL 


VISIT   TO   THE   INDIAN    ENCAMPMENT. 


T  wuz  a  fair  sunshiny  mornin>  (and 
it  duz  seem  to  me  that  the  fair 
ness  of  a  Saratoga  mornin'  seems 
fairer,  and  the  sunshine  more  sunshiny  than 
it  duz  anywhere  else) ,  that  Josiah  and  Ardelia 
and  me  sot  sail  for  the  Indian  Encampment, 
which  wuz  encamped  on  a  little  rise  of  ground 
to  the  eastward  of  where  we  wuz. 

Ardelia  wuz  to  come  to  our  boardin'  place  at 
half-past  9  A.  M.,  forenoon,  and  we  wuz  to  set 
out  together  from  there.  And  punctual  to  the 

313 


314  Beginning  Controversy. 

very  half  minute  I  wuz  down  on  the  piazza, 
with  my  mantilly  hung  over  my  arm  and  my 
umberel  in  my  left  hand.  Josiah  Allen  wuz  on 
the  right  side  on  me.  And  as  Ardelia  hadn't 
come  yet  we  sot  down  in  a  middlin'  quiet  part 
of  the  piazza,  and  waited  for  her. 

And  as  we  sot  there,  I  sez  to  Josiah,  as  I 
looked  out  on  the  fair  pleasant  mornin'  and 
the  fair  pleasant  faces  environin'  of  us  round, 
sez  I,  "  Saratoga  is  a  good-natured  place,  haint 
it,  Josiah  ?" 

And  he  said  (I  mistrust  his  corns  ached 
worse  than  common,  or  sunthin'),  he  said, 
he  didn't  see  as  it  wuz  any  better-natured 
than  Jonesville  or  Loontown. 

And  I  sez,  "  Yes  it  is,  Josiah  Allen."  Sez  I, 
"  folks  are  happier  here  and  more  generous, 
the  rich  ones  seem  inclined  to  help  them  that 
need  help  to  a  little  comfort  and  happiness. 
Jest  as  I  have  always  said,  Josiah  Allen. 
When  folks  are  happy  they  are  more  inclined 
to  do  good." 

"  Oh  shaw  !"  sez  Josiah.  "  That  never  made 
no  difference  with  me." 


Josiah  gets  Cross.  315 

"  What  didn't  ?»  sez  I. 

"  I'm  always  good,"  sez  he,  and  he  snapped 
out  the  words  real  snappish,  and  loud. 

And  I  sez  mildly,  "  Wall,  you  needn't  bring 
the  ruff  down  to  prove  your  goodness." 

And  he  went  on :  "I  don't  see  as  they  are 
so  pesky  good  here ;  I  haint  seen  nothin'  of 
it." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  when  I  look  over  Yaddo, 
and  Hilton  Park,  it  makes  me  reconciled, 
Josiah,  to  have  men  get  rich  ;  it  makes  me 
willin',  Josiah." 

And  he  sez  (cross),  He  guessed  men  would 
get  rich  whether  I  wuz  willin'  or  not ;  he 
guessed  they  wouldn't  ask  me. 

"  Wall,  you  needn't  snap  my  head  off,  Josiah 
Allen,"  sez  I,  "  because  I  love  to  see  folks  use 
their  wealth  to  make  pleasant  places  for  poor 
folks  to  wander  round  in,  and  forget  their  own 
narrow  rocky  roads  for  a  spell.  It  is  a  noble 
thing  to  do,  Josiah  Allen  ;  they  might  have 
built  high  walls  round  'em  if  they  had  been  a 
mind  to,  and  locked  the  gates  and  shet  out  all 

the  poor  and  tired-out  ones.     But  they  didn't, 
20 


316  Enough  Said. 

and  I  am   highly  tickled  at  the  thought  on't, 
Josiah  Allen." 

'  Wall,  I  don't  shet  up  our  suger  lot,  do  I  ? 
and  I  have  never  heerd  you  say  one  word  a 
praisin'  me  up  for  that." 

"  That  is  far  different,  Josiah  Allen,"  sez  I, 
"  there  is  nothin'  there  that  can  git  hurt,  only 
stumps.  And  you  have  never  laid  out  a  cent 
of  money  on  it.  And  they  have  spent  thou 
sands  and  thousands  of  dollars,  and  the  poorest 
little  child  in  Saratoga,  if  it  has  beauty-lovin' 
eyes,  can  go  in  and  enjoy  these  places  jest  as 
much  as  the  owners  can.  And  it  is  a  sweet 
thought  to  me,  Josiah  Allen." 

"Oh  wall,"  sez  he,  "  you  have  probable  said 
enough  about  it." 

Now  I  never  care  for  the  last  word,  some 
wimmen  do,  but  I  never  do.  But  still  I  wuzn't 
goin'  to  be  shet  right  off  from  talkin'  about 
these  places,  and  I  intimated  as  much  to  him, 
and  he  said,  "  Dumb  it  all !  I  could  talk  about 
'em  all  day,  if  I  wanted  to,  and  about  Demorist's 
Woods  too." 

"Wall,"    sez    I,    "that     is    another   place, 


"  I  love  to  see  folks  use  their  wealth  to  make  pleasant  places  for  poor  folks 
to  wander  round  in."  317 


Crazy  Doirfs.  319 

Josiah  Allen,  that  is  a  likely  well-meanin'  spot. 
Middlin'  curius  to  look  at,"  sez  I,  reesonably. 
"  It  makes  one's  head  feel  sort  a  strange  to  see 
them  criss-cross,  curius  poles,  and  floors  up  in 
trees,  and  ladders,  and  teterin'  boards,  and 
springs,  etc.,  etc.,  etc.  But  it  is  a  well-meanin' 
spot,  Josiah  Allen.  And  it  highly  tickled  me 
to  think  that  the  little  fresh  air  children  wuz 
brung  up  there  by  the  owner  of  the  woods  and 
the  poor  little  creeters,  out  of  their  dingy  dirty 
homes,  and  filthy  air,  wandered  round  for  one 
happy  day  in  the  green  woods,  in  the  fresh  air 
and  sunshine.  That  wuz  a  likely  thing  to  do, 
Josiah  Allen,  and  it  raises  a  man  more  in  my 
estimation  when  he's  doin'  sech  things  as  that, 
than  to  set  up  in  a  political  high  chair,  and 
have  a  lot  of  dirty  hands  clapped,  and  beery 
breaths  a  cheerin' him  on  up  the  political  arena." 
"  Oh  wall,"  sez  Josiah,  "the  doin's  in  them 
woods  is  enough  to  make  anybody  a  dumb 
lunatick.  The  crazyest  lookin'  lot  of  stuff  I 
ever  set  eyes  on." 

'  Wall,  anyway,"  sez  I,  "  it  is  a  good  crazy, 
if  it  is,  and  a  well-meanin'  one." 


320 


Josiah  }s  Jealousy. 


Oh,  how  cross  Josiah  Allen  did  look  as  he 
heerd  me  say  these  words.  That  man  can't 
bear  to  hear  rne  say  one  word  a  praisin'  up 
another  man,  and  it  grows  on  him. 


Oh,  how  cross  Josiah  Allen  did  look  as  he  heerd  me  say  these  words. 

But  good  land !  I  am  a  goin'  to  speak  out 
my  mind  as  long  as  my  breath  is  spared.  And 
I  said  quite  a  number  of  words  more  about 
the  deep  enjoyment  it  gin  me  to  see  these 


He  is  Mollified.  321 

broad,  pleasure  grounds  free  for  all,  rich  and 
poor,  bond  and  free,  hombly  and  handsome, 
etc.,  etc. 

And  I  spoke  about  the  charitable  houses, 
St.  Christiana's  Home,  and  the  Home  for  Old 
Female  Wimmen,  and  mentioned  the  fact  in 
warm  tones  of  how  a  good,  noble-hearted  woman 
had  started  that  cherity  in  the  first  on't. 

And  Josiah,  while  I  wuz  talkin'  about  these 
wimmen,  became  meak  as  a  lamb.  They 
seemed  to  quiet  him.  He  looked  real  rnolly- 
fied  by  the  time  Ardelia  got  there,  which  wuz 
anon.  And  then  we  sot  sail  for  the  Encamp 
ment. 

The  Encampment  is  encamped  on  one  end 
of  a  big,  square,  wild-lookin'  lot  right  back  of 
one  of  the  biggest  tarvens  in  Saratoga.  It  is 
jest  as  wild  lookin'  and  appeerin'  a  field  as 
there  is  in  the  outskirts  of  Loontown  or  Jones- 
ville.  Why  Uncle  Grant  Hozzleton's  stunny 
pasture  don't  look  no  more  sort  a  broke  up 
and  rural  than  that  duz.  I  wondered  some 
why  they  had  it  there,  and  then  I  thought 
mebby  they  kep'  it  to  remember  Nater  by, 


322  Natures  Ruder  Dresses. 

old  Nater  herself,  that  runs  a  pretty  small 
chance  to  be  thought  on  in  sech  a  place  as 
this. 

You  know  there  is  so  much  orniment  and 
gildin'  and  art  in  the  landscape  and  folks,  that 
mebby  they  might  forget  the  great  mother  of 
us  all,  that  is,  right  in  the  thickest  of  the 
crowd  they  might,  but  they  have  only  to  take 
these  few  steps  and  they  will  see  Ma  Nater 
with  her  every-day  dress  on,  not  fixed  up  a 
mite.  And  I  s'pose  she  looks  good  to  'em. 

I  myself  think  that  Mother  Nater  might 
smooth  herself  out  a  little  there  with  no  hurt 
to  herself  or  her  childern.  I  don't  believe  in 
Mas  goin'  round  with  their  dresses  onhooked, 
and  slip-shod,  and  their  hair  all  stragglin'  out 
of  their  combs.  (I  say  this  in  metafor.  I 
don't  s'pose  Ma  Nater  ever  wore  a  back  comb 
or  had  hooks  and  eyes  on  her  gown ;  I  say  it 
for  oritory,  and  would  wish  to  be  took  in  a 
oritorius  way.) 

And  I  don't  say  right  out,  that  the  reeson  I 
have  named  is  the  one  why  they  keep  that 
place  a  lookin*  so  like  furey,  I  said,  mebby.  But 


At  the  Encampment.  323 

I  will  say  this,  that  it  is  a  wild-lookin'  spot, 
and  hombly. 

Wall,  on  the  upper  end  on't,  standin'  np  on 
the  top  of  a  sort  of  a  hill,  the  Indian  Encamp 
ment  is  encamped.  There  is  a  hull  row  of 
little  stores,  and  there  is  swings,  and  public 
diversions  of  different  kinds,  krokay  grounds, 
etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

Wall,  Ardelia  stopped  at  one  of  these  stores 
kep'  by  a  Injun,  not  a  West,  but  a  East  one, 
and  began  to  price  some  wooden  bracelets,  and 
try  'em  on,  and  Josiah  and  me  wandered  on. 

And  anon,  we  came  to  a  tent  with  some  good 
verses  of  Scripter  on  it ;  good  solid  Bible  it 
wuz ;  and  so  I  see  it  wuz  a  good  creeter  in 
there  anyway.  And  I  asked  a  bystander  a 
standin'  by,  Who  wuz  in  there,  and  Why,  and 
When? 

And  he  said  it  wuz  a  fortune-teller  who 
would  look  in  the  pamm  of  my  hand,  and  tell 
me  all  my  fortune  that  wuz  a  passin'  by.  And 
I  said  I  guessed  I  would  go  in,  for  I  would 
love  to  know  how  the  childern  wuz  that  morn- 
in',  and  whether  the  baby  had  got  over  her 


324  you  will  get  Him. 

cold.  I  hadn't  heerd  from  'em  in  over  two 
days. 

Josiah  kinder  hung  round  outside  though 
he  wuz  willin'  to  have  me  go  in.  He  jest  wor 
ships  the  childern  and  the  baby.  And  he  sees 
the  texts  from  Job  on  it,  with  his  own  eyes. 

So  I  bid  him  a  affectionate  farewell,  and  we 
see  the  woman  a  lookin'  out  of  the  tent  and 
witnessin'  on't.  But  I  didn't  care.  If  a  pair 
of  companions  and  a  pair  of  grandparents 
can't  act  affectionate,  who  can  ?  And  the 
world  and  the  Social  Science  meetin'  might 
try  in  vain  to  bring  up  any  reeson  why  they 
shouldn't. 

So  I  went  in,  with  my  mind  all  took  up  with 
the  grandchildern.  But  the  first  words  she 
sez  to  me  wuz,  as  she  looked  clost  at  the 
pamm  of  my  hand,  "  Keep  up  good  spirits, 
Mom ;  you  will  get  him  in  spite  of  all  oppo 
sition." 

"  Get  who  ?"  sez  I,  "  And  what  ?" 

"  A  man  you  want  to  marry.  A  small  bald- 
headed  man,  a  amiable-lookin',  slender  man. 
His  heart  is  sot  on  you.  And  all  the  efferts 


Fu rther  Encou ragemen  t. 


325 


of  the  light-complected  woman  in  the  blue  hat 
will  be  in  vain  to  break  it  up.     Keep  up  good 


She  sez  to  me,  as  she  looked  clost  at  the  pamm  of  my  hand,  "Keep  up 
good  spirits,  Mom ;  you  will  get  him  in  spite  of  all  opposition." 


courage,  you  will  marry  him  in  spite  of  all," 
sez  she.  porin'  over  my  pamm  and  studyin'  it 
as  if  it  wuz  a  jography. 


326  Broken  Lines. 

"  For  the  land's  sake !"  sez  I,  bein'  fairly 
stunted  with  the  idees  she  promulgated. 

"  Yes,  you  will  niarry  him,  and  be  happy. 
But  you  have  had  a  sickness  in  the  past  and 
your  line  of  happiness  has  been  broke  once  or 
twice." 

Sez  I,  "I  should  think  as  much ;  let  a 
woman  live  with  a  man,  the  best  man  in  the 
world  for  20  years,  and  if  her  line  of  happiness 
haint  broke  more  than  once  or  twice,  why  it 
speaks  well  for  the  line,  that  is  all.  It  is  a 
good,  strong  line." 

"  Then  you  have  been  married?"  says  she. 

"  Yes,  Mom,"  sez  I. 

"Oh,  I  see,  down  in  the  corner  of  your  hand 
is  a  coffin,  you  are  a  widow,  you  have  seen 
trouble.  But  you  will  be  happy.  The  mild, 
bald  gentleman  will  make  you  happy.  He 
will  lead  you  to  the  altar  in  spite  of  the  light- 
complected  woman  with  the  blue  hat  on." 

Ardelia  Tutt  had  on  a  blue  hat,  the  idee  ! 
But  I  let  her  go  on.  Thinkses  I,  "I  have  paid 
my  mone}^  and  now  it  stands  me  in  hand  to 
get  the  worth  onV  So  she  comferted  me  up 


Wonderful  Tales.  327 

with  the  hope  of  'gettin'  my  Josiah  for  quite  a 
spell. 

Gettin'  my  pardner  !  Gettin'  the  father  of 
my  cliildern,  and  the  grandparent  of  my  grand- 
childern !  Jest  think  on't,  will  you  ? 

But  then  she  branched  off  and  told  me  things 
that  wuz  truly  wonderful.  Where  and  how 
she  got  'em  wuz  and  is  a  mystery  to  me.  True 
things,  and  strange. 

Why  it  seemed  same  as  if  them  tall  pines, 
that  wuz  a  whisperin'  together  over  the  En 
campment  wuz  a  peerin'  over  into  my  past,  and 
a  whisperin'  it  down  to  her.  Or,  in  some  way 
or  other,  the  truth  wuz  a  bein'  filtered  down  to 
her  comprehension  through  some  avenue  be 
yond  our  sense  or  sight. 

It  is  a  curius  thing,  so  I  think,  and  so 
Josiah  thinks.  We  talked  it  over  after  I 
came  out,  and  we  wuz  a  wanderin'  on  about 
the  Encampment.  I  told  him  some  of  the 
wonderful  things  she  had  told  me  and  he 
didn't  believe  it.  "  For,"  sez  he,  "  I'll  be 
hanged  if  I  can  understand  and  I  won't  be 
lieve  anything  that  I  can't  understand !" 


328  Josiah  on  Jimson  Weeds. 

And  I  pointed  with  the  top  of  my  umberel 
at  a  weed  growin'  by  the  side  of  the  road,  and 
sez  I,  "  When  you  tell  me  jest  how  that  weed 
draws  ont  of  the  black  ground  jest  the  ingre 
dients  she  needs  to  make  her  blue  foretop,  and 
her  green  gown,  then  I'll  tell  you  all  about  this 
secret  that  Nater  holds  back  from  us  a  spell, 
but  will  reveel  to  us  when  the  time  comes." 

"  Oh  shaw  !"  sez  Josiah,  "  I  guess  I  know 
all  about  a  jimson  weed.  Why  they  grow ; 
that  is  all  there  is  about  them.  They  grow, 
dumb  'em.  I  guess  if  you'd  broke  your  back 
as  many  times  as  I  have  a  pullin'  'em  up,  you 
would  know  all  about  'em.  Dumb  their  dumb 
picters,"  sez  he,  a  scowlin'  at  'em. 

It  wuz  the  same  kind  of  weed  that  growed 
in  our  onion  beds.  I  re^nized  it.  Them 
and  white  daisies,  our  garden  wuz  overrun 
by  'em  both. 

But  I  sez,  "  Can  you  tell  how  the  little  seed 
of  this  weed  goes  down  into  the  earth  and 
selects  jest  what  she  wants  out  of  the  great 
storehouse  below  ?  She  never  comes  out  in  a 
pink  head-dress  or  a  yellow  gown.  No,  she 


A  Startling  Sight.  329 

always  selects  what  will  make  the  blue.  It 
shows  that  it  has  life,  intelligence,  or  else  it 
couldn't  think,  way  down  under  the  ground, 
and  grope  in  the  dark,  but  always  gropin'  jest 
right,  always  a  thinkin'  the  right  thing,  never, 
never  in  the  hundreds  and  thousands  of  years 
makin'  a  mistake.  Why,  you  couldn't  do  it, 
Josiah  Allen,  nor  I  couldn't. 

"  And  we  set  and  see  these  silent  mysteries 
a  goin'  on  right  at  our  door-step  day  by  day, 
and  year  by  year,  and  think  nothin'  of  it,  be 
cause  it  is  so  common.  But  if  anything  else, 
some  new  law,  some  new  wonder  we  don't 
understand  comes  in  our  way,  we  are  ready  to 
reject  it  and  say  it  is  a  lie.  But  you  know, 
Josiah  Allen,"  sez  I,  jest  ready  to  go  on  elo 
quent — 

But  I  wuz  interrupted  jest  here  by  my  com 
panion  hollerin'  up  in  a  loud  voice  to  a  boy, 
"Here!  you  stop  that,  you  young  scamp! 
Don't  you  let  me  see  you  a  doin'  that  agin !" 

Sez  I,  "  What  is  it,  Josiah  Allen  ?" 

"  Why  look  at  them  young  imps,  a  thro  win' 
sticks  at  that  feeble  old  woman,  over  there." 


330  Shameful  Abuse. 

I  looked,  and  my  own  heart  wuz  rousted  up 
with  indignation.  I  stood  where  I  couldn't  see 
her  face,  but  I  see  she  wuz  old,  feeble,  and 
bent,  a  withered  poor  old  creeter,  and  they  had 
marked  up  over  her,  her  name,  Aunt  Sally. 

I  too  wuz  burnin'  indignant  to  see  a  lot  of 
young  creeters  a  throwin'  sticks  at  her,  and  I 
cried  out  loud,  "  Do  you  let  Sarah  be." 

They  turned  round  and  laughed  in  our  faces, 
and  I  went  on  :  "  I'd  be  ashamed  of  myself  if 
I  wuz  in  your  places,  to  be  a  throwin'  sticks 
at  that  feeble  old  woman.  Why  don't  you 
spend  your  strengths  a  try  in?  to  do  sunthin' 
for  her  ?  Git  her  a  home,  and  sunthin'  to  eat, 
and  a  better  dress.  Before  I'd  do  what  you 
are  a  doin'  now,  I'd  growvel  in  the  dust.  Why, 
if  you  wuz  my  boys  I'd  give  you  as  good  a 
spankin'  as  you  ever  had." 

But  they  jest  laughed  at  us,  the  impudent 
creeters.  And  one  of  the  boys  at  that  minute 
took  up  a  stick  and  threw  it,  and  hit  Sarah 
right  on  her  poor  old  head. 

Sez  Josiah,  "  Don't  you  hit  Sarah  agin." 

Sez  the  boys,  "  We  will,"  and  two  of  'em 


Josiah  Plunges  into  Action.  333 

hit  her  at  one  time.  And  one  of  'em  knocked 
the  pipe  right  out  of  her  mouth.  She  wuz  a 
smokin',  poor  old  creeter.  I  s'pose  that  wuz 
all  the  comfert  she  took.  But  did  them  little 
imps  care  ?  They  knocked  her  as  if  they  hated 
the  sight  of  her.  And  my  Josiah  (I  wuz  proud 
of  that  man)  jest  advanced  onto  'em,  and  took 
'em  one  in  each  hand,  and  gin  'em  sech  a 
shakin',  that  I  most  expected  to  see  their  bones 
drop  out,  and  sez  he  between  each  shake, 
"  Will  you  let  Sarah  alone  now  ?" 

I  was  proud  of  my  Josiah,  but  fearful  of  the 
effect  of  so  much  voyalence  onto  his  constitu 
tion,  and  also  onto  the  boys'  frames.  And  I 
advanced  onto  the  seen  of  carnage  and  besought 
him  to  be  calm.  Sez  he,  "I  won't  be  calm!" 
sez  he,  "  I  haint  the  man,  Samantha,  to  stand 
by  and  see  one  of  your  sect  throwed  at,  as  I 
have  seen  Sarah  throwed  at,  without  avengin' 
of  it." 

And  agin  he  shook  them  boys  with  a  ve 
hemence.  The  pennies  and  marbles  in  their 
pockets  rattled  and  their  bones  seemed  ready 
to  part  asunder.  I  wuz  proud  of  that  noble 
21 


334 


Satisfactory  Explanation. 


man,  my  pardner.  But  still  I  knew  that  if  their 
bones  wuz  shattered  my  pardner  would  be 
avenged  upon  by  incensed  parents.  And  I  sez, 

"I'd  let  'em  go 
now,  Josiah.  I 
don't  believe 
they'll  ever  harm 
Sarah  agin."  Sez 
I,  "  Boys,  you 
won't,  will  you 
ever  strike  a  poor 
feeble  old  woman 
agin?"  Sez  I, 
"promise  me  boys, 
not  to  hurt  Sarah. ' ' 
I  don't  know 
what  the  effect  of 
my  words  would 
have  been,  but  a 
man  came  up  jest 
then  and  explain 
ed  to  me,  that  Aunt  Sally  wuz  a  image  that 
they  throwed  at  for  one  cent  apiece  to  see  if 
they  could  break  her  pipe. 


And  agin  he  shook  them  boys  with 
vehemence. 


Uncle  Sam  and  Aunt  Sally.          335 

I  see  how  it  wuz,  and  cooled  right  down  and 
so  did  Josiah.  And  he  gin  the  boys  five  cents 
apiece  and  quiet  rained  down  on  the  Encamp 
ment. 

But  I  sez  to  the  man,  "  I  don't  like  the  idee 
of  havin'  my  sect  throwed  at  from  day  to  day, 
and  week  to  week."  Sez  I,  "  Why  didn't  you 
have  a  man  fixed  up  to  throw  at,  why  didn't 
you  have  a  Uncle  Sam  ?"  Sez  I,  "  I  don't  over 
and  above  like  it ;  it  seems  to  be  a  sort  of  a 
slight  onto  my  sect." 

Sez  the  man  winkiii'  kinder  sly  at  Josiah, 
"  It  won't  do  to  make  fun  of  men,  men  have 
the  power  in  their  hands  and  would  resent  it 
mebby.  Uncle  Sam  can't  be  used  jest  like 
Aunt  Sally." 

Sez  I,  "That  haint  the  right  spirit.  There 
haint  nothin'  over  and  above  noble  in  that, 
and  manly." 

I  wuz  kinder  rousted  up  about  it,  and  so 
wuz  Josiah.  And  that  is  I  s'pose  the  reasun 
of  his  bein'  so  voyalent,  at  the  next  place  of 
recreation  we  halted  at.  Josiah  see  the  picture 
of  the  mermaid  ;  that  beautiful  female,  a  settin' 


336  The  Mermaid  of  Fancy. 

on  the  rock  and  combin'  her  long  golden  hair. 
And  he  proposed  that  we  should  goiii  and  see  it. 

Sez  I,  "  It  costs  ten  cents  apiece,  Josiah 
Allen.  Think  of  the  cost  before  it  is  too  late." 
Sez  I,  "  Your  expenditure  of  money  to-day  has 
been  unusial."  Sez  I,  "  The  sum  often  cents 
has  jest  been  raised  by  you  for  noble  principles, 
and  I  honer  you  for  it.  But  still  the  money 
has  gone."  Sez  I,  "  Do  you  feel  able  to  incur 
the  entire  expense  ?" 

Sez  he,  "  All  my  life,  Samantha,  I  have  jest 
hankered  after  seein'  a  mermaid.  Them  beau 
tiful  creeters,  a  settin'  and  combin'  their  long 
golden  tresses.  I  feel  that  I  must  see  it.  I 
fairly  long  to  see  one  of  them  beautiful,  lovely 
beiii's  before  I  die." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  u  If  you  feel  like  that,  Josiah 
Allen,  it  is  fur  from  me  to  balk  you  in  your 
search  for  beauty.  I  too  admire  loveliness, 
Josiah  Allen,  and  seek  after  it."  And  sez  I, 
"  I  will  faithfully  follow  at  your  side,  and  to 
gether  we  will  bask  in  the  rays  of  beauty,  to 
gether  will  we  be  lifted  up  and  inspired  by  the 
immortal  spirit  of  loveliness." 


Towering  Wrath.  337 

So  payin'  our  30  cents  we  advanced  up  the 
steps,  I  expectin'  soon  to  be  made  Happy,  and 
Josiah  held  up  by  the  expectation  of  soon 
havin'  his  eyes  blest  by  that  vision  of  enchant- 
in'  beauty,  he  had  so  long  dremp  of. 

He  advanced  onto  the  pen  first  and  before 
I  even  glanced  down  into  the  deep  where  as  I 
s'posed  she  set  on  a  rock  a  combiii'  out  her 
long  golden  hair,  a  singin'  her  lurin'  and  en 
chanted  song,  to  distant  mariners  she  had 
known,  and  to  the  one  who  wuz  a  showiii'  of 
her  off, — before  I  had  time  to  even  glance  at 
her,  the  maid,  I  wuz  dumbfounded  and  stood 
agast,  at  the  mighty  change  that  came  over 
my  pardner's  linement. 

He  towered  up  in  grandeur  and  in  wrath  be 
fore  me.  He  seemed  almost  like  a  offended 
male  fowl  when  ravenin'  hawks  are  angerin' 
of  it  beyond  its  strength  to  endure.  I  don't 
like  that  metafor  ;  I  don't  love  to  compare  my 
pardner  to  any  fowl,  wild  or  tame  ;  but  my 
frenzied  haste  to  describe  the  fearful  seen  must 
be  my  excuse,  and  also  niy  agitation  in  re- 
callin'  of  it. 


338 


Fierce  Demands. 


He  towered  up,  lie  fluttered  so  to  speak 
majestically,  and  he  sez  in  loud  wild  axents 
that  must  have  struck  terror  to  the  soul  of  that 
mariner,  "  Where  is  the  hair-comb  ?" 

And   then  he   shook   his  fist    in   the   face 


of  that  mariner,  and 
cries  out  once  agin, 
"  Where  is  them 
long,  golden  tresses? 
Bring  'em  on  this  in- 

He  shook  his  fist  in  the  face  of  that 

Stailt !      Fetch   On    that      mariner,    and    cries    out    once    agin, 

"Where     is     them      long,      golden 

hair-comb,  in  a  min-  tresses?" 

ute's  time,  or  I'll  prosecute  you,  and  sue  you, 

and  take  the  law  to  you  ! " 

The  mariner  quailed  before  him  and  sez  I, 
"  My  dear  pardner,  be  calm  !     Be  calm  !" 


Josiah  Rages.  339 

"  I  won't  be  calm  1" 

Sez  I  mildly,  but  firmly,  "  You  must,  Josiah 
Allen  ;  you  must !  or  you  will  break  open 
your  own  chest.  You  must  be  calm." 

"And  I  tell  you  I  won't  be  calm.  And  I 
tell  you,"  sez  he,  a  turnin'  to  that  destracted 
mariner  agin,  "  I  tell  you  to  bring  on  that  comb 
and  that  long  hair,  this  instant.  Do  you  s'pose 
I'm  goin'  to  pay  out  my  money  to  see  that 
rack-a-bone  that  I  wouldn't  have  a  layin'  out  in 
my  barn-yard  for  fear  of  scerm'  the  dumb  scere- 
crows  out  in  the  lot.  Do  you  s'pose  I'm  goin' 
to  pay  out  my  money  for  seein'  that  dried  up 
mummy  of  the  hombliest  thing  ever  made  on 
earth,  the  durnbdest,  hombliest ;  with  2  or  3 
horse  hairs  pasted  onto  its  yeller  old  shell  ? 
Do  you  s'pose  I'm  goin'  to  be  cheated  by  seein' 
that,  into  thinkin'  it  is  a  beautiful  creeter 
a  playin'  and  cornbin'  her  hair?  Bring  on 
that  beautiful  creeter  a  combin'  out  her  long, 
golden  hair  this  instant,  and  bring  out  the 
comb  and  I'll  give  you  five  minutes  to  do 
it  in." 

He  wuz  hoorse  with  emotion,  and  he  wuz 


340  The  Mermaid  of  Reality. 

pale  round  his  lips  as  anything  and  his  eyes 
under  his  forward  looked  glassy.  I  wuz  fear 
ful  of  the  result.  Thinkses  I,  I  will  look  and 
see  what  has  wrecked  my  pardner's  happiness 
and  almost  reasen.  I  looked  in  and  I  see 
plain  that  his  agitation  wuz  nothin'  to  be 
wondered  at.  It  did  truly  seem  to  be  the 
hombliest,  frightfulest  lookin'  little  thing  that 
wuz  ever  made  by  a  benignant  Providence  or 
a  taxy-dermis.  I  couldn't  tell  which  made  it. 
I  see  it  all,  but  I  see  also,  so  firm  sot  is  my 
reasun  onto  its  high  throne  on  my  heart,  I  see 
that  to  preserve  my  pardner's  sanity,  I  must 
control  my  reasun  at  the  sight  that  had  tot 
tered  my  pardner's. 

I  turned  to  him,  and  tried  to  calm  the  seeth- 
in'  waters,  but  he  loudly  called  for  the  comb, 
and  for  the  tresses,  and  the  lookin'  glass.  And, 
askin'  in  a  wild  sarcastic  way  where  the  song 
wuz  that  she  sung  to  mariners  ?  And  hollerin' 
for  him  to  bring  on  that  rock,  at  that  minute, 
and  them  mariners,  and  ordered  him  to  set  her 
to  singin'. 

The  idee  !  of  that  little  skeletin  with  her 


Desperate  Means  Employed.  341 

skinny  lips  drawed  back  from  her  shinin'  fish 
teeth,  a  singin'.  The  idee  on't ! 

But  truly,  he  wuz  destracted  and  knew  not 
what  he  did.  The  mariner  in  charge  looked 
destracted.  And  the  bystanders  a  standin'  by 
wuz  amazed,  and  horrowfied  by  the  spectacle 
of  his  actin'  and  behavin'.  And  I  knew  not 
how  I  should  termonate  the  seen,  and  with 
draw  him  away  from  where  he  wuz. 

But  in  my  destraction  and  agony  of  sole,  I 
bethought  me  of  one  meens  of  quietin'  him 
and  as  it  were  terrifyin'  him  into  silence  and 
be  the  meens  of  gettin'  on  him  to  leave  the 
seen.  I  begoned  to  Ardelia  to  come  forward 
and  I  sez  in'  a  whisper  to  her,  "  Take  out  your 
pencil  and  a  piece  of  paper  and  stand  up  in 
front  of  him  and  go  to  writin'  some  of  your 
poetry." 

And  then  I  sez  agin  in  tender  axents,  "  Be 
calm,  Josiah." 

"  And  I  tell  you  that  I  won't  be  calm  !  And 
I  tell  you,  a  shakin'  his  fist  at  that  pale  mar 
iner,  I  tell  you  to  bring  out " 

At  that  very  minute  he  turned  his  eyes  onto 


342  Poetry  Appeases  Him. 

Ardelia,  who  stood  with  a  kind  of  a  fur-away 
look  in  her  eyes  in  front  of  him  with  the  paper 
in  her  hand,  and  sez  he  to  me,  "  What  is  she 
doin'  ?" 

She  is  composin'  some  poetry  onto  yon, 
Josiah  Allen,"  sez  I,  in  tremblin' axents ;  for 
I  felt  that  if  that  skeme  failed,  I  wuz  undone, 
for  I  knew  I  had  no  ingredients  there  to  get 
him  a  extra  good  meal.  No,  I  felt  that  my 
tried  and  true  weepon  wuz  fur  away,  and  this 
wuz  my  last  hope. 

But  as  I  thought  these  thoughts  with  al 
most  a  heat-lightnin'  rapidety,  I  see  a  change 
in  his  liniment.  It  did  not  look  so  thick 
and  dark  ;  it  began  to  look  more  natural  and 
clear. 

And  sez  he  in  the  same  old  way  I  have 
heerd  him  say  it  so  many  times,  "  Dumb  it  all! 
What  duz  she  want  to  write  poetry  on  me  for  ? 
It  is  time  to  go  home."  And  so  sayin',  he 
almost  tore  us  from  the  seen. 

I  gin  Ardelia  that  night  2  yards  of  lute 
string  ribbon,  a  light  pink,  and  didn't  begrech 
it.  But  I  have  never  dast,  not  in  his  most 


A  Forbidden    Word. 


343 


placid  and  serene  moments — I  have  never  dast, 
to  say  the  word  "  Mermaid"  to  him. 

Truly  there  is  something  that  the  boldest 
female  pardner  dassent  do.  Mermaids  is  one 
of  the  things  I  don't  dast  to  bring  up.  No  ! 
no,  fur  be  it  from  me  to  say  "Mermaid"  to 
Josiali  Allen. 


XII. 


A   DRIVE    TO   SARATOGA   LAKE. 


OSIAH  and  me  took  a  short  drive 
this  afternoon,  he  hirin'  a  buggy 
for  the  occasion.      He  called  it 
"  goin'  in  his  own  conveniance," 
and  I  didn't  say  nothin'  aginst 
his  callin'  it  so.    I  didn't  break  it  up  for  this 
reasun,  thinkses  I  it  is  a  convenience  for  us 
to  ride  in  it ;  for  us  2  tried  and  true  souls  to 
get  off  for  a  minute  by  ourselves. 
344 


JosiaKs  Extra  Goodness.  345 

Wall,  Josiah  wuz  dretful  good  behaved  this 
afternoon.  He  helped  me  in  a  good  deal  politer 
than  usual  and  tucked  the  bright  lap-robe 
almost  tenderly  round  my  form. 

Men  do  have  sech  spells.  They  are  dretful 
good  actiii'  at  times.  Why  they  act  better 
and  more  subdueder  and  mellerer  at  some  times 
than  at  others,  is  a  deep  subject  which  we 
mortals  cannot  as  yet  fully  understand.  Also 
visey  versey,  their  cross,  up  headeder  times, 
over  bearin.'  and  actin'.  It  is  a  deep  sub 
ject  and  one  freighted  with  a  great  deal  of 
freight. 

But  Josiah's  goodness  on  this  afternoon 
almost  reached  the  Scripteral  and  he  sez,  when 
we  first  sot  out,  and  I  see  that  the  horse's  head 
wuz  turned  towards  the  Lake.  Sez  he,  "  I 
guess  we'll  go  to  the  Lake,  but  where  do  you 
want  to  go,  Samantha  ?  I  will  go  anywhere 
you  want  to  go." 

And  he  still  drove  almost  recklessly  on  lake- 
wards.  And  sez  he,  "  We  had  better  go  straight 
on,  but  say  the  word,  and  3^011  can  go  jest 
where  you  want  to."  And  he  urged  the  horse 


346  Riding  On. 

011  to  still  greater  speed.  And  he  sez  agin, 
"  Do  you  want  to  go  any  particular  place, 
Samantha?" 

"  Yes,"  sez  I,  "  I  had  jest  as  leves  go  there 
as  not." 

"  Wall,  I  knew  there  would  be  where  you 
would  want  to  go."  And  he  drove  on  at  a  good 
jog.  But  no  better  jog  than  we  had  been  a 
goin'  on. 

Wall,  the  weather  wuz  delightful.  It  wuz 
soft  and  balmy.  And  my  feelin's  towerd  my 
pardner  (owin'  to  his  linement)  wuz  soft  and 
balmy  as  the  air.  And  so  we  moved  onwards, 
past  the  home  of  one  who  wuz  true  to  his 
country,  when  all  round  him  wuz  false,  who 
governed  his  state  wisely  and  well,  held  the 
lines  firm,  when  she  wuz  balky,  and  would 
have  been  glad  to  take  the  lines  in  her  teeth  and 
run  away  onto  ruin  ;  past  the  big  grand  house 
of  him  who  carried  a  piece  of  our  American 
justice  way  off  into  Egypt  and  carried  it  firm 
and  square  too  right  there  in  the  dark.  I  s'pose 
it  is  dark.  I  have  always  hearn  about  its  bein' 
as  dark  as  Egypt.  Wall,  anyway  he  is  a  good 


Saratoga  Lake.  347 

lookin'  man.  They  both  on  'em  are  and 
Josiah  admitted  it — after  some  words. 

Wall  anon,  or  perhaps  a  little  after,  we  came 
to  where  we  could  see  the  face  of  Beantiful 
Saratoga  Lake,  layin'  a  sniilin'  np  into  the 
skies.  A  little  white  cloud  wuz  a  restin'  up  on 
the  top  of  the  tree-covered  mountain  that  riz 
up  on  one  side  of  the  lake,  and  I  felt  that  it 
might  be  the  shadow  form  'of  the  sacred  dove 
Saderrosseros  a  broodin'  down  over  the  waters 
she  loved. 

That  she  loved  still,  though  another  race 
wuz  a  bathin'  their  weary  forwards  in  the  tide. 
And  I  wondered  as  I  looked  down  on  it,  whe 
ther  the  great  heart  of  the  water  wuz  constant; 
if  it  ever  heaved  up  into  deep  sithes  a  thinkin' 
of  the  one  who  had  passed  away,  of  them  who 
once  rested  lightly  on  her  bosem,  bathed  their 
dark  forwards  and  read  the  meaniii'  of  the 
heavens,  in  the  moon  and  stars  reflected  there. 

I  don't  know  as  she  remembered  'em,  and 
Josiah  don't.  But  I  know  as  we  stood  there, 
a  lookin'  down  on  her,  the  lake  seemed  to 
give  a  sort  of  a  sithe  and  a  shiver  kind  a  run 


Serene  and  Calm. 

over  her,  not  a  cold  shiver  exactly,  but  a  sort 
of  a  shinin',  glorified  shiver.  I  see  it  a  coniin' 
from  way  out  on  the  lake  and  it  swept  and  sort 
a  shivered  on  clean  to  the  shore,  and  melted 
away  there  at  our  feet.  Mebby  it  wuz  a  sort 
o'  sithe,  and  mebby  agin  it  wuzn't. 

I  guess  it  felt  that  it  wuz  all  right,  that  a 
fairer  race  had  brought  fairer  customs  and 
habits  of  thoughts,  and  ;the  change  wuz  not  a 
bad  one.  I  guess  she.,^  looked  forward  to  the 
time  when  a  still  grander  race  should  look 
down  into  her  shinin'  face,  a  race  of  free  men, 
and  free  wimmen  ;  sons  and  daughters  of  God, 
who  should  hold  their  birthright  so  grandly 
and  nobly  that  they  will  look  back  upon  the 
people  of  to-day,  as  we  look  back  upon  the 
dark  sons  and  daughters  of  the  forest,  in  pity 
and  dolor. 

I  guess  she  thought  it  wuz  all  right.  Any 
way  she  acted  as  if  she  did.  She  looked  real 
sort  o'  serene  and  calm  as  we  left  her,  and  sort 
o'  prophetic  too,  and  glowin'. 

Wall,  we  went  by  a  long  first  rate  lookin' 
sort  of  a  tarven,  I  guess.  It  wuz  a  kind  of  a 


A  "Uneek"  Barn.  351 

dark  red  color,  and  dretfully  flowered  off  in 
wood — red  wood.  And  there  we  see  standin' 
near  the  house,  a  great  big  round  sort  of  a 
building  and  my  Josiah  sez, 

"  There !  that  is  a  buildin'  I  like  the  looks 
an.  That  is  a  barn  I  like;  built  perfectly 
round.  That  is  sunthin'  uneek.  I'll  have 
a  barn  like  that  if  I  live.  I  fairly  love  that 
barn.  And  he  stopped  the  horse  stun  still  to 
look  at  it. 

And  I  sez  in  sort  o'  cool  tones,  not  entirely 
cold,  but  coolish :  "  What  under  the  sun  do 
you  want  with  a  round  barn  ?  And  you  don't 
need  another  one." 

"  Wall,  I  don't  exactly  need  it,  Samantha, 
but  it  would  be  a  comfert  to  me  to  own  one.  I 
should  dearly  love  a  round  barn." 

And  he  went  on  pensively, — "  I  wonder  how 
much  it  would  cost.  I  wouldn't  have  it  quite 
so  big  as  this  is.  I'd  have  it  for  a  horse  barn, 
Samantha.  It  would  look  so  fashionable,  and 
genteel.  Think  what  it  would  be,  Samantha, 
to  keep  our  old  mair  in  a  round  barn,  why  the 

mair  would  renew  her  age." 
22 


352  The  "Old  Marts"  Ways. 

"  She  wouldn't  pay  no  attention  to  it,"  sez 
I.  "  She  knows  too  much."  And  I  added  in 
cooler,  more  dignifieder  tones,  but  dretful 
meanin'  ones,  u  The  old  niair,  Josiah  Allen, 


"Think  what  it  would  be,  Samantha,  to  keep  our  old  mair  in 
a  round  barn." 


don't  run  after  every  new  fancy  she  hears  on. 
She  don't  try  to  be  fashionable,  and  she  haint 
high-headed,  except,"  sez  I  reasenably,  "when 
you  check  her  up  too  much." 

Wall,"  sez  he,  "  I  am  bound  to  make  some 


California  Trees.  353 

enquiries.  Hello  1"  sez  he  to  a  bystander  a 
comin'  by.  "  Have  you  any  idee  what  such  a 
barn  as  that  would  cost?  A  little  smaller  one, 
I  don't  need  so  big  a  one.  How  many  feet  of 
lumber  do  you  s'pose  it  would  take  for  it  ?  I 
ask  you,"  sez  he,  "  as  between  man  and  man." 

I  nudged  him  there,  for  as  I  have  said,  I 
didn't  believe  then,  and  I  don't  believe  now, 
that  he  or  any  other  man  ever  knew  or  mis 
trusted  what  they  meant  by  that  term  "  as 
between  man  and  man."  I  think  it  sounds 
kind  o'  flat,  and  I  always  oppose  Josiah's  usin' 
it ;  he  loves  it. 

Wall,  the  man  broke  out  a  laughin'  and  sez 
he,  "  That  haint  a  barn,  that  is  a  tree." 

"  A  tree  !"  sez  I,  a  sort  a  cranin'  niy  neck 
forward  in  deep  amaze.  And  what  exclamation 
Josiah  Allen  made,  I  will  not  be  coaxed  into 
revealin' ;  no,  it  is  better  not. 

But  suffice  it  to  say  that  after  a  long  ex 
planation  my  companion  at  last  gin  in  that 
the  man  wuz  a  tellin'  the  truth,  and  it  wuz  the 
lower  part  of  a  tree-trunk,  that  growed  once 
near  the  Yo  Semity  valley  of  California. 


354  He  Felt  Meachin\ 

Good  land !  good  land ! 

Josiah  drove  on  quick  after  the  man  ex 
plained  it,  he  felt  meachin',  but  I  didn't  notice 
his  linement  so  much,  I  wuz  so  deep  in  thought, 
and  a  wonderin'  about  it ;  a  wonderin'  how  the 
old  tree  felt  with  her  feet  a  restin'  here  on  a 
strange  soil — her  withered,  dry  old  feet  a  stand- 
in'  here,  as  if  jest  ready  to  walk  away,  restless 
like  and  feverish,  a  wantin'  to  get  back  by  the 
rushin'  river  that  used  to  bathe  them  feet  in 
the  spring  overflow  of  the  pure  cold  mountain 
water.  It  seemed  to  me  she  felt  she  wuz  a 
alien,  as  if  she  missed  her  strong  sturdy  grand 
old  body,  her  lofty  head  that  used  to  peer  up 
over  the  mountains,  and  as  if  some  day  she 
wuz  a  goin'  to  set  off  a  walkiii'  back,  a  tryin' 
to  find  'em. 

I  thought  of  how  it  had  towered  up,  how  the 
sun  had  kissed  its  branches,  how  the  birds  had 
sung  and  built  their  nests  against  her  green 
heart,  hovered  in  her  great  outstretched  arms. 
The  birds  of  a  century,  the  birds  of  a  thousand 
years.  How  the  storms  had  beat  upon  her ; 
the  first  autumn  rains  of  a  thousand  years,  the 


What  May  Have  Been.  355 

first  snow  flakes  that  had  wavered  down  in  a 
slantin'  line  and  touched  the  tips  of  her  out 
stretched  fingers,  and  then  had  drifted  about 
her  till  her  heart  wuz  almost  frozen  and  she 
would  clap  her  cold  hands  together  to  warm 
'ern,  and  wail  out  a  dretful  inoanin'  sound  of 
desolation,  and  pain. 

But  the  first  warm  rain  drops  of  spring 
would  come.  The  sunshine  warmed  her,  she 
swung  out  her  grand  arms  in  triumph  agin, 
and  joined  the  majestic  psalm  of  victory  and 
rejoicing  with  all  her  grand  sisterhood  of 
psalmists.  The  stars  looked  down  on  her,  the 
sun  lit  her  lofty  forward,  the  suns  and  stars 
of  a  thousand  years.  Strange  animals,  that 
mebby  we  don't  know  anything  about  now, 
roamed  about  her  feet,  birds  of  a  different 
plumage  and  song  sung  to  her  (mebby). 

Strange  faces  of  men  and  winimen  looked 
up  to  her.  What  faces  had  looked  up  to  her 
in  sorrow  and  in  joy  ?  I'd  gin  a  good  deal  to 
know.  I'd  have  loved  to  see  them  strange 
faces  touched  with  strange  pains  and  hopes. 
Tribulations  and  joys  of  a  thousand  years 


356  The  Race  Course. 

ago.  What  sort  of  tribulations  wuz  they,  and 
what  sort  of  joys  ?  Sunthin'  human,  sunthin' 
that  we  hold  in  common,  no  doubt.  The  same 
pain  that  pained  Eve  as  she  walked  down  out 
of  Eden,  the  same  joy  that  Adam  enjoyed 
while  they  and  the  garden  wuz  prosperus,  wuz 
in  their  faces  most  probable  whether  their  for 
wards  wuz  pinted  or  broad,  their  faces  black, 
copper  colored,  or  white. 

And  the  changes,  the  changes  of  a  thousand 
years,  all  these  the  old  tree  had  seen,  and  I  re 
spected  her  dry  dusty  old  feet  and  wuz  sorry 
for  'em.  And  I  reveryedon  the  subject  more'n 
half  the  way  home,  and  couldn't  help  it.  Any 
way  my  re  very  lasted  till  jest  before  we  got  to 
the  big  gate  of  the  Race  Course.  And  right 
there,  right  in  front  of  them  big  ornamental 
doors,  we  see  Miss  G.  Washington  Flamm, 
with  about  a  thousand  other  carriages  and 
wagons  and  Tally  ho's  and  etcetry,  and  etcetry. 
Josiah  thinks  there  wuz  a  million  teams,  but  I 
don't.  lam  mejum;  there  wuzn't  probable 
over  a  thousand  right  there  in  the  road. 

Miss  Flamm  reagttized  us  and  asked  us  if 


About  a  thousand  other  carriages  and  wagons  and  Tally  Ho3f 
and  etcetery. 

357 


Amid  the  Croivds.  359 

we  didn't  want  to  go  in.  Wall,  Josiah  wuz 
agreeable  to  the  idee  and  said  so.  And  then 
she  said  sunthin'  to  the  man  that  tended  to  the 
gate,  probably  sunthin'  in  our  praise,  and 
handed  him  suthin',  it  might  have  been  a  ten 
cent  piece,  for  all  I  know. 

But  anyway  he  wuz  dretful  polite  to  us,  and 
let  us  through.  And  my  land  !  if  it  wuzn't  a 
sight  to  behold  !  Of  all  the  big  roomy  places 
I  ever  see  all  filled  with  vehicles  of  all  shapes 
and  sizes  and  folks  on  foot  and  big  high  plat 
forms,  all  filled  with  men  and  wimmen  and 
children  !  And  Josiah  sez  to  me,  "  I  thought 
the  hull  dumb  world  wuz  there  outside  in  the 
road,  and  here  there  is  ten  times  as  many  in 
here." 

And  I  sez,  "  Yes,  Josiah  be  careful  and  not 
lose  me,  for  I  feel  like  a  needle  in  a  hay 


mow." 


He  looked  down  on  me  and  sort  a  smiled.  I 
s'pose  it  wuz  because  I  compared  myself  to  a 
needle,  and  he  sez,  "  A  cambric  needle,  or  a 
darnin'  needle  ?" 

And  I  sez,  "  I  wouldn't  laugh  in  such  a  time 


36°  Gain  like  Lightnin\ 

as  this,  Josiah  Allen."  Sez  I,  "  Do  jest  look 
over  there  on  the  race  course." 

And  it  wuz  a  thrillin'  seen.  It  wuz  a  place 
big  enough  for  all  the  horses  of  our  land  to 
run  round  in  and  from  Phario's  horses  down 
to  them  of  the  present  time.  And  beautiful 
broad  smooth  roads  cut  in  the  green  velvet  of 
the  grass,  and  horses  goin'  round  jest  like 
lightnin',  with  little  light  buggys  hitched  to 
'em,  some  like  the  quiver  on  sheet  lightnin' 
(only  different  shape)  and  men  a  drivin'  'em. 

And  then  there  wuz  a  broad  beautiful  race 
course  with  little  clusters  of  trees  and  bushes, 
every  little  while  right  in  the  road,  and  if 
you'll  believe  it,  I  don't  s'pose  you  will,  but  it 
is  the  livin'  truth,  when  them  horses,  goin' jest 
like  a  flash  of  light,  with  little  boys  all  dressed 
in  gay  colors  a  ridin'  'em — when  them  horses 
came  to  them  trees  instid  of  goin'  round  'em; 
or  pushin'  in  between  'em,  or  goin'  back  agin, 
they  jumped  right  over  'em.  I  don't  s'pose  this 
will  be  believed  by  lots  of  folks  in  Jonesville 
and  Loontown,  but  it  is  the  truth,  for  I  see  it 
with  both  my  eyes.  Josiah  riz  right  up  in  the 


A  Steeple  Chase.  361 

buggy  and  cheered  jest  as  the  rest  of  'em  did, 
entirely  unbeknown  to  himself,  so  he  said,  to 
see  it  a  goin'  on. 

Why  he  got  nearly  rampant  with  excite 
ment.  And  so  did  I,  though  I  wouldn't  want 
it  known  by  Tirzah  Ann's  husband's  folks  and 
others  in  Jonesville.  They  call  it  "  steeple 
chasin',"  so  if  they  should  heer  on't,  it  wouldn't 
sound  so  very  wicked  any  way.  I  should 
probable  tell  'em  if  they  said  too  much,  "  That 
it  wuz  a  pity  if  folks  couldn't  get  interested 
in  a  steeple  and  chase  it  up.  But  between  you 
and  me  I  didn't  see  no  sign  of  a  steeple,  nor 
meetin'  house,  nor  nuthiii'.  I  s'pose  they  gin 
it  that  name  to  make  it  seem  more  righter  to 
perfessors.  I  know  it  wuz  a  great  comfert  to 
me.  (But  I  don't  think  they  chased  a  steeple, 
and  Josiah  don't,  for  we  think  we  should  have 
seen  it  if  they  had.) 

Wall,  as  I  say,  we  wuz  both  dretfully  inter 
ested,  excited,  and  wrought  up,  I  s'pose  I  ort  to 
say,  when  a  chap  accosted  me  and  says  to  me 
sunthin'  about  buyin'  a  pool.  And  I  shook  my 
head  and  sez,  "  No  I  don't  want  to  buy  no  pool." 


362  Buying  a  Pool. 

But  he  kep'  on  a  talkin'  and  a  urgin',  and 
sez,  "  Wont  yon  buy  a  French  pool,  mom,  you 
can  make  lots  of  money  out  of  it." 

"A  pool,"  sez  I  in  dignified  axents,  and 
some  stern,  for  I  wuz  weary  with  his  importu 
nities.  "  What  do  I  want  a  pool  for?  Don't 
you  s'pose  there  is  any  pools  in  Jonesville, 
and  I  never  thought  iiothin'  on  'em,  I  always 
preferred  runnin'  water.  But  if  I  wuz  a  goin' 
to  buy  one,  what  under  the  sun  do  you  s'pose 
I  would  buy  one  way  off  here  for,  hundreds  of 
miles  from  Jonesville  ?" 

"  I  might  possibly,"  sez  I,  not  wantin'  to 
hurt  his  feelin's  and  tryin'  to  think  of  some 
use  I  could  put  it  to,  "I  might  if  you  had  a 
good  small  American  pool,  that  wuz  a  sellin' 
cheap,  and  I  could  have  it  set  right  in  our 
back  yard,  clost  to  the  horse  barn,  why  I  might 
possibly  try  to  make  a  dicker  with  you  for  it. 
I  might  use  it  for  raisin'  ducks  and  geese, 
though  I'd  rather  have  a  runnin'  stream  then. 
But  how  under  the  sun  you  think  I  could  take  a 
pool  home  on  a  tower,  how  I  could  pack  it,  or 
transport  it,  or  drive  it  home  is  a  mystery  to  me." 


Pools  or  Ponds.  363 

Agin  he  sez  mechinecally,  "  Lots  of  wim* 
men  do  get  'em." 

"  Wall,  some  wimmen,"  sez  I  mildly,  for  I  see 
he  wuz  a  lookin'  at  me  perfectly  dumbfound- 
ered.  I  see  I  wuz  fairly  stuntin'  him  with  my 
eloquence.  "  Some  wimmen  will  buy  any 
thing  if  it  has  a  French  name  to  it.  But  I 
prefer  my  own  country,  land  or  water.  And 
some  wimmen,"  sez  I,  "  will  buy  anything  if 
they  can  get  it  cheap,  things  they  don't  need, 
and  would  be  better  off  without,  from  a  eli- 
phant  down  to  a  magnificent  nothin'  to  call 
husband.  They'll  buy  any  worthless  and 
troublesome  thing  jest  get  'em  to  goin'.  Now 
such  wimmen  would  jest  jump  at  that  pool. 
But  that  haint  my  way.  No,  I  don't  want  to 
purchase  your  pool." 

Sez  he,  "  You  are  mistaken,  mom!" 

u  No  I  haint,"  sez  I  firmly  and  with  de- 
cesion.  "  No  I  haint.  I  don't  need  no  pool. 
It  wouldn't  do  me  no  good  to  keep  it  on  my 
hands,  and  I  haint  no  notion  of  settin'  up  in 
the  pool  or  pond  business,  at  my  age." 

"  And   then,"  sez  I  reasonably,  "  the  canal 


364  Her  Dignity  Aroused. 

runs  jest  down  below  our  orchard,  and  if  we 
run  short,  we  could  get  all  the  water  we  wanted 
from  there.  And  we  have  got  two  good  cis 
terns  and  a  well  on  the  place." 

Sez  he,  u  What  I  mean  is,  bettin'  on  ahorse. 
Do  you  want  to  bet  on  which  horse  will  go  the 
fastest,  the  black  one  or  the  bay  one  ?" 

"  No,"  sez  I,  "  I  don't  want  to  bet." 

But  he  kep'  on  a  urgin'  me,  and  thinkin'  I 
had  disappinted  him  in  sellin'  a  pool,  or 
rather  pond,  I  thought  it  wouldn't  hurt  me 
to  kinder  gin  in  to  him  in  this,  so  I  sez  mildly, 
"  Bettin'  is  sunthin'  I  don't  believe  in,  but 
seein'  I  have  disappinted  you  in  sellin'  your 
water  power,  I  don't  know  as  it  would  be  wicked 
to  humor  you  in  this  and  say  it  to  please  you. 
You  say  the  bay  horse  is  the  best,  so  I'll  say 
for  jest  this  once — There  !  I'll  bet  the  bay 
one  will  go  the  best." 

"  Where  is  your  money  ?"  sez  he.  "  It  is 
five  dollars  for  a  bet.  You  pay  five  dollars 
and  you  have  a  chance  to  get  back  mebby 


TOO." 


I  riz  right  up  in  feerful  dignity,  and   the 


I  riz  right  up  in  feerful  dignity,  and  I  sez  to  him,  "  Gamblin'  !" 

365 


Leaving  in  Disgust.  367 

buggy  and  I  sez  that  one  feerful  word  to  him, 
"  Gamblin' !"  He  sort  a  quailed.  But  sez  he, 
"  you  had  better  take  a  five  dollar  chance  on 
the  bay  horse." 

"  No,"  sez  I,  with  a  freezin'  coldness,  that 
must  have  made  his  ears  fairly  tingle  it  wuz 
so  cold,  "  no,  I  shall  not  gamble,  neither  on 
foot,  nor  on  horseback." 

Then  I  sot-down  and  I  sez  in  the  same  lofty 
tones  to  Josiah  Allen,  u  Drive  on,  Josiah,  in 
stantly  and  to  once." 

He  too  had  heerd  the  fearful  word  and  his 
princeples  too  wuz  rousted  up.  He  driv  right 
on  rapidly,  out  of  the  gate  and  into  the  high 
way.  But  as  he  druv  on  fast  and  almost  furius 
I  heerd  him  murmur  words  to  himself,  that 
accounted  for  his  eager  looks  while  the 
man  wuz  dickerin'  about  the  pool.  He  sez, 
"It  is  dumb  hard  work  pumpiii'  water  for  so 
many  head  of  cattle."  He  thought  a  pool  would 
come  handy,  so  I  see.  But  it  wuz  all  done  and 
I  would  have  done  the  same  thing  if  it  wuz  to 
do  over  agin  so  I  didn't  say  nothin',  but  kep' 
a  serene  silence,  and  let  him  drive  along  in 


368  Two  Sweeping  Tides. 

quiet ;  and  anon,  I  see  the  turbelence  of  his 
feeliii's  subsided  in  a  measure. 

It  wuz  a  gettin'  along  towards  sundown  and 
the  air  wuz  a  growin'  cool  and  balmy,,  as  if  it 
wuz  a  bio  win'  over  some  balm  flowers,  and  we 
begun  to  feel  quite  well  in  our  minds,  though 
the  crowd  in  the  road  wuz  too  big  for  comfert. 
The  crowd  of  carriages  and  horses,  and  vehicles 
of  all  kinds,  seemed  to  go  in  two  big  full 
rows  or  streams,  one  a  goin'  down  on  one 
side  of  the  road,  and  the  other  a  goin'  up  on 
the  other.  So  the  2  tides  swept  past  each 
other  constantly — but  the  bubbles  on  the  tide 
wuzn't  foam  but  feathers,  and  bows,  and  laces, 
and  parasols,  and  buttons,  and  diamonds,  and 
etcetry,  etcetry,  etcetry. 

And  all  of  a  sudden  myjosiah  jest  turned 
into  a  big  gate  that  wnz  a  standin'  wide  open 
and  we  drove  into  a  beautiful  quiet  road  that 
went  a  windin'  in  under  the  shadows  of  the  tall 
grand  old  trees.  He  did  it  without  askin'  my 
advice  or  sayin'  a  word  to  me.  But  I  wuzn't 
sorry.  Fur  it  wuz  beautiful  in  there.  It  seemed 
as  if  we  had  left  small  cares  and  vexations  and 


Beautiful  Drives.  369 

worryments  out  there  in  the  road  and  dust,  and 
took  in  with  us  only  repose,  and  calmness,  and 
peace,  and  they  wuz  a  journey  in'  along  with 
us  on  the  smooth  road  under  the  great  trees,  a 
bendin'  down  on  each  side  on  us.  And  pretty 
soon  we  came  to  a  beautiful  piece  of  water 
crossed  by  a  rustick  bridge,  and  all  surrounded 
by  green  trees  on  every  side.  Then  up  on  the 
broad  road  agin,  sweepin'  round  a  curve  where 
we  could  see  a  little  ways  off  a  great  mansion 
with  a  wall  built  high  round  it  as  if  to  shet  in 
the  repose  and  sweet  home-life  and  shet  out 
intrusion,  sort  a  protect  it  from  the  too  curius 
glances  of  a  curius  generation.  Some  as  I  hold 
my  hand  up  before  my  face  to  keep  off  the  too 
scorchin'  rays  of  the  sun,  when  I  am  a  lookin' 
down  the  western  road  for  my  Josiah. 

It  wuz  a  good  lookin'  spot  as  I  ever  want  to 
see,  sheltered,  quiet  and  lovely.  But  we  left  it 
behind  us  as  we  rode  onwards,  till  we  came 
out  along  another  broad  piece  of  the  water, 
and  we  rode  along  by  the  side  of  it  for  some 
time. 

Beautiful  water  with  the  trees  growin'  up  on 


37° 


Homeward  Bound. 


every  side  of  it,  and  their  shadows  reflected  so 
clearly  in  the  shinin'  surface,  that  they  seemed 
to  be  trees  a  growin'  downwards,  tall  grand 
trees,  waviii'  branches,  goin'  down  into  the 
water  and  livin  agin  in  another  world, — a  more 
beautiful  one. 

The  sun  wuz  a  gettin'  low  and  piles  of  clouds 
wuz  in  the  west  and  all  their  light  wuz  reflected 
in  the  calm  water.  And  the  beautiful  soft 
shadows  rested  there  on  that  rosy  and  golden 
light,  some  like  the  shadow  of  a  beautiful  and 
sorrowful  memory,  a  restin'  down  and  reposin' 
on  a  divine  hope,  an  infinite  sweetness. 


XIII. 


VISITS  TO  NOTABLE  PLACES. 


T  is  a  perfect  sight  to  behold,  to  set 
on  the  piazzas  at  Saratoga,  and  see 
the  folks  a  goin'  past. 

Now  in  Jonesville,  when  there 
wuz  a  4th  of  July,  or  camp-meeting 
or  sunthiii'  of  that  kind  a  goin'  on,  why,  I 
thought  I  had  seen  the  streets  pretty  full. 
Why,  I  had  counted  as  many  as  seven  teams 
in  the  road  at  one  time,  and  I  had  thought 
that  wuz  pretty  lively  times.  But  good  land! 
Good  land !  You  would  have  gin  up  in  ten 


372  A  Giddy  Whirl. 

minutes  time  here,  that  you  had  never  seen  a 
team  (as  it  were). 

Why  I  call  my  head  a  pretty  sound  one,  but 
I  declare,  it  did  fairly  make  my  head  swim  to 
set  there  kinder  late  in  the  afternoon,  and  see 
the  drivin'  a  goin'  on.  See  the  carriages  a  goin' 
this  way,  and  a  goin'  that  way ;  horses  of  all 
colers,  and  men  and  wimmen  of  all  colers,  and 
parasols  of  all  colers,  and  hats,  and  bonnets, 
and  parasols,  and  satins,  and  laces,  and  rib- 
bins,  and  buttons,  and  dogs,  and  flowers,  and 
plumes,  and  parasols.  And  horses  a  turnin' 
out  to  go  by,  and  horses  havin'  gone  by,  and 
horses  that  hadn't  gone  by.  And  big  carriages 
with  folks  inside  all  dressed  up  in  every  coler 
of  the  rain  beaux.  And  elligent  gentlemen 
dressed  perfectly  splendid,  a  settin'  up  straight 
behind.  With  thin  yellow  legs,  or  stripes 
down  the  side  on  'em,  and  their  hats  all 
trimmed  off  with  ornements  and  buttons  up 
and  down  their  backs. 

Haughty  creeters  they  wuz,  I  make  no 
doubt.  They  showed  it  in  their  looks.  But 
I  never  loved  so  much  dress  in  a  man.  And 


On  the  Piazzas.  373 

I  would  jest  as  soon  have  told  them  so,  as  to 
tell  you.  I  haint  one  to  say  things  to  a  man's 
back  that  I  won't  say  to  his  face,  whether  it  be 
a  plain  back  or  buttoned. 

Wall,  as  I  say,  it  wuz  a  dizzy  sight  to  set 
there  on  them  piazzas  and  see  the  seemin'ly 
endless  crowd  a  goin'  by  ;  back  and  forth,  back 
and  forth  ;  to  and  fro,  to  and  fro.  I  didn't  en 
joy  it  so  much  as  some  did,  though  for  a  few 
minutes  at  a  time  I  looked  upon  it  as  a  sort  of 
a  recreation,  some  like  a  circus,  only  more 
wilder. 

But  some  folks  enjoyed  it  dretfully.  Yes, 
they  set  a  great  deal  on  piazzas  at  Saratoga. 
And  when  I  say  set  on  'em,  I  mean  they  set  a 
great  store  on  'em,  and  they  set  on  'em  a  great 
deal.  Some  folks  set  on  'em  so  much,  that  I 
called  them  setters.  Real  likely  creeters  they 
are  too,  some  on  'em,  and  handsome  ;  some 
pious,  sober  ones,  some  sort  a  gay.  Some  not 
married  at  all,  and  some  married  a  good  deal, 
and  when  I  say  a  good  deal  I  nieen,  they  have 
had  various  companions  and  lost  'em. 

Now  there  wuz  one  woman   that   I  liked 


374  Mingled  Recollections. 

quite  well.  She  had  had  4  husbands  countin' 
in  the  present  one.  She  wuz  a  good  lookin' 
woman  and  had  seen  trouble.  It  stands  to 
reeson  she  had  with  4  husbands.  Good  land  ! 

She  showed  nie  one  day  a  ring  she  wore. 
She  had  took  the  weddin'  rings  of  her  4  pard- 
ners  and  had  'em  all  run  together,  and  the 
initials  of  their  first  names  carved  inside  on  it. 
Her  first  husband's  name  wuz  Franklin,  her 
next  two  wuz  Orville  and  Obed,  and  her  last 
and  liviti'  one  Lyman.  Wall,  she  ment  well, 
but  she  never  see  what  would  be  the  end  on't 
and  how  it  would  read  till  she  had  got  their 
initials  all  carved  out  on  it. 

She  wuz  dretfully  worked  up  about  it,  but  I 
see  that  it  wuz  right.  For  nobody  but  a  fool 
would  want  to  run  all  these  recollections  and 
memories  together,  all  the  different  essocia- 
tions  and  emotions,  that  must  cluster  round 
each  of  them  rings.  The  idee  of  runiiin'  'em 
all  together  with  the  livin'  one !  It  wuz  actin' 
like  a  fool  and  it  seemed  fairly  providential 
that  their  names  run  in  jest  that  way. 

Why,  if  I  had  had  2  husbands,  or  even  4,  I 


The  Separate  Policy. 


375 


should  want  to  keep  'em  apart — settin'  up  in 
high  chairs  on  different  sides  of  my  heart. 
Why,  if  I'd  had  4,  I'd  have  'em  to  the  different 
pints  of  the  compass,  east,  west,  north,  south, 
as  far  apart  from  each  other  as  my  heart  would 


She  showed  me  one  day  a  ring  she  wore. 

admit  of.  Ketch  me  a  lumpin'  in  all  the  pre 
cious  memories  of  my  Josiah  with  them  of  any 
other  man,  bond  or  free,  Jew  or  Genteel ;  no. 
and  I'd  refrain  from  tellin?  to  the  new  one 
about  the  other  ones. 


376  Bury  the  Dead. 

No,  when  a  pardner  dies  and  you  set  out 
to  take  another  one,  bury  the  one  that  has 
gone  right  under  his  own  high  chair  in  your 
heart,  don't  keep  him  up  there  a  rattlin'  his 
bones  before  the  eyes  of  the  ad,  and  angerin' 
him,  and  agonizen'  your  own  heart.  Bury 
him  before  you  bring  a  new  one  into  the  same 
room. 

And  never !  never !  even  in  moments  of  the 
greatest  anger,  dig  him  up  agin  or  even  weep 
over  his  grave,  before  the  new  pardner.  No  ; 
under  the  moonlight,  and  the  stars,  before  God 
only,  and  your  own  soul,  you  may  lay  there 
in  spirit  on  that  grave,  weep  over  it,  keep  the 
turf  green.  But  not  before  any  one  else.  And 
I  wouldn't  advise  you  to  go  there  alone  any  too 
often.  I  would  advise  you  to  spend  your  spare 
time  ornementiii'  the  high  chair  where  the  new 
one  sets,  wreathin'  it  round  with  whatever  blos 
soms  and  trailin'  vines  of  tenderness  and  ro 
mance  you  have  left  over  from  the  first  great 
'romance  of  life. 

It  would  be  better  for  you  in  the  end. 

I  said  some  few  of  these  little  thoughts  to  the 


Solemn  Amusements.  377 

female  mentioned;  and  I  s'pose  I  impressed 
her  dretfully,  I  s'pose  I  did.  But  I  couldn't 
stay  to  see  the  full  effects  on't,  for  another 
female  setter  came  up  at  that  minute  to  talk 
with  her,  and  my  companion  came  up  at  that 
very  minute  to  ask  me  to  go  a  walkin'  with 
him  up  to  the  cemetery. 

That  is  a  very  favorite  place  for  Josiah  Allen. 
He  often  used  to  tell  the  children  when  they 
wuz  little,  that  if  they  wuz  real  good  he  would 
take  'em  out  on  a  walk  to  the  grave-yard. 

And  when  I  first  married  to  him,  if  I  hadn't 
broke  it  up,  that  would  have  been  the  only 
place  of  resort  that  he  would  have  took  me  to 
Summers.  But  I  broke  it  up  after  a  while. 
Good  land !  there  is  times  to  go  any  where 
and  times  to  stay  away.  I  didn't  want  to  go 
a  trailin'  up  there  every  day  or  two ;  jest 
married  too  ! 

But  to-day  I  felt  willin'  to  go.  I  had  been 
a  lookin'  so  long  at  the  crowd  a  fillin'  the 
streets  full,  and  every  one  on  'em  in  motion, 
that  I  thought  it  would  be  sort  a  restful  to  go 
out  to  a  place  where  they  wuz  still.  And  so 


Odd  Tombstones. 

after  a  short  walk  we  came  to  the  village  that 
haint  stirred  by  any  commotion  or  alarm. 
Where  the  houses  are  roofed  with  green  grass 
and  daisies,  and  the  white  stun  doors  don't  open 
to  let  in  trouble  or  joy,  and  where  theinhab- 
itents  don't  ride  out  in  the  afternoon. 

Wall,  if  I  should  tell  the  truth  which  I  am 
fur  from  not  wantiii'  to  do,  I  should  say  that 
at  first  sight,  it  wuz  rather  of  a  bleak,  lone 
some  lookin'  spot,  kinder  wild  and  desolate 
lookin'.  But  as  we  went  further  along  in  it, 
we  came  to  some  little  nooks  and  sheltered 
paths  and  spots,  that  seemed  more  collected 
together  and  pleasant.  There  wuz  some  big 
high  stuns  and  monuments,  and  some  little 
ones,  but  not  one  so  low  that  it  hadn't  cast  a 
high,  dark  shadow  over  somebody's  life. 

There  wuz  one  in  the  shape  of  a  big  sea 
shell.  I  s'pose  some  mariner  lay  under  that, 
who  loved  the  sea.  Or  mebby  it  wuz  put  up 
by  some  one  who  had  the  odd  fancy  that  put  a 
shell  to  your  ear  you  will  hear  a  whisperin'  in 
it  of  a  land  fur  away,  fur  away.  Not  fur  from 
this  wuz  a  stun  put  up  over  a  young  en- 


An  Engineer's  Epitaph.  379 

giiieer  who  had  been  killed  instantly  by  his 
engine.  There  wuz  a  picture  of  the  locomotive 
scraped  out  on  the  stun,  and  in  the  cab  of  the 
engine  wuz  his  photograph,  and  these  lines 
wuz  underneath. 

My  engine  now  lies  still  and  cold, 
No  water  does  her  boiler  hold  ; 
The  wood  supplies  its  flames  no  more, 
My  days  of  usefulness  are  o'er. 

We  wended  our  way  in  and  out  of  the  silent 
streets,  for  quite  a  spell,  and  then  we  went  and 
sot  down  on  the  broad  piazza  of  the  sort  of 
chapel  and  green-house  that  stood  not  fur  from 
the  entrance.  And  while  we  sot  there  we  see 
another  inhabitent  come  there  to  the  village 
to  stay. 

It  wuz  a  long  procession,  for  it  wuz  a  good 
man  who  had  come.  And  many  of  his  friends 
come  with  him  jest  as  fur  as  they  could  :  wife, 
children,  and  friends,  they  come  with  him  jest 
as  fur  as  they  could,  and  then  he  had  to  leave 
Jeui  and  go  on  alone.  How  weak  love  is,  and 
•low  strong.  It  wuz  too  weak  to  hold  him 


380  Amusing  Reading. 

back,  or  go  with  him,  though  they  would  fain 
have  done  so.  But  it  wuz  strong  enough  to 
shadow  the  hull  world  with  its  blackness,  blot 
out  the  sun  and  the  stars,  and  scale  the  very 
mounts  of  heaven  with  its  wild  complaints  and 
pleadin's.  A  strange  thing  love  is,  haint  it  ? 
Wall,  we  sot  there  for  quite  a  spell  and  my 
companion  wanting  I  s'pose,  to  make  me 
happy,  took  out  a  daily  paper  out  of  his  pocket 
and  went  to  readin'  the  deaths  to  me.  He 
always  loves  to  read  the  deaths  and  marriages 
in  a  paper.  He  sez  that  is  the  literature  that 
interests  him.  And  then  I  s'pose  he  thought 
at  such  a  time,  it  wuz  highly  appropriate.  So 
I  didn't  break  it  up  till  he  begun  to  read  a  long 
obituary  piece  about  a  child's  death  ;  about  its 
bein'  cut  down  like  a  flower  by  a  lightin'  stroke 
out  of  a  cloudless  sky,  and  about  what  a  mys 
terious  dispensation  of  Providence  it  wuz,  etc., 
etc.  And  then  there  wuz  a  hull  string  of 
poetry  dedicated  to  the  heart-broken  mother 
bewailin'  the  mystery  on't,  andwonderin' why 
Providence  should  do  such  strange,  onlooked- 
for  things,  etc.,  and  etcetery,  and  so  4th. 


Slandering  Providence.  381 

And  I  spoke  right  up  and  sez,  "  That  is  a 
slander  onto  Providence  and  ort  to  be  took  as 
such  by  every  lover  of  justice." 

Josiah  wuz  real  horrified,  he  had  been  almost 
sheddin'  tears  he  wuz  so  affected  by  it ;  to 
think  the  little  creeter  should  be  torn  away  by 
a  strange  chance  of  Providence  from  a  mother 
who  worshiped  her,  and  whose  whole  life  and 
every  thought  wuz  jest  wrapped  up  in  the 
child,  and  who  never  had  thought  nor  cared 
for  anything  else  only  jest  the  well  bein'  of  the 
child  and  wardin'  trouble  off  of  her,  for  so  the 
piece  stated.  And  he  sez  in  wild  amaze, 
(  What  do  you  mean,  Samantha  ?  What 
makes  you  talk  so  ?" 

"Because,"  sez  I,  "  I  know  it  is  the  truth.  1 
know  the  hull  story  ;"  and  then  I  went  on  and 
told  it  to  him,  and  he  agreed  with  me  and  felt 
jest  as  I  did. 

You  see,  the  mother  of  the  child  wuz  a  per 
fect  high  flyer  of  fashion  and  she  always  wore 
dresses  so  tight,  that  she  couldn't  get  her 
hands  up  to  her  head  to  save  her  life,  after  her 
corset  wuz  on.  Wall,  she  wuz  out  a  walkin' 


Fashions  High- flyers. 


with  the  child  one  day,  or  rather  toddlin'  along 
with  it,  on  her  high-heeled  shoes.  They  wuz 
both  dressed  np  perfectly  beautiful,  and  made 

a  most  splen 
did  show.  Wall, 
they  went  into 
a  store  on  their 
way  to  the  park, 
and  there  wuz  a 
big  crowd  there, 
and  the  mother 
and  the  little 
girl  got  into 
the  very  middle 
of  the  crowd. 


The  mother  of  the  child  wuz  a  perfect  high 
flyer  of  fashion. 


They  say  there 
wuz  some  new 
storks  for  sale 
that  day,  and 
some  cat-tail 
flags,  and  so  there  wuz  naturelly  a  big  crowd 
of  wimmen  a  buyin'  'em,  and  cranes.  And 
some  way,  while  they  stood  there  a  heavy 
vase  that  stood  up  over  the  child's  head  fell 


A  Needless  Calamity.  383 

down  and  fell  onto  it,  and  linrt  the  child  so, 
that  it  died  from  the  effects  of  it. 

The  mother  see  the  vase  when  it  first  begun 
to  move,  she  conld  have  reached  np  her  hands 
and  stiddied  it,  and  kep'  it  from  fallin',  if  she 
conld  have  got  'em  np,  but  with  that  corset  on, 
the  hull  American  continent  might  have  tum 
bled  onto  the  child's  head  and  she  couldn't 
have  moved  her  arms  up  to  keep  it  off ;  couldn't 
have  lifted  her  arms  up  over  the  child's  head 
to  save  her  life.  No,  she  couldn't  have  kep' 
one  of  the  States  off,  nor  nothin'.  And  then 
talk  about  her  wardin'  trouble  offen  the  child, 
why  she  couldn't  ward  trouble  off,  nor  nothin> 
else  with  that  corset  on.  She  screemed,  as  she 
see  it  a  comin'  down  onto  the  head  of  her  be 
loved  little  child,  but  that  wuz  all  she  could 
do.  The  child  wuz  wedged  in  by  the  throng 
of  folks  and  couldn't  stir,  and  they  wuz  all  en 
grossed  in  their  own  business  which  wuz  pres- 
sin',  and  very  important,  a  buyin'  plates,  and 
plaks,  with  bull-rushes,  and  cranes,  and  storks 
on  'em,  so,  naturelly,  they  didn't  mind  what  wuz 
a  goin'  on  round  'em.  And  down  it  come  ! 


384  Worse  than  Heathens. 

And  there  it  wuz  put  down  in  the  paper  "  A 
mysterious  dispensation  of  Providence."  Prov* 
idence  slandered  shamefully  and  I  will  say  so 
with  my  last  breath. 

What  are  mothers  made  for  if  it  haint  to 
take  care  of  the  little  ones  God  gives  'em. 
What  right  have  they  to  contoggle  themselves 
up  in  a  way  that  they  can  see  their  children 
die  before  'em,  and  they  not  able  to  put  out  a 
hand  to  save  'em.  Why,  a  savage  mother  is 
better  than  this,  a  heathen  one.  And  if  I  had 
my  way  there  would  be  a  hull  ship-load  of 
savages  and  heathens  brought  over  here  to 
teach  and  reform  our  too  civilized  wimmen. 
I'd  bring  'em  over  this  very  summer. 

Wall,  we  sot  there  on  the  stoop  for  quite  a 
spell  and  then  we  wended  our  way  down  to  the 
highway,  and  as  we  arrived  there  my  com- 
panion  proposed  that  we  should  take  a  carriage 
and  go  to  the  Toboggen  slide.  Sez  I,  "  not 
after  where  we  have  been  to-day,  Josiah  Allen." 

Andhesez,  "  Why  not?" 

And  I  sez,  "  It  wouldn't  look  well,  after 
visitin'  the  folks  we  have  jest  now." 


Off  to  the  Toboggen.  385 

"Wall,"  sez  he,  "  they  won't  speak  on't  to 
anybody,  if  that  is  what  you  are  afraid  on,  o; 
sense  it  themselves." 

And  I  see  in  a  minute,  he  had  some  sense 
on  his  side,  though  his  words  shocked  me 
some  at  first,  kinder  jarred  aginst  some  sen 
sitive  spot  in  my  nater,  jest  as  pardners  will 
sometimes,  however  devoted  they  may  be  to 
each  other.  Yet  I  see  he  wuz  in  the  right 
on't. 

They  wouldn't  sense  any  thing  about  it.  And 
as  for  us,  we  wuz  in  the  world  of  the  livin' 
still,  and  I  still  owed  a  livin'  duty  to  my  com 
panion,  to  make  him  as  happy  as  possible. 
And  so,  I  sez  mildly,  "  Wall,  I  don't  know  as 
there  is  anything  wrong  in  slidin'  down  hill, 
Josiah.  I  s'pose  I  can  go  with  you." 

"  No,"  sez  he,  "  there  haint  nothin'  wrong 
about  slidin'  down  hill  unless  you  strike  too 
hard,  or  tip  over,  or  sunthin'."  So  he  bagoned 
to  a  carriage  that  wuz  passin',  and  we  got  into 
it,  and  sot  sail  for  the  Toboggen  slide. 

We  passed  through  the  village.  (Some  say 
it  is  a  city,  but  if  it  is,  it  is  a  modest,  retirin* 


386  Through  Saratoga. 

one  as  I  ever  see ;  perfectly  unassumin',  and 
don't  put  on  a  air,  not  one.) 

But  howsumever,  we  passed  through  it, 
through  the  rows  and  rows  of  summer  tarvens 
and  boardiii'  houses,  good-lookin'  ones  too ; 
past  some  good-looking  private  houses — a  long 
tarven  and  a  pretty  red  brick  studio  and  rows 
of  summer  stores,  little  nests  that  are  filled  up 
summers,  and  empty  winters,  then  by  some 
more  of  them  monster  big  tarvens  where  some 
of  the  200,000  summer  visitors  who  flock  here 
summers,  find  a  restin'  place;  and  then  by  the 
large  respectable  good-lookin'  stores  and  shops 
of  the  natives,  that  stand  solid,  and  to  be  de 
pended  on  summer  and  winter;  by  churches 
and  halls,  and  etc.,  and  good-lookin'  houses 
and  then  some  splendid-lookin'  houses  all 
standin'  back  on  their  grassy  lawns  behind 
some  trees,  and  fountains,  and  flower  beds, 
etc.,  etc. 

Better-lookin'  houses  I  don't  want  to  see  nor 
broader,  handsomer  streets.  And  pretty  soon 
fur  away  to  the  east  you  could  see  through  the 
trees  a  glimpse  of  a  glorious  landscape,  a  broad 


Convent  Walls.  387 

lovely  view  of  hill  and  valley,  bounded  by  blue 
mountain  tops.  It  wuz  a  fair  seen — a  fair  seen. 
To  be  perfectly  surrounded  by  beauty  where 
you  wuz,  and  a  lookin'  off  onto  more.  There 
I  would  fain  have  lingered,  but  time  and-wagons 
roll  stidily  onward,  and  will  not  brook  delay, 
nor  pause  for  wimmen  to  soar  over  seenery. 

So  we  rolled  onwards  through  still  more 
beautiful  and  quiet  pictures.  Pictures  of  quiet 
woods  and  bending  trees,  and  a  country  road 
windin'  tranquilly  beneath,  up  and  down  gentle 
hills,  and  anon  a  longer  one,  and  then  at  our 
feet  stood  the  white  walls  of  a  convent,  with  2 
or  3  brothers,  a  strollin'  along  in  their  long 
black  gowns,  and  crosses,  a  readin'  some  books. 

I  don't  know  what  it  wuz,  what  they  wuz  a 
readin'  out  of  their  books,  or  a  readin'  out  of 
their  hearts.  Mebby  suiithin'  kinder  sad  and 
serene.  Mebby  it  wuz  sunthin'  about  the  gay 
world  of  human  happiness,  and  human  sorrows, 
they  had  turned  backs  to  forever.  Mebby  it 
wuz  about  the  other  world  that  they  had  sot 
out  for  through  a  lonesome  way.  Mebby  it 
wuz  "Never"  they  wuz  a  readin'  about,  and 


The  Toboggen  Slide. 


mebby  it  wuz  "  Forever."  I  don't  know  what 
it  wuz.  But  we  went  by  'em,  and 
anon,  yes  it  wuz  jest  anon,  for  it 
wuz  the  very  minute  that  I  lifted 
my  eyes  from  the  Father's  calm 
and  rather  sad-lookin'  face,  that 
I  ketched  sight  on't,  that  I  see  a 

comin' 
^    down 
r    from  the 
§   h  i  g  h 
E    hills    to 
the    left 
on    us, 
an    im 
mense 
sort  of  a 
trough, 


And  we  went  out  her  back  door,  and  see  way  up  the 
slide,  or  trough. 


or  so  it 
looked, 

a  comin'  right  down  through  the  trees,  from 
the  top  of  the  mountain  to  the  bottom.  And 
then  all  acrost  the  fields  as  fur,  as  fur  as 
from  our  house  way  over  to  Miss  Pixley's 


"Is  He  a  Injun."  389 

wuz  a  sort  of  a  road,  with,  a  row  of  electric 
lights  along  the  side  on't. 

We  drove  up  to  a  buildin'  that  stood  at  the 
foot  of  that  immense  slide,  or  so  they  called  it, 
and  a  female  woman  who  wuz  there  told  us 
all  about  it.  And  we  went  out  her  back  door, 
and  see  way  up  the  slide,  or  trough.  There 
wuz  a  railin'  on  each  side  on't,  and  a  place  in 
the  middle  where  she  said  the  Toboggen  came 
down. 

And  sez  Josiah,  "  Who  is  the  Toboggen, 
any  way  ?  Is  he  a  native  of  the  place  or 
a  Injun?  Any  way,"  sez  he,  "I'd  give  a 
dollar  bill  to  see  him  a  comin'  down  that 
place." 

And  the  woman  said,  "  A  Toboggen  wuz  a 
sort  of  a  long  sled,  that  two  or  three  folks 
could  ride  on,  and  they  come  down  that  slide 
with  such  force  that  they  went  way  out  acrost 
the  fields  as  far  as  the  row  of  lights,  before  it 
stopped. 

Sez  I,  "Josiah  Allen,  did  you  ever  see  the 
beat  on't  ?"  Sez  I,  "  Haint  that  as  far  as  from 
our  house  to  Miss  Pixley's  ?" 


39°  How  it  Works. 

"  Yes,"  sez  he,  "  and  further  too.  It  is  as 
far  as  Uncle  Jim  Hozzleton's." 

1  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  I  believe  you  are  in  the 
right  on't." 

And  sez  Josiah,  "How  do  they  get  back 
agin  ?  Do  they  come  in  the  cars,  or  in  their 
own  conveniences." 

'  There  is  a  sleigh  to  bring  'em  back,  but 
sometimes  they  walk  back,"  sez  the  woman. 

'  Walk  back?"  sez  I  in  deep  amaze.  "  Do 
they  walk  from  way  out  there,  and  cleer  up 
that  mountain  agin  ?" 

'  Yes,"  sez  she.  "  Don't  you  see  the  place 
at  the  side  for  'em  to  draw  the  Toboggen  up, 
and  the  little  flights  of  steps  for  'em  to  go  up 
the  hill  ?" 

'  Wall,"  sez  I,  in  deep  amaze,  and  anxius  as 
ever  to  get  information  on  deep  subjects, 
"  where  duz  the  fun  come  in,  is  it  in  walkin' 
way  over  the  plain  and  up  the  hills,  or  is  it  in 
comin'  down  ?" 

And  she  said  she  didn't  know  exactly  where 
the  fun  lay,  but  she  s'pozed  it  wuz  comin'  down. 
Any  way  they  seemed  to  enjoy  it  first  rate. 


A  Gay  Scene.  391 

And  she  said  it  wuz  a  pretty  sight  to  see  'era 
all  on  a  bright  "clear  night,  when  the  sky  wuz 
blue  and  full  of  stars,  and  the  earth  white  and 
glistenin'  underneath  to  see  7  or  800,  all 
dressed  up  in  the  gayest  way,  suits  of  white 
blankets,  gay  borders  and  bright  tasseled  caps 
of  every  color,  and  suits  of  every  other  pretty 
color  all  trimmed  with  fur  and  embroideries, 
to  see  'em  all  a  laughin'  and  a  talkin',  with 
their  cheeks  and  eyes  bright  and  glowin',  to 
see  'em  a  comiii'  down  the  slide  like  flashes  of 
every  colored  light,  and  away  out  over  the 
white  glistenin'  plains ;  and  then  to  see  the 
long  line  of  happy  laughin'  creeters  a  walkin' 
back  agin  drawin'  the  gay  Toboggens.  She 
said  it  wuz  a  sight  worth  seein'. 

"  Do  they  come  down  alone  ?"  sez  Josiah. 

"  Oh  no  !"  sez  she.  "  Boys  and  their  sweet 
hearts,  men  and  wives,  fathers  and  mothers 
and  children,  sometimes  4  on  a  Toboggen." 

Sez  Josiah,  lookin'  anamated  and  clever, 
"  I'd  love  to  take  you  on  one  on  'em,  Saman- 
tha." 

"Oh  no,"  sez  I,  "  I  wouldn't  want  to  be  took." 


392  "Jest  a  Red  Flash." 

But  a  bystander  a  standiii'  by  said  it  wuz  a 
sight  to  behold  to  stand  up  on  top  and  start 
off.  He  said  the  swiftness  of  the  motion,  the 
brightness  of  the  electric  lights  ahead,  the 
gleam  of  the  snow  made  it  seem  like  plungin' 
down  a  dazzlin'  Niagara  of  whiteness  and 
glitterin'  light ;  and  some,  like  bein'  shot  out 
of  a  cannon.  Why,  he  said  they  went  with 
such  lightnin'  speed,  that  if  you  stood  clost 
by  the  slide  a  waitiii'  to  see  a  friend  go  by, 
you  might  stand  so  near  as  to  touch  her,  but 
you  couldn't  no  more  see  her  to  re^nize  her, 
than  you  could  re^nize  one  spoke  from  an 
other  in  the  wheel  of  a  runaway  carriage.  You 
would  jest  see  a  red  flash  go  by,  if  so  be  it  wuz 
a  red  gown  she  had  on.  A  red  flash  a  dartin' 
through  the  air,  and  a  dissapeerin'  down  the 
long  glitterin'  lane  of  light. 

You  could  see  her  a  goin'  back,  so  they  said, 
a  laughin'  and  a  jokiii'  with  somebody,  if  so  be 
she  walked  back,  but  there  wuz  long  sleighs  to 
carry  'em  back,  them  and  their  Toboggens,  if 
they  wanted  to  ride,  at  the  small  expenditure 
of  10  cents  apiece.  They  go  in  the  fastest 


The  Model  Toboggen.  393. 

time  anybody  can  make  till  they  go  on  the 
lightnin',  a  way  in  which  they  will  go  before 
long,  I  think,  and  Josiah  dnz  too. 

They  said  there  wuzn't  nothin'  like  it.  And 
I  said  "  Like  as  not."  I  believed  'em.  And 
then  the  woman  said,  "  this  long  room  we  wnz 
a  standin'  in,"  for  we  had  gone  back  into  the 
house,  durin'  our  interview,  this  long  room  wuz, 
all  warm  and  light  for  'em  to  come  into  and  get 
warm,  and  she  said  as  many  as  600  in  a  night 
would  come  in  there  and  have  supper  there. 

And  then  she  showed  us  the  model  of  a 
Toboggen,  all  sculped  out,  with  a  man  and  a 
woman  on  it.  The  girl  wuz  ahead  sort  a  draw- 
in'  the  Toboggen,  as  you  may  say,  and  her 
lover.  (I  know  he  wuz,  from  his  looks.)  He 
wuz  behind  her,  with  his  face  right  clost  to 
her  shoulder. 

And  I'll  bet  that  when  they  started  down 
that  gleamin'  slide,  they  felt  as  if  they  2  wuz 
alone  under  the  stars  and  the  heavens,  and 
wuz  a  glidin'  down  into  a  dazzlin'  way  of  glory. 
You  could  see  it  in  their  faces.  I  liked  their 
faces. real  well. 


394  "^  Powerful  Weepon." 

But  the  sight  on  'em  made  Josiah  Allen, 
crazier 'n  ever  to  go  too,  and  he  sez,  "  I  feel  as 
if  I  must  Toboggen,  Samantha  !" 

Sez  I,  "  Be  calm  !  Josiah,  you  can't  slide 
down  hill  in  July." 

"  How  do  you  know?"  sez  he,  "  I'm  bound 
to  enquire."  And  he  asked  the  woman  if  they 
ever  Toboggened  in  the  summer. 

"No,  never!"  sez  she. 

And  I  sez,  "  You  see  it  can't  be  done." 

"She  never  see  it  tried,"  sez  he.  "How  can 
you  tell  what  you  can  do  without  tryin'  ?"  sez 
he  lookin'  shrewdly,  and  longingly,  up  the 
slide.  I  trembled,  for  I  knew  not  what  the 
next  move  of  his  would  be.  But  I  bethought 
me  of  a  powerful  weepon  I  had  by  me.  And 
I  sez,  "  The  driver  will  ask  pay  for  every  min 
ute  we  are  here." 

And  as  I  sez  this,  Josiah  turned  and  almost 
flew  down  the  steps,  and  into  the  buggy.  I  had 
skairt  him.  Truly  I  felt  relieved,  and  sez  I  to 
myself,  "  What  would  wimmen  do  if  it  wuzn't 
for  these  little  weepons  they  hold  in  their  hands, 
to  control  their  pardners  with."  I  felt  happy. 


BBStens^^F^afe  « 


"And  I  sez,  'The  driver  will  ask  pay  for  every  minute  we  are  here.' 
"And  as  I  sez  this,  Josiah  turned   and    almost  flew    down  the   steps, 
and  into  the  buggy." 

39- 


Josiatis  Wild  Resolve.  397 

But  the  next  words  of  Josiah  knocked  down 
all  that  palace  of  Peace,  that  my  soul  had  be 
took  herself  to.  Sez  he,  "  Saniantha  Allen, 
before  I  leave  Saratoga  I  shall  Toboggen." 

Wall,  I  immegatly  turned  the  subject  round 
and  talked  wildly  and  almost  incoherently  on 
politicks.  I  praised  the  tariff  amost  beyond 
its  deserts.  I  brung  up  our  foreign  relations, 
and  spoke  well  on  'em.  I  tackled  revenues 
and  taxation,  and  hurried  him  from  one  to  the 
other  on  'em,  almost  wildly,  to  get  the  idee  out 
of  his  head.  And  I  congratulated  myself  on 
havin'  succeeded.  Alas !  how  futile  is  our 
hopes,  sometimes  futiler  than  we  have  any 
idee  on ! 

By  night  all  thoughts  of  danger  had  left  me, 
and  I  slept  sweetly  and  peacefully.  But  early 
in  the  mornin'  I  had  a  strange  dream.  I 
dreamed  I  wuz  in  the  woods  with  my  head  a 
layin'  on  a  log,  and  the  ground  felt  cold  that 
I  wuz  a  layin'  on.  And  then  the  log  gin  way 
with  me,  and  my  head  came  down  onto  the 
ground.  And  then  I  slept  peaceful  agin,  but 
chilly,  till  anon,  or  about  that  time,  I  heard 


398  Is  He  Kidnapped  f 

a  strange  sound  and  I  waked  tip  with  a  start. 
It  wuz  in  the  first  faint  glow  of  mornin'  twi 
light.  But  as  faint  as  the  light  wuz,  for  the 
eye  of  love  is  keen,  I  missed  my  beloved  pard- 
ner's  head  from  the  opposite  pillow,  and  I  riz 
up  in  wild  agitation  and  thinkses  I,  "  Has 
rapine  took  place  here  ;  has  Josiah  Allen  been 
abducted  away  from  me  ?  Is  he  a  kidnapped 
Josiah  ?" 

At  that  fearful  thought  my  heart  begun  to 
beat  so  voyalently  as  to  almost  stop  my  breath, 
and  I  felt  I  wuz  growin'  pale  and  wan,  wanner,, 
fur  wanner  than  I  had  been  sense  I  came  to 
Saratoga.  I  love  Josiah  Allen,  he  is  dear  to 
me. 

And  I  riz  up  feelin'  that  I  would  find  that 
dear  man  and  rescue  him  or  perish  in  the 
attempt.  Yes,  I  felt  that  I  must  perish  if  I 
did  not  find  him.  What  would  life  be  to  me 
without  him  ?  And  as  I  thought  that  thought 
the  light  of  the  day  that  wuz  a  breaking  looked 
sort  of  a  faint  to  me,  and  sickish.  And  like  a 
flash  it  came  to  me,  the  thought  that  that  light 
seemed  like  the  miserable  dawns  of  wretched 


A  Wild  Effort.  399 

days  without  him,  a  pale  light  with  no  warmth, 
or  brightness  in  it. 

But  at  that  very  minute  I  heard  a  noise  out 
side  the  door,  and  I  heard  that  beloved  voice 
a  sayin'  in  low  axents  the  words  I  had  so  often 
heard  him  speak,  words  I  had  oft  rebuked  him 
for,  but  now,  so  weak  will  human  love  make 
one,  now,  I  welcomed  them  gladly — they 
sounded  exquisitely  sweet  to  me.  The  words 
wuz,  "  Dumb  'em !" 

And  I  joyfully  opened  the  door.  But  oh, 
what  a  sight  met  my  eye.  There  stood  Josiah 
Allen,  arrayed  in  a  blanket  he  had  took  from 
our  bed  (that  accounted  for  my  cold  feelin'  in 
my  dream).  The  blanket  wuz  white,  with  a 
gay  border  of  red  and  yellow.  He  had  fixed 
it  onto  him  in  a  sort  of  a  dressy  way,  and 
strapped  it  round  the  waist  with  my  shawl 
strap.  And  he  had  took  a  bright  yeller  silk 
handkerchief  of  hisen,  and  had  wrapped  it  round 
his  head  so's  it  hung  down  some  like  a  cap, 
and  he  wuz  a  tryin'  to  fasten  it  round  his  for 
ward  with  one  of  my  stockin'  supporters.  He 
couldn't  buckle  it,  and  that  is  what  called  forth 


400  Fun  and  Fashion. 

his  exclamations.  At  his  feet,  partly  upon  the. 
stairs,  wuz  the  bolster  from  our  bed  (that  ac 
counted  for  the  log  that  had  gin  way) .  And 
he  had  spread  a  little  red  shawl  of  mine  over 
the  top  on't,  and  as  I  opened  the  door,  he  wuz 
jest  ready  to  embark  on  the  bolster,  he  wuz 
jest  a  steppin'  onto  it.  But  as  he  see  me  he 
paused,  and  I  sez  in  low  axents,  "  What  are 
you  a  goin'  to  do,  Josiah  Allen  ?" 

"  I'm  a  goin  to  Toboggen,"  sez  he. 

Sez  I,  "  Do  you  stop  at  once,  and  come  back 
into  your  room." 

"No,  no!"  sez  he,  firmly,  and  preparin'  to 
embark  on  the  bolster,  "  I  am  agoin'  to  To 
boggen.  And  you  come  and  go  too.  It  is  so 
fashionable,"  sez  he,  "  such  a  genteel  diver 


sion." 


Sez  I,  "  Do  you  stop  it  at  once,  and  come 
back  to  your  room.  Why,"  sez  I,  "  the  hull 
house  will  be  routed  up,  and  be  up  here  in  a 
minute." 

"Wall,"  sez  he,  "they'll  see  fun  if  they  do 
and  fashion.  I  am  a  goin',  Samantha  !"  and 
he  stepped  forward. 


401 


Samanthrfs  Final  Effort.  403 

Sez  I,  "  They'll  see  sunthin'  else  that  begins 
with  a  f,  but  it  haint  fun  or  fashion.''  And 
agin  I  sez,  "  Do  you  come  back,  Josiah  Allen. 
You'll  break  your  neck  and  rout  up  the  house, 
and  be  called  a  fool  I" 

"  Oh  no,  Samantha!  I  must  Toboggen.  I 
must  go  down  the  slide  once."  And  he  fixed 
the  bolster  more  firmly  on  the  top  stair. 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  feelin'  that  I  wuz  drove  to  my 
last  ambush  by  him,  sez  I,  "  probably  five 
dollars  won't  make  the  expenses  good,  besides 
your  doctor's  bill,  and  my  mournin'.  And  I 
shall  put  on  the  deepest  of  crape,  Josiah 
Allen,"  sez  I. 

I  see  he  wavered  and  I  pressed  the  charge 
home.  Sez  I,  "  That  bolster  is  thin  cloth, 
Josiah  Allen,  and  you'll  probable  have  to  pay 
now  for  draggin'  it  all  over  the  floor.  If  any 
body  should  see  you  with  it  there,  that  bolster 
would  be  charged  in  your  bill.  And  how 
would  it  look  to  the  neighbors  to  have  a  bol 
ster  charged  in  your  bill  ?  And  I  should 
treasure  it,  Josiah  Allen,  as  bein'  the  last  bill 
you  made  before  you  broke  your  neck  I" 


4°4  A  New  Experiment. 

"  Oh,  wall,"  sez  he,  "  I  s'pose  I  can  put  the 
bolster  back."  But  he  wuz  snappish,  and  he 
kep'  snappish  all  day. 

He  wuzn't  quelled.  Though  he  had  gin  in 
for  the  time  bein',  I  see  he  wuzn't  quelled 
down.  He  acted  dissatisfied  and  high-headed, 
and  I  felt  worried  in  my  mind,  not  knowin' 
what  his  next  move  would  be. 

Oh  !  the  tribulations  it  makes  a  woman  to 
take  care  of  a  man.  But  then  it  pays.  After 
all,  in  the  deepest  of  my  tribulations  I  feel,  I 
do  the  most  of  the  time  feel,  that  it  pays. 
When  he  is  good,  he  is  dretful  good. 

Wall,  I  went  over  to  see  Polly  Pixley  the 
next  night,  and  when  I  got  back  to  my  room, 
there  stood  Josiah  Allen  with  both  of  his  feet 
sort  a  bandaged  and  tied  down  onto  sunthin', 
which  I  didn't  at  first  re^nize.  It  wuz  big, 
and  sort  a  egg  shaped,  and  open  worked,  and 
both  his  feet  wuz  strapped  down  tight  onto  it, 
and  he  wuz  a  pushin'  himself  round  the  room 
with  his  umberell. 

And  I  sez,  "  What  is  the  matter  now,  Josiah 
Allen ;  what  are  you  a  doin'  now  ?" 


A  Fruitless  Effort. 


405 


"  Oh,  I  am  a  walkin'  on  snow-shoes,  Sa- 
mantha  !  But  I  don't  see,"  sez  he,  a  stoppin' 
to  rest,  for  he  seemed  tuckered  out,  "  I  don't  see 
how  the  savages  got 
round  as  they  did 
and  performed  such 
journeys.  You  put 
'em  on,  Samantha," 
sez  he,  "and  see  if 
you  can  get  on  any 
faster  in  'em." 

Sez  I  coldly,  "The 
savages  probable 
didn't  have  both  feet 
on  one  shoe,  Josiah 
Allen,  as  you  have. 
I  shall  put  on  no 
snow-shoes  in  the 
middle  of  July  ;  but 

TT-j'J     T     1  1  .,  His    feet    wuz    strapped     down    tight 

It  I  did,  1  SnOUld  pUt     onto  it|  and    he  wuz  a  pushin'    himself 
.  i  •     i  round  the  room  with  his  umberell. 

em  on  accordm   to 

a  little  mite  of  sense.     I  should  try  to  use  as 
much  sense  as  a  savage  any  way." 

"  Why,  how  it  would  look  to  have  one  foot 


406  Sick  of  tkc  Idea. 

on  that  great  big  snow-slioe.  I  always  did 
like  a  good  close  fit  in  my  shoes.  And  you 
see  I  have  room  enough  and  to  spare  for  both 
on  'em  on  this.  Why  it  wouldn't  look  dressy 
at  all,  Samantha,  to  put  'em  on  as  you  say." 

Sez  I  very  coldly,  u  I  don't  see  anything 
over  and  above  dressy  in  your  looks  now,  Jo- 
siah  Allen,  with  both  of  your  feet  tied  down 
onto  that  one  shoe,  and  you  a  try  in'  to  move 
off,  when  you  can't.  I  can't  see  anything  over 
and  above  ornamental  in  it,  Josiah  Allen." 

"  Oh  !  you  are  never  willin'  to  give  in  that  I 
look  dressy,  Samantha.  But  I  s'pose  I  can 
put  my  feet  where  you  say.  You  are  so  sot, 
but  they  are  too  big  for  me — I  shall  look  like 
a  fool." 

I  looked  at  him  calmly  over  my  specks,  and 
sez  I,  "  I  guess  I  sha'n't  notice  the  difference 
or  realize  the  change.  I  wonder,"  sez  I,  in 
middlin'  cold  axents,  "  how  you  think  you 
are  a  lookin'  now,  Josiah  Allen." 

"  Oh,  keep  a  naggin  at  me!"  sez  he.  But  I 
see  he  wtiz  a  gettin'  kinder  sick  of  the  idee. 

"  What  you  mean  by  puttin'  'em  on  at  all  is 


Feeling  like  a  Savage.  407 

more  than  I  can  say,"  sez  I,  "  a  tryin'  to  walk 
on  snow-shoes  right  in  dog-days." 

"  I  put  'em  on,  Samantha,"  sez  he,  a  begin- 
nin'  to  nnstrap  'em,  "  I  pnt  'em  on  because  I 
wanted  to  feel  like  a  savage." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  I  have  seen  you  at  times 
durin'  the  last  20  years,  when  I  thought  you 
realized  how  they  felt  without  snow-shoes  on 
either." 

(These  little  interchanges  of  confidence  will 
take  place  in  every-day  life.)  But  at  that 
very  minute  Ardelia  Tutt  rapped  at  the  door, 
and  Josiah  hustled  them  snow-shoes  into  the 
closet,  and  that  wuz  the  last  trial  I  had  with 
him  about  'em.  He  had  borrowed  'em. 

Wall,  Ardelia  wuz  dretful  pensive,  and  soft 
actin'  that  night,  she  seemed  real  tickled  to 
see  us,  and  to  get  where  we  wuz.  She  haint  over 
and  above  suited  with  the  boardin'  place  where 
she  is,  I  think.  I  don't  believe  they  have  very 
good  food,  though  she  won't  complain,  bein'  as 
they  are  relations  on  her  own  side.  And  then 
she  is  such  a  good  little  creeter  any  way.  But 
I  had  my  suspicions.  She  didn't  seem  very 


4°8  Sickening  of  Bial. 

happy.  She  said  she  had  been  down  to  the 
park  that  afternoon,  she  and  the  young  chap 
that  has  been  a  payin'  her  so  much  attention 
lately,  Bial  Flamburg.  She  said  they  had  sot 
down  there  by  the  deer  park  most  all  the  after 
noon  a  watchin'  the  deer.  She  spoke  dretful 
well  of  the  deer.  And  they  are  likely  deer  for 
anything  I  know.  But  she  seemed  sort  a  pen 
sive  and  low  spirited.  Mebby  she  is  a  be- 
ginnin'  to  find  Bial  Flamburg  out,  mebby  she 
is  a  beginnin'  to  not  like  his  ways.  He  drinks 
and  smokes,  that  I  know,  and  I've  mistrusted 
worse  things  on  him.  Before  Ardelia  went 
away,  she  slipped  the  followin'  lines  into  my 
hand,  which  I  read  after  she  had  left.  They 
wuz  rather  melancholy  and  ran  as  follows  : 

11  STANZAS  WROTH  ON  A  DEER  IN  CENTRAI, 
PARK. 

"  BY  ARDEUA   TUTT. 

"  Oh  deer,  sweet  deer  that  softly  steppeth  out 
From  out  thy  rustick  cot  beneath  the  hill ; 
We  would  not  meet  thee  with  a  wild,  wild  shout, 
But  with  the  low  voice,  low  and  sweet,  and  still 

As  anything. 


Stanzas  on  a  Deer.  409 

"  And  in  thine  ear  would  whisper  thoughts  that  swell 

Our  bosom  nigh  beyond  our  corset's  bound  ; 
As  lo  !  we  see  thee  step  along  the  dell 

And  with  thy  horns,  and  eyes  look  all  around 

And  up,  and  down. 

1 '  We  think  of  all  thy  virtue,  and  thy  ways, 

Thy  simple  ways  of  eating  hay  and  grass  ; 
We  would  not  cause  thy  cheek  to  blush  with  praise, 
Yet  we  have  marked  thee,  marked  thee  as  thou  pass 

We  could  but  fain. 

11  And  lo  !  our  admiration  thou  dost  win 

Thou  in  the  haunts  of  fashion  keep  afar, 

Thou  dost  not  lo  !  imbibe  vile  beer  or  gin, 

Or  smoke  with  pipe,  or  with  a  bad  cigar, 

Or  cigarette. 

' '  Thou  dost  not  flirt  nor  cast  sheep  eyes  on  her 

Who  is  bound  unto  another  by  a  vow — 
Thou  dost  not  murmur  love  words  in  her  ear, 
While  husband's  prowl  about,  to  make  a  row 

Or  shoot  with  gun. 

"  Thou  dost  not  drive  in  tandem,  or  on  high — 

In  stately  loneliness,  in  Tally  Ho  go  round, 

Thou  dost  not  on  a  horse  back  nobly  canter  by, 

Or  drive  in  dog  carts  up  and  down  the  land, 

By  day  or  night. 


410 


The  Stanzas  Ended. 


'  For  ice  cream,  or  for  custard  pie  thou  hankerest  not, 

Yearn  not  for  caramels,  nor  apple  sass, 
Thou  dost  not  eat  pop  corn,  or  peanuts  down  the  grot, 
Ah  !  no,  sweet  deer,  thou  meekly  eatest  grass 

In  peace. 
"  A  lesson  man  might  learn  of  thee  full  well, 

To  eat  with  sweet  content  tough  steak,  or  thin  ; 
Cold  toast,  or  hot  imbibe,  think  of  that  dell— 
That  patient  deer,  and  eat  in  peace,  nor  sin 

With  profane  word. 

"  If  waiters  do  not  come  with  food,  think  on  that  deer, 

If  food  be  bad  and  cold,  think  on  that  dell, 
Strike  not  for  vengeance  with  a  deadly  spear, 
I^earn  of  that  angel  deer  and  murmur,  all  is  well, 

While  eating  grass." 


XIV. 

LAKE   GEORGE   AND    MOUNT   MCGREGOR. 


T  wuz  on  a  nice  pleasant 
day  that  Ardelia  Tutt, 
Josiah  Allen,  and  me,  met 
by  previous  agreement 
quite  early  in  the  mornin', 

A.  M.,  and  sot  out  for  Lake  George.  It  is  so 
nigh,  that  you  can  step  onto  the  cars,  and  go 
out  and  see  George  any  time  of  day. 

It  seemed  to  me  jest  as  if  George  wuz  glad 
we  had  come,  for  there  wuz  a  broad  happy 
smile  all  over  his  face,  and  a  sort  of  a  dimplin' 
look,  as  if  he  wanted  to  laugh  right  out.  All 

411 


412  Off  for  Mount  McGregor. 

the  beckonin'  shores  and  islands,  with  their 
beautiful  houses  on  'em,  and  the  distant  forests, 
and  the  trees  a  bendin'  over  George,  all  seemed 
to  sort  a  smile  out  a  welcome  to  us.  We  had 
a  most  beautiful  day,  and  got  back  quite  late 
in  the  afternoon,  P.  M. 

And  the  next  day,  a  day  heavenly  calm  and 
fair,  Josiah  Allen  and  me  sot  sail  for  Mount 
McGregor — that  mountain  top  that  is  lifted 
up  higher  in  the  hearts  of  Americans  than  any 
other  peak  on  the  continent, — fur  higher.  For 
it  is  the  place  where  the  memory  of  a  Hero 
lays  over  all  the  peaceful  landscape,  like  a  in 
spiration  and  a  benediction,  and  will  rest  there 
forever. 

The  railroad  winds  round  and  round  the 
mountain  sometimes  not  seemin'ly  goin'  up  at 
all,  but  gradually  a  movin'  on  towards  the  top, 
jest  as  this  brave  Hero  did  in  his  career.  If 
some  of  the  time  he  didn't  seem  to  move  on, 
or  if  some  of  the  time  he  seemed  to  go  back 
for  a  little,  yet  there  wuz  a  deathless  fire  in 
side  on  him,  a  power,  a  strength  that  kep'  him 
a  goin'  up,  up,  up,  and  drawin'  the  nation  up 


Ascending  the  Mount.  413 

with  him  onto  the  safe  level  ground  of  Vic 
tory. 

We  got  pleasant  glimpses  of  beauty,  pretty 
pictures  on't,  every  little  while  as  we  wended 
our  way  on  up  the  mountains.  Anon  we  would 
go  round  a  curve,  a  ledge  of  rocks  mebby,  and 
lo !  far  off  a  openin'  through  the  woods  would 
show  us  a  lovely  picture  of  hill  and  dell,  blue 
water  and  blue  mountains  in  the  distance. 
And  then  a  green  wood  picture,  shut  in  and 
lonely,  with  tall  ferns,  and  wild  flowers,  and 
thick  green  grasses  under  the  bendin'  trees. 
Then  fur  down  agin,  a  picture  of  a  farm-house, 
sheltered  and  quiet,  with  fields  layin'  about  it, 
green  and  golden. 

But  anon,  we  reached  the  pretty  little  lone 
some  station,  and  there  we  wuz  on  top  of  Mount 
McGregor.  We  disembarked  from  the  cars 
and  wended  our  way  up  the  hill  up  the  windin* 
foot  path,  wore  down  by  the  feet  of  pilgrims 
from  every  land,  quite  a  tegus  walk,  though 
beautiful,  up  to  the  good-lookin',  and  good- 
appearin'  tarven. 

I  would  fain  have  stopped  at  that  minute  at 


414  A  Starving  Man. 

the  abode  the  Hero  had  sanctified  by  his  last 
looks.  But  my  companion  said  to  me  that  he 
wuz  in  nearly  a  starvin'  state.  Now  it  wuzn't 
much  after  1 1  A.  M.  forenoon,  and  I  felt  that 
he  would  not  die  of  starvation  so  soon.  But 
his  looks  wuz  pitiful  in  the  extreme  and  he 
reminded  me  in  a  sort  of  a  weak  voice  that  he 
didn't  eat  no  breakfast  hardly. 

I  sez  truthfully,  "  I  didn't  notice  it,  Josiah." 
But  sez  I,  u  I  will  accompany  you  where  your 
hunger  can  be  slaked."  So  we  went  straight 
up  to  the  tarven. 

But  I  would  stop  a  minute  in  front  of  it,  to 
see  the  lovely,  lovely  seen  that  wuz  spread  out 
before  our  eyes.  For  fur  off  could  we  see 
milds  and  milds  of  the  beautiful  country  a 
iayin'  fur  below  us.  Beautiful  landscape, 
dotted  with  crystal  lakes,  laved  by  the  blue 
Hudson  and  bordered  by  the  fur-away  moun 
tains. 

It  wuz  a  fair  seen,  a  fair  seen.  Bven  Josiah 
wuz  rousted  up  by  it,  and  forgot  his  hunger. 
I  myself  wuz  lost  in  the  contemplation  on  it, 
and  entirely  by  the  side  of  myself.  So  much 


Josiah  in  Peril.  415 

so,  that  I  forgot  where  I  wuz,  and  whether  I 
wuz  a  wife  or  a  widow,  or  what  I  wuz. 

But  anon,  as  my  senses  came  back  from  the 
realm  of  pure  beauty  they  had  been  a  traver- 
sin',  I  recollected  that  I  wuz  a  wife,  that  Prov 
idence  and  Elder  Minkley  had  placed  a  man 
in  my  hands  to  take  care  on  ;  and  I  see  he  wuz 
gone  from  me,  and  I  must  look  him  up. 

And  I  found  that  man  in  one  of  the  high  tall- 
ish  lookin'  swing  chairs  that  wuz  a  swingin' 
from  high  poles  all  along  the  brow  of  the  hill. 
They  looked  some  like  a  stanchol  for  a  horse, 
and  some  like  a  pair  of  galluses  that  criminals 
are  hung  on. 

Josiah  wuzn't  able  to  work  it  right  and  it 
did  require  a  deep  mind  to  get  into  one  without 
peril.  And  he  wuz  on  the  brink  of  a  catas 
trophe.  I  got  him  out  by  siezin'  the  chair 
and  holdin'  it  tight,  till  he  dismounted  from  it 
— which  he  did  with  words  unadapted  to  the 
serenity  of  the  atmosphere.  And  then  we  went 
out  the  broad  pleasant  door-yard  up  into  the 
tarven,  and  my  companion  got  some  coffee, 
and  some  refreshments,  to  refresh  ourselves 


416  An  Inspired  Memory. 

with.  And  then,  lie  feelin'  clever  and  real 
affectionate  to  me  (owin'  partly  I  s'pose  to  the 
good  dinner),  we  wended  onr  way  down  to  the 
cottage  where  the  Hero  met  his  last  foe  and 
fell  victorious. 

We  went  up  the  broad  steps  onto  the  piazza, 
and  I  looked  off  from  it,  and  over  all  the  land 
scape  under  the  soft  summer  sky,  lay  that  same 
beautiful  tender  inspired  memory.  It  lay  like 
the  hush  that  follows  a  prayer  at  a  dyin'  bed. 
Like  the  glow  that  rests  on  the  world  when  the 
sun  has  gone  down  in  glory.  Like  the  silence 
full  of  voices  that  follows  a  oriter's  inspired 
words. 

The  air,  the  whole  place,  thrilled  with  that 
memory,  that  presence  that  wuz  with  us, 
though  unseen  to  the  eyes  of  our  spectacles. 
It  followed  us  through  the  door  way,  it  went 
ahead  on  us  into  the  room  where  the  pen  wuz 
laid  down  for  the  last  time,  where  the  last 
words  wuz  said.  That  pen  wuz  hung  up  over 
the  bed  where  the  tired  head  had  rested  last. 
By  the  bedside  wuz  the  candle  blowed  out, 
when  he  got  to  the  place  where  it  is  so  light 


He  wuz  on  the  brink  of  a  catastrophy.     I  got  him  out   by  seizin'  thf 
chair  and  hold  n'  it  tight  till  he  dismounted. 

417 


The  Great  Army.  419 

they  don't  need  candles.  The  watch  stopped  at 
the  time  when  he  begun  to  recken  time  by  the 
deathless  ages  of  immortality.  And  as  I  stood 
there,  I  said  to  myself,  "  I  wish  I  could  see 
the  faces  that  wuz  a  bendin'  over  this  bed, 
August  nth,  1885. 

All  the  ministerin'  angels,  and  heroes,  and 
conquerors,  all  a  waitin'  for  him  to  join  'em. 
All  the  Grand  Army  of  the  Republic,  them 
who^fell  in  mountain  and  valley  ;  the  lamented 

and   the  nameless,  all,  all  a  waitin'  for  the 

• 

Leader  they  loved,  the  silent,  quiet  man, 
whose  soul  spoke,  who  said  in  deeds  what 
weaker  spirits  waste  in  language. 

I  wished  I  could  see  the  great  army  that 
stood  around  Mount  McGregor  that  day.  I 
wished  I  could  hear  the  notes  of  the  immortal 
revelee,  which  wuz  a  soundin'  all  along  the 
lines  callin'  him  to  wake  from  his  earth  sleep 
into  life — callin'  him  from  the  night  here,  the 
night  of  sorrow  and  pain,  into  the  mornin'. 

And  as  I  lifted  my  eyes,  the  eyes  of  the 
General  seemed  to  look  cleer  down  into  my 
soul,  full  of  the  secrets  that  he  could  tell  now, 


42O  Inside  the  Cottage. 

if  he  wanted  to,  full  of  the  mysteries  of  life, 
the  mysteries  of  death.  The  voiceless  pres 
ence  that  filled  the  hull  landscape,  earth  and 
air,  looked  at  us  through  them  eyes,  half 
mournful,  prophetic,  true  and  calm,  they  wuz 
a  lookin'  through  all  the  past,  through  all  the 
future.  What  did  they  see  there  ?  I  couldn't 
tell,  nor  Josiah. 

In  another  room  wuz  the  flowers  from  many 
climes.  Flowers  strewed  onto  the  stage  from 
hands  all  over  the  world,  when  the  foot  lights 
burned  low,  and  the  dark  curtain  went  down 
for  the  last  time  on  the  Hero.  Great  masses 
of  flowers,  every  one  on  'em,  bearin'  the  world's 
love,  the  world's  sorrow  over  our  nation's  loss. 

I  had  a  large  quantity  of  emotions  as  I  stood 
there,  probably  as  many  as  48  a  minute  for 
quite  a  spell,  and  that  is  a  large  number  of 
emotions  to  have,  when  the  size  of  'em  is  as 
large  as  the  sizes  of  them  wuz.  I  thought  as 
I  stood  there  of  what  I  had  hearn  the  Hero 
said  once  in  his  last  illness, — that,  lifting  up 
his  grand  right  arm  that  had  saved  the  Nation, 
he  said,  u  I  am  on  duty  from  four  to  six." 


On  Duty.  421 

Yes,  thinkses  I,  he  wuz  on  duty  all  through 
the  shadows  aud  the  darkness  of  war,  all 
through  the  peril,  and  the  heartache,  and  the 
wild  alarm  of  war,  cairn  and  dauntless,  he  wuz 
on  duty  till  the  mornin'  of  peace  came,  and  the 
light  wuz  shinin'. 

On  duty  through  the  darkness.  No  one  be 
lieved,  no  one  dared  to  think  that  if  peril  had 
come  again  to  the  country,  he  would  not  have 
been  ready, — ready  to  face  danger  and  death 
for  the  people  he  had  saved  once,  the  people' 
whom  he  loved,  because  he  had  dared  death 
for  them. 

Yes,  he  wuz  on  duty. 

There  wuz  a  darker  shadow  come  to  him 
than  any  cloud  that  ever  rose  over  a  battle 
field  when,  honest  and  true  himself  as  the 
light,  he  still  stood  under  the  shadow  of  blame 
and  impendin'  want,  stood  in  the  blackest  sha- 
dowthat  can  cover  generous,  faithful  hearts,  the 
heart-sickenin'  shadow  of  ingratitude  ;  when 
the  people  he  had  saved  from  ruin  hesitated, 
and  refused  to  give  him  in  the  time  of  his  need 
the  paltry  pension,  the  few  dollars  out  of  the 


422  Tardy  Justice. 

millions  lie  Had  saved  for  them,  preferring  to 
allow  hint)  the  greatest  hero  of  the  world,  the 
man  who  had  represented  them  before  the 
nations,  to  sell  the  badges  and  swords  he  had 
worn  in  fighting  their  battles,  for  bread  for 
himself  and  wife. 

But  he  wuz  on  duty  all  through  this  night. 
Patient,  uncomplainin'.  And  not  one  of  these 
warriors  fightin'  their  bloodless  battle  of  words 
aginst  him,  would  dare  to  say  that  he  would 
not  have  been  ready  at  any  minute,  to  give  his 
life  agin  for  these  very  men,  had  danger  come 
to  the  country  and  they  had  needed  him. 

And  when  hastened  on  by  the  shock,  and 
the  suspense,  death  seemed  to  be  near  him, 
so  near  that  it  seemed  as  if  the  burden  must 
needs  be  light — the  tardy  justice  that  came  to 
him  must  have  seemed  like  an  insult,  but  if 
he  thought  so  he  never  said  it ;  no,  brave  and 
patient,  he  wuz  on  duty. 

And  all  through  the  long,  long  time  that  he 
looked  through  the  shadows  for  a  more  sure 
foe  than  had  ever  lain  in  Southern  ambush  for 
him,  he  wuz  on  duty.  Not  an  impatient  word, 


An  Admiring  Nation.  425 

not  an  anxious  word.  Of  all  the  feerin',  doubt- 
in',  hoping  achin'  hearts  about  him,  he  only 
wuz  calm. 

For,  not  only  his  own  dear  ones,  but  the  hull 
country,  friends  and  foes  alike,  as  if  learnin' 
through  fear  of  his  loss  how  grand  a  hero  he 
wuz,  and  how  greatly  and  entirely  he  wuz  be 
loved  by  them  all, — they  sent  up  to  Heaven 
such  a  great  cloud  of  prayers  for  his  safety  as 
never  rose  for  any  man.  But  he  only  wuz  calm, 
while  the  hull  world  wuz  excited  in  his  behalf. 

For  the  sight  of  his  patient  work,  the  sight 
of  him  who  stopped  dyin'  (as  it  were)  to  earn 
by  his  own  brave  honest  hand  the  future  com 
fort  of  his  family,  amazed,  and  wonderin'  at 
this  spectacle,  one  of  the  greatest  it  seems  to 
me  that  ever  wuz  seen  on  earth,  the  hull 
nation  turned  to  him  in  such  a  full  hearted 
love,  and  admiration,  and  worship,  that  they 
forgot  in  their  quicker  adorin'  heart-throbs, 
the  slower,  meaner  throbs  they  had  gin  him, 
this  same  brave  Hero,  jest  as  brave  and  true- 
hearted  in  the  past  as  he  wuz  on  his  grand 
death-bed. 


426  The  Watch  Relieved. 

They  forgot  everything  that  had  gone  by  in 
their  worship,  and  I  don't  know  but  I  ort  to/ 
Mebby  I  had.  I  shouldn't  wonder  a  mite  if  I 
had.  But  all  the  while,  all  through  the  agony 
and  the  labor,  and  when  too  wearied  he  lay 
down  the  pen, — he  wuz  on  duty. 

Waitin'  patiently,  fearlessly,  till  he  should 
see  in  the  first  glow  of  the  sunrise  the  form  of 
the  angel  comin'  to  relieve  his  watch,  the 
tall,  fair  angel  of  Rest,  that  the  Great  Com 
mander  sent  down  in  the  mornin'  watches  to 
relieve  his  weary  soldier, — that  divinest  angel 
that  ever  comes  to  the  abode  of  men,  though 
her  beauty  shines  forever  through  tears,  led 
by  her  hand,  he  has  left  life's  battle-field  for 
ever  ;  and  what  is  left  to  this  nation  but  mem 
ory,  love,  and  mebby  remorse. 

But  little  matters  it  to  him,  the  Nation's  love 
or  the  Nation's  blame,  restin'  there  by  the 
calm  waters  he  loved.  The  tides  come  in,  and 
the  tides  go  out ;  jest  as  they  did  in  his  life ; 
the  fickle  tide  of  public  favor  that  swept  by 
him,  movin'  hinrnot  on  his  heavenly  mission 
of  duty  and  patriotism. 


Down  the  Mountain.  427 

The  tides  go  out,  and  the  tides  come  in;  the 
wind  wails  and  the  wind  sings  its  sweet  sum 
mer  songs  ;  but  he  does  not  mind  the  melody 
or  the  clamor.  He  is  resting.  Sleep  on,  Hero 
beloved,  while  the  world  wakes  to  praise  thee. 

Wall,  we  sot  sail  from  Mount  McGregor 
about  half-past  four  p.  M.,  afternoon.  And  we 
wound  round  and  round  the  mountain  side 
jest  as  he  did,  only  goin'  down  into  the  valley 
instid  of  upwards.  But  the  trees  that  clothed 
the  bare  back  of  the  mountain  looked  green 
and  shinin'  in  the  late  afternoon  sunlight,  and 
the  fields  spread  out  in  the  valley  looked  green 
and  peaceful  under  the  cool  shadows  of  ap- 
proachin'  sunset. 

And  right  in  the  midst  of  one  of  these  fields, 
all  full  of  white  daisies,  the  cars  stopped  and  the 
conductor  sung  out : — "  Five  minutes'  stop  at 
Daisy  station.  Five  minutes  to  get  out  and 
pick  daisies." 

And  sez  Josiah  to  me  in  gruff  axents,  when 
I  asked  him  if  he  wuz  goin'  to  get  out  and 
pick  some.  Sez  he,  "  Samantha,  no  man  can 
go  ahead  of  me  in  hatin'  the  dumb  weeds,  and 


Daisy  Station. 

doin'  his  best  towards  uprootin'  'em  in  my  own 
land ;  and  I  deeply  sympathize  with  any  man 
who  is  over  run  by  'em.  But  why  am  I  be- 
holdin'  to  the  man  that  owns  this  lot  ?  Why 
should  I  and  all  the  rest  of  this  car-load  of 
folks,  all  dressed  up  in  our  best  too,  lay  hold 
and  weed  out  these  infernal  nuisances  for 
nothin  ?" 

Yes,  he  said  these  fearfully  profane  words  to 
me  and  I  herd  him  in  silence,  for  I  did  not 
want  to  make  a  seen  in  public.  Sez  I,  u  Josiah, 
they  are  a  pickin'  'em  because  they  love 


'em.'5 


"Love  'em  !"  Oh,  the  fearful,  scornful,  un- 
believin'  look  that  came  over  my  pardner's 
face,  as  I  said  these  peaceful  words  to  him. 
And  he  added  a  expletive  which  I  am  fur  from 
bein'  urged  to  ever  repeat.  It  wuz  sinful. 

"Love  'em!"  Agin  he  sez.  And  agin 
follerd  a  expletive  that  wuz  still  more  forcible, 
and  still  more  sinful.  And  I  felt  obliged  to 
check  him  which  I  did.  And  after  a  long  par 
lay,  in  which  I  used  my  best  endeavors  of 
argument  and  reason  to  convince  him  that  I 


Picking  Daisies.  429 

wuz  in  the  right  on't,  I  see  he  wuzn't  convinced. 
And  then  I  spoke  about  its  bein'  fashionable 
to  get  out  and  pick  'em,  and  he  looked  different 
to  once.  I  could  see  a  change  in  him.  All  my 
arguments  of  the  beauty  and  sweetness  of  the 
posies  had  no  effect,  but  when  I  said  fashion 
able,  he  faltered,  and  he  sez,  "  Is  it  called  a 
genteel  diversion?" 

And  I  sez,  "  Yes." 

And  finally  he  sez,  "  Wall,  I  s'pose  I  can  go 
out  and  pick  some  for  you.  Dumb  their  dumb 
picters." 

Sez  I,  "  Don't  go  in  that  spirit,  Josiah 
Allen." 

"  Wall,  I  shall  go  in  jest  that  spirit,"  he 
snapped  out,  "  if  I  go  at  all."  And  he  went. 

But  oh !  it  wuz  a  sight  to  set  and  look  on, 
and  see  the  look  onto  his  face,  as  he  picked 
the  innocent  blossoms.  It  wuz  a  look  of  such 
deep  loathin',  and  hatred,  combined  with  a  sort 
of  a  genteel,  fashionable  air. 

Altogether  it  wuz  the  most  curius,  and 
strange  look,  that  I  ever  see  outside  of  a  men- 
agery  of  wild  animals.  And  he  had  that  same 


43°  Josiatts  Crossness. 

look  onto  his  face  as  he  came  in  and  gin  'em 
to  me.  He  had  yanked  'em  all  up  by  their 
roots  too,  which  made  the  Bokay  look  more 
strange.  But  I  accepted  of  it  in  silence,. for  I 

see  by  his 
mean  that  he 
wuz  not  in  a 
condition  to 
brook  another 
word. 

And  I  trem 
bled  when  a 
bystander  a 
standin'  by, 
^/^>  who  wuz  ar- 
r  a  n  g  i  n  '  a 
beautiful 
bunch  of  'em, 

It  wuz  a  sight  to   set   and   look   on,  and  see 

the  look  onto  his  face,  as  he  picked  the  inno-      a  liandKll'  'em 
cent  blossoms. 

as  flowers  ort 

to  be  handled,  as  if  they  had  a  soul,  and  could 
feel  a  rough  or  tender  touch, — this  man  sez  to 
Josiah,  "I  see  that  you  too  love  this  beautiful 
blossom." 


Painting  the  Steeple.  43 1 

I  wuz  glad  the  man's  eyes  wuz  riveted  onto 
his  Bokay ,  for  the  ferocity  of  Josiah  Allen's  look 
wuz  sunthin'  fearful.  He  looked  as  if  he  could 
tear  him  lim'  from  lim'. 

And  I  hastily  drawed  Josiah  to  a  seat  at  the 
other  end  of  the  car,  and  voyalently,but  firmly, 
I  drawed  his  attention  off  onto  Religion. 

I  sez,  "  Josiah,  do  you  believe  we  had  better 
paint  the  steeple  of  the  meetin'-house,  white 
or  dark  colered  ?" 

This  wuz  a  subject  that  had  rent  Jones ville 
to  its  very  twain.  And  Josiah  had  been  fear 
fully  exercised  on  it.  And  this  plan  of  mine 
succeeded.  He  got  eloquent  on  it,  and  I 
kinder  held  off,  and  talked  offish,  and  let  him 
convince  me. 

I  did  it  from  principle. 


XV. 


ADVENTURES   AT  VARIOUS   SPRINGS^ 


FEW  days   after  this,  Josiah 
Allen  came  in,  and  sez  he, 
'  The  Everlastin'  spring  is 
the  one  for  me,  Saniantha! 
I   believe  it  will   keep  me 
alive  for  hundreds  and  hundreds  of  years." 
Sez  I,  "  I  don't  believe  that,  Josiah  Allen." 
432 


Tired  of  Living.  433 

"Wall,  it  is  so,  whether  you  believe  it  or  not. 
Why,  I  see  a  feller  jest  now  who  sez  he  don't 
believe  anybody  would  ever  die  at  all,  if  they 
kep'  themselves  kinder  wet  through  all  the 
time  with  this  water." 

Sez  I,  "  Josiah  Allen,  you  are  not  talkin' 
Bible.  The  Bible  sez,  '  all  flesh  is  as  grass.'  " 

"  Wall,  that  is  what  he  meant ;  if  the  grass 
wuz  watered  with  that  water  all  the  time,  it 
wouldn't  never  wilt." 

"  Oh,  shaw  !"  sez  I.  (I  seldom  say  shaw,  but 
this  seemed  tome  a  time  for  shawm'.) 

But  Josiah  kep'  on,  for  he  wuz  fearfully  ex 
cited.  Sez  he,  u  Why,  the  feller  said,  there 
wuz  a  old  man  who  lived  right  by  the  side  of 
this  spring,  and  felt  the  effects  of  it  inside  and 
out  all  the  time,  it  wuz  so  healthy  there.  Why 
the  old  man  kep'  on  a  livin',  and  a  livin',  till 
he  got  to  be  a  hundred.  And  he  wuz  kinder 
lazy  naturally  and  he  got  tired  of  livin'.  He 
said  he  wuz  tired  'of  gettin'  up  mornin's  and 
dressin'  of  him,  tired  of  pullin'  on  his  boots  and 
drawin'  on  his  trowses,  and  he  told  his  grand 
son  Sam  to  take  him  up  to  Troy  and  let  him  die. 


434  The  Dead  Alive. 

"  Wall,  Sam  took  him  up  to  Troy,  and  he 
died  right  away,  almost.  And  Sam  bein'  a 
good  hearted  chap,  thought  it  would  please  the 
old  man  to  be  buried  down  by  the  spring,  that 
healthy  spot.  So  he  took  him  back  there  in  a 
wagon  he  borrowed.  And  when  he  got  clost 
to  the  spring,  Sam  heard  a  sithe,  and  he  looked 
back,  and  there  the  old  gentleman  wuz  a  settin' 
up  a  leanin'  his  head  on  his  elbo  and  he  sez,  in 
a  sort  of  a  sad  way,  not  mad,  but  melancholly, 
'  You  hadn't  ort  to  done  it,  Sam.  You  hadn't 
ort  to.  I'm  in  now  for  another  hundred  years.' ' 

I  told  Josiah  I  didn't  believe  that.  Sez  I, 
"  I  believe  the  waters  are  good,  very  good,  and 
the  air  is  healthy  here  in  the  extreme,  but  I 
don't  believe  that." 

But  he  said  it  wuz  a  fact,  and  the  feller  said 
he  could  prove  it.  "  Why,"  Josiah  sez,  "  with 
the  minerals  there  is  in  that  spring,  if  you 
only  take  enough  of  it,  I  don't  see  how  any 
body  can  die."  And  sez  Josiah,  "  I  am  a  goin' 
to  jest  live  on  that  water  while  I  am  here." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  you  must  do  as  you  are  a 
mind  to,  with  fear  and  trernblinV 


Guzzling  the  Water.  437 

I  thought  mebby  quotin'  Scripture  to  him 
would  kinder  quell  him  down,  for  hewuz  fear 
fully  agitated  and  wrought  up  about  the  Ever- 
lastin'  Spring.  And  he  begun  at  once  to 
calculate  on  it,  on  how  much  he  could  drink 
of  it,  if  he  begun  early  in  the  morning  and 
drinked  late  at  night. 

But  I  kep'  on  megum.  I  drinked  the  waters 
that  seemed  to  help  me  and  made  me  feel  better, 
but  wuz  megum  in  it,  and  didn't  get  over  ex 
cited  about  any  on  'em.  But  oh  !  oh !  the 
quantities  of  that  water  that  Josiah  Allen 
took!  Why,  it  seemed  as  if  he  would  make 
a  perfect  shipwreck  of  his  own  body,  and  wash 
himself  away,  till  one  day  he  came  in  fearful 
excited  agin,  and  sez  he,  in  agitated  axents, 
"  I  made  a  mistake,  Samantha.  The  Immortal 
spring  is  the  one  for  rue." 

"  Why?"  sez  I. 

u  Oh,  I  have  jest  seen  a  feller  that  has  been 
a  tellin'  me  about  it." 

"  What  did  he  say?"  sez  I,  in  calm  axents. 

"  Wall,  I'll  tell  you.  It  has  acted  on  my 
feelin's  dretful."  Sez  he,  "I  have  shed 


43 8  A  Touching  Incident. 

some  tears."  (I  see  Josiah  Allen  had  been  a 
cryin'  when  he  canie  in.) 

And  I  sez  agin,  "  What  is  it?" 

"  Wall,"  he  said,  "  this  man  had  a  dretful 
sick  wife.  And  he  wuz  a  carryin'  her  to  the 
Immortal  spring  jest  as  fast  as  he  could,  for  he 
felt  it  would  save  her,  if  he  could  get  her  to  it. 
But  she  died  a  mild  and  a  half  from  the  spring. 
It  wuz  night,  for  he  had  travelled  night  and 
day  to  get  her  there,  and  the  tarvens  wuz  all 
shut  up,  and  he  laid  her  on  the  spring-house 
floor,  and  laid  down  himself  on  one  of  the 
benches.  He  took  a  drink  himself,  the  last 
thing  before  he  laid  down,  for  he  felt  that  he 
must  have  sunthin'  to  sustain  him  in  his  afflic 
tion. 

"  Wall,  in  the  night  he  heard  a  splashin', 
and  he  rousted  up,  and  he  see  that  he  had  left 
the  water  kinder  careless  the  night  before,  and 
it  had  broke  loose  and  covered  the  floor  and 
riz  up  round  the  body,  and  there  she  wuz,  all 
bright  and  hearty,  a  splashin'  and  a  swimmin' 
round  in  the  water."  He  said  the  man  cried 
like  a  child  when  he  told  him  of  it. 


*•*' 


Crying  in  the  Wrong  Place.  44 x 

And  sez  Josiah,  "  It  wuz  dretful  affectin'. 
It  brought  tears  from  me,  to  hear  on't.  I 
thought  what  if  it  had  been  you,  Samantha !" 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  I  don't  see  no  occasion  for 
tears,  unless  you  would  have  been  sorry  to  had 
me  brung  to." 

"  Oh  !"  sez  Josiah,  "  I  didn't  think  !  I  guess 
I  have  cried  in  the  wrong  place." 

Sez  I  coldly,  "  I  should  think  as  much." 

And  Josiah  put  on  his  hat  and  hurried  out. 
He  meant  well.  But  it  is  quite  a  nack  for 
pardners  to  know  jest  when  to  cry,  and  when 
to  laff. 

Wall,  he  follered  up  that  spring,  and  drinked 
more,  fur  more  than  wuz  good  for  him  of  that 
water.  And  then  anon,  he  would  hear  of  an 
other  one,  and  some  dretful  big  story  about  it, 
and  he  would  foller  that  up,  and  so  it  went  on, 
he  a  follerin'  on,  and  I  a  bein'  megum,  and 
drinkin'  stiddy,  but  moderate.  And  as  it  might 
be  expected,  I  gained  in  health  every  day,  and 
every  hour.  For  the  waters  is  good,  there 
haint  no  doubt  of  it. 

But  Josiah  takin'  'em  as  he  did,  bobbin'  round 


442  Horror! 

from  one  to  the  other,  drinkin'  'era  at  all  hours 
of  day  and  night,  and  floodiii'  himself  out  with 
'em,  every  one  on  'ein — why,  he  lost  strength 
and  health  every  day,  till  I  felt  truly,  that  if  it 
went  on  much  longer,  I  should  go  home  in 
weeds.  Not  mullein,  or  burdock,  or  anything 
of  that  sort,  but  crape. 

But  at  last  a  event  occurred  that  sort  a  sot 
him  to  thinkin'  and  quelled  him  down  some. 
One  day  we  sot  out  for  a  walk,  Josiah  andArdelia 
Tutt  and  me.  And  in  spite  of  all  my  protesta 
tions,  my  pardner  had  drinked  n  glasses  full 
of  the  spring  he  wuz  a  follerin'  then.  And  he 
looked  white  round  the  lips  as  anything.  And 
Ardelia  and  I  wuz  a  settin'  in  a  good  shady 
place,  and  Josiah  a  little  distance  off,  when  a 
man  ackosted  him,  a  man  with  black  eyes  and 
black  whiskers,  and  sez,  "  You  look  pale,  Sir. 
What  water  are  you  a  drinkin'  ?" 

And  Josiah  told  him  that  at  that  time  he 
wuz  a  drinkin'  the  water  from  the  Immortal 
spring. 

"  Drinkin'  that  water?"  sez  the  man,  start- 
in'  back  horrefied. 


Deadly  Poison.  443 

"  Yes,"  sez  Josiah,  turnin'  paler  than  ever, 
for  the  man's  looks  wuz  skairful  in  the  ex 
treme. 

"  Oh  !  oh  !"  groaned  the  man.  "  And  you  are 
a  married  man  ?"  he  groaned  out  mournfully, 
a  lookin'  pitifully  at  him.  "  With  a  family?" 

"  Yes,"  sez  Josiah  faintly. 

"  Oh  dear,"  sez  the  man,  u  must  it  be  so,  to 
die,  so — so — lamented?" 

"To  die!"  sez  Josiah,  turniii'  white  jest 
round  the  lip. 

(  Yes,  to  die  !  Did  you  not  say  you  had  been 
a  drinkin'  the  water  from  the  Immortal 
spring?" 

"  Yes,"  sez  Josiah. 

"  Wall,  it  is  a  certain,  a  deadly  poison." 

"  Haint  there  no  help  for  me  ?"    sez  Josiah. 

"  Yes,"  sez  the  man,  "  you  must  drink  from 
the  Live-forever  spring,  at  the  other  end  of 
the  village.  That  water  has  the  happy  effect 
of  neutralizin'  the  poisons  of  the  Immortal 
spring.  If  anything  can  save  you,  that  can. 
Why,"  sez  he,  "  folks  that  have  been  entirely 
broke  down,  and  made  helpless  and  hopeless 


444  Wonderful  Waters. 

invalids,  them  that  have  been  brung  down  on 
their  death-beds  by  the  use  of  that  vile  Im 
mortal  water,  have  been  cured  by  a  few  glasses 
of  the  pure  healin'  waters  of  the  Live-forever 
spring.  I'd  advise  you  for  your  own  sake, 
and  the  sake  of  your  family,  who  would  mourn 
your  ontiniely  decese,  to  drink  from  that 
spring  at  once." 

"  But,"  sez  Josiah  with  a  agonized  and  hope 
less  look,  "  I  can't  drink  no  more  now." 

"  Why  ?"  sez  the  man. 

"  Because  I  don't  hold  any  more.  I  don't 
hold  but  two  quarts,  and  I  have  drinked  n 
tumblers  full  now." 

"  Eleven  glasses  of  that  poison  ?"  sez  the 
man. 

u  Wall,  if  it  is  too  late  I  am  not  to  blame. 
I've  warned  you.  Farewell,"  sez  he,  a  graspin' 
holt  of  Josiah' s  hand.  "  Farewell,  forever. 
But  if  you  do  live,"  sez  he,  "if  by  a  mericle  you 
are  saved,  remember  the  Live-forever  spring. 
If  there  is  any  help  for  you  it  is  in  them  waters." 

And  he  dashed  away,  for  another  stranger 
wuz  approachin'  the  seen. 


We  must  be  Megum.  445 

I,  myself,  didn't  have  no  idee  that  Josiah 
wuz  a  goiii'  to  die.  But  Ardelia  whispered  to 
me,  she  must  go  back  to  the  hotel,  so  she  went. 
I  see  she  looked  kinder  strange,  and  I  didn't 
object  to  it.  And  when  we  got  back  she  handed 
me  these  verses. 

She  had  been  a  cry  in'.  The  verses  wuz  as 
follers,  and  ensues  : 

"  Stanzas  on  the  death  of  Josiah  Allen." 

She  handed  'em  to  me,  and  hastened  away, 
quick.  But  Josiah  Allen  didn't  die.  And  this 
incident  made  him  more  megum.  More  as  I 
wanted  him  to  be.  Why,  you  have  to  be  me 
gum  in  everything,  no  matter  how  good  it  is. 
Milk  porridge,  or  the  Bible,  or  anything.  You 
can  kill  yourself  on  milk  porridge  if  you  drink 
enough.  And  you  can  set  down  and  read  the 
Bible,  till  you  grow  to  your  chair,  and  lose 
your  eyesight. 

Now  these  waters  are  dretful  good,  but  you 
have  got  to  use  some  megumness  with  'em,  it 
stands  to  reason  you  have.  Taint  megum  to 
drink  from  10  to  12  glasses  at  a  time,  and  mix 
your  drinks  goin'  round  from  spring  to  spring 


446  Using  the  Waters. 

like  a  limy.  No  ;  get  a  good  doctor  to  tell 
you  what  minerals  you  seem  to  stand  in  need 
on  the  most,  and  then  try  to  get  'em  with  fear 
and  tremblin'.  You'll  get  help  I  haint  a  doubt 
on't.  For  they  are  dretful  good  for  varius 
things  that  afflict  the  human  body.  Dretful ! 
These  are  the  verses  of  Ardelia  : 

"  STANZAS  ON  THE  DEATH  OF  JOSIAH 
ALLEN. 

1 '  Oh  !  angel  man  that  erst  did  live  and  move, 

Thy  wings  close  furled  within  a  broad  cloth  vest, 
With  cambric  back,  oh,  soul  of  love 

That  in  those  depths  reposed — Alas  why  wrest 

Why  wildly  tear, 

"  Oh  death,  that  soul,  white  nigh  upon  as  snow, 

From  body,  small  perhaps,  by  stillyards  weighed, 
And  full  as  light  complexioned,  as  men  go, 
As  is  the  common  run  of  men,  arrayed, 

Oh  yes,  arrayed, 

"  In  graces  full  he  wentest  to  his  fate, 

His  doom  wuz  pure  as  men's  dooms  ever  are  ; 
Not  by  the  brandy  bottle  fell  he  desolate 
No,  by  sweet  water  fell  he,  with  a  noble  air, 

And  breath  of  balm. 


The  Champion  Spouting  Spring. 


Obituary  Poetry.  449 

"  Not  with  a  feud  with  neighbor  foe  he  fell 

Nor  scaffolds  did  he  tread  with  aching  feet 
Nor  arson  he,  nor  rapine  down  the  dell, 

No,  pure  white  soul,  he  fell  by  water  sweet ; 

All  innocent. 

"  Had  whisky  strong  his  slight  form  overthrew — 

We'd  weep  with  finger  hiding  all  our  face, 
To  think  a  sling  should  slung  at  him  and  slew, 
But  no,  by  water  fell  he,  no  disgrace- 
No  direful  shame. 

"  Rests  on  his  tomb,  his  bride  ;  the  world  around, 
Methinks  a  world  might  wish  to  fall  like  him 
The  prophets  of  old  time  who  smiled  and  frowned 
Could  court  such  fate,  we  feel  Abim — 

We  feel  Abim— 

"  ilek,  or  Job,  might  be  content  to  die 

With  crystal  water,  drunken  from  a  glass, 
Held  by  a  boy,  and  no  great  quantitie 
Drunk  he,  not  over  nine  in  all,  alas, 

Or  ten,  or  'leven. 

"  Oh,  spring,  oh,  magnesie  percipitate 

And  sodium  and  iron — and  everything, 
Methinks  ye' 11  sadder  feel,  since  his  sad  fate 
Who  drunk  thee  up,  not  thinking  anything — 

We  do  suppose — 


45°  A  Mound  of  Verse. 

' '  Not  anything  of  poison  ye  might  keep 

Might  hold  within  thy  crystal  foaming  breast 
Why  did  he  not  the  other  spring  drink  deep, 

And  live  ?  But  oh  !  why  ask  ?  sweet  angel  spirit  rest 

From  water- far. 

"  Dear  man,  we  raise  this  mound  of  verse  o'er  thee, 

Would  that  'twere  higher,  and  more  fiery  bright, 
We  will,  we  will,  while  nations  disagree, 

Sit  down  and  write  as  many  as  it  seemeth  right 

Unto  his  wife." 

On  the  other  side  of  the  paper,  as  if  wrote 
later,  wuz  the  follerin'  lines.  Ardelia  is  truth 
ful.  This  is  her  strong  point,  that  and  her 
ambition. 

"  MY  OWN  IvAY  ON  A  SPRING. 

"  BY  ARDELIA   TUTT. 

' '  Oh  who  can  tell  when  air  is  full  of  warn 

What  crystal  drop  shall  speed  us  to  our  fate, 
And  I  alas,  so  blind,  shall  still  drink  on, 
Shall  drink  thee  early,  and  shall  drink  thee  late 

From  every  spring. 

"  Shall  drink  as  many  glasses  as  I  hold, 

One  quart,  or  two,  as  fate  shall  thus  decree, 


Lay  on  a  Spring. 


453 


Som<3  are  but  vessels  weak,  some  bold 
And  dauntless,  hold  from  two  quarts  up  to  three, 

Or  thereabouts. 

Shall  drink  from  wells  all  gemmed  with  crystal  rays 
With  golden  sheen,  up  sparkling  to  the  rim, 

And  that  is  pure  and  clear  to  outward  gaze 
With  hathorn  bending  gently  o'er  the  brim 

And  every  sort." 


XVI. 

AT   A    LAWN   PARTY. 


ALL,  the  very  next  morn- 
in'  Miss  Flamm  sent  word 
for  Josiah  and  me  to  come 
that  night  to  a  lawn  par 
ty.  And  I  sez  at  once,  "  I  must  go  and  get 
some  lawn." 

Sez  Josiah,  "What  will  you  do  with  it?" 
454 


Lawn  for  Lawn  Parties.  455 

And  I  sez,  "  Oh,  I  s'pose  I  shall  wrap  it 
round  me,  I'll  do  what  the  rest  do." 

And  sez  Josiah,  "  Hadn't  I  ort  to  have  some 
too  ?  If  it  is  a  lawn  party  and  every  body  else 
has  it,  I  shall  feel  like  a  fool,  without  any 
lawn." 

And  I  looked  at  him  in  deep  thought, ,  and 
through  him  into  the  causes  and  consequences 
of  things,  and  sez  I,  "  I  s'pose  you  do  ort  to 
have  a  lawn  necktie,  or  handkerchief,  or  sun- 
thin'." 

Sez  he,  "  How  would  a  vest  look  made  out 
of  it,  a  kinder  sprigged  one,  light  gay  colors 
on  a  yaller  ground  work  ?" 

But  I  sez  at  once, "  You  never  will  go  out 
with  me,  Josiah,  with  a  lawn  vest  on."  And  I 
settled  it  right  there  on  the  spot. 

Then  he  proposed  to  have  some  wrapped 
round  his  hat,  sort  a  festooned.  But  I  stood 
like  marble  aginst  that  idee.  But  I  knew  I 
had  got  to  have  some  lawn,  and  pretty  soon 
we  sallied  out  together  and  wended  our  way 
down  to  where  I  should  be  likely  to  find  a 
lawn  store. 


456  A  Mournful  Musician. 

And  who  should  we  meet  a  comin'  out  of  a 
store  but  Ardelia.  Her  3d  cousiu  had  sent  her 
over  to  get  a  ingregient  for  cookin'.  Good, 
willin',  little  creeter !  She  walked  along  with 
us  for  a  spell.  And  while  she  wuz  a  walkin' 
along  with  us,  we  come  onto  a  sight  that 
always  looked  pitiful  to  me,  the  old  female 
that  wuz  always  a  sittin'  there  a  singin'  and 
playin'  on  a  accordeun.  And  it  seemed  to  me 
that  she  looked  pitifuller  and  homblier  than 
ever,  as  she  sot  there  amongst  the  dense  crowd 
that  morning  a  singin'  and  a  playin'.  Her 
tone  wuz  thin,  thin  as  gauze,  hombly  gauze 
too.  But  I  wondered  to  myself,  how  she  wuz 
a  feelin'  inside  of  her  own  mind,  and  what 
voices  she  heard  a  speakin'  to  her  own  soul, 
through  them  hombly  strains.  And,  entirely 
unbeknown  to  myself,  I  fell  into  a  short  re  very 
(short  but  deep)  right  there  in  the  street,  as  I 
looked  down  on  her,  a  settin'  there  so  old,  and 
patient  and  helpless,  amongst  the  gay  movin' 
throng. 

And  I  wondered  what  did  she  see,  a  settin' 
there  with  her  blind  eyes,  what  did  she  hear 


Days  that  are  Gone. 


457 


through  them  hombly  tones  that  she  wuz  a 
singin'  day  after  day  to  a  crowd  that  wuz  in 
different  to  her,  or  despised  her  ?  Did  she  hear 
the  song  of  the  mornin',  the  spring  time  of 
life  ?  Did 
the  song  of 
a  lark  come 
back  to  her, 
a  lark  flyin' 
up  through 
the  sweet 
mornin'  sky 
over  the 
door-way 
of  a  home, 
a  lark 
watched  by 
young  eyes, 
two  pairs  of 

'em,  that  made  the  seein'  a  blessedness  ?  Did 
a  baby's  first,  sweet  blunders  of  speech,  and 
happy  laughter  come  back  to  her,  as  she  sot 
there  a  drawin'  out  with  her  wrinkled  hands 
them  miserable  sounds  from  the  groanin1 


She  sot  there  a  singin'  and  a  playin'. 


What  May   Yet  Come. 

instrument?  Did  home,  love,  happiness  sound 
out  to  her,  out  of  them  hornbly  strains  ?  I'd 
have  gin  a  cent  to  know. 

And  I'd  have  gin  a  cent  quick  to  know  if  the 
tread — tread — tread  of  the  crowd  goin'  past 
her  day  after  day,  hour  after  hour,  seems  to  her 
like  the  trample  of  Time  a  niarchin'  on.  Did 
she  hear  in  'em  the  footsteps  of  child,  or  lover, 
or  friend,  a  steppin'  away  from  her,  and  youth, 
and  happiness,  and  hope,  a  stiddy  goin'  away 
from  her? 

Did  she  ever  listen  through  the  constant 
sound  of  them  steps,  listen  to  hear  the  tread 
of  them  feet  that  she  must  know  wuz  a  comin' 
nigh  to  her— the  icy  feet  that  will  approach 
us,  if  their  way  leads  over  rocks,  or  roses? 

Did  she  hate  to  hear  them  steps  a  comin' 
nearer  to  her,  or  did  she  strain  her  ears  to  hear 
'em,  to  welcome  'em  ?  I  thought  like  as  not 
she  did.  For  thinkses  I  to  myself,  and  couldn't 
help  it,  if  she  is  a  Christian  she  must  be  glad 
to  change  that  old  accordeun  for  a  harp  of  any 
size  or  shape.  For  mournfuller  and  more 
melancholy  sounds  than  her  voice  and  that 


Misreading  Signs.  459 

instrument  made  I  never  hearn,  nor  ever  ex 
pect  to  hear,  and  thin. 

Poor,  old,  hombly  critter,  I  gin  her  quite 
a  lot  of  change  one  day,  and  she  braced  up  and 
sung  and  drawed  out  faster  than  ever,  and  thin 
ner.  Though  I'd  have  gladly  hearn  her  stop. 

When  I  come  up  out  of  my  revery,  I  see 
Ardelia  a  lookin'  at  her  stiddy  and  kind  a  sot. 
And  I  mistrusted  trouble  wuz  ahead  on  me, 
and  I  hurried  Josiah  down  the  street.  Ardelia 
a  sayin'  she  had  got  to  turn  the  corner,  to  go 
to  another  place  for  her  3d  cousin. 

Jest  as  we  wuz  a  crossin'  a  street  my  com 
panion  drawed  my  attention  to  a  sign  that 
was  jest  overhead,  and  sez  he,  "  That  means 
me,  I'm  spoke  of  right  out,  and  hung  up  over 
head." 

And,  sez  I,  "  What  do  you  mean  ?" 

Sez  he,  "Read  it— 'The  First  Man-I-Cure 
Of  The  Day.'  That's  me,  Samantha  ;  I  haint 
a  doubt  of  it.  And  I  s'pose  I  ort  to  go  in  and 
be  cured.  I  s'pose  probably  it  will  be  expected 
of  me,  that  I  should  go  in,  and  let  him  look  at 
my  corns." 


460  Settling  Josiah. 

Sez  I,  "  Josiah  Allen,  I've  lieard  you  talk 
time  and  agin  aginst  big  feelin'  folks,  and 
here  you  be,  a  talkin'  it  right  to  yourself,  and 
callin'  yourself  the  first  man  of  the  day." 

"  Wall,"  sez  he  firmly,  "  I  believe  it,  and  I 
believe  you  do,  and  you'd  own  up  to  it,  if  you 
wuzn't  so  agravatin'." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I  mildly,  "  I  do  think  you  are 
the  first  in  some  things,  though  what  them 
things  are,  I  would  be  fur  from  wantin'  to  tell 
you.  But,"  I  continued  on,  "  I  don't  see  you 
should  think  that  means  you.  Saratoga  is  full 
of  men,  and  most  probable  every  man  of  'em 
thinks  it  means  him." 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  I  don't  think  it  means  me, 
I  know  it.  And  I  s'pose,"  he  continued dreamly, 
"  they'd  cure  me,  and  not  charge  a  cent." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "wait  till  another  time, 
Josiah  Allen."  And  jest  at  this  minute,  right 
down  under  our  feet,  we  see  the  word  "  Pray," 
in  big  letters  scraped  right  out  in  stun.  And 
Josiah  sez,  "  I  wonder  if  the  dumb  fools  think 
anybody  is  goin'  to  kneel  down  right  here  in 
the  street,  and  be  run  over.  Why  a  man  would 


A  Garden  Party.  461 

be  knocked  over  a  dozen  times,  before  he  got 
through  one  prayer,  Now  I  lay  me  down  to 
sleep,  or  anything." 

"Wall,"  sez  I  mildly,  "I  don't  think  that 
would  be  a  very  suitable  prayer  under  the  cir 
cumstances.  It  haint  expected  that  you'd  lay 
down  here  for  a  nap — howsumever,"  sez  I  ree- 
sunably — "their  puttin'  the  word  there  shows 
what  good  streaks  the  folks  here  have,  and  I 
don't  want  you  to  make  light  on't,  and  if  you 
don't  want  to  act  like  a  perfect  backslider 
you'll  ceese  usin'  such  profane  language  on 
such  a  solemn  subject." 

Wall,  we  went  into  a  good  lookin'  store  and 
I  wuz  jest  a  lookin'  at  some  lawn  and  a  won- 
derin'  how  many  yards  I  should  want,  when 
who  should  come  in  but  Miss  Flarnm  to  get  a 
rooch  for  her  neck. 

And  she  told  me  that  I  didn't  need  any 
lawn,  and  that  it  wuz  a  Garden  party,  and 
folks  dressed  in  anything  they  wuz  a  mind  to, 
though  sez  she,  "  A  good  many  go  in  full  dress." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I  calmly,  "  I  have  got  one." 
And  she  told  me  to  come  in  good  season. 


462 


A   Very  Full  Dress. 


That  afternoon,  Josiali  a  bein'  out  for  a  walk, 
I  took  out  of  my  trunk  a  dress  that  Alminy 
Hagidon  had  made  for  me  out  of  a  very  full 
pattern  I  had  got  of  a  peddler,  and  wanted  it 


I  took  out  of  my  trunk  a  dress  that  Alminy  Hagidon  had  made  for  me 
out  of  a  very  full  pattern. 

all  put  in,  so's  it  would  fade  all  alike,  for  I 
mistrusted  it  wouldn't  wash.  It  wuz  gethered- 
in  full  round  the  waist,  and  the  sleeves  wuz 
set-in  full,  and  the  waist  wuz  kinder  full  be- 


Just  the   Thing.  463 

fore,  and  it  had  a  deep  high  ruffle  gethered-in 
full  round  the  neck.  It  wuz  a  very  full  dress, 
though  I  haint  proud,  and  never  wuz  called  so. 
Yet  anybody  duz  take  a  modest  pleasure  in 
bein.'  equal  to  any  occasion  and  comin'  up 
nobly  to  a  emergency.  And  I  own  that  I  did 
say  to  myself,  as  I  pulled  out  the  gethers  in 
front,  "  Wall,  there  may  be  full  dresses  there 
to-night,  but  there  will  be  none  fuller  than 


mine." 


And  I  wuz  glad  that  Alminy  had  made  it 
jest  as  she  had.  She  had  made  it  a  little 
fuller  than  even  I  had  laid  out  to  have  it, 
for  she  mistrusted  it  would  shrink  in  washin'. 
It  wuz  a  very  full  dress.  It  wuz  cambrick, 
dark  chocolate,  with  a  set  flower  of  a  kind  of  a 
cinnamon  brown  and  yellow,  it  wuz  bran  new 
and  looked  well. 

Wall,  I  had  got  it  on,  and  wuz  contem  plat- 
in'  its  fullness  with  complacency  and  a  hand 
glass,  a  seein'  how  nobly  it  stood  out  behind, 
and  how  full  it  wuz,  when  Josiah  Allen  came 
in.  I  had  talked  it  over  with  him,  before  he 
went  out — and  he  wuz  as  tickled  as  I  wuz,  and 


464  Josiatfs  Ambitions. 

tickleder,  to  think  I  had  got  jest  the  right  dress 
for  the  occasion.  But  he  sez  to  me  the  first 
thing — "  You  are  all  wrong,  Samantha,  full 
dress  means  low  neck  and  short  sleeves.". 

Sez  I,  "  I  know  better !» 

Sez  he,  "  It  duz." 

Sez  I,  "  Somebody  has  been  a  foolin*  you, 
Josiah  Allen!  There  haint  no  sense  in  it.  Do 
you  s'pose  folks  would  call  a  dress  full,  when 
there  wuzn't  more'n  half  a  waist  and  sleeves 
to  it.  I'd  try  to  use  a  little  judgment,  Josiah 
Allen !" 

But  he  contended  that  he  wuz  in  the  right 
on't.  And  he  took  up  his  best  vest  that  lay 
on  the  bed,  and  sot  down,  and  took  out  his 
jack  knife  and  went  a  rippin'  open  one  of  the 
shoulders,  and  sez  I,  "  What  are  you  doin', 
Josiah  Allen  ?" 

"Why,  you  can  do  as  you  are  a  mind  to, 
Samantha  Allen,"  sez  he.  "  But  I  shall  go  fash 
ionable,  I  shall  go  in  full  dress." 

Sez  I,  "Josiah  Allen  !  do  you  look  me  in  the 
face  and  say  you  are  a  goin'  in  a  low  necked 
vest,  and  everything,  to  that  party  to-night  ?" 


Bound  to  be  Fashionable.  465 

"  Yes,  mom,  I  be.  I  am  bound  to  be  fashion 
able."  And  he  went  to  rollin'  np  his  shirt 
sleeves  and  turnin'  in  the  neck  of  his  shirt, 
in  a  manner  that  wuz  perfectly  immodest." 

I  tnrned  my  head  away  instinctively,  for  I  felt 
that  my  cheek  wnz  a  gettin'  as  red  as  blood, 
partly  through  delicacy  and  partly  through 
righteous  anger.  Sez  I,  "  Josiah  Allen,  be 
you  a  calculatin'  to  go  there  right  out  in  pub 
lic  before  men  and  wiminen,  a  showin*  your 
bare  bosom  to  a  crowd  ?  Where  is  your 
modesty,  Josiah  Allen  ?  Where  is  your  de 
cency  ?" 

Sez  he  firmly,  "  I  keep  'em  where  all  the 
rest  do,  who  go  in  full  dress." 

I  sot  right  down  in  a  chair  and  sez  I,  "  Wall 
there  is  one  thing  certain ;  if  you  go  in  that 
condition,  you  will  go  alone.  Why,"  sez  I, 
"  to  home,  if  Tirzah  Ann,  your  own  daughter, 
had  ketched  you  in  that  perdickerment,  a  rub- 
bin'  on  linement  or  anything,  you  would  have 
jumped  and  covered  yourself  up,  quicker' n  a 
flash,  and  likeways  me,  before  Thomas  Jeffer 
son.  And  now  you  lay  out  to  go  in  that  way 


466 


All  for  Men. 


before  young  girls,  and  old  ones,  and  men 
and  wimmen,  and  want  me  to  foller  on  after 
your  example.  What  in  the  world  are  you  a 

thinkin'  on,  Jo- 
siah  Allen?" 

"  Why  I'm  a 
thinkin'  on  full 
dress,"  sez  he 
in  a  pert  tone, 
a  kinder  turn- 
in'  himself  be 
fore  the  glass, 
where  he  could 
get  a  good  view 
of  his  bones. 


'I  am  a  thinkin1  on  full  dress,"  sez  he,  a 


His  thin  neck 
wuzn't  much 
more  than 
bones,  anyway, 


l  am  a  ininKiu    uu    iun    ui^os.,      •  T  1  J 

kinder  turnin'  himself  before  the  glass,  where  and  SO  I  told 
he  could  get  a  good  view  of  his  bones.  him  And  I 

asked  him  if  he  could  see  any  beauty  in  it, 
and  sez  I,  "  Who  wants  to  look  at  our  old  bare 
necks,  Josiah  Allen  ?  And  if  there  wuzn't  any 


Groans  and  Sighs.  467 

other  powerful  reeson  of  modesty  and  decency 
in  it,  you'd  ketch  your  death  cold,  Josiah 
Allen,  and  be  laid  up  with  the  newmoan.  You 
know  you  would,"  sez  I,  "  you  are  actin'  like 
a  luny,  Josiah  Allen." 

"  It  is  you  that  are  actin'  like  a  luny,"  sez 
he  bitterly.  "  I  never  propose  anything  of  a 
high  fashionable  kind  but  what  you  want  to 
break  it  up.  Why,  dumb  it  all,  you  know  as 
well  as  I  do,  that  men  haint  called  as  modest 
as  wimmen  anyway.  And  if  they  have  the 
name,  why  shouldn't  they  have  the  game  ? 
Why  shouldn't  they  go  round  half  dressed 
as  well  as  wimmen  do?  And  they  are  as 
strong  agin ;  if  there  is  any  danger  to  health 
in  it  they  are  better  able  to  stand  it.  But," 
sez  he,  in  the  same  bitter  axents,  "  you  always 
try  to  break  up  all  my  efforts  at  high  life  and 
fashion.  I  persuine  you  won't  waltz  to-night, 
nor  want  me  to." 

I  groaned  several  times  in  spite  of  myself, 
and  sithed,  "  Waltz !"  sez  I  in  awful  axents. 
"  A  class-leader !  and  a  grandfather !  and 
talkin'  about  waltzin' !" 


468  He  Surrenders. 

Sez  Josiah,  "  Men  older  than  me  waltz,  and 
foller  it  up.  Put  their  arms  right  round  the 
prettiest  girls  in  the  room,  hug  'em,  and  swing 
'em  right  round  " — sez  he  kinder  spoony  like. 

I  said  nothing  at  them  fearful  words,  only 
my  groans  and  sithes  became  deeper  and  more 
voyalent.  And  in  a  minute  I  see  through  the 
fingers  with  which  I  had  nearly  covered  my 
face,  that  he  wuz  a  pullin'  down  his  shirt 
sleeves  and  a  puttin'  his  jack  knife  in  his 
pocket. 

That  man  loves  me.  And  love  sways  him 
round  often  times  when  reesun  and  sound 
argument  are  powerless.  Now,  the  sound 
reason  of  the  case  didn't  move  him,  such  as 
the  indelicacy  of  makin'  a  exhibition  of  one's 
self  in  a  way  that  would,  if  displayed  in  a 
heathen,  be  a  call  for  missionary s  to  convert 
'em,  and  that  makes  men  blush  when  they 
see  it  in  a  Christian  woman. 

The  sound  reason  of  its  bein'  the  fruitful 
cause  of  disease  and  death,  through  the  sense 
less  exposure. 

The  sound  reason  of  the  worse  than  folly  of 


Reason  Powerless.  469 

old  and  middle  aged  folks  thinkin'  that  the 
exhibition  is  a  pretty  one  when  it  haint. 

The  sound  reason  of  its  bein'  inconsistent 
for  a  woman  to  allow  the  familiarity  of  a  man 
and  a  stranger  a  walkin'  up  and  puttin'  his 
arm  round  her,  and  huggin'  her  up  to  him  as 
clost  as  he  can ;  that  act,  that  a  woman 
would  resent  as  a  deadly  insult  and  her  in 
censed  relatives  avenge  with  the  sword,  if  it 
occurred  in  any  other  place  than  the  ball 
room,  and  at  the  sound  of  the  fiddle.  The 
utter  inconsistency  of  her  meetin.'  it  with 
smiles,  and  making  frantic  efforts  to  get  more 
such  affronts  than  any  other  woman  present 
— her  male  relatives  a  lookin'  proudly  on. 

The  inconsistency  of  a  man's  bein'  not  only 
held  guiltless  but  applauded  for  doin'  what, 
if  it  took  placeJn  the  street,  or  church,  would 
make  him  outlawed,  for  where  is  there  a  lot 
of  manly  men  who  would  look  on  calmly,  and 
see  a  sweet  young  girl  insulted  by  a  man's 
ketchin'  holt  of  her  and  embracin'  of  her 
tightly  for  half  an  hour, — why,  he  would  be 
turned  out  of  his  club  and  outlawed  from 


470  What  Fiddles  Do. 

Christian  homes  if  it  took  place  in  silence, 
but  yet  the  sound  of  a  fiddle  makes  it  all 
right. 

And  I  sez  to  myself  mildly,  as  I  sot  there, 
"  Is  it  that  men  and  wimmen  loses  their  senses, 
or  is  there  a  sacredness  in  the  strains  of  that 
fiddle,  that  makes  immodesty  modest,  inde 
cency  decent,  and  immorality  moral  ?"  And 
agin  I  sithed  heavy  and  gin  3  deep  groans. 
And  I  see  Josiah  gin  in.  All  the  sound  rea 
sons  weighed  as  nothin'  with  him,  but  2  or  3 
groans,  and  a  few  sithes  settled  the  matter. 
Truly  Love  is  the  mighty  conqueror. 

And  anon  Josiah  spoke  and  sez,  "  Wall,  I 
s'pose  I  can  gin  it  all  up,  if  you  feel  so  about 
it,  but  we  shall  act  like  fools,  Samantha,  and 
look  like  'em." 

Sez  I  sternly,  "  Better  be  fools  than  naves, 
Josiah  Allen  !  if  we  have  got  to  be  one  or  the 
other,  but  we  haint.  We  are  a  standin'  on 
firm  ground,  Josiah  Allen,"  sez  I.  "  The 
platform  made  of  the  boards  of  consistency, 
and  common  sense,  and  decency,  is  one  that 
will  never  break  down  and  let  you  through  it, 


A  Sight  to  Behold.  471 

into  gulfs  and  abysses.  And  on  that  platform 
we  will  both  stand  to-night,  dear  Josiah." 

I  think  it  is  always  best  when  a  pardner  has 
gin  in  and  you  have  had  a  triumph  of  principle, 
to  be  bland  ;  blander  than  common  to  him.  I 
always  love  at  such  times  to  round  my  words 
to  him  with  a  sweet  affectionateness  of  mean. 
I  love  to,  and  he  loves  it. 

We  sot  out  in  good  season  for  the  Garden 
party.  And  it  wuz  indeed  a  sight  to  behold  ! 
But  I  did  not  at  that  first  minute  have  a  chance 
to  sense  it,  for  Miss  Flamm  sent  her  hired  girl 
out  to  ask  me  to  come  to  her  room  for  a  few 
minutes.  Miss  Flamm's  house  is  a  under- 
goin'  repairs  for  a  few  weeks,  sunthin'  had  gin 
out  in  the  water  works,  so  she  and  her  hired 
girl  have  been  to  this  tarven  for  the  time  bein'. 
The  hired  girl  got  us  some  good  seats  and 
tellin'  Josiah  to  keep  one  on  'em  for  me,  I 
follerd  the  girl,  or  "  maid,"  as  Miss  Flamm 
calls  her.  But  good  land !  if  she  is  a  old 
maid,  I  don't  see  where  the  young  ones  be. 

Miss  Flamm  had  sent  for  me,  so  she  said, 
to  see  if  I  wanted  to  ride  out  the  next  day,  and 


472          "A  Foamiri1  and  a  Skmm\" 

what  time  would  be  the  most  convenient  to 
me,  and  also,  to  see  how  I  liked  her  dress.  She 
didn't  know  as  she  should  see  me  down  below, 
in  the  crowd,  and  she  wanted  me  to  see  it. 
(Miss  Flamm  uses  me  dretful  well,  but  I  s'pose 
^ds  of  it,  is  on  Thomas  J.'s  account.  Some 
folks  think  she  is  goin*  to  have  another  law 
suit,  and  I  am  glad  enough  to  have  him 
convey  her  lawsuits,  for  they  are  good,  honerable 
ones,  and  she  pays  him  splendid  for  carryin' 
'em.) 

Wall,  she  had  her  skirts  all  on  when  I  went 
in,  all  a  foaniin'  and  a  shining  down  onto  the 
carpet,  in  a  glitterin'  pile  of  pink  satin  and 
white  lace,  and  posys.  Gorgus  enough  for  a 
princess. 

And  I  didn't  mind  it  much,  bein'  only 
females  present,  if  she  wuz  exposin'  of  herself 
a  good  deal.  I  kinder  blushed  a  little  as  I 
looked  at  her,  and  kep'  my  eyes  down  on  her 
skirts  all  I  could,  and  thinkses  I  to  myself, — 
"  What  if  G.  Washington  should  come  in  ? 
I  shouldn't  know  which  way  to  look."  But 
then  the  very  next  minute,  I  says  to  myself, 


473 


Where  is  the   Waist? 


475 


"  Of  course  lie  won't  be  in  till  she   gets  her 
waist  on.  I'm  a  borrowin'  trouble  for  nothin'." 

At  last  Miss  Flainm  spoke  and  says  she,  as  she 
kinder  craned  herself  before  the  glass,  a  lookin' 
at  her  back  (most  the  hull  length  on  it  bare, 
as  I  am  a  livin'  creeter) ;  and  says  she,  "  How 
do  you  like  niy  dress?" 

"Oh,"  says  I,  wantin'  to  make  myself  agree 
able  (both  on  account  of  principle,  and  the  law 
suit)  , 1 1  the  skirts  are  beautiful,  but  I  can't  j udge 
how  the  hull  dress  looks,  you  know,  till  you 
get  your  waist  on." 

"  My  waist  ?"  says  she. 

"  Yes,"  says  I. 

"  I  have  got  it  on,"  says  she. 

'  Where  is  it  ?"  says  I,  a  lookin'  at  her  closei 
through  my  specks,  "Where  is  the  waist?" 

"  Here,"  says  she,  a  pintiii'  to  a  pink  belt  rib 
bon,  and  a  string  of  beads  over  each  shoulder. 

Says  I,  "  Miss  Flamm,  do  you  call  that  a 
waist  ?" 

"  Yes,"  says  she,  and  she  balanced  herself 
on  her  little  pink  tottlin'  slippers.  She  couldn't 
walk  in  'em  a  good  honerable  walk  to  save 


476  Rather  Low. 

her  life.  How  could  she,  with  the  instep  not 
over  two  inches  acrost,  and  the  heels  right 
under  the  middle  of  her  foot,  more'n  a 
finger  high?  Good  land,  they  wuz  enuff  to 
lame  a  Injun  savage,  and  curb  him  in.  But 
she  sort  o'  balanced  herself  onto  'em,  the  best 
she  could,  and  put  her  hands  round  her  waist 
—it  wuzn't  much  bigger  than  a  pipe  stem, 
and  sort  o'  bulgin'  out  both  ways,  above  and 
below,  some  like  a  string  tied  tight  round  a 
piller, — and  says  she  complacently,  "  I  don't 
believe  there  will  be  a  dress  shown  to-night 
more  stylish  and  beautiful  than  mine.'' 

Says  I,  "  Do  you  tell  me,  Miss  Flamm,  that 
you  are  a  goin'  down  into  that  crowd  of  pro- 
miscus  men  and  wiminen,  with  nothin'  but 
them  strings  on  to  cover  you  ?"  Says  I,  "  Do 
you  tell  me  that,  and  you  a  perfesser  and  a 
Christian  ?" 

"  Yes,"  says  she,  "  I  paid  300  dollars  for 
this  dress,  and  it  haint  likely  I  am  goin'  to 
miss  the  chance  of  showin'  it  off  to  the  other 
wimmen  who  will  envy  me  the  possession  of 
it.  To  be  sure,"  says  she,  u  it  is  a  little  lower 


A   Wrathful  Separation.  477 

than  Americans  usually  wear.  But  in  fashion, 
as  in  anything  else,  somebody  has  got  to  go 
ahead.  This  is  the  very  heighth  of  fashion," 
says  she. 

Says  I  in  witherin'  and  burnin'  skorn,  "  It 
is  the  heighth  of  immodesty." 

And  I  jest  turned  my  back  right  out'  her, 
and  sailed  out  of  the  room.  I  wuzn't  agoin' 
to  stand  that,  lawsuit  or  no  lawsuit.  I  wuz  all 
worked  up  in  my  mind,  and  by  the  side  of  my 
self,  and  I  didn't  get  over  it  for  some  time, 
neither. 

Wall,  I  found  my  companion  seated  in  that 
comfertable  place,  and  a  keepin'  my  chair  for 
me,  and  so  I*  sot  down  by  him,  and  truly  we 
sot  still,  and  see  the  glory,  and  the  magnifi 
cence  on  every  side  on  us.  There  wuz  3 
piazzas  about  as  long  as  from  our  house  to 
Jonesville,  or  from  Jonesville  to  Loontown, 
all  filled  with  folks  magnificently  dressed,  and 
a  big  garden  layin'  between  'em  about  as  big 
as  from  our  house  to  Miss  Gowdey's,  and  so 
round  cross  ways  to  Alminy  Hagidone's 
brother's,  and  back  agin.  It  wuz  full  as  fur  as 


478  Colored  Waters. 

that,  and  you  know  well  that  that  is  a  great 
distance. 

There  wuz  some  big  noble  trees,  all  twink- 
lin'  full  of  lights,  of  every  coler,  and  rows  of 
shiniii'  lights,  criss  crossed  every  way,  or  that 
is,  every  beautiful  way,  from  the  high  orni- 
niental  pillers  of  the  immense  house,  that 
loomed  up  in  the  distance  round  us  on  every 
side,  same  as  the  mountains  loom  up  round 
lyoontown. 

There  wuz  a  big  platform  built  in  the  mid 
dle  of  the  garden,  with  sweet  music  discoursin' 
from  it  the  most  enchantin'  strains.  And  the 
fountains  wuz  spray  in'  out  the  most  beautiful 
colers  you  ever  see  in  your  life,  and  fallin' 
down  in  pink,  and  yellow,  and  gold,  and  green, 
and  amber,  and  silver  water  ;  sparklin'  down 
onto  the  green  beautiful  ferns  and  flowers  that 
loved  to  grow  round  the  big  marble  basin  which 
shone  white,  risin'  out  of  the  green  velvet  of 
the  grass. 

Josiah  looked  at  that  water,  and  sez  he, 
"  Samantha,  I'd  love  to  get  some  of  that  water 
to  pass  round  evenin's  when  we  have  company." 


Gorgeous  Throngs.  .479 

Sez  lie,  "  It  would  look  so  dressy  and  fashion 
able  to  pass  round  pink  water,  or  light  blue, 
or  light  yeller.  How  it  would  make  Uncle 
Nate  Gowdey  open  his  eyes.  I  believe  I  shall 
buy  some  bottles  of  it,  Samantha,  to  take  home. 
What  do  you  say  ?  I  don't  s'pose  it  would 
cost  such  a  dretful  sight,  do  you  ?" 

Sez  he,  "  I  s'pose  all  they  have  to  do  is  to 
put  pumps  down  into  a  pink  spring,  or  a  yeller 
one,  as  the  case  may  be,  and  pump.  And  I 
would  be  willin'  to  pump  it  up  myself,  if  it 
would  come  cheaper." 

But  my  companion  soon  forgot  to  foller  up 
the  theme  in  lookin'  about  him  onto  the  mag 
nificent  seen,  and  a  seein'  the  throngs  of  men 
and  wimmen  growin'  more  and  more  denser, 
and  every  crowd  on  'em  that  swept  by  us,  and 
round  us,  and  before  us,  a  growin'  more  gorgus 
in  dress,  or  so  it  seemed  to  us.  Genims  of 
every  gorgus  coler  under  the  heavens  and 
some  jest  the  coler  of  the  heavens  when  it  is 
blue  and  shinin',  or  when  it  is  purplish  dark 
in  the  night  time,  or  when  it  is  full  of  white 
fleecy  clouds,  or  when  it  is  a  shinin'  with  stars. 


480  Crushed  Waists. 

Why,  one  woman  had  so  many  diamonds  on 
that  she  had  a  detective  follerin'  her  all  round 
wherever  she  went.  She  wuz  a  blaze  of  splendor 
and  so  wuz  lots  of  'em,  though  like  the 'stars, 
they  differed  from  each  other  in  glory. 

But  whatever  coler  their  gowns  wuz,  in  one 
thing  they  wuz  most  all  alike — most  all  of 
'em  had  waists  all  drawed  in  tight,  but  a  bulg- 
in'  out  on  each  side,  more  or  less  as  the  case 
might  be.  Why  some  of  them  waists  wuzn't 
much  bigger  than  pipes'  tails  and  so  I  told 
Josiah. 

And  he  whispered  back  to  me,  and  sez  he, 
"I  wonder  if  them  wimmen  with  wasp  waists, 
think  that  we  men  like  the  looks  on  'em. 
They  make  a  dumb  mistake  if  they  do.  Why," 
sez  he,  "  we  men  know  what  they  be  ;  we  know 
they  are  nothin'  but  crushed  bones  and  flesh." 
Sez  he,  "  I  could  make  my  own  waist  look  jest 
like  'em,  if  I  should  take  a  rope  and  strap  my 
self  down." 

"Wall,"  sez  I  in  agitated  axents,  "  don't  you 
try  to  go  into  no  such  enterprise,  Josiah  Allen." 

I  remembered  the  eppisode  of  the  afternoon, 


Small  Feet.  481 

and  I  sez  in  anxius  axents,  and  affectionate, 
"Besides  not  lookiii'  well,  it  is  dangerous, 
awful  dangerous.  And  how  I  should  blush," 
sez  I,  "  if  I  wuz  to  see  you  with  a  leather 
strap  or  a  rope  round  your  waist  under  your 
coat,  a  drawin'  you  in ;  a  changin'  your  good 
honerable  shape.  And  God  made  men's  and 
wimmen's  waists  jest  alike  in  the  first  place, 
and  it  is  jest  as  smart  for  men  to  deform  them 
selves  in  that  way  as  it  is  for  wimmen.  But 
oh,  the  agony  of  my  soul  if  I  should  see  you 
a  try  in'  to  disfigure  yourself  in  that  way." 

"  You  needn't  be  afraid,  Sarnantha,"  sez  he, 
"  I  am  dressy,  and  always  wuz,  but  I  haint 
such  a  fool  as  that,  as  to  kill  myself  in  perfect 
agony,  for  fashion." 

I  didn't  say  nothin'  but  instinctively  I  looked 
down  at  his  feet,  u  Oh,  you  needn't  look  at  my 
feet,  Samantha,  feet  are  very  different  from  the 
heart,  and  lungs,  and  such.  You  can  squeeze 
your  feet  down,  and  not  hurt  much  more'n  the 
flesh  and  bones.  But  you  are  a  destroyin'  the 
very  seat  of  life  when  you  draw  your  waist  in 
as  them  wimmen  do. 


482  Why  Men  are  Stronger. 

"I  know  it,"  sez  I,  "  but  I  wouldn't  torture 
myself  in  any  way  if  I  wuz  in  your  place." 

u  I  don't  lay  out  to,"  sez  he.  "  I  haint  a 
goin'  to  wear  corsets,  it  haint  at  all  probable  I 
shall,  though  I  am  better  able  to  stand  it,  than 
wimmen  be. 

"  I  know  that,"  sez  I.  "  I  know  men  are 
stronger  and  better  able  to  bear  the  strain  of 
bein'  drawed  in  and  tapered."  I  am  reeson- 
able,  and  will  ever  speak  truthful  and  honest, 
and  this  I  couldn't  deny  and  didn't  try  to. 

"  Wall,  dumb  it,  what  makes  men  stronger  ?" 
sez  he. 

.  "Why,"  sez  I,  "  I  s'pose  one  great  thing  is 
their  dressin'  comfortable." 

"  Wall,  I  am  glad  you  know  enough  to  know 
it,"  sez  he.  "  Why,"  sez  he,  "jest  imagine  a 
man  tyin'  a  rope  round  his  waist,  round  and 
round  ;  or  worse  yet,  take  strong  steel,  and 
whalebones,  and  bind  and  choke  himself  down 
with  'em,  and  tottlin'  himself  up  on  high  heel 
slippers,  the  high  heels  comin'  right  up  in  the 
ball  of  his  foot — and  then  havin'  heavy  skirts  a 
holdin'  him  down,  tied  back  tight  round  his 


Anxiety  Allayed.  .483 

knees  and  draggin'  along  on  the  gronnd  at  his 
feet, — imagine  me  in  that  perdickerment,  Sa- 
mantha." 

I  shuddered,  and  sez  I,  "  Don't  bring  up  no 
such  seen  to  harrow  up  my  nerve."  Sez  I, 
"  You  know  I  couldn't  stand  it,  to  see  you  a 
facin'  life  and  its  solemn  responsibilities  in 
that  condition.  It  would  kill  me  to  witness 
your  sufferin',"  sez  I.  And  agin  I  shuddered, 
and  agin  I  sithed. 

And  he  sez,  "Wall,  it  is  jest  as  reasonable 
for  a  man  to  do  it  as  for  a  woman;  it  is  far 
worse  and  more  dangerous  for  a  woman  than 


a  man." 


"  I  know  it,"  sez  I,  between  my  sithes.  "  I 
know  it,  but  I  can't,  I  can't  stand  it,  to  have 
you  go  into  it." 

"Wall,  you  needn't  worry,  Samantha,  I 
haint  a  fool.  You  won't  ketch  men  a  goin' 
into  any  such  performances  as  this,  they  know 
too  much."  And  then  he  resumed  on  in  a 
lighter  axent,  to  get  my  mind  still  further  off 
from  his  danger,  for  I  wuz  still  a  sithiii',  fre 
quent  and  deep. 


484  Significant  Blushes. 

Sez  he,  as  lie  looked  down  and  see  some 
wimmen  a  passin'  below;  sez  he,  "  I  never  see 
such  a  sight  in  my  life,  a  man  can  see  more 
here  in  one  evenin'  than  he  can  in  a  life  time 
at  Jonesville." 

"That  is  so,  Josiah,"  sez  I,  "you  can."  And 
I  felt  every  word  I  said,  for  at  that  very 
minute  a  lady,  or  rather  a  female  woman, 
passed  with  a  dress  on  so  low  in  the  neck  that 
I  instinctively  turned  away  my  head,  and  when 
I  looked  round  agin,  a  deep  blush  wuz  mantlin' 
the  cheeks  of  Josiah  Allen,  a  flushin'  up  his 
face,  clear  up  into  his  bald  head. 

I  don't  believe  I  had  ever  been  prouder  of 
Josiah  Allen,  than  I  wuz  at  that  minute.  That 
blush,  spoke  plainer  than  words  could,  of  the 
purity  and  soundness  of  my  pardner's  morals. 
If  the  whole  nation  had  stood  up  in  front  of 
me  at  that  time,  and  told  me  his  morals  wuz 
a  tottlin',  I  would  have  scorned  the  sugges 
tion.  No,  that  blush  telegraphed  to  me  right 
from  his  soul,  the  sweet  tidin's  of  his  modesty 
and  worth. 

And  I    couldn't  refrain  from  sayin'  in  en- 


Josiatts  Gratitude.  485 

couragin',  Happy  axents,  "  Haint  you  glad 
now,  Josiah  Allen,  that  you  listened  to  your 
pardner ;  liaint  you  glad  that  you  haint  a  goin' 
round  in  a  low  necked  coat  and  vest,  a  callin' 
up  the  blush  of  skern  and  outraged  modesty 
to  the  cheeks  of  noble  and  modest  men  ?" 

"  Yes,"  sez  he,  graspin'  holt  of  my  hand  in 
the  warmth  of  his  gratitude,  for  he  see  what  I 
had  kep'  him  from.  "Yes,  you  wuz  in  the 
right  on't,  Samantha.  I  see  the  awfulness  of 
the  peril  from  which  you  rescued  of  me.  But 
never,"  sez  he,  a  lookin'  down  agin  over  the 
railin',  onto  some  more  wimmeii  a  passin'  be 
neath,  "never  did  I  see  what  I  have  seen  here 
to-night.  Not,"  sez  he  dreemily,  "  sense  I 
wuz  a  baby." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "don't  try  to  look,  Josiah; 
turn  your  eyes  away." 

And  I  believe  he  did  try  to — though  such  is 
the  fascination  of  a  known  danger  in  front  of 
you,  that  it  is  hard  to  keep  yourself  from  con- 
templatin'  of  it.  But  he  tried  to.  And  he 
tried  to  not  look  at  the  waltzin'  no  more  than 
he  could  help,  and  I  did  too.  But  in  spite  of 


486  Wrath  at  the  Walts. 

himself  he  had  to  see  how  clost  the  young 
girls  wuz  held ;  how  warmly  the  young  men 
embraced  'em.  And  as  he  looked  on,  agin  I 
see  the  hot  blush  of  shame  mantillied  Josiah's 
cheeks,  and  agin  he  sez  to  me  in  almost  warm 
axents,  "I  realize  what  you  have  rescued  me 
from,  Saniantha." 

And  I  sez,  "  You  couldn't  have  looked  Elder 
Minkley  in  the  face,  could  you  ?  if  you  had 
gone  into  that  shameful  diversion." 

"  No,  I  couldn't,  nor  into  yourn  nuther.  I 
couldn't  have  looked  nobody  in  the  face,  if  I 
had  gone  on  and  imposed  on  any  young  girl 
as  they  are  a  doin',  and  insulted  of  her.  Why,' 
sez  he,  "if  it  wuz  my  Tirzah  Ann  that  them 
men  wuz  a  embracing  and  huggin',  and  switch- 
in'  her  round,  as  if  they  didn't  have  no  respect 
for  her  at  all, — why,  if  it  wuz  Tirzah  Ann,  I 
would  tear  'em  lim  from  Km." 

And  he  looked  capable  on't.  He  looked 
almost  sublime  (though  small).  And  I  hurried 
him  away  from  the  seen,  for  I  didn't  know 
what  would  ensue  and  foller  on,  if  I  let  him 
linger  there  longer.  He  looked  as  firm  and 


Fleeing  for  Home.  487 

warlike  as  one  of  our  Bantam  fowls,  a  male 
one,  when  hawks  are  a  hoverin'  over  the 
females  of  the  flock.  And  when  I  say  Bantam 
I  say  it  with  no  disrespect  to  Josiah  Allen. 
Bantams  are  noble,  and  warlike  fowls,  though 
small  boneded. 

I  got  one  more  glimps  of  Miss  Flamm  jest 
as  we  left  the  tarven.  She  wuz  a  standin'  up 
in  the  parlor,  with  a  tall  man  a  standin'  up  in 
front  of  her  a  talkin'.  He  seemed  tobebiddin' 
of  her  good-bye,  for  he  had  holt  of  her  hand, 
and  he  wuz  a  sayin'  as  we  went  by  'em,  sez  he, 
"  I  am  sorry  not  to  see  more  of  you." 

"  Good  land  !"  thinkses  I,  what  can  the  man 
be  athinkin'  on?  the  mean,  miserable  creeter! 
If  there  wuz  ever  a  deadly  insult  gin  to  a 
woman,  then  wuz  the  time  it  wuz  gin.  Good 
land!  good  land ! 

I  don't  know  whether  Miss  Flamm  resented 
it,  or  not,  for  I  hurried  Josiah  along.  I  didn't 
want  to  expose  him  to  no  sich  sights,  good, 
innocent  old  creeter.  So  I  kep'  him  up  on  a 
pretty  good  jog  till  I  got  him  home. 

The  next   mornin'   Ardelia  Tutt  sent  me 


488  More  Verses. 

over  a  copy  of  the  followin'  verses,  which  wu/ 
as  Toilers  : 


"  UNES    WROTE    ON    A    OLD    WOMAN;    OR., 
STANZAS  ON  A  ACKORDEUN. 

"  Oh  mournful  sounds  that  riseth  through  the  air, 

Not  very  far,  but  far  enough  to  hear. 
We  fain  would  say  to  thee  forbear,  forbear  ! 
As  we  adown  the  road,  our  pathway  steer. 

' '  Oh  !  had  thy  voice  not  been  so  low  and  thin 

It  would  have  been  more  high,  and  loud  and  deep — 
And  thine  Ackordeun,  oh  could  it,  could  it  win, 
A  glorious  voice  of  soul,  methinks  I'd  weep — 

4  With  joy.     But  now  I  weep  not,  nay,  nor  fain 

Would  set  me  down  beneath  thy  song- tree  blest  ; 
More  fain  I  would  relate,  it  giveth  me  pain 
To  list  the  strains,  and  listening  lo  !  I  sigh  for  rest, 
sweet  rest. 

' '  For  ah  !  no  nightingale  art  thou,  nor  lark, 

Nor  thrush,  nor  any  other  bird,  afar  or  nigh 
Thy  instrument  hath  not  the  thunder  shock 
That  calleth  nation's  wildly,  wet  or  dry. 


The  Poem  Ends.  489 

"  A  lesson  thou  mightest  learn  oh  !  female  sweet ! 

If  thou  no  voice  hast  got,  soar  not  in  song, 

Much  noise  the  lonely  aching  ear  doth  greet, 

That  maketh  sad,  and  'tis  a  fearful  wrong. 

"  A  fearful  wrong  to  pound  pianos  with  a  fiendish  will 

Misuse  them  far  above  their  feeble  power  to  bear, 
Ah  !  could  pianos  cower  down,  and  lo  !  be  still, 
'Twould  calm  the  savage  breast,  and  smooth  the 
brow  of  care." 


XVII. 

A    TRIP  TO   SCHUYLERVIU,K. 


i  / 1 


T  wuz  a  lovely  mornin' 
when  my  companion 
and  me  sot  out  to  visit 
Schuylerville  to  see 
the  monument  that  is 
stood  up  there  in  honor  of  the  Battle  of  Sara 
toga,  one  of  7  great  decisive  battles  of  the 
world. 

Wall,  the  cars  rolled  on  peacefully,  though 

screechin'  occasionally,  for,  as  the  poet  says, 

"  It  is  their  nater  to,"  and  rolled  us  away  from 

Saratoga.     And  at  first  there  wuzn't  nothin' 

49° 


Victory  Mills.  491 

particularly  insperin'  in  the  looks  of  the  land 
scape,  or  ruther  woodscape.  It  wuz  mostly 
woods  and  rather  hombly  woods  too,  kinder 
flat  lookin'.  But  pretty  soon  the  scenery  be 
came  beautiful  and  impressive.  The  rollin' 
hills  rolled  down  and  up  in  great  billowy 
masses  of  green  and  pale  blue,  accordin'  as 
they  wuz  fur  or  near,  and  we  went  by  shinin' 
water,  and  a  glowin'  landscape,  and  pretty 
houses,  and  fields  of  grain  and  corn,  etc., 
etc.  And,  anon  we  reached  a  place  where 
"  Victory  Mills  "  wuz  printed  up  high,  in  big 
letters.  When  Josiah  see  this,  he  sez,  "  Haint 
that  neighborly  and  friendly  in  Victory  to 
come  over  here  and  put  up  a  mill  ?  That 
shows,  Samantha,"  sez  he,  "  that  the  old  hard 
ness  of  the  Revolution  is  entirely  done  away 
with." 

He  wuz  jest  full  of  Revolutionary  thoughts 
that  mornin',  Josiah  Allen  wuz.  And  so  wuz 
I  too,  but  my  strength  of  mind  is  such,  that  I 
reined  'em  in  and  didn't  let  'em  run  away  with 
me.  And  I  told  him  that  it  didn't  mean  that. 
Sez  I,  "  The  Widder  Albert  wouldn't  come 


49 2  The  Monument. 

over  here  and  go  to  inillin',  she  nor  none  of 
her  family." 

"But,"  sez  he,  "the  name  must  mean  sun- 
thin'.  Do  you  s'pose  it  is  where  folks  get  the 
victory  over  things  ?  If  it  is,  I'd  give  a  dollar 
bill  to  get  a  grist  ground  out  here,  and,"  sez 
he,  in  a  sort  of  a  coaxin'  tone,  "  le's  stop  and 
get  some  victory,  Samantha." 

And  I  told  him,  that  I  guessed  when  he  got 
a  victory  over  the  world,  the  flesh,  or  the — 
David,  he  would  have  to  work  for  it,  he  wouldn't 
get  it  ground  out  for  him.  But  anon,  he 
cast  his  eyes  on  sunthin'  else  and  so  forgot  to 
muse  on  this  any  further.  It  wuz  a  fair  seen. 

Anon,  a  big  manufactory,  as  big  as  the  hull 
side  of  Jonesville  almost,  loomed  up  by  the  side 
of  us.  And  anon,  the  fair,  the  beautiful 
country  spread  itself  out  before  our  vision. 
While  fur,  fur  away  the  pale  blue  mountains 
peeked  up  over  the  green  ones,  to  see  if  they 
too  could  see  the  monument  riz  up  to  our 
National  Liberty.  It  belonged  to  them,  jest 
as  much  as  to  the  hill  it  wuz  a  standin'  on,  it 
belongs  to  the  hull  liberty-lovin'  world. 


General  Gates.  493 

Wall,  the  cars  stopped  in  a  pretty  little 
village,  a  clean,  pleasant  little  place  as  I  ever 
see,  or  want  to  see.  And  Josiali  and  me 
wended  our  way  np  the  broad  roomy  street,  up 
to  where  the  monument  seemed  to  sort  a 
beegon  to  us  to  come.  And  when  we  got  up 
to  it,  we  see  it  wuz  a  sight,  a  sight  to  behold. 

The  curius  thing  on't  wuz,  it  kep'  a  growin' 
bigger  and  bigger  all  the  time  we  wuz  ap- 
proachin'  it,  till,  as  we  stood  at  its  base,  it 
seemed  to  tower  up  into  the  very  skies. 

There  wuz  some  flights  of  stun  steps  a  lead- 
in'  up  to  some  doors  in  the  side  on't.  And  we 
went  inside  on't  after  we  had  gin  a  good  look 
at  the  outside.  But  it  took  us  some  time  to 
get  through  gazin'  at  the  outside  on't. 

Way  up  over  our  heads  wuz  some  sort  a  re 
cesses,  some  like  the  lecess  in  my  spare  bed 
room,  only  higher  and  narrower,  and  kinder 
nobler  lookin'.  And  standin'  up  in  the  first 
one,  a  lookin'  stiddy  through  storm  and  shine 
at  the  North  star,  stood  General  Gates,  bigger 
than  life  considerable,  but  none  too  big  ;  for 
his  deeds  and  the  deeds  of  all  of  our  old  4 


494  General  Schuyler. 

fathers  stand  out  now  and  seeni  a  good  deal 
bigger  than  life.  Yes,  take  'em  in  all  their 
consequences,  a  sight  bigger. 

Wall,  there  he  stands,  a  leanin'  on  his  sword. 
He'll  be  ready  when  the  enemy  comes,  no 
danger  but  what  he  will. 

On  the  East  side,  is  General  Schuyler  a 
horseback,  ready  to  dash  forward  against  the 
foe,  impetuous,  ardent,  gallant.  But  oh  !  the 
perils  and  dangers  that  obstruct  his  pathway ; 
thick  underbrush  and  high,  tall  trees  stand  up 
round  him  that  he  seemin'ly  can't  get  through. 

But  his  gallant  soldiers  are  a  helpin'  him 
onward,  they  are  a  cuttin'  down  the  trees  so's 
he  can  get  through  'em  and  dash  at  the  enemy. 
You  see  as  you  look  on  him  that  he  will  get 
through  it  all.  No  envy,  nor  detraction,  nor 
jealousy,  no  such  low  underbrush  full  of 
crawlin'  reptiles,  nor  no  high  solid  trees,  no 
danger  of  any  sort  can  keep  him  back.  His 
big,  brave,  generous  heart  is  sot  on  helpin'  his 
country,  he'll  do  it. 

On  the  south  side,  is  the  saddest  sight  that 
a  patriotic  American  can  see.  On  a  plain  slab 


General  Morgan.  495 

stun,  lookin'  a  good  deal  like  a  permanent 
grave-stun,  sot  up  high  there,  for  Americans 
to  weep  over  forever,  bitter  tears  of  shame,  is 
the  name,  "  Arnold." 

He  wuz  a  brave  soldier ;  his  name  ort  to  be 
there  ;  it  is -all  right  to  have  it  there  and  jest 
where  it  is,  on  a  grave-stun.  All  through  the 
centuries  it  will  stand  there,  a  name  carved  by 
the  hand  of  cupidity,  selfishness,  and  treachery. 

On  the  west  side,  General  Morgan  is  stand- 
in'  up  with  his  hands  over  his  eyes,  lookin' 
away  into  the  sunset.  He  looked  jest  like 
that  when  he  wuz  a  lookin'  after  prowlin'  red 
skins  and  red  coats  ;  when  the  sun  wuz  under 
dark  clouds,  and  the  day  wuz  dark  100  years 
ago. 

But  now,  all  he  has  to  do  is  to  stand  up 
there  and  look  off  into  the  glowin'  heavens,  a 
watchin'  the  golden  light  of  the  sun  of  Liberty 
a  rollin'  on  westward.  He  holds  his  hand 
over  his  eyes ;  its  rays  most  blind  him,  he  is 
most  lost  a  thinkin'  how  fur,  how  fur  them 
rays  are  a  spreading  and  a  glowin', — way,  way 
off,  Morgan  is  a  lookin'  onto  our  future,  and  it 


496  Inside  View. 

dazzles  him.  Its  rays  stretch  off  into  other 
lands ;  they  strike  dark  places ;  they  burn !  they 
glow  !  they  shine  !  they  light  up  the  world  ! 

Hold  up  your  head,  brave  old  General,  and 
your  loyal  steadfast  eyes.  You  helped  to 
strike  that  light.  Its  radiance  half-frights  you. 
It  is  so  heavenly  bright,  its  rays  may  well 
dazzle  you.  Brown  old  soldiers,  I  love  to  think 
of  you  always  a  standin'  up  there,  lifted  high 
up  by  a  grateful  Nation,  a  lookin'  off  over  all 
the  world,  a  lookin'  off  toward  the  glowin'  west, 
toward  our  glorious  future. 

On  the  inside  too,  it  wuz  a  noble  seen.  After 
you  rose  up  the  steps  and  went  inside,  you 
found  yourself  in  a  middlin'  big  room  all  sur 
rounded  by  figures  in  what  they  called  Alto 
Relief,  or  sunthiii'  to  that  effect.  I  don't  know 
what  Alto  they  meant.  I  don't  know  nobody 
by  that  name,  nor  I  don't  know  how  they  re 
lieved  him.  But  I  s'pose  Alto  when  he  wuz 
there  wuz  relieved  to  think  that  the  figures 
wuz  all  so  noble  and  impressive.  Mebby  he 
had  been  afraid  they  wouldn't  suit  him  and  the 
nation.  But  they  did,  they  must  have.  He 


Royalty  and  Liberty.  497 

must  have  been  hard  to  suit,  Alto  must,  if  he 
wuzn't  relieved,  and  pleased  with  these. 

On  one  side  wuz  George  the  3d  of  England, 
in  his  magnificent  palace,  all  dressed  up  in 
velvet  and  lace,  surrounded  by  his  slick  drest- 
up  nobles,  and  all  of  'em  a  sittin'  there  soft 
and  warm,  in  the  lap  of  Luxury,  a  makin'  laws 
to  bind  the  strugglin'  colonies. 

And  right  acrost  from  that,  wuz  a  picture 
of  them  Colonists,  cold  and  hungry,  a  havin' 
a  Rally  for  Freedom,  and  a  settin'  up  a  Town 
meetin'  right  amongst  the  trees,  and  under 
brush  that  hedged  'em  all  in  and  tripped  'em 
up  at  every  step  ;  and  savages  a  hidin'  behind 
the  trees,  and  fears  of  old  England,  and  dread 
of  a  hazerdous  unknown  future,  a  hantin'  and 
cloudin'  every  glimpse  of  sky  that  came  down 
on  'em  through  the  trees.  But  they  looked 
earnest  and  good,  them  old  4  fathers  did,  and 
the  Town  meetin'  looked  determined,  and  firm- 
principled  as  ever  a  Town  meetin'  looked  on 
the  face  of  the  earth. 

Then  there  wuz  some  of  the  women  of  the 
court,  fine  ladies,  all  silk,  and  ribbons,  and 


498  Noble   Women. 

embroideries,  and  paint,  and  powder,  a  leanin1 
back  in  their  cushioned  arm-chairs,  a  wantin' 
to  have  the  colonies  taxed  still  further  so's  to 
have  more  money  to  buy  lace  with  and  arti 
ficial  flowers.  And  right  acrost  from  'em  wuz 
some  of  our  old  4  mothers,  in  a  rude  log  hut, 
not  strong  enough  to  keep  out  the  cold,  or  the 
Injuns.  One  wuz  a  cardin'  wools,  one  of  'em 
wuz  a  spinnin'  'em,  a  tryin'  to  make  clothes 
to  cover  the  starved,  half-naked  old  4  fathers 
who  wuz  a  tramplin'  round  in  the  snow  with 
bare  feet  and  shiverin'  lims.  And  one  of  'em 
had  a  gun  in  her  hand.  She  had  smuggled 
the  children  all  in  behind  her  and  she  wuz  a 
lookin'  out  for  the  foe.  These  wimmen  hadn't 
no  ribbons  on,  no,  fur  from  it. 

And  then  there  wuz  General  Schuyler  a 
fellin'  trees  to  obstruct  the  march  of  the  British 
army.  And  Miss  Schuyler  a  settin'  fire  to  a 
field  of  wheat  rather  than  have  it  help  the 
enemy  of  her  country.  Brave  old  4  mother, 
worthy  pardner  of  a  grand  man,  she  wuz  a 
takin'  her  life  in  her  hand  and  a  destroyin' 
her  own  property  for  the  sake  of  the  cause  she 


Lady  Aukland.  499 

loved.  A  emblem  of  the  way  men  and  wim- 
inen  sot  fire  to  their  own  hopes,  their  own 
happiness,  and  burnt  'em  np  on  the  altar  of 
the  land  we  love. 

And  there  wuz  some  British  wimmen  a 
follerin'  their  hnsbands  through  the  perils  of 
danger  and  death,  likely  old  4  mothers  they 
wuz,  and  thought  jest  as  much  of  their  pardners 
as  I  do  of  my  Josiah.  I  could  see  that  plain. 
And  could  see  it  a  shinin'  still  plainer  in  an 
other  one  of  the  pictures — Lady  Aukland  a 
goin'  over  the  Hudson  in  a  little  canoe  with 
the  waves  a  dashin'  up  high  round  her,  to  get 
to  the  sick  bed  of  her  companion.  The  white 
flag  of  truce  wuz  a  wavin'  over  her  head  and 
in  her  heart  wuz  a  shinin'  the  clear  white 
light  of  a  woman's  deathless  devotion.  Oh  ! 
there  wuz  likely  wimmen  amongst  the  British, 
I  haint  a  doubt  of  it,  and  men  too. 

And  then  we  clim  a  long  flight  of  stairs  and 
we  see  some  more  pictures,  all  round  that 
room.  Alto  relieved  agin,  or  he  must  have 
been  relieved,  and  happified  to  see  'em,  they 
wuz  so  impressive.  I  myself  had  from  25  to  30 


Jennie  McCrea. 

emotions  a  minute  while  I  stood  a  lookin'  at 
'eni — big  lofty  emotions  too. 

There  wuz  Jennie  McCrea  a  bein'  dragged 
offen  her  horse,  and  killed  by  savages.  A 
dreadful  sight — a  woman  settin'  out  light- 
hearted  toward  happiness  and  goin'  to  meet  a 
fearful  doom.  Dreadful  sight  that  has  come 
down  through  the  centuries,  and  happens  over 
and  over  agin  amongst  female  wimnien.  But 
here  it  wuz  fearful  impressive  for  the  savages 
that  destroyed  her  wuz  in  livin'  form,  they 
haint  always  materialized. 

Yes,  it  wuz  a  awful  seen.  And  jest  beyond 
it,  wuz  Burgoyne  a  scoldin'  the  savages  for  the 
cruelty  of  the  deed.  Curius,  haint  it  ?  How 
the  acts  and  deeds  of  a  man  that  he  sets  to 
goin,  when  they  have  come  to  full  fruition 
skare  him  most  to  death,  horrify  him  by  the 
sight.  I'll  bet  Burgoyne  felt  bad  enough,  a 
lookin'  on  her  dead  body,  if  it  wuz  his  doin's 
in  the  first  place,  in  lettin'  loose  such  igner- 
ance  and  savagery  onto  a  strugglin'  people. 

Yes,  Mr.  Burgoyne  felt  bad  and  ashamed,  I 
haint  a  doubt  of  it.  His  poet  soul  could  suffer 


BurgoynJs   Surrender.  501 

as  well  as  enjoy — and  then  I  didn't  feel  like 
sayin'  too  much  aginst  Mr.  Burgoyne,  havin' 
meditated  so  lately  in  the  treachery  of  Arnold, 
one  of  onr  own  men  doin'  a  act  that  ort  to 
keep  ns  sort  a  humble-minded  to  this  day. 

And  then  there  wuz  the  killin'  and  buryin' 
of  Frazier  both  impressive.  He  wnz  a  gallant 
officer  and  a  brave  man.  And  then  there  wnz 
General  Schnyler  (good  creeter)  a  tnrnin'  over 
his  command  to  Gates.  And  I  methought  to 
myself  as  I  looked  on  it,  that  hnman  nater 
wnz  jest  abont  the  same  then  ;  it  capered  jest 
abont  as  it  duz  now  in  public  affairs  and 
offices.  Then  there  wuz  the  surrender  of  Bur 
goyne  to  Gates.  A  sight  impressive  enough 
to  furnish  one  with  stiddy  emotions  for  weeks 
and  weeks.  A  thinkiii'  of  all  he  surrendered 
to  him  that  day,  and  all  that  wuz  took. 

The  monument  is  dretful  high.  Up,  up,  up, 
it  soars  as  if  it  wuz  bound  to  reach  up  into  the 
very  heavens,  and  carry  up  there  these  idees 
of  ourn  about  Free  Rights,  and  National 
Liberty.  It  don't  go  clear  up,  though.  I  wish 
it  did.  If  it  had,  I  should  have  gone  up  the 


502  The  Surroundings. 

high  ladder  clear  to  the  top.  But  I  desisted 
from  the  enterprise  for  2  reasons,  one  wuz, 
that  it  didn't  go,  as  I  say,  clear  up,  and  the 
other  wuz  that  the  stairs  wuzn't  finished. 

Josiah  proposed  that  he  should  go  up  as  he 
clim  up  our  well,  with  one  foot  on  each  side 
on't.  He  said  he  wuz  tempted  to,  for  he  wanted 
dretfully  to  look  out  of  them  windows  on 
the  top.  And  he  said  it  would  probable  be 
expected  of  him.  And  I  told  him  that  I 
guessed  that  the  monument  wouldn't  feel  hurt 
if  he  didn't  go  up  ;  I  guessed  it  would  stand 
it.  I  discouraged  the  enterprise. 

And  anon  we  went  down  out  of  the  monu 
ment,  and  crossed  over  to  the  good-lookin' 
house  where  the  man  lives  who  takes  care  of 
the  monument,  and  shows  off  its  good  traits, 
a  kind  of  a  guardian  to  it.  And  we  got  a  first- 
rate  dinner  there,  though  such  is  not  their 
practice.  And  then  he  took  us  in  a  likely 
buggy  with  2  seats,  and  a  horse  to  draw  it, 
and  we  sot  out  to  see  what  the  march  of  100 
years  has  left  us  of  the  doin's  of  them  days. 

Time  has  trampled  out  a  good  many  of  'em, 


The  Schuyler  Mansion.  503 

but  we  found  some.  We  found  the  old  Schuyler 
mansion,  a  settin'  back  amongst  the  trees, 
with  the  old  knocker  on  it,  that  had  been 
pulled  by  so  many  a  old  4  father,  carryin> 
tidin's  of  disappointment,  and  hope,  and  tri 
umph,  and  encouragement,  and  everything. 
We  went  over  the  threshholt  wore  down  by 
the  steps  that  had  fell  there  for  a  hundred 
years,  some  light,  some  heavy  steps. 

We  went  into  the  clean,  good-lookin'  old 
kitchen,  with  the  platters,  and  shinin'  dressers 
and  trays  ;  the  old-fashioned  settee,  half-table 
and  half-seat.  And  we  see  the  cup  General 
Washington  drinked  tea  out  of,  good  old 
creeter.  I  hope  the  water  biled  and  it  wuz 
good  tea,  and  most  probable  it  wuz.  And  we 
see  lots  of  arms  that  had  been  carried  in  the 
war,  and  cannon  balls,  and  shells,  and  tommy- 
hawks,  and  hatchets,  and  arrows,  and  etc.,  etc. 
And  down  in  one  room  all  full  of  other  curi 
osities  and  relicts,  wuz  the  skull  of  a  traitor. 
I  should  judge  from  the  looks  on't,  that  be 
sides  beiii'  mean,  he  wuz  a  horribly  man.  Some 
body  said  folks  had  made  efforts  to  steal  it. 


504  A  Good  Old  House. 

But  Josiah  whispered  to  me,  that  there  wuzn't 
no  danger  from  him,  for  he  would  ruther  be 
shet  right  up  in  the  Tombs  than  to  own*  it,  in 
any  way. 

And  I  felt  some  like  him.  Some  of  his  teeth 
had  been  stole,  so  they  said.  Good  land ! 
what  did  they  want  with  his  teeth  ?  But  it 
wuz  a  dretful  interestin'  spot.  And  I  thought 
as  I  went  through  the  big  square,  roomy  rooms 
that  I  wouldn't  swap  this  good  old  house  for 
dozens  of  Queen  Anns,  or  any  other  of  the 
fashionable,  furbelowed  houses  of  to-day.  The 
orniments  of  this  house  wuz  more  on  the  in 
side,  and  I  couldn't  help  thiiikin'  that  this 
house  compared  with  the  modern  ornamental 
cottages,  wuz  a  good  deal  like  one  of  our  good 
old-fashioned  foremothers  in  her  plain  gown, 
compared  with  some  of  the  grandma's  of  to 
day,  all  paint,  and  furbelows,  and  false  hair. 

The  old  4  mothers  orniments  wuz  on  the 
inside,  and  the  others  wuz  more  up  on  the 
roof,  scalloped  off,  and  ginger-breaded,  and 
criss-crossed. 

This  old  house  was  full  of  rooms  fixed  off 


Old  Things.  507 

beautiful.  It  wuz  quite  a  treat  to  walk  through 
'em.  But  the  old  fireplaces,  and  mantle  tray 
shelves  spoke  to  our  hearts  of  the  generations 
that  had  poked  them  fires,  and  leaned  up 
aginst  them  mantle  trays.  They  went  ahead 
on  us  through  the  old  rooms  ;  I  couldn't  see 
'em,  but  I  felt  their  presence,  as  I  follered  'em 
over  the  old  threshholts  their  feet  had  worn 
down  a  hundred  years  ago.  Their  feet  didn't 
make  no  sound,  their  petticoats  and  short 
gowns  didn't  rustle  aginst  the  old  door  ways 
and  stair  cases. 

The  dear  old  grandpas  in  their  embroidered 
coats,  didn't  cast  no  shadow  as  they  crossed 
the  sunshine  that  came  in  through  the  old- 
fashioned  window  panes.  No,  but  with  my 
mind's  eye  (the  best  eye  I  have  got,  and  one 
that  don't  wear  specks)  I  see  'em,  and  I  follerd 
'em  down  the  narrow,  steep  stair  case,  and  out 
into  the  broad  light  of  4  P.  M.,  1886. 

Anon,  or  shortly  after,  we  drove  up  on  a 
corner  of  the  street  jest  above  where  the  Fish 
creek  empties  into  the  Hudson,  and  there, 
right  on  a  tall  high  brick  block,  wuz  a  tablet, 


508  Burgoyne's  Surrender. 

showin'  that  a  tree  once  stood  jest  there,  unde: 
which  Burgoyne  surrendered.  And  agin, 
when  I  thought  of  all  that  he  surrendered  that 
day,  and  all  that  America  and  the  world 
gained,  my  emotions  riz  up  so  powerful,  that 
they  wmzn't  quelled  down  a  mite,  by  seein' 
right  on  the  other  side  of  the  house  wrote 
down  these  words,  "  Drugs,  Oils,  etc." 

No,  oil  couldn't  smooth  'em  down,  nor  drugs 
drug  'em  ;  they  wuz  too  powerful.  And  they 
lasted  jest  as  soarin'  and  eloquent  as  ever  till 
we  turned  down  a  cross  street,  and  arrove  at 
the  place,  jest  the  identical  spot  where  the 
British  stacked  their  arms  (and  stacked  all 
their  pride,  and  their  ambitious  hopes  with 
'em).  It  made  a  high  pile. 

Wall,  from  there  we  went  up  to  a  house  on 
a  hill,  where  poor  Baroness  Riedesel  hid  with 
her  three  little  children,  amongst  the  wounded 
and  dying  officers  of  the  British  army,  and 
stayed  there  three  days  and  three  nights, 
while  shots  and  shells  wuz  a  bombardin'  the 
little  house — and  not  knowin'  but  some  of  the 
shots  had  gone  through  her  lover  husband's 


A  Mother^  Soul.  5°9 

heart,  before  they  struck  the  low  ruff  over  her 

head. 

What  do  you  s'pose  she  wuz  a  thinkin'  on 
as  she  lay  hid  in  that  suller  all  them  three 
days  and  three  nights  with  her  little  girls' 
heads  in  her  lap  ?  Jest  the  same  thoughts 
that  a  mother  thinks  to-day,  as  she  cowers 
down  with  the  children  she  loves,  to  hide  from 
danger;  jest  the  same  thoughts  that  a  wife 
thinks  to-day  when  her  heart  is  out  a  facin' 
danger  and  death  with  the  man  she  loves. 

She  faced  danger,  and  died  a  hundred  deaths 

in  the   thought  of  the  danger  to  them   she 

loved.     I  see  the  very  splinters  that  the  cruel 

shells  and  cannon  balls  split  and  tore  right  over 

her  head.     Good  honerable  splinters  and  not 

skairful  to  look  at  to-day, but  hard,  and  piercin', 

and  harrowin'  through  them  days  and  nights. 

Time  has  trampled  over  that  calash  she  rode 

round  so  much  in  (I  wish  I  could  a  seen  it)  ; 

but    Time    has    ground   it   down   into   dust. 

Time's  hand,  quiet  but  heavy,  rested  down  on 

the  shinin'  heads  of  the  three  little  girls,  and 

their  Pa  and  Ma,  and  pushed  'em  gently  but 


510  On  to  Oblivion. 

firmly  down  out  of  sight ;  and  all  of  them 
savages  who  used  to  follow  that  calash  as  it 
rolled  onwards,  and  all  their  canoes,  and  war 
hoops,  and  snow  shoes,  etc.,  etc. 

Yes,  that  calash  of  Miss  Riedesel  has  rolled 
away,  rolled  away  years  ago,  carryin'  the  three 
little  girls,  their  Pa  and  Ma  and  all  the  fears, 
and  hopes,  and  dreads,  and  joys,  and  heart 
aches  of  that  time  it  has  rolled  on  with  'em 
all ;  on,  on,  down  the  dusty  road  of  Oblivion, 
— it  has  disappeared  there  round  the  turn  of 
road,  and  a  cloud  of  dust  comes  up  into  our 
faces,  as  we  try  to  follow  it.  And  the  Injuns 
that  used  to  howl  round  it,  have  all  follered  on 
the  trail  of  that  calash,  and  gone  on,  on,  out 
of  sight.  Their  canoes  have  drifted  away 
down  the  blue  Hudson,  away  off  into  the  mist 
and  the  shadows.  Curius,  haint  it  ? 

And  there  the  same  hills  and  valleys  lay, 
calm  and  placid,  there  is  the  same  blue  spark- 
lin'  Hudson.  Dretful  curius,  and  sort  a  heart 
breakin'  to  think  on't — haint  it  ?  Only  jest  a 
few  more  years  and  we  too,  shall  go  round  the 
turn  of  the  road,  out  of  sight, — out  of  sight, 


Passing  Away. 


and  a  cloud  of  dust  will  come  up  and  hide  us 
from  the  faces  of  them  that  love  us,  and  them 
too,  from  the  eyes  of  a  newer  people. 

All  our  hopes,  all  our  ambitions,  all  our 
loves,  our  joys,  our  sorrows, — all,  all  will  be 
rolled  away  or  floated  away  down  the  river, 
and  the  ripples  will  ripple  on  jest  as  happy; 
the  sunshine  will  kiss  the  hills  jest  as  warmly, 
and  lovinly  ;  but  other  eyes  will  look  on  'em, 
other  hearts  will  throb  and  burn  within  'em  at 
the  sight. 

Kinder  sad  to  think  on,  haint  it  ? 


XVIII. 


THK  SOCIAL  SCIENCE:  MEETING, 


fNE  day  Josiah  and  me  went  into 
a  meetin'  where  they  wuz 
kinder  fixin'  over  the  world,  sort 
a  repairin'  of  it,  as  you  may  say. 
^  Some  of  the  deepest,  smartest 
speeches  I  ever  hearn  in  my  life,  I  hearn  there. 
You  know  it  is  a  middlin'  deep  subject. 
But  they  rose  to  it.  They  rose  nobly  to  it. 
Some  wuz  for  repairin'  it  one  way,  and  some 
another — some  wanted  to  kinder  tinker  it  up, 
and  make  it  over  like.  Some  wanted  to  tear 


A  Poor  Little  Heathen.  513 

it  to  pieces,  and  build  it  over  new.  But  they 
all  meant  well  by  the  world,  and  nobody  could 
help  respectin'  'em. 

I  enjoyed  them  hours  there  with  'em,  jest 
about  as  well  as  it  is  in  my  power  to  enjoy 
anything.  They  wuz  all  on  'em  civilized 
Christian  folks  and  philanthropists  of  different 
shades  and  degrees,  all  but  one.  There  wuz 
one  heathen  there.  A  Hindoo  right  from 
Hindoos  tan,  and  I  felt  kinder  sorry  for  him. 
A  heathen  sot  right  in  the  midst  of  them  folks 
of  refinement,  and  culture,  who  had  spent  their 
hull  lives  a  try  in'  to  fix  over  the  world,  and 
make  it  good. 

This  poor  little  heathen,  with  a  white  piller 
case,  or  sunthin'  wound  round  his  head  (I 
s'pose  he  hadn't  money  to  buy  a  hat) ,  and  his 
small  black  eyes  lookin'  out  kinder  side  ways 
from  his  dark  hombly  little  face,  rousted 
up  my  pity,  and  my  sympathy.  There  had 
been  quite  a  firm  speech  made  aginst  allowin' 
foreigners  on  our  shores.  And  this  little  hea 
then,  in  his  broken  speech,  said,  It  all  seemed 
so  funny  to  him,  when  everybody  wuz 


514  Queer  Proceedings. 

foreigners  in  this  country,  to  think  that  them 
that  got  here  first  should  say  they  owned  it, 
and  send  everybody  else  back.  And  he  said, 
It  seemed  funny  to  him,  that  the  missionary s 
we  sent  over  to  his  land  to  teach  them  the 
truth,  told  them  all  about  this  land  of  Liberty, 
where  everybody  wuz  free,  and  everybody 
could  earn  a  home  for  themselves,  and  urged 
'em  all  to  come  over  here,  and  then  when  they 
broke  away  from  all  that  held  'em  in  their  own 
land,  and  came  thousands  and  thousands  of 
milds,  to  get  to  this  land  of  freedom  and 
religion, — then  they  wuz  sent  back  agin, 
and  wuzn't  allowed  to  land.  It  seemed  so 
funny. 

And  so  it  did  to  me.  And  I  said  to  myself, 
I  wonder  if  they  don't  lose  all  faith  in  the 
rnissionarys,  and  what  they  tell  them.  I  won 
der  if  they  don't  have  doubts  about  the  other 
free  country  they  tell  'em  about.  The  other 
home  they  have  urged  'em  to  prepare  for,  and 
go  to.  I  wonder  if  they  haint  afraid,  that 
when  they  have  left  their  own  country  and 
sailed  away  for  that  home  of  Everlastin'  free- 


A  Hefty  Job.  515 

<lom,  they  will  be  sent  back   agin,   and    not 
allowed  to  land. 

But  it  comferted  me  quite  a  good  deal  to 
meditate  on't,  that  that  land  didn't  have  no 
laws  aginst  foreign  emigration.  That  its  ruler 
wuz  one  who  held  the  rights  of  the  lowest,  and 
poorest,  and  most  ignerent  of  His  children,  of 
jest  as  much  account  as  He  did  the  rights  of  a 
king.  Thiiikses  I  that  poor  little  head  with 
the  piller  case  on  it  will  be  jest  as  much 
looked  up  to,  as  if  it  wuz  white  and  had  a 
crown  on  it.  And  I  felt  real  glad  to  think  it 
wuz  so. 

But  I  went  to  every  meetin'  of  'em,  and 
enjoyed  every  one  of  'ern  with  a  deep  enjoy 
ment.  And  I  said  then,  and  I  say  now,  for 
folks  that  had  took  such  a  hefty  job  as  they 
had,  they  done  well,  nobody  could  do  better, 
and  if  the  world  wuzn't  improved  by  their  talk 
it  wuz  the  fault  of  the  world,  and  not  their'n. 

And  we  went  to  meetin'  on  Sunday  mornin' 
and  night,  and  hearn  good  sermons.  There's 
several  high,  big  churches  at  Saratoga,  of 
every  denomination,  and  likely  folks  belong 


516  Competing  Routes. 

to  the  hull  on  'em.  There  is  no  danger  of 
folks  losin'  their  way  to  Heaven  unless  they 
want  to  and  they  can  go  on  their  own  favorite 
paths  too,  be  they  blue  Presbyterian  paths,  or 
Methodist  pasters,  or  by  the  Baptist  boat,  or 
the  Episcopalian  high  way,  or  the  Catholic 
covered  way,  or  the  Unitarian  Broadway,  or 
the  Shadow  road  of  Spiritualism. 

No  danger  of  their  losin'  the  way  unless 
they  want  to.  And  I  thought  to  myself  as  I 
looked  pensively  at  the  different  steeples, 
What  though  there  might  be  a  good  deal  of 
wranglin',  and  screechin',  and  puffin'  off  steam, 
at  the  different  stations,  as  there  must  always 
be  where  so  many  different  routes  are  a  layin' 
side  by  side,  each  with  its  own  different  run 
ners,  and  conductors,  and  porters,  and  man 
agers,  and  blowers,  still  it  must  be,  that  the 
separate  high  ways  would  all  end  at  last  in  a 
serener  road,  where  the  true  wayfarers  and  the 
earnest  pilgrims  would  all  walk  side  by  side, 
and  forget  the  very  name  of  the  station  they 
sot  out  from. 

I   sez  as   much   to  my  companion,  as   we 


JosiaJt's  Scheme.  517 

wended  our  way  home  from  one  of  the  meetin's, 
and  he  sez,  "  There  haint  but  one  right  way, 
and  it  is  a  pity  folks  can't  see  it."  Sez  he,  a 
sithin'  deep,  u  Why  can't  everybody  be  Metho 
dists  ?" 

We  wuz  a  goin'  by  the  'Piscopal  church  then, 
and  he  sez  a  lookin'  at  it,  as  if  he  wuz  sorry 
for  it,  u  What  a  pity  that  such  likely  folks  as 
they  be,  should  believe  in  such  eronious  doc 
trines.  Why,"  sez  he,  "  I  have  hearn  that 
they  believe  that  the  bread  at  communion  is 
changed  into  sunthin'  else.  What  a  pity  that 
they  should  believe  anything  so  strange  as 
that  is,  when  there  is  a  good,  plain,  practical, 
Christian  belief  they  might  believe  in, — when 
they  might  be  Methodists.  And  the  Baptists 
now,"  sez  he,  a  glancin'  back  at  their  steeple, 
"  why  can't  they  believe  that  a  drop  is  as 
good  as  a  fountain.  Why  do  they  want  to 
believe  in  so  **«£# 'water?  There  haint  no 
need  on't.  They  might  be  Methodists  jest  as 
well  as  not,  and  be  somebody." 

And  he  walked  along  pensively  and  in  deep 
thought,  and  I  a  feelin'  somewhat  tuckered 


What  Church  to  Jine. 

didn't  argue  with  him,  and  silence  rained  about 
us  till  we  got  in  front  of  the  hall  where  the 
Spiritualists  hold  their  meetin's,  and  we  met 
a  few  a  cornin'  out  on  it  and  then  he  broke  out 

and  acted  mad, 
awful  mad  and 
skernful,  and 
sez  he  angrily, 
"  Them  dumb 
fools  believe  in 
supernatural 
things.  They 
don't  have  a 
shadow  of  rea 
son  or  common 
sense  to  stand 
on.  A  man  is 
a  fool  to  gin  the 
least  attention 

to  them,  or  their  doin's.  Why  can't  they  be 
lieve  sunthin'  sensible?  Why  can't  they  jine 
a  church  that  don't  have  anything  curius  in  it? 
Nothin'  but  plain,  common  sense  facts  in  it  ; 
Why  can't  they  be  Methodists  ?" 


'Why  can't  they  be  Methodists?" 


S hawing  at  Random.  519 

(  The  idee  !"  sez  he,  a  breakin'  out  fresh, 
"  The  idee  of  belie  vin'  that  folks  that  have 
gone  to  the  other  world  can  come  back  agin 
and  appear.  Shaw!"  sez  he,  dretful  loud  and 
bold.  I  don't  believe  I  ever  heard  a  louder  shaw 
in  my  life  than  that  wuz,  or  more  kinder 
haughty  and  highheaded. 

And  then  I  spoke  up,  and  sez,  "Josiah,  it  is 
always  well,  to  shaw  in  the  right  place,  and  I 
am  afraid  you  haint  studied  on  it  as  much  as 
you  ort.  I  am  afraid  you  haint  a  shawin' 
where  you  ort  to." 

"Where  should  I  shaw?"  sez  he  kinder 
snappish. 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "when  you  condemn  other 
folkses  beliefs,  you  ort  to  be  careful  that  you 
haint  a  condemin'  your  own  belief  at  the  same 
time.  Now  my  belief  is  grounded  in  the  Me 
thodist  nieetin'  house  like  a  rock  ;  my  faith 
has  cast  its  ancher  there  inside  of  her  beliefs 
and  can't  be  washed  round  by  any  waves  of 
opposin'  doctrines.  But  I  am  one  who  can't 
now,  nor  never  could,  abide  bigotry  and  intol 
erance  either  in  a  Pope,  or  a  Josiah  Allen. 


520  The  Supernatural. 

"And  when  you  condemn  a  belief  simply  on 
the  ground  of  its  bein'  miraculous  and  beyond 
your  comprehension,  Josiah  Allen,  you  had 
better  pause  and  consider  on  what  the  Metho 
dist  faith  is  founded. 

"  All  our  Orthodox  meetin'  houses,  Presby 
terian,  Baptist,  Methodist,  Episcopalian,  every 
one  on  'em,  Josiah  Allen,  are  sot  down  on  a 
belief,  a  deathless  faith  in  a  miraculous  birth, 
a  life  of  supernatural  events,  the  resurrection 
of  the  dead,  His  appearance  after  death,  a 
belief  in  the  graves  openin'  and  the  dead 
comin'  forth,  a  belief  in  three  persons  inha- 
bitin'  one  soul,  the  constant  presence  and 
control  of  spiritual  influences,  the  Holy  Ghost, 
and  the  spirits  of  just  men.  And  while  you 
are  a  leenin'  up  aginst  that  belief,  Josiah 
Allen,  and  a  leanin'  heavy,  don't  shaw  at  any 
other  belief  for  the  qualities  you  hold  sacred 
in  your  own." 

He  quailed  a  very  little,  and  I  went  on. 

:'  If  you  want  to  shaw  at  it,  shaw  for  sun- 
thin'  else  in  it,  or  else  let  it  entirely  alone.  If 
you  think  it  lacks  active  Christian  force,  if  you 


A  Low  Set.  521 

think  it  is  not  aggressive  in  its  assaults  at 
Sin,  if  you  think  it  lacks  faith  in  the  Divine 
Head  of  the  church,  say  so,  do;  but  for  mercy's 
sake  try  to  shaw  in  the  right  place." 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  they  are  a  low  set  that 
follers  it  up  mostly,  and  you  know  it."  And 
his  head  wuz  right  up  in  the  air,  and  he  looked 
very  skernful. 

But  I  sez,  "Josiah  Allen,  you  are  a  shawm' 
agin  in  the  wrong  place,"  sez  I.  "  If  what  you 
say  is  true,  remember  that  1800  years  ago,  the 
same  cry  wuz  riz  up  by  Pharisees,  '  He  eats 
with  Publicans  and  sinners.'  They  would  not 
have  a  king  who  came  in  the  guise  of  the  poor, 
they  scerned  a  spiritual  truth  that  did  not 
sparkle  with  worldly  lustre. 

"  But  it  shone  on ;  it  lights  the  souls  of 
.humanity  to-day.  Let  us  not  be  afraid,  Josiah 
Allen.  Truth  is  a  jewel  that  cannot  be  harmed 
by  deepest  investigation,  by  roughest  handlin'. 
It  can't  be  buried,  it  will  shine  out  of  the 
deepest  darkness.  What  is  false  will  be 
washed  away,  what  is  true  will  remain.  For 
all  this  frettin',  and  chafing,  all  this  turbelence 


522  No  Bigotry. 

of  conflectin'  beliefs,  opposin'  wills,  will  only 
polish  this  jewel.  Truth,  calm  and  serene,  will 
endure,  will  shine,  will  light  up  the  world." 

He  begun  to  look  considerable  softer  in 
mean,  and  I  continued  on:  "Josiah  Allen, 
you  and  I  know  what  we  believe,  the  beautiful 
religion  (Methodist  Episcopal)  that  we  both 
love,  makes  a  light  in  our  two  souls.  But 
don't  let  us  stand  in  that  light  and  yell  out, 
that  everybody  else's  light  is  darkness  ;  that 
our  light  is  the  only  one.  No,  the  heavens 
are  over  all  the  earth ;  the  twelve  gates  of 
heaven  are  open  and  a  shinin'  down  on  all 
sides  of  us. 

"Jonesville  meetin'  house  (Methodist  Epis 
copal)  haint  the  only  medium  through  which 
the  light  streams.  It  is  dear  to  us,  Josiah 
Allen,  but  let  us  not  think  that  we  mustcoller 
everybody  and  drag  'em  into  it.  And  let  us 
not  cry  out  too  much  at  other  folkses  super 
stitions,  when  the  rock  of  our  cwii  faith,  that 
comforts  us  in  joy  and  sorrow,  is  sot  in  a  sea 
of  supernaturalism. 

"  You  know  how  that  faith  comforts  our  two 


Open  Gates.  523 

souls,  how  it  is  to  us,  like  the  shadow  of  a 
great  rock  in  a  weary  land,  but  they  say,  their 
belief  is  the  same  to  them,  let  us  not  judge 
them  too  hardly.  No,  the  twelve  gates  of 
heaven  are  open,  Josiah  Allen,  and  a  shinin' 
down  onto  the  earth.  We  know  the  light  that 
has  streamed  into  our  own  souls,  but  we  do 
not  know  exactly  what  rays  of  radiance  may 
have  been  reflected  down  into  some  other  lives 
through  some  one  of  those  many  gates. 

"  The  plate  below  has  to  be  prepared,  before 
it  can  ketch  the  picture  and  hold  it.  The 
light  does  not  strike  back  the  same  reflection 
from  every  earthly  thing.  The  serene  lake 
mirrors  back  the  light,  in  a  calm  flood  of  glory, 
the  flashin'  waterfall  breaks  it  into  a  thousand 
dazzlin'  sparkles.  The  dewy  petal  of  the 
yellow  field  lily,  reflects  its  own  ray  of  golden 
light  back,  so  does  the  dark  cone  of  the  pine 
tree,  and  the  diamond,  the  opal,  the  ruby,  each 
tinges  the  light  with  its  own  coloring,  but  the 
light  is  all  from  above.  And  they  all  reflect 
the  ligM,  in  their  own  way  for  which  the 
Divine  skill  has  prepared  them. 


524  What  we  See. 

"Let  us  not  try  to  compel  the  deep  blue 
Ocean  waves  and  the  shinin'  waterfall,  and  the 
lily  blow,  to  reflect  back  the  light,  in  the  same 
identical  manner.  No,  let  the  light  stream 
down  into  high  places,  and  low  ones,  let  the 
truth  shine  into  dark  hearts,  and  into  pure 
souls.  God  is  light.  God  is  Love.  It  is  His 
light  that  shines  down  out  of  the  twelve  gates, 
and  though  the  ruby,  or  the  amethyst,  ma}^ 
color  it  by  their  own  medium,  the  light  that  is 
reflected  back  is  the  light  of  Heaven.  And 
Josiah  Allen,"  sez  I  in  a  deeper,  earnester, 
tone,  "  let  us  who  know  so  little  ourselves, 
be  patient  with  other  ignerent  ones.  Let  us 
not  be  too  intolerent,  for  no  intolerence,  Josiah 
Allen,  is  so  cruel  as  that  of  ignerance,  an' 
stupidity." 

Sez  Josiah,  "  I  won't  believe  in  anything  I 
can't  see,  Samantha  Allen." 

I  jest  looked  round  at  him  witheringly,  and 
sez  I,  "  What  have  you  ever  seen,  Josiah 
Allen,  I  mean  that  is  worth  seem'  ?  Haint 
everything  that  is  worth  havin'  in  life,  amongst 
the  unseen  ?  The  deathless  loves,  the  aspira- 


Mysteries.  525 

tions,  the  deep  hopes,  and  faiths,  that  live  in 
us  and  through  us,  and  animate  us  and  keep 
us  alive, — Whose  spectacles  has  ever  seen 
'em  ?  What  are  we,  all  of  us  human  creeters, 
any  way,  but  little  atoms  dropped  here,  Hea 
ven  knows  why,  or  how,  into  the  midst  of  a 
perfect  sea  of  mystery,  and  unseen  influences. 
What  hand  shoved  us  forwards  out  of  the  sha 
dows,  and  what  hand  will  reach  out  to  us  from 
the  shadows  and  draw  us  back  agin  ?  Have 
you  seen  it,  Josiah  Allen  ?  You  have  felt  this 
great  onseen  force  a  movin'  you  along,  but 
you  haint  sot  your  eyes  on  it. 

"  What  is  there  above  us,  below  us,  about 
us,  but  a  waste  of  mystery,  a  power  of  onseen 
influences  ? 

"  You  won't  believe  anything  you  can't  see  : 
— Did  you  ever  see  old  Gravity,  Josiah  Allen, 
or  get  acquainted  with  him  ?  Yet  his  hands  hold 
the  worlds  together.  Who  ever  see  the  mys 
terious  sunthin  in  the  North  that  draws  the 
ship's  compass  round?  Who  ever  see  that 
great  mysterious  hand  that  is  dropped  down 
in  the  water,  sweepin'  it  back  and  forth, 


526  The  School  of  Life. 

makin'  the  tides  come  in,  and  the  tides  go 
out  ?  Who  ever  has  ketched  a  glimpse  of 
them  majestic  fingers, Josiah  Allen?  Qr  the 
lips  touched  with  lightniii',  whose  whispers 
reach  round  the  world,  and  through  the  Ocean  ? 
You  haint  see  'em,  nor  I  haint.  No,  Josiah 
Allen,  we  don't  know  much  of  anything,  and 
we  don't  know  that  for  certain.  We  are  all  on 
us  only  poor  pupils  down  in  the  Earth's  school 
room,  learnin'  with  difficulty  and  heart  ache 
the  lessons  God  sets  for  us. 

"  Tough  old  Experience  gives  us  many  a  hard 
floggin',  before  we  learn  the  day's  lessons. 
And  we  find  the  benches  hard,  long  before 
sundown.  And  it  makes  our  hearts  ache  to  see 
the  mates  we  love  droop  their  too  tired  heads 
in  sleep,  all  round  us  before  school  is  out. 
But  we  grind  on  at  our  lessons,  as  best  we  may. 
Learnin'  a  little  maybe.  Havin'  to  onlearn  a 
sight,  as  the  pinters  move  on  towards  four. 
Clasping  hands  with  fellow  toilers,  and  (hard 
task)  onclaspin'  'em,  as  they  go  up  above  us, 
or  down  nearer  the  foot.  Havin'  little  'inter 
missions  '  of  enjoyment,  soon  over.  But  we 


School  of  Experience.  527 

plod  on,  on,  and  biineby — and  sometimes  we 
think  we  do  not  care  How  soon — the  teacher 
will  say  to  us,  that  we  can  be  '  dismissed. ' 
And  then  we  shall  drop  out  of  the  rank  of 
learners,  and  the  school  will  go  without  us, 
jest  as  busily,  jest  as  cheerfully,  jest  as  labori 
ously,  jest  as  sadly.  Poor  learners  at  the 
hard  lessons  of  life.  Larnin'  out  of  a  book  that  is 
held  out  to  us  from  the  shadows  by  an  onseen, 
inexorable  hand.  Settin'  on  hard  benches 
that  may  fall  out  from  under  us  at  any  time. 
Poor  ignerent  creeters  that  we  are,  would  it 
not  be  a  too  arrant  folly  for  us  to  judge  each 
other  hardly,  we,  all  on  us,  so  deplorably 
ignerent,  so  weakly  helpless  ?" 

Sez  Josiah,  in  earnest  axcents,  "  Le's  walk 
a  little  faster." 

And,  in  lookin'  up,  I  see  that  he  wuz  readin' 
a  advertisement.  I  ketched  sight  of  a  picture 
ornamentin'  of  it.  It  wuz  Lydia  Pinkham. 
And  as  I  see  that  benine  face,  I  found  and 
recovered  myself.  Truly,  I  had  been  a  soarin' 
up,  up,  fur  above  Saratoga,  Patent  Medicines, 
Josinh  Allen,  etc.,  etc. 


528  At  the  Haven. 

But  when  I  found  myself  by  the  side  of 
Josiah  Allen  once  more,  I  moved  onwards  in 
silence,  and  soon  we  found  ourselves  right  by 
the  haven  where  I  desired  to  be, — our  own 
tried  and  true  boardin'  house. 

Truly  eloquence  is  tuckerin',  very,  espe 
cially  when  you  are  a  soarin'  and  a  walkin'  at 
the  same  time. 


XIX. 


ST.  CHRISTINA'S  HOME. 


ALL,  it  wuz  that  very  after 
noon,  almost  immegatly  af 
ter  dinner,  that  Josiah  Allen 
invited  me  warmly  to  go 
with  him  to  the  Roller  Coaster.  And  I 
compromised  the  matter  by  his  goin'  with  us 
first  to  St.  Christina's  Home,  and  then,  I  told 
him,I  would  proceed  with  him  to  the  pi  ace  where 

529 


53°  The  House  Beautiful. 

where  he  would  be.  They  wuz  both  on  one 
road,  nigh  to  each  other,  and  he  consented 
after  some  words. 

I  felt  dretfully  interested  in  this  Home,  for 
it  is  a  place  where  poor  little  sick  childern  are 
took  to,  out  of  their  miserable,  stinin',   dirty 
garrets,  and  cellars,  and  kep'  and  made  well  and 
happy  in  their  pleasant,  home-like  surroundin's. 
And  I  thought  to  myself  as  I  looked,  out  on 
the  big  grounds  surroundin'  it,  and  walked 
through  the  clean  wide  rooms,  that  the  change 
to  these  childern,  brought  out  of  their  narrow 
dark  homes  of  want  and  woe,  into  this  great 
sunshiny  Home  with  its  clean  fresh  rooms,  its 
good   food,   its  cheery  Christian  atmosphere, 
its  broad  sunshiny  play-grounds,  must  seem 
like  enterin'  Paradise  to  'em. 

And  I  thought  to  myself  how  thankful  I 
wuz  that  this  pleasant  House  Beautiful,  wuz 
prepared  for  the  rest  and  refreshment  of  the 
poor  little  pilgrims,  worn  out  so  early  in  the 
march  of  life.  And  I  further  thinkses  I, 
"  Heaven  bless  the  kind  heart  that  first  thought 
on't,  and  carried  out  the  heavenly  idee." 


Clean  as  a  Pin.  53  * 

The  children's  faces  all  looked  so  happy, 
and  bright,  it  wuz  a  treat  to  see  'em.  And 
the  face  of  the  sister  who  showed  us  round  the 
rooms,  looked  as  calm,  and  peaceful,  and 
happy,  as  if  her  face  wuz  the  sun  from  which 
their  little  lights  wuz  reflected. 

Up  amongst  the  rooms  overhead,  every 
one  on  'em  clean  as  a  pin  and  sweet  and 
orderly,  wuz  one  room  that  specially  attracted 
my  attention.  It  wuz  a  small  chapel  where 
the  little  ones  wuz  took  to  learn  their  prayers 
and  say  'em.  It  wuzii't  a  big,  barren  barn  of  a 
room,  such  as  I  have  often  seen  in  similar 
places,  and  which  I  have  always  thought  must 
impress  the  children  with  a  awful  sense  of 
the  immensity  and  lonesomeness  of  space,  and 
the  intangebility,  and  distance  of  the  Great 
Spirit  who  inhabiteth  Eternity.  No,  it  wuz 
small,  and  cozy,  and  cheerful,  like  a  home. 
And  the  stained  glass  window  held  a  beautiful 
picture  of  love  and  charity,  which  might  well 
touch  the  children's  hearts,  sweetly  and  un 
consciously,  with  the  divine  worth  of  love,  and 
beauty,  and  goodness. 


Was  ling  Time. 

And  I  could  fancy  the  dear  little  ones  kneel- 
in'  here,  and  prayin'  "  Our  Father,  who  art 
in  Heaven,"  and  feelin'  that  He  wuz  indeed 
their  Father,  and  not  a  stranger,  and  that 
Heaven  wuz  not  fur  off  from  'em.  And  I 
thought  to  myself  "  Never !  never !  through 
all  their  life  will  they  get  entirely  away  from 
the  pure,  sweet  lessons  they  learn  here." 

I  enjoyed  the  hour  I  spent  here  with  a  deep, 
heart  enjoyment,  and  so  did  Josiah.  Or,  that 
is,  I  guess  he  did,  though  he  whispered  to  me 
from  time  to  time,  or  even  oftener,  as  we  went 
through  the  buildin',  that  we  wuz  a  devourin' 
time  that  we  might  be  spendin'  at  the  Rollei 
Coaster. 

Wall,  at  last,  greatly  to  my  pardner's  satis 
faction,  we  sot  out  for  the  place  where  he  fain 
would  be.  On  our  way  there  we  roamed 
through  another  Indian  Encampment,  a  smaller 
one  than  that  where  we  had  the  fearful  in 
cident  of  the  Mermaid  and  Sarah. 

No,  it  wuzn't  so  big,  but  it  had  many  inno 
cent  diversions  and  a  photograph  gallery,  and 
other  things  for  its  comfert.  And  a  standin' 


Lo,  the  Poor  Indian. 


533 


up  a  leanin'  aginst  a  tree,  by  one  of  the  little 
houses  stood 
a  Injun.  He 
wuz  one  of  the 
last  left  of  his 
t  r  ib  e .  He 
seemed  to  be 
a  lookin'  pen 
sively  on — 
and  seein'  how 
the  land  that 
had  belonged 
to  'em,  the 
happy  hunt 
ing-grounds, 
the  springs 
they  believed 
the  Great 
Spirit  had  gin 
to  'em,  had  all 
passed  away 

into  the  hands          He  wuz  one  of  the  last  left  of  his  tribe. 

of  another  race. 

I  wuz  sorry  for  that  Injun,  real  sorry.    And 


534  Ardelia  and  Bial. 

thinkses  I  to  myself,  we  feel  considerable  pert 
now,  and  lively,  but  who   knows  in  another 
three  or  four  hundred  years,  but  what  one  of 
the  last  of  our  race,  may  be  a  leanin'  up.aginst 
some    new   tree,    right   in   the   same   spot,  a 
watchin'  the  old  places  passed  away  into  other 
hands,  mebby  black   hands,   or    some    other 
colored  ones  ;  mebby  yellow  ones,  who  knows? 
I  don't,  nor  Josiah  don't.     But   my   pardner 
wuz  a  hurry  in'  me  on,  so  I  dropped  my  re  very 
and  my   umberell  in  my  haste  to  foller   on 
after  his  footsteps. 

Josiah  picked  up  my  umberell,  but  couldn't 
pick  up  my  soarin'  emotions  for  me.  No,  he 
haint  never  been  able  to  get  holt  of  'em.  But 
suffice  it  to  say,  that  soon,  preceded  by  my 
companion,  I  found  myself  a  mountin'  the 
nearly  precipitus  stairs,  that  led  to  the  Roller 
Coaster. 

And  havin'  reached  the  spot,  who  should  we 
find  there,  but  Ardelia  Tutt  and  Bial  Flamburg. 
They  had  been  on  the  Roller  Coaster  seven 
times  in  succession,  and  the  car.  And  they 
wuz  now  a  sittin'  down  to  recooperate  their 


Roller  Coaster.  535 

energies,  and  collect  their  scattered  wits  to 
gether.  The  Roller  Coaster  is  very  scatterin' 
to  wits  that  are  not  collected  firm  and  sound, 
and  cemented  b}^  strong  common  sense. 

The  reason  why  the  Roller  Coaster  don't 
scatter  such  folkses  wits  is  supposed  to  be 
because,  they  don't  go  on  to  it.  Ardelia 
looked  as  if  her  idees  wuz  scattered  to  the  four 
pints  of  the  compass.  As  for  Bial,  it  seemed 
to  me,  as  if  he  never  had  none  to  scatter.  But 
he  spoke  out  to  once,  and  said,  he  didn't  care 
to  ride  on  'em.  (Bial  Flamburg's  strong 
pint,  is  his  truthfulness,  I  can't  deny  that.) 

Ardelia  wouldn't  own  up  but  what  she  en 
joyed  it  dretfully.  You  know  folks  are 
most  always  so.  If  they  partake  of  a  pleasure 
and  recreation  that  is  doubtful  in  its  effects, 
they  will  always  say,  what  a  high  extreme  of 
enjoyment  they  enjoyed  a  partakin'  of  it. 
Curius,  haint  it  ?  Wall,  Josiah  had  been 
anticipatin'  so  much  enjoyment  from  the  ex 
ercise,  that  I  didn't  make  no  move  to  prevent 
him  from  embarkin'  on  it — though  it  looked 
hazardous  and  dangerous  in  the  extreme. 


Jo  staffs  Hopes. 

I  looked  down  on  the  long  valleys,  and  pre 
cipitous  heights  of  the  assents  and  desents, 
in  which  my  pardner  wuz  so  soon  to  be 
assentin'  and  desentin'  and  I  trembled,  and 
wuz  jest  about  to  urge  him  to  forego  his 
diversion,  for  the  sake  of  his  pardner's  happi 
ness,  but  as  I  turned  to  expostulate  with  him, 
I  see  the  beautiful,  joyous,  hopeful  look  on  his 
liniment,  and  the  words  fell  almost  dead  on 
my  tongue.  I  felt  that  I  had  ruther  suffer 
in  silence  than  to  say  one  word  to  mar  that 
bliss. 

Such  is  the  love  of  pardners,  and  such  is 
some  of  the  agonies  they  suffer  silently  to 
save  from  woundin'  the  more  opposite  one. 
No,  I  said  not  a  word  ;  but  silently  sat,  and 
see  him  making  his  preparations  to  em 
bark.  He  see  the  expression  onto  my  face, 
and  he  too  wuz  touched  by  it.  He  never  said 
one  word  to  me  about  enibarkin'  too,  which 
I  laid  to  two  reasons.  One  wuz  my  im 
movable  determination  not  to  embark  on 
the  voyage,  which  I  had  confided  to  him  be 
fore.  And  the  other  wuz,  the  added  expenses 


Good-bye.  537 

of  the  journey  if  he  took  his  companion  with 

him. 

No,  I  felt  that  he  thought  it  wuz  better 
we  should  part  temporarily  than  that  the 
expenditure  should  be  doubled.  But  as  the 
time  drew  near  for  him  to  leave  me,  I  see  by 
his  meen  that  he  felt  bad  about  leavin'  me. 
He  realized  what  a  companion  I  had  been  to 
him.  He  realized  the  safety  and  repose  he 
had  always  found  at  my  side  and  the  unknown 
dangers  he  was  a  rushing  into. 

And  he  got  up  and  silently  shook  hands 
with  me.  He  would  have  kissed  me,  I  make 
no  doubt,  if  folks  hadn't  been  a  standin'  by.  He 
then  embarked,  and  with  lightnin'  speed  wuz  * 
bore  away  from  me,  as  he  dissapeared  down 
the  desent,  his  few  gray  hairs  waved  back, 
and  as  he  went  over  the  last  percipitus  hill,  I 
heard  him  cry  out  in  agonizin'  axents,  "Sam- 
antha!  Samantha  I" 

And  I  rushed  forwards  to  his  rescue  but 
so  lightnin'  quick  wuz  their  movements 
that  I  met  my  companion  a  comin'  back,  and 
I  sez,  the  first  thing,  "I  heard  your  cry, 


538  Josiah  Screams. 

Josiah  I    I  rushed  to  save  you,  my  dear  pard- 


ner." 


"  Yes,"  sez  he,  "  I  spoke  out  to  you,  to  call 
your  attention  to  the  landscape,  over  the  woods 
there !" 

I  looked  at  him  in  a  curious,  still  sort  of  a 
way,  and  didn't  say  nothin'  only  just  that 
look.  Why,  that  man  looked  all  trembly,  and 
broke  up  but  he  kep  on. 

"  Yes,  it  wuz  beautiful  and  inspiring  and  I 
knew  you  wuz  such  a  case  for  landscapes,  I 
thought  I  would  call  your  attention  to  it." 

Sez  I  coldly,  "  You  wuz  skairt,  Josiah 
Allen,  and  you  know  it." 

"  Skairt !  the  idea  of  me  bein'  skairt.  I 
wuz  callin'  yo^yj  attention  to  the  beauty  of 
the  view,  over  in  the  woods." 

"  What  wuz  it  ?"  sez  I  still  more  coldly  ; 
for  I  can't  bear  deceit,  and  coverin'  up. 

'*  Oh,  it  wuz  a  house,  and  a  tree,  and  a  barn, 
and  things." 

"  A  great  seen  to  scream  about,"  sez  I.  "It 
would  probable  have  stood  there  till  you  got 
back,  but  you  couldn't  seem  to  wait." 


Prevarication.  539 

"No,  I  have  noticed  that  you  always 
wanted  to  see  things  to  once.  I  have  noticed 
it  in  yon." 

"  I  conld  most  probable  have  waited  till  yon 
got  back,  to  see  a  honse,  and  a  tree."  And  in 
still  more  frigid  axents,  I  added,  "Or  a  barn." 
And  I  sez  kinder  sarkastikly,  "Yon  enjoyed 
your  ride,  I  s'pose." 

"  Immensely,  it  wuz  perfectly  beautiful !  So 
sort  a  free  and  soarin'  like.  It  is  jest  what 


suits  a  man." 


"  You'd  better  go  right  over  it  agin,"  sez  I. 

"  Yes,"  sez  the  man  who  runs  the  cars. 
"  You'd  better  go  agin." 

"Oh  no,"  sezjosiah. 

"Why  not?"  sez  I. 

"  Why  not  ?"  sez  the  man. 

Josiah  Allen  looked  all  round  the  room, 
and  down  on  the  grass,  as  if  try  in'  to  find  a 
good  reasonable  excuse  a  layin'  round  loose 
somewhere,  so's  he  could  get  holt  of  it. 

"  You'd  better  go,"  sez  I,  "  I  love  to  see 
you  happy,  Josiah  Allen." 

"  Yes,  you'd  better  go,"  sez  the  man, 


540  "Kinder  Cloudy" 

"  No  !"  sez  Josiah,  still  a  lookin'  round  for  a 
excuse,  up  into  the  heavens  and  onto  the  hor- 
izen.  And  at  last  his  face  kinder  brightenin' 
up,  as  if  he  had  found  one  :  "  No,  it  looks  so 
kinder  cloudy,  I  guess  I  won't  go.  I  think  we 
shall  have  rain  between  now  and  night."  And 
so  we  said  no  more  on  the  subject  and  sot  out 
homewards. 

Ardelia  wrote  a  poem  .on  the  occasion,  wrote 
it  right  there,  with  rapidity  and  a  lead  pencil, 
and  handed  it  to  me,  before  I  left  the  room.  I 
put  it  into  my  pocket  and  didn't  think  on  it, 
for  some  days  afterwards. 

That  night  after  we  got  home  from  the 
Roller  Coaster,  I  felt  dretful  sort  a  down 
hearted  about  Abrarn  Gee,  I  see  in  that  little 
incident  of  the  day,  that  Bial,  although  I 
couldn't  like  him,  yet  I  see  he  had  his  good 
qualities,  I  see  how  truthful  he  wuz.  And 
although  I  love  truth — I  fairly  worship  it — 
yet  I  felt  that  if  things  wuz  as  he  said  they 
wuz,  he  would  more'n  probable  get  Ardelia 
Tutt,  for  I  know  the  power  of  Ambition  in  her, 
and  I  felt  that  she  would  risk  the  chances  of 


A  Crisis  at  Hand.  541 

happiness,  for  the  name  of  bein'  a  Banker's 
Bride. 

So  I  sat  there  in  deep  gloom,  and  a  choco 
late  colored  wrapper,  till  as  late  as  half  past 
nine  o'clock  P.  M.  And  I  felt  that  the  course 
of  Abram's  love  wuz  not  runniii'  smooth.  No, 
I  felt  that  it  wuz  runnin'  in  a  dwindlin'  tor 
rent  over  a  rocky  bed,  and  a  percepitus  one. 
And  I  felt  that  if  he  was  with  me  then  and 
there,  if  we  didn't  mingle  our  tears  together 
we  could  our  sithes,  for  I  sithed,  powerful  and 
frequent. 

Poor  short-sighted  creeter  that  I  wuz,  a 
1  settin'  in  the  shadow,  when  the  sun  wuz  just  a 
gettin'  ready  to  shine  out  onto  Abram  and  re 
flect  off  onto  my  envious  heart.  Even  at 
that  very  time  the  hand  of  righteous  Retribu 
tion  had  slipped  its  sure  noose  over  Bial 
Flamburg's  neck,  and  wuz  a  walkin'  him 
away  from  Ardelia,  away  from  happiness 
(oritory) . 

At  that  very  hour,  half-past  nine  P.  M., 
Ardelia  Tutt  and  Abram  Gee  had  met  agin, 
and  rosy  love  and  happiness  wuz  even  then  a 


542  Thrown  Out. 

stringin'  roses  on  the  chain,  that  wuz  to  bincl 
'em  together  forever. 

The  way  on't  wuz  :  It  bein'  early  when  Ar- 
delia  got  here,  Bial  proposed  to  take  her  out  foi 
a  drive  and  she  consented.  He  got  a  livery 
horse,  and  buggy,  and  they  say  that  the  livery 
man  knew  jest  what  sort  of  a  creeter  the  horse 
wuz,  and  knew  it  wuz  liable  to  break  the 
buggy  all  to  pieces  and  them  too,  and  he  let 
'em  have  it  for  goin'.  But  howsumever, 
whether  that  is  so  or  not,  when  they  got  about 
five  or  six  milds  from  Saratoga  the  horse 
skeered  out  of  the  road,  and  throwed  'em  both 
out. 

It  wuz  a  bank  of  sand  that  skeert  it,  a  high 
bank  that  wuz  piled  up  by  a  little  hovel  that 
stood  by  the  side  of  the  road.  The  ground  all 
round  the  hut  wuz  too  poor  to  raise  anything 
else  but  sand,  and  had  raised  sights  of  that. 

A  man  and  woman,  dretful  shabby  lookin', 
wuz  a  standin'  by  the  door  of  the  hut,  and  the 
man  had  a  shovel  in  his  hand,  and  had  been  a 
loadin'  sand  into  a  awful  big  wheelbarrow  that 
wuz  a  standin'  by — seemin'ly  ready  to  carry 


543 


The  Banker.  545 

it  acrost  the  fields,  to  where  some  man  wuz  a 
mixin'  some  mortar  to  lay  the  foundations  of 
a  barn. 

Wall,  the  old  man  stood  a  pantin'  by  the 
side  of  the  wheelbarrow,  as  if  he  had  indeed 
got  on  too  heavy  a  load.  It  wuz  piled  up  high. 
The  horse  shied,  and  Ardelia  wuz  throwed 
right  out  onto  the  bank  of  sand,  Bial  by  the 
side  of  her.  And  the  old  man  and  woman 
came  a  runnin'  up,  and  calliii'  out,  "  Bial,  my 
son,  my  son,  are  you  wounded?" 

And  there  it  all  wuz.  Ardelia  see  the  hull 
on  it.  The  Banker  wuz  before  her,  and  she 
wuz  a  layin'  on  the  bank.  And  the  banker 
wuz  a  doin'  a  heavy  business ;  if  anybody 
doubted  it,  let  'em  take  holt  and  cart  a  load  on 
it  acrost  the  fields. 

Wall,  Ardelia  wuz  jarred  fearful,  in  her 
heart,  her  ambition,  her  pride,  and  her  bones. 
And  as  the  horse  wuz  a  fleein'  far  away,  and 
no  other  conveyance  could  be  found,  to  trans 
port  her  to  the  next  house,  (Ardelia  wouldn't 
go  into  his'n)  and  night  wuz  approachin'  with 
rapid  strides,  the  old  Banker  jest  unloaded  the 


546 


Kind  but  Coarse. 


load  of  sand  (good  old  creeter,  lie  would  have 
to  load  it  all  over  agin),  and  took  Ardelia  into 
the  wheelbarrow,  and  wheeled  her  over  to  the 
next  house,  and  unloaded  her. 

The  old  Banker  told  Ardelia  that  when  his 


The  old  Banker  took  Ardelia  into  the  wheelbarrow,  and  wheeled  her 
over  to  the  next  house. 


neighbor  got  home  he  would  take  her  back  to 
Saratoga,  which  he  did.  He  had  been  to  the 
village  for  necessaries,  but  he  turned  right 
round  and  carried  her  back  to  Mr.  Pixleyses. 
And  I  s'pose  Ardelia  paid  him,  mebby  as  high 
as  75  cents.  As  for  Bial  he  tramped  off  into 


In  Abram^s  Arms.  547 

the  house,  and  she  didn't  see  him  agin  nor 
didn't  want  to.  Wall,  I  s'pose  it  wuz  durin'  that 
ride  on  the  wheelbarrow,  that  Ardelia's  ambi 
tion  quelled  to  softer  emotions.  I  s'pose  so. 
She  never  owned  it  right  up  to  me,  but  I  s'pose 
so. 

Bial  Flamburg  hadn't  lied  a  word  to  her. 
In  all  her  agony  she  realized  that.  But  she 
had  built  a  high  towerin'  structure  of  ambition 
on  what  he  said,  and  it  had  tottered.  And  as 
is  natural  in  times  of  danger,  the  heart  turns 
instinctively  to  its  true  love,  she  thought  of 
Abram  Gee,  she  wanted  him.  And  as  if  in 
answer  to  her  deep  and  lovin'  thought,  who 
should  come  out  to  the  buggy  to  help  her  out 
at  Mr.  Pixleyses  gate,  but  Abram  Gee  ?  He 
had  come  unexpected,  and  on  the  eight  o'clock 
train,  and  wuz  there  waitin'  for  her. 

If  Bial  Flamburg  had  been  with  her,  he 
wouldn't  have  gone  a  nigh  the  buggy,  but  he 
see  it  wuz  a  old  man,  and  he  rushed  out, 
Ardelia  couldn't  walk  a  step  on  her  feet  (owin' 
to  bein'  shaken  up,  in  bones  and  feelin's),  and 
Abram  jest  took  her  in  his  strong  lovin'  arms 


548  The  Next  Day. 

and  carried  her  into  the  house,  and  she  sort  a 
clung  round  his  neck,  and  seemed  tickled 
enough  to  see  him. 

But  she  wuz  dretful  shook  up  and  agitated, 
and  it  wuzn't  till  way  along  in  the  night  some 
time,  that  she  wuz  able  to  write  a  poem  called, 
"  a  lay  on  a  wheelbarrow ;  or,  the  fallen  one." 

Which  I  thought  when  I  read  it,  wuz  a  good 
name  for  it,  for  truly  she  had  fell,  and  truly, 
she  had  lay  on  it.  Howsumever,  Ardelia  wrote 
that  jest  because  it  wuz  second  nater  to  write 
poetry  on  every  identical  thing  she  ever  see 
or  did. 

She  wuz  glad  enough  to  get  rid  of  Bial 
Flamburg,  and  glad  enough  to  go  back  to  her 
old  love.  Abram  wuz  too  manly  and  tender 
to  say  a  word  to  Ardelia  that  night  on  the  sub 
ject  nearest  to  his  heart.  No,  he  see  she 
needed  rest.  But  the  .next  day,  when  they 
wuz  alone  together,  I  s'pose  he  put  the  case 
all  before  her.  All  his  warm  burnin'  love  for 
her,  all  his  jealousy,  and  his  wretchedness 
while  she  wuz  a  waverin'  between  Banks  and 
Bread,  how  his  heart  had  been  checked  by  the 


Engaged.  549 

thought  that  Bial  would  vault  over  him,  and 
in  the  end  hold  him  at  a  discount. 

Why,  I  s'pose  he  talked  powerful  and  melted 
Ardelia's  soft  little  heart  till  it  wuz  like  the 
softest  kind  of  dough  in  his  hands.  And 
then  he  went  on  tenderly  to  say,  how  he 
needed  her,  and  how  she  could  mold  him  to 
her  will.  I  s'pose  he  talked  well,  and  eloquent, 
I  s'pose  so.  Anyhow  she  accepted  him  right 
there  in  full  faith  and  a  pink  and  white  cam 
bric  dress. 

And  they  came  over  and  told  me  about  it 
in  the  afternoon  p.  M.  And  I  felt  well  and 
happy  in  my  mind,  and  wished  'em  joy  with 
a  full  heart  and  a  willin'  mind. 

They  are  both  good  creeters.  And  she 
beiii'  so  soft,  and  he  so  kinder  hardy  and  stout 
hearted,  I  believe  they  will  get  along  first  rate. 
And  when  she  once  let  her  mind  and  heart 
free  to  think  on  him,  she  worships  him  so 
openly  and  unreservidly  (though  soft),  that  I 
don't  believe  there  is  a  happier  man  in  the 
hull  country. 

Wall,  I  lay  out  to  give  'em  a  handsome  pres- 


550  The  Outlook. 

ent  when  they  be  married,  which  will  be  in  the 
fall.  Mother  Gee  (who  has  got  as  well  as  can 
be  expected)  is  goin'  to  live  with  Susan.  And 
I  am  glad  on't.  Mother  Gee  is  a  good  old 
female  no  doubt,  but  it  is  resky  work  to  take 
a  new  husband  to  live  with,  and  when  you 
take  a  mother-in-law  too  it  adds  to  the  resk. 
But  she  is  goin'  to  live  with  Susan ;  it  is  her 
prefference. 

And  Abram  has  done  so  well,  that  he  has 
bought  another  five  acres  onto  his  place,  and 
is  a  goin'  to  fix  his  house  all  over  splendid  be 
fore  the  weddin'  day.  And  Ardelia  is  to  go 
right  from  the  altar  to  her  home  ;  it  is  her  own 
wishes. 

She  knows  enough  in  her  way,  Ardelia  duz. 
And  she  has  a  wisdom  of  the  heart  which 
sometimes  I  think,  goes  fur  ahead  of  the  wis 
dom  of  the  head.  And  then  agin,  I  think 
they  go  well  together,  wisdom  of  the  head  and 
the  heart  too.  (The  times  I  think  this  is 
after  readin'  her  poetry.) 

But  any  way  she  will  make  Abram  a  good 
soft  little  wife,  lovin'  and  affectionate  always. 


A  brands  Love.  551 

And  good  land !  lie  loves  her  to  that  extent 
that  it  wouldn't  make  no  difference  to  him  if 
she  didn't  know  enough  to  come  in  when  it 
rained.  He  would  fetch  her  in,  drippin',  and 
worship  her,  damp  or  dry. 

Them  verses  of  Ardelia's,  that  she  handed 
me,  by  the  Roller  Coaster  wuz  as  follows — 

"A  LAY  ON  A  ROLLER  COASTER 

"  BY   ARDEUA  TUTT. 

"Oh  was  thy  track  all  straight,  and  smooth  like  glass 
Thou  couldest  not  mount  the  hills,  and  lo,  the  dells, 
The  hills  and  dells  oh!  Roller  Coaster  pass 
In  peace,  believing  all  things  well. 

"The  hills  of  life  go  down,  and  mount  elate 

We  mount  or  sink  on  them,  as  case  may  be 
All  seated  on  the  wagon  seat  of  life — 

A  holdin'  on  in  peace,  or  screamin'  fearfulee. 

"Hold  then  thy  breath,  and  go,  e'en  up  or  down, 

Hold  to  the  seat,  and  hold  to  royal  hope, 
Hope  for  the  best,  so  shalt  thou  wear  a  crown, 
A  clinging  hope  to  hold,  is  better  than  a  rope. 


552 


Firm  Friendship. 


"  Mount  then  the  Mounts,  Oh  Roller  Coaster  mount, 

And  sink  then  in  the  dells  with  brow  serene  ; 
'Tis  no  disgrace  to  sink  a  spell,  we  count 

Him  coward,  knave,  who  floats  and  calls  it  mean.': 

Ardelia  always  will  stand  up  for  Josiah  Allen, 
and  I  am  glad  on't.  I  should  jest  as  soon  be 
jealous  of  one  of  Josiah's  gingham  neckties, 
one  of  the  thinnest  and  stringiest  ones,  as  to 
be  jealous  of  her.  She  means  well,  Ardelia 
duz. 


XX. 


AN   ACCIDENT   WITH   RESULTS, 


ALL,  it  wuz  on  the  very  day  be 
fore  we  laid  out  to  leave  for 
home.  I  wuz  a  settin'  in  my 
room  a  mendin'  up  a  rip  in  my  pardner's  best 
coat,  previous  to  packin'  in  his  trunk,  when  all 
of  a  sudden  Miss  Flamm's  hired  girl  came  in  a 
cryin',  and  sez  I,  "  What  is  the  matter?" 

And  sez  she,  "  Ah !  Miss  Flamm  has  sent 
for  you  and  Mr.  Allen  to  come  over  there  right 
away.  There  has  been  a  axident." 

553 


554  An  Accident. 

"  A  axident !"  sez  I. 

"  Yes,"  sez  she.  "  The  little  girl  lias  got 
hurt,  and  they  don't  think  she  uill  live.  Poor 
little  pretty  thing,"  sez  the  hired  girl,  a,id 
busted  out  a  cryin'  agin. 

"  How  did  she  get  hurt  ?"  sez  I,  as  I  laid 
down  the  coat,  and  went  to  tyin'  on  nxy  bunnet 
mekanically. 

"  Wall,  the  nurse  had  her  out  with  the  baby 
and  the  little  boys.  And  we  s'pose  she  had 
been  drinkin'  too  much.  We  all  knew  she 
drinked,  and  she  wuzn't  in  a  condition  to  go 
out  with  the  children  this  mornin',  and  Miss' 
Flamm  would  have  noticed  it  and  kep'  'em  in, 
but  the  dog  wuz  sick  all  night  and  Miss  Flaniitf 
wuz  up  with  it  most  all  night,  and  she  fell 
wore  out  this  mornin'  with  her  anxiety  for  the 
dog,  and  her  want  of  sleep,  and  so  they  went 
out,  and  it  wuzn't  more'n  half  an  hour  before 
it  took  place.  She  left  the  baby  carriage  and 
the  little  boys  and  girl  in  a  careless  place,  not 
kriowin'  what  she  wuz  about,  and  they  got  run 
over.  The  baby  and  the  little  boys  wuzn't 
hurt  much,  but  they  think  the  little  girl  will 


A  Mother^  Sorrow.  555 

die.  Miss  Flamm  went  right  into  a  caniption 
fit,"  sez  she,  "  when  she  wuz  brung  in." 

"  It  is  a  pity  she  hadn't  went  into  one  before," 
sez  I  very  dryly,  dry  as  a  chip  almost.  My 
axents  wuz  fairly  dusty  they  wuz  so  dry.  But 
my  feelin's  for  Miss  Flamm  moistened  up 
and  melted  down  when  I  see  her,  when  we 
went  into  the  room.  It  didn't  take  us  long 
for  they  are  still  to  the  tarven,  and  we  met 
Josiah  Allen  at  the  door,  so  he  went  with  us. 

Yes,  Miss  Flamm  felt  bad  enough,  bad 
enough.  She  has  got  a  mother's  heart  after 
all,  down  under  all  the  strings  and  girtins,  and 
laces,  and  dogs,  etc.,  etc.,  that  have  hid  it,  and 
surrounded  it.  Her  face  wuz  jest  as  white 
and  deathly  as  the  little  girl's,  and  that  wuz  jest 
the  picture  of  stillness  and  death.  And  I 
remembered  then  that  I  had  heard  that  the  little 
girl  wuz  her  favorite  amongst  her  children, 
whenever  she  had  any  time  to  notice  'em.  She 
wuz  a  only  daughter  and  a  beauty,  besides 
bein'  smart. 

The  doctor  had  been  there,  and  done  what 
he  could,  and  gone  away.  He  said  there  wuz 


"Pray  for  Me" 

nothin'  more  to  do  till  she  came  out  of  that 
stuper,  if  she  ever  did.  But  it  looked  like 
death,  and  there  Miss  Flamm  sot  alone  with 
her  child,  and  her  conscience.  She  wuzn't  a 
cryin'  but  there  wuz  a  look  in  her  eyes,  in  her 
set  white  face  that  went  beyond  tears,  fur  be 
yond  'em.  She  gripped  holt  of  my  hand  with 
her  icy  cold  ones,  and  sez  she,  "  Pray  for  me  !" 
She  wuz  brung  up  a  Methodist,  and  knew  we 
wuz  the  same.  My  feelin's  overcame  me  as  I 
looked  in  her  face  and  the  child's,  both  lookin' 
like  dyin'  faces,  and  I  sez  with  the  tears  a 
jest  runnin'  down  my  cheeks  and  a  lay  in'  my 
hand  tender  on  her  shoulder,  "  Is  there  any 
thing  I  can  do  for  you,  you  poor  little  creeter?" 

"  Pray  for  me,"  sez  she  agin,  with  her  white 
lips  not  movin'  in  a  smile,  nor  a  groan. 

Now  my  companion,  Josiah  Allen,  is  a  class- 
leader,  and  though  I  say  it  that  mebby 
shouldn't — That  man  is  able  in  prayer.  He 
prays  as  if  he  meant  what  he  said.  He  don't 
try  to  show  off  in  oritory  as  so  many  do,  or 
give  the  Lord  information.  He  never  sez, 
"  Oh  Lord,  thou  knowest  by  the  mornin' 


Hesitation  in  Prayer.  557 

papers,  so  and  so."  No,  he  prays  in  simple 
words  for  what  he  wants.  And  he  always 
seerns  to  feel  that  somebody  is  nigh  to  him,  a 
hearin'  him,  and  if  it  is  best  and  right,  his  re 
quests  will  be  granted. 

So  I  motioned  for  that  man  to  kneel  down 
by  the  bed  and  pray,  which  he  did.  He  wuz 
to  the  fore  side  of  the  bed,  and  Miss  Flamm 
and  I  on  the  other  side.  Wall,  Josiah  com 
menced  his  prayer,  in  a  low,  earnest  askin' 
voice,  then  all  of  a  sudden  he  begun  to  hesitate, 
waver,  and  act  dretful  agitated.  And  his  actions 
and  agitations  seemed  to  last  for  some  time. 
I  thought  it  wuz  his  feelin's  overcomin'  of 
him,  and  of  course,  my  hand  bein'  over  my 
eyes  in  a  respectful,  decent  way,  I  didn't  see 
nothin'. 

But  at  last,  after  what  wuz  seemingly  a 
great  effort,  he  began  to  go  on  as  usual  agin. 
About  that  time  I  heard  sunthin  hit  the  wall 
hard  on  the  other  side  of  the  room,  and  I 
heard  a  yelp.  But  then  everything  wuz  still 
and  Josiah  Allen  made  a  good  prayer.  And 
before  it  wuz  through  Miss  Flamm  laid  her 


558  Tears. 

head  down  onto  my  shoulder,  and  busted  into 
tears. 

And  what  wuz  rooted  up  and  washed  away 
by  them  tears  I  don't  know,  and  I  don'=t  s'pose 
anybody  duz.  Whether  vanity,  and  a  mis 
taken  ambition,  and  the  poor  empty  successes 
of  a  fashionable  life  wuz  uprooted  and  floated 
away  on  the  awakened,  sweepin'  tide  of  a 
mother's  love  and  remorse ;  whether  the  dog 
floated  down  that  stream,  and  low  necked 
dresses,  and  high  hazardus  slippers,  and 
strings  for  waists  and  corsets,  and  fashion, 
and  folly,  and  rivalry,  and  waltzin',  and  glitter, 
and  buttons,  and  show  ;  whether  they  all  went 
down  that  stream,  swept  along  like  bubbles 
on  a  heavin'  tumultuous  tide,  I  don't  know, 
nor  I  don't  s'pose  anybody  duz. 

But  any  way,  from  that  day  on  Miss  Flamm 
has  been  a  different  woman.  I  staid  with  her 
all  that  night  and  the  next  day.  she  a  not 
leavin'  the  child's  bed  for  a  minute,  and  we  a 
not  getting  of  her  to,  much  as  we  tried  to ; 
eatin'  whatever  we  could  make  her  eat  right 
there  by  the  bedside.  And  on  the  2d  day  the 


A  Dead  Dog.  559 

doctor  see  a  change  in  the  child  and  she  began 
to  ronst  up  a  little  out  of  that  stuper,  and  in 
a  week's  time,  she  wnz  a  beginnin'  to  get 

well. 

We  stayed  on  till  she  wuz  out  of  danger 
and  then  we  went  home.  But  I  see  that  she 
wuz  to  be  trusted  with  her  children  after  that. 
She  dismissed  that  nurse,  got  a  good  motherly 
one,  who  she  said  would  help  her  take  care  of 
the  children  for  the  future ;  only  help  her,  for 
she  should  have  the  oversight  of  'em  herself, 

always. 

The  hired  girl  told  me  (Miss  Flamm  never 
mentioned  it  .to  me),  and  she  wuz  glad  enough 
of  it,  that  the  dog  wuz  dead.     It  died  the  day 
the  little  girl  wuz  hurt.     The  hired  girl  said 
the   doctor   had    told    Miss    Flamm,    that   it 
couldn't  live  long.     But  it  wuzii't  till  we  wuz 
on  our  way  home  that  I  found  out  one  of  the 
last  eppisodes  in  that  dog's   life.     You  see, 
sick  as  that  dog  wuz,  it  wuz  bound  to  bark  at 
my  pardner  as  long  as  it  had  a  breath  left  in 
its  body.     And  Josiah  told  me  in  confidence 
(and  it  must  be  kep',  it  is  right  that  it  should 


560  Hindrances  to  Prayer. 

be)  ;  he  said  jest  after  lie  had  knelt  down  and 
began  to  pray  he  felt  that  dog  climb  up  onto 
his  heels,  and  pull  at  his  coat-tails,  and  growl 
a  low  rnad  growl,  and  naw  at  'em. 

He  tried  to  nestle  round  and  get  it  off 
quietly,  but  no,  there  it  stood  right  onto 
Josiah  Allen's  heels,  and  hung  on,  and  tugged 
at  them  coat  tails,  and  growled  at  'em  that 
low  deep  growl,  and  shook  'em,  as  if  deter 
mined  to  worry  'em  off.  And  there  my  com 
panion  wuz.  He  couldn't  show  his  feelin's 
in  his  face ;  he  had  got  to  keep  his  face  all 
right  towards  Miss  Flarnm.  And  his  feelin's 
was  rousted  up  about  her,  and  he  wuz  a 
wan  tin',  and  knew  he  wuz  expected,  to  have 
his  words  and  manner  soothin'  and  comfortin', 
and  that  dog  a  standin'  on  his  heels  and 
tearin'  off  his  coat-tails. 

What  to  do  he  didn't  know.  He  couldn't 
stop  his  prayer  on  such  a  time  as  this  and  kill 
a  dog,  though  he  owned  up  to  me  that  he  felt 
like  it,  and  he  couldn't  keep  still  and  feel  his 
coat-tails  tore  off  of  him,  and  be  growled  at, 
and  shook,  and  nawed  at  all  day.  So  he  said 


Freedom  Secured. 


after  the  dog  had  gin   a  most  powerful  tug, 

almost  a  partin'  the  skirts  asunder  from  his 

coat,  he  drew  up  one  foot  carefully   (still  a 

keepin'   his   face    straight  and  the  prayer   a 

goin')  and  brung  it  back  sudden  and  voyalent, 

and  he  heard  the 

dog   strike  aginst 

the  opposite  side 

of     the 

room 

with 

one 


The  dog  had  gin  a   most  powerful   tug,  almost  a  partin'  the  skirts 
asunder  from  his  coat. 


short,    sharp   yelp,   and    then    silence   rained 
down  and  he  finished  the  prayer. 

But  he  said,  and  owned  it  up  to  me,  that  it 
didn't  seem  to  him  so  much  like   a  religious 


562  A  Hard  Place. 

exercise,  as  he  could  wish.  It  didn't  seem  to 
help  his  spiritual  growth  much,  if  any. 

And  I  sez,  "I  should  think  as  much,"  and  I 
sez,  "You  wuz  in  a  hard  place,  Josiah  Allen." 

And  he  sez,  "  It  wuz  the  dumbdest  hard 
place  any  one  wuz  ever  in  on  earth." 

And  I  sez,  "  I  don't  know  but  it  wuz."  That 
man  wuz  to  be  pitied,  and  I  told  him  so,  and 
he  acted  real  cheerful  and  contented  at  hearin' 
my  mind.  He  owned  up  that  he  had  dreaded 
tellin'  me  about  it,  for  fear  I  would  upbraid 
him.  But,  good  land  !  I  would  have  been  a 
hard  hearted  creeter  if  I  could  upbraid  a  man 
for  goin'  through  such  a  time  as  that.  He 
said  he  thought  mebby  I  would  think  it  wuz 
irreverent  or  sunthin',  the  dog's  actions,  at 
such  a  time. 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "you  didn't  choose  the 
actions,  did  you  ?  It  wuzn't  nothin'  you 
wanted." 

"  No,"  sez  he  feelin'ly.  "  Heaven  knows  I 
didn't.  And  I  done  the  best  I  could,"  sez  he 
sort  a  pitiful. 

Sez  I,  "  I  believe  you,  Josiah  Allen,"  and 


Resignation.  563 

sez  I  warmly,  "  I  don't  believe  that  Alexander, 
or  Cezar,  or  Grover  Cleveland,  could  have  done 
any  better." 

He  brightened  all  up  at  this,  he  felt  dretful 
well  to  think  I  felt  with  him,  and  my  feelin's 
wuz  all  rousted  up  to  think  of  the  sufferin's  he 
had  went  through,  so  we  felt  real  well  towards 
each  other.  Such  is  some  of  the  comforts  and 
consolations  of  pardners.  Howsumever,  the 
dog  died,  and  I  wuz  kinder  sorry  for  the  dog. 
I  think  enough  of  dogs  (as  dogs)  and  always 
did.  Always  use  'em  dretful  well,  only  it 
mads  me  to  have  'ein  put  ahead  of  children, 
and  sot  up  in  front  of  'em.  I  always  did  and 
always  shall  like  a  dog  as  a  dog. 

Wall,  they  say  that  when  that  dog  died, 
Miss  Flamm  hardly  enquired  about  it,  she  wuz 
so  took  up  in  gettin'  acquainted  with  her  own 
children.  And  I  s'pose  they  improved  on  ac 
quaintance,  for  they  say  she  is  jest  devoted  to 
5  em.  And  she  got  acquainted  with  G.  Wash 
ington  too,  so  they  say.  He  wuz  a  stiddy, 
quiet  man,  and  she  had  got  to  lookin'  on  him 
as  her  banker  and  business  man.  But  they 


564  The  Home  Trip. 

say  she  liked  him  real  well,  come  to  get  ac 
quainted  with  him.  He  always  jest  worshipped 
her^  so  they  are  real  happy.  There  wuz  always 
sun  thin'  kinder  good  about  Miss  Flamm. 

Thos.  J.  is  a  carry  in'  on  another  law  suit  for 
her  (more  money  that  descended  onto  her  from 
her  father,  or  that  ort  to  descend) .  And  he 
is  carryiii'  it  stiddy  and  safe.  It  will  bring 
Thomas  Jefferson  over  900  dollars  in  money 
besides  fame,  a  hull  lot  of  fame. 

Wall,  we  sot  sail  for  home  in  good  spirits, 
and  the  noon  train.  And  we  reached  Jones- 
ville  with  no  particular  eppisodin'  till  we  got  to 
the  Jonesville  Depot.  I  ruther  think  Ardelia 
Tutt  wrote  a  poem  on  the  cars  goin'  home, 
though  I  can't  say  for  certain. 

She  and  Abram  sot  a  few  seats  in  front  of 
us,  and  I  thought  I  see  a  certain  look  to  the 
backside  of  her  head  that  meant  poetry.  It 
wuz  a  kind  of  a  sot  look,  and  riz  up,  like.  But 
I  can't  say  for  certain  for  she  didn't  have  no 
chance  to  tell  me  about  it.  Abram  looked 
down  at  her  all  the  time  as  if  he  jest  wor 
shipped  her.  And  she  is  a  good,  little  creeter, 


The  Hefty  Trunk.  565 

and  will  make  him  a  happy  wife,  I  don't  make 
no  doubt.  As  I  said,  the  old  lady  is  goin'  to  live 
with  Susan.  They  went  right  on  in  the  train, 
for  Ardelia's  home  lays  beyond  Jonesville, 
and  Abram  wuz  goin'  home  with  her  by  Dea-  • 
con  Tutt's  request.  They  are  willin'. 

Wall,  we  disembarked  from  the  cars,  and 
we  found  the  old  mair  and  the  Democrat  a 
waitin'  for  us.  Thomas  J.  wuz  a  comiii'  for 
us,  but  had  spraint  his  wrist  and  couldn't 
drive.  Wall,  Josiah  lifted  our  saddul  bags  in, 
and  my  umbrell,  and  the  band  box.  But 
when  he  went  to  lift  my  trunk  he  faltered.  It 
wuz  heavy.  I  had  got  relicts  from  Mount  Mc 
Gregor,  from  the  Battlefield,  from  the  various 
springs,  minerals,  stuns,  and  things,  and  Jo 
siah  couldn't  lift  it. 

What  added  to  the  hardness  of  the  job,  the 
handles  had  broke  oifen  it,  and  he  had  to  grip 
holt  on  it,  by  the  might  of  his  finger  nails. 
It  wuz  a  hard  job,  and  Josiah's  face  got  red 
and  I  felt,  as  well  as  see,  that  his  temper  wuz 
a  risin'.  And  I  sez  instinctively,  "Josiah,  be 
calm  !"  For  I  knew  not  what  onguarded  word 


A   Ton  of  Stones. 


he  might  drop  as  lie  vainly  tried  to  grip  holt 
on  it,  and  it  eluded  his  efforts  and  came  down  on 
the  ground  every  time,  a  carryin'  with  it,  I 

s'pose,  portions  of  his 
;er  nails,  broke  off 
he  fray. 

rall,he  wuz  a  strug- 
i'  with   it  and  with 
feelin's,  for  I  kep' 
on  a  say  in', 
"Josiah,  do 
becalm!  Do 
b  e     careful 
about   usin' 
profane 


word  so  nigh 


When  he  went  to  lift  my  trunk  he  faltered.          home,       a  lid 

at  this  time 
of  day,  and  you  jest  home  from  a  tower." 

And  he  kep'  his  feelin's  nobly  under  control, 
and  never  said  a  word,  only  to  wonder  "  what 
under  the  High  Heavens  a  woman  wanted  to 
lug  round  a  ton  of  stones  in  her  trunk  for." 
anon  sayin'  that  he  would  be  dumbed  if 


A  New  Hand. 


56? 


he  didn't  leave  it   right   there   on   the  plat 
form. 

Savin'  these  few  slight  remarks  that  man 

nobly  restrained  him 
self,   and   lugged  and 
lifted  till  the  blood  al- 
fc     most  gushed  through 
his  bald  head. 
And  right  in 
the  midst  of 
the    fray,     a 
porter    came 


He  would  be  dumbed  if  he  didn't  leave  it  right  there  on  the  platform. 

up  and  went  to  liftin'  the  trunk  in  the  usual 
high-headed,  haughty  way  Railroad   officials 


568  The  Trunk  Aboard. 

have.  But  anon  a  change  came  over  his  line- 
ment.  And  as  it  fell  back  from  his  fingers  to 
the  platform  for  the  3d  time,  he  broke  out  in 
a  torrent  of  swearin'  words  dretful  to  hear. 

I  felt  as  if  I  should  sink  through  the  Demo 
crat.  But  Josiah  listened  to  the  awful  words 
with  a  warm  glow  of  pleasure  and  satisfaction 
a  beaming  from  his  face.  I  never  saw  him  look 
more  complacent.  And  as  the  man  moistened 
his  hands  and  with  another  frightful  burst 
of  profanity  histed  it  into  the  end  of  the 
buggy. 

Wall,  I  gin  the  man  a  few  warnin'  words 
against  profanity,  and  Josiah  gin  him  a  quar 
ter  for  liftiii'  in  the  trunk,  he  said,  and  we 
drove  off  in  the  meller  glow  of  the  summer 
sunset. 

But  it  wuz  duskish  before  we  got  to  the  turn 
of  the  road,  and  considerable  dark  before  we 
got  to  the  Corners.  But  we  went  on  through 
the  shadows,  a  feelin'  we  could  bear  'em,  for 
we  wuz  together,  and  we  wuz  a  goin'  home. 

And  pretty  soon  we  got  there  !  The  door 
wuz  open,  the  warm  light  wuz  a  streamin'  out 


Home  Again!  569 

from  door  and  windows,  and  there  stood  the 
childern ! 

There  they  all  wuz,  all  we  loved  best,  a 
waitin'  to  welcome  us.  Love,  which  is  the 
light  of  Heaven,  wuz  a  shinin'  on  their  faces, 
and  we  had  got  home. 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  I, 

WHY   WE   WENT   TO   SARATOGA. 

How  the  idea  of  going  to  Saratoga  came — "That  idee  a  hantin 

me" Josiah's     corns — Josiah    scoffs — Samantha    consults     Dr. 

Gale  about  it — He  advises  them  to  go — Josiah  scorns  the  ad 
vice — Deep  plans  to  win  Josiah  over — Joshh  yields — What  the 
neighbors  thought  of  it — A  subject  of  conversation  all  winter 
—Aunt  Polly  Fixley  thinks  she  too  will  go— Sister  Minkley's  ad 
monition — Samantha's  reply — Low  necks — How  a  man  was 
admitted — The  prevailing  opinion — Samantha  buys  a  new  dress 
— Alminy  Hagidone  gets  a  piece  of  Samantha's  mind — Sisterly 
advice  for  pardners — Advantages  of  a  "tower" — Great  is  the  mys 
tery  of  pardners  1 


CHAPTER  II. 

ARDELIA   TUTT   AND    HER    MOTHER. 

Miss  Deacon  Tutt  of  Tuttville  and  her  daughter  Ardelia — The 
market  price  of  poetry — ''Four  quarts  of  poems" — Her  poem 
on  Spring— Ardelia  reads — "  Sweet  little  Thing  !" — "  Lines  on 
a  Cat" — "A  likely  cat" — Shakespeare — "Ardelia  on  the  back 
of  that  horse  that  poets  ride  " — Hens  trying  to  fly — "  I  would 
throw  her  verses  into  the  fire  and  set  her  to  a  trade  " — Great  indig 
nation — Ardelia  to  teach  the  winter's  school — Boarding  at 
Samantha's, 44 


CHAPTER  III. 

CHARITY   AT   JONESVILLE. 

Jim  Smedley  and  his  sudden  death — Strange   dispensations   of 
Providence — Some  women  love  some  men,  and  vicy  versey — Jane 


572  Contents. 

Smedley  finds  a  home  at  last— Nine  orphan  children— A  cold 
winter  coming  on— Samantha's  thoughts— Samantha  proposes  a 
"pound party"  for  the  Smedleys — Josiah  is  willing — Unwilling 
neighbors— Conflicting  excuses — Discouraging  visits — A  fresh 
start — Good  success — The  house  decorated — Donations  on  a 
generous  scale— Elder  Minkley's  prayer— Surprise  at  the  Smed 
leys' cabin — Grandma  Smedley  at  rest, 


CHAPTER  IV. 

ARDELIA   TUTT   AND   ABRAM   GEE. 

Adelia's  success  as  a  teacher — Abram  Gee  falls  desperately  in 
love — Ardelia's  hope — A  prince  in  disguise — Conflict  between 
love  and  ambition — «'  Stanzas  on  Bread,  or  A  Lay  of  a  Broken 
Heart'1 — Ardelia  to  accompany  Samantha  to  Saratoga — Off  for 
Saratoga — Poetry  on  the  train, 


CHAPTER  V. 
ARRIVAL  AT   SARATOGA. 

Saratoga  at  sunset — Misunderstanding  with  the  hackman — The 
first  supper — Josiah  begins  to  talk  "  high  learnt  and  classical  " — 
Central  Park  by  moonlight — Josiah  in  raptures — The  land  of 
"  Beuler  " — Samantha's  reflections  on  the  electric  lights — "  Light 
is  pretty  generally  safe  to  foller  " — "  Could  Beuler  land  compare 
with  this?" I33 


CHAPTER  VI. 

SARATOGA    I5Y    DAYLIGHT. 

Still  further  explorations  of  Saratoga — "  Dumb  them  dumb 
sidewalks,  anyway !" — "Travel  is  very  upliftin'  and  openin'  and 
spreadin'  out  to  the  mind" — Josiah  decides  to  buy  a  trumpet — 


Contents.  573 

A  "mixin*  of  the  races" — More  parasols  and  dogs— Josiah's 
head  scooped  in — Big  hotels — A  "  land  where  parasols  and 
puckers  are  not,  and  dogs  and  diamonds  are  no  more  "— "  Josiah 
and  me  sot  down  to  recooperate " — Too  many  men,  likeways 
wimmen — Josiah's  opinion  of  parasols — The  beautiful  white 
female  proves  to  be  a  statue — Perfectly  tuckered  out,  .....  156 


CHAPTER  VII. 

SEEING  THE   DIFFERENT  SPRINGS. 

A  visit  to  the  springs — Samantha's  reveries  on  the  water — 
Josiah  drinks  more  water  than  is  good  for  him — "  Bound  to  get 
the  worth  of  my  money" — Deathly  sick — "He  had  drinked 
eleven  tumblers  full" — A  prevailing  trait  in  "men's  nater,  and 
sometimes  wimmin's  " — ''That  already  too  filled  up  bureau  draw  " 
— Some  of  the  trials  of  pardners — Some  of  the  joys  of  pardners 
— Another  poem,  "  Stanzas  on  a  Mineral  Spring," 177 


CHAPTER  VIII. 

AUNT    POLLY    PIXLEY   VISITS   SAMANTHA. 

A  wonderful  improvement — '*  Ardelia  Tutt  has  got  a  new  bo  " 
— Bial  Flamburg  seeks  an  introduction  to  Ardelia — Trouble  ahead 
for  Abram  Gee — A  walk  through  the  Park — Ardelia  and  a  young 
man  by  her  side — They  visit  the  stores — Samantha  chooses  a 
picture — Josiah's  excitement  at  mention  of  the  price — How  the 
streets  of  Saratoga  were  named — The  only  thing  Saratoga  lacked 
— Josiah's  excitement  reaches  a  climax — Samantha  does  not  like 
Bial  Flamburg — Ardelia  would  love  to  be  a  "banker's  bride  " — 
Samantha  suggests  to  Abram  Gee  to  make  a  summer  trip  to  Sara 
toga — "  A  Lay  on  a  Female  Trout,  in  Central  Park,"  by  Ardelia 
Tutt 196 


574  Contents. 

CHAPTER  IX, 

JOSIAH'S    FLIRTATION. 

Josiah  decides  to  engage  in  a  flirtation — The  pretty  English 
girl — Carriage  ride  with  the  Balches — Josiah  "has  another  en 
gagement" — The  English  girl  asks  Josiah  to  walk  with  her — 
Samantha  rides  to  Saratoga  Lake  with  her  Jonesville  friends — 
The  Freethinker's  conversation — They  pass  the  English  girl  strid 
ing  on  alone — ''Where  wuz  my  pardner,  Josiah  Allen,  now?" — 
Josiah  in  distress — Picking  up  a  passenger — "  His  boots  wuz  off 
and  his  stockin's" — Josiah  rides  home — His  boots  in  his  hand 
— Josiah  a  new  man — '( A  wife's  stiddy  affection," 331 


CHAPTER  X. 

MISS  G.  WASHINGTON   FLAMM. 

Miss  G.  Washington  Flamm — Plows  and  furrows — "  Mebby 
it  wuz  dogs  *' — Miss  Flamm's  children  and  nurses — Miss 
Flamm  and  the  science  of  dogs — Miss  Flamm  invites  Josiah  and 
Samantha  to  drive — Josiah  covets  the  fine  clothes  of  Miss  Flamm's 
high-toned  relatives — ''  That  is  my  aim,  Samantha  " — "  A  curius 
seen  " — Miss  Flamm  astonishes  Josiah  and  Samantha — "  Josiah 
would  rather  have  died  " — The  Geyser  Spring — Samantha's  re 
flections  on  nature — "A  big-feelin'  little  cuss-tomer" — At  Vichy 
Spring — The  dog  and  Josiah — "  When  I  say  jump,  jump  !" — 
"Moons"  is  not  another  planet — On  the  piazza — Samantha 
meditates  again — Samantha  finds  a  straw  in  her  lemonade — "  The 
dog  and  Miss  Flamm  and  Miss  Flamm's  relatives  drive  off,"  .  .  27 1 


CHAPTER  XI. 

VISIT  TO   THE   INDIAN   ENCAMPMENT. 

Samantha's  impressions  of  Saratoga  people — Some  charitable 
institutions — The  Indian  encampment — Astounding  revelations 
of  the  fortune-teller — Samantha  resolves  to  get  the  worth  of  her 
money — Josiah  and  Samantha  discuss  deep  things — A  sudden 


Contents.  575 

excitement — "Don't  you  hit  Sarah  agin!'' — Josiah  and  Samantha 
enter  upon  their  search  for  beauty — Another  excitement — Josiah 
waxes  terrible — *'  The  hombliest,  frightfulest-lookin'  little  thing  " 
— Josiah  is  subdued — "  Far  be  it  from  me  to  say  '  Mermaid  *  to 
Josiah  Allen," 313 


CHAPTER  XII. 

A   DRIVE  TO  SARATOGA   LAKE. 

Josiah  and  Samantha  take  a  drive— A  deep  subject — What  the 
Lake  suggested  to  Samantha — "  Sunthin  uneek  " — "  That  haint  a 
barn,  that  is  a  tree  " — Samantha  falls  into  a  revery — At  the  Race 
Course — "  A  thrillin'  seen  " — Samantha  "  prefers  runnin'  water  " 
— Refuses  to  buy  a  pool — "  Drive  on,  Josiah,  instantly  and  to 
once !" — Josiah  thinks  a  "  pool  "  would  come  handy  in  "  waterin' 
the  cattle  " — '*  The  bubbles  on  the  tide  wuzn't  foam  " — "  Feathers, 
and  bows,  and  laces,  and  parasols,  and  etcetry,  etcetry,"  ....  344 


CHAPTER  XIII. 

VISITS  TO   NOTABLE  PLACES. 

On  the  piazza — "The  folks  a  goin'past" — Thoughts  for  the 
benefit  of  those  "  who  have  had  various  companions  and  lost  'em  " 
— A  visit  to  the  cemetery — Josiah  reads  an  obituary,  as  appropri 
ate  to  the  occasion — Samantha  defends  Providence — They  visit 
the  Toboggan  Slide — Some  thoughts  by  the  way — "Who  is  the 
Toboggan  anyway? — Is  he  a  native  of  the  place  or  a  Injun?" — 
Anxious  to  know  "  where  the  fun  comes  in" — Josiah  must  To 
boggan — Samantha's  strange  dream  accounted  for — Josiah  experi 
ments  with  the  bolster  and  blankets — Josiah  is  not  "  quelled  " 
Josiah  trying  to  walk  in  snowshoes-^Ardelia  is  pensive  and  low- 
spirited — '' Stanzas  Wrote  on  a  Deer;  In  Central  Park;  By  Ar- 
deliaTutt," 371 


Contents. 

CHAPTER  XIV. 
AT  MOUNT  M'GREGOR. 

Visit  to  Mount  M'Gregor — "  It  wuz  a  fair  seen  " — Josiah  res 
cued  on  the  brink  of  a  catastrophe — When  the  Hero  met  .his  1  ist 
foe — "On  duty" — When  the  pen  was  laid  down  for  the  last 
time — "  The  world  wakes  to  praise  thee  " — "  Five  minutes  at 
Daisy  Station  " — Josiah  picks  daisies — "  He  had  yanked  'em  all 
up  by  their  roots  " — A  strange  looking  *'  Bokay  " — Ferocious  at 
a  stranger's  polite  remark — Samantha  diverts  his  attention,  .  .  411 


CHAPTER  XV. 

ADVENTURES   AT   VARIOUS    SPRINGS. 

Josiah's  excitement  over  the  Everlasting  Spring — "  I'm  in  now 
for  another  hundred  years '' — Josiah  calculates  how  much  he  can 
drink — "  The  Immortal  Spring  is  the  one  for  me  !'' — How  a  dead 
wife  was  brought  to  life  again — Josiah  losing  health  and  strength 
— His  death  foretold — "  Vou  must  drink  from  the  Liveforever 
Spring  " — "  I  don't  hold  but  two  quarts  !" — Josiah  becomes  a 
wiser  man — "These  waters  are  dretful  good" — "  Stanzas  on  the 
Death  of  Josiah  Allen " — "  My  Own  Lay  on  a  Spring ;  By 
Ardclia  Tutt," 432 


CHAPTER  XVI. 

AT     A    LAWN     PARTY. 

Samantha  and  Josiah  seek  lawn  to  wear  at  the  lawn  party — 
Josiah  proposes  to  have  some  wrapped  round  his  hat — Samantha 
falls  into  a  revery — Josiah  proposes  to  have  his  corns  examined 
— Miss  Flamm  explains  a  lawn  party — Samantha  has  a  "full 
dress"  ready  for  the  occasion — Josiah  decides  to  go  in  "full 
dre,ss  " — Love  prevails — Josiah  resigns  his  efforts  at  high  life 
and  fashion — Samantha  on  waltzing — Miss  Flamm  wants  Saman- 
tha's  opinion  of  her  Paris  dress — Samantha  expresses  her  opin 
ion — How  the  garden  looked — Josiah  and  Samantha  on  the 
piazza — "A  man  can  see  more  here  in  one  evenin'  than  in  a  life- 


Contents.  577 

time  at  Jonesville  " — Josiah  sees  the  awfulness  of  the  peril  from 
which  Samantha  rescued  him — One  more  glimpse  of  Miss  Flamm 
— Ardelia  writes  more  verses, 454 


CHAPTER  XVII. 

SEEING   THE   SURROUNDINGS. 

On  the  way  to  Schuylerville — Victory  Mills — At  "the  monu 
ment  riz  up  to  our  National  Liberty  " — Some  Revolutionary  heroes 
— "  Alto  Relieved  "—Some  of  "  our  old  4  fathers  and 4  mothers  " 
— "  General  Schuyler  a  fellin'  trees  " — "  Worthy  pardner  of  a  grand 
man  " — ''  Alto  Relieved  agin  " — Josiah  wants  to  climb  to  the  top 
of  the  monument — The  old  Schuyler  Mansion — In  the  kitchen — 
The  cup  General  Washington  drank  tea  from — The  skull  of  a 
traitor — What  did  they  want  of  his  teeth  ? — The  old  mansion  and 
modern  ornamental  cottages — Samantha  sees  through  her  '*  mind's 
eye  " — Other  places  of  Revolutionary  interest — "  A  middlin'  deep 
subject," 49° 


CHAPTER  XVIII. 

THE   SOCIAL   SCIENCE   MEETING. 

A  Hindoo  from  Hindostan — No  laws  against  foreign  immi 
gration  into  "the  Home  of  Everlastin' freedom  " — Samantha's 
deep  enjoyment  in  the  meetings — "  If  the  world  wuzn't  improved 
by  their  talk,  it  wuz  the  fault  of  the  world  " — Samantha  and 
Josiah  go  to  church  and  hear  good  sermons — f<  No  danger  of 
folks  losin'  their  way  to  Heaven  unless  they  want  to  " — The 
different  waters — Josiah  holds  forth  on  the  various  doctrines  out 
side  the  Methodist  Church — Samantha  never  could  abide  bigotry — 
Josiah  quails  as  Samantha  expounds  the  Orthodox  faith — "Jones 
ville  meetin'  house  (M.  E.)haintthe  only  medium  through  which 
the  light  streams  " — "  We  don't  know  much,  and  we  don't  know 
that  fos  certain  " — The  earth  a  school-room — Samantha  recovers 
herself  at  the  sight  of  a  picture  of  Lydia  Pinkham — "  Truly 
eloquence  is  tuckerin',"  512 


578  Contents. 

CHAPTER  XIX. 

ST.  CHRISTINA'S  HOME. 

The  children's  happy  faces— The  Chapel— To  the  Roller 
Coaster — Samantha  "drops  her  revery  and  her  umbcrell  " — Ar- 
delia  Tutt  and  Eial  Flamburg— The  Roller  Coaster  "is  very 
scatterin' to  wits  " — Josiah  anticipates  great  enjoyment  from  the 
exercise — Samantha  anxious  and  full  of  fears — Josiah  decides  to 
part  temporarily  from  his  pardner — Josiah  embarks — "  I  heard 
your  cry,  Josiah!" — Josiah  cannot  be  induced  to  try  it  over  again 
— Ardelia  writes  a  poem  on  the  occasion — Retribution  overtakes 
Bial  Flamburg — Ardelia  meets  Abram  Gee — Bial  Flamburg 
takes  Ardelia  out  to  drive — They  are  both  thrown  out — "  She  wuz 
a  layin'  on  the  bank  " — Her  ambition  yields  to  softer  emotions — 
Carried  into  the  house  in  the  arms  of  Abram  Gee — "  A  Lay  on  a 
Wheelbarrow,  Or  The  Fallen  One" — Ardelia  accepts  Abram  Gee 
— "Not  a  happier  man  in  the  country" — To  be  married  in  the 
fall— "A  Lay  on  a  Roller  Coaster;  By  Ardelia  Tutt,"  .  .  .  .  529 


'CHAPTER  XX. 

AN   ACCIDENT  WITH    RESULTS. 

An  accident — Miss  Flamm  has  a  mother's  heart — "  Pray 
for  me  " — Josiah  prays — Miss  Flamm  a  changed  woman — 
The  dog  dies — Josiah  talks  with  Samantha  in  confidence — Ex 
planation  of  the  interruption  in  Josiah's  prayer — Not  so  much  like 
a  religious  exercise  as  he  could  wish — Samantha's  sympathy  cheers 
her  pardner — Miss  Flamm  makes  the  acquaintance  of  her  chil 
dren — Also  of  her  husband  and  likes  him — Samantha  and  Josiah, 
Ardelia  and  Abram,  off  for  home — Ardelia  suspected  of  writing 
another  poem  in  the  cars — At  the  Jonesville  depot — Josiah  wrestles 
with  Samantha's  heavy  trunk — Josiah  wonders — A  porter  tackles 
it_Samantha  shocked  at  his  profanity— Josiah  listens  with 
pleasure  and  satisfaction — "  Love,  which  is  the  light  of  Heaven, 
wuz  a  shinin' on  their  faces,  and  we  had  got  home,"  «.  .  .  .  .  553 


LIST  OF  ILLUSTRATIONS. 


Miss  Marietta  Holley  (Steel), FRONTISPIECE. 

PAGE. 

Traveling  Paraphernalia, 19 

Scoffing  in  the  Wood-Shed 21 

Dr.  Gale  Advising  Samantha 23 

Uncle  Jonas  Bently, 28 

The  School  Teacher  and  Samantha, 30 

Mr.  Pixley  and  His  Base  Viol, 32 

How  the  Story  was  Passed  Along, 34 

The  Dressmaker's  Cottage 36 

Saratoga's  Supposed  Style, 30, 

The  Lion  and  the  Lamb 42 

Woman's  Supremacy, 43 

Ardelia  Writing  Poetry, 44 

Ardelia  Reading  Her  Poems (Full  page),  49 

Reception  of  Ardelia's  Poems  at  the  Printer's,   .  (Full  page),  57 

Ardelia's  Possible  Future, 65 

School  Scene, 70 

Jim  Smedley's  Occupation 7I 

Jim's  Biggest  Game, (Full  page),  73 

Grandma  Smedley's  Sorrow, 7g 

Josiah  Amazed  at  Samantha's  Proposition 87 

579 


580  List  of  Illustrations. 

PAGE. 

Encounter  with  Miss  Whymper, 93 

Miss  Petingill  and  the  Preacher, (Full  page),     99 

The  Pound  Party  in  Progress, (Full  page),  107 

Elder  Minkley  Closing  the  Pound-party, 113 

Carrying  Home  the  Gifts, (Full  page),  115 

Cupid  in  the  Baker's  Shop Il8 

Ardelia's  Dream, 120 

Abram  Gee  in  Despondency, (Full  page),  125 

They  Sing  Together, 127 

The  Tourists  Meet  at  the  Depot, 133 

Steam  Train  Poetry, 136 

Off  for  Saratoga, 137 

Arrival  at  Saratoga, 138 

A  Row  with  the  Hackman, (Full  page),  141 

On  the  Borders  of  Beulah  Land, 147 

Street  Scene  by  Night, (Full  page),  149 

An  Early  Start, 156 

Black  Mas  and  White  Babies, 162 

Scooped  in  by  Parasols, 1 66 

Startled  by  a  Statue, (Full  page),  173 

Smoothing  up  the  Hat, 176 

Studying  the  Water,    ....        177 

Off  for  the  Springs, 178 

Josiah  Drinking  His  Tenth  Glass, (Full  page),  183 

"Dethly  Sick,"       187 

Allured  by  a  Bargain, 189 

Josiah  Paying  the  Penalty, 192 


List  of  Illustrations.  581 

PAGE. 

Criticising  a  Poem, f 195 

A  Hurried  Walk, 196 

Aunt  Polly  Pixley, 199 

Washington  Spring, (Full  page),  203 

Ardelia  and  Bial  at  the  Trout  Pond, 207 

Hasty  Retreat  from  the  Art  Gallery, (Full  page),  211 

The  Haunted  House, (Full  page),  217 

Searching  for  the  Spectacles, 222 

Bial  at  His  Ease, 226 

Poetry  and  Trout, 230 

Josiah  Among  the  Boys, 231 

Josiah's  Fearful  Vow, (Full  page),  233 

Sitting  in  Rapt  Admiration, 237 

"  Miss  Ezra  Balch  "  at  the  Depot, 240 

One  of  Uncle  Jonas  Bently's  "Waterin' Troughs,"    .  (Full page),  249 

Straws  in  the  Lemonade, 252 

Among  the  Free  Thinkers, 2r. 

The  Pretty  Pedestrian, 257 

Josiah's  Pursuit  of  Fashion, .     260 

A  Discomfited  Pedestrian, 262 

Under  Treatment  for  His  Feet, (Full  page),  267 

Josiah's  Return  to  Active  Life, 270 

Mrs.  Flamm  Making  Her  Toilet, , 271 

The  Nurse  of  the  Period, 276 

A  Ride  with  Mrs.  Flamm, (Full  page),  281 

Getting  in  His  Work, 285 

ChannhV  Courtin'  Yard  (U.  S.  Hotel), (Full  page),  291 


582  List  of  Illustrations. 

PAGE. 

Ideal  Goddess  of  Liberty, 297 

Vichy  Spring  and  Pond, .    .  (Full  page),  301 

Womanly  Solicitude, 305 

On  the  Piazza  at  Moon's, 308 

Indian  Encampment,  . 313 

"A  Pleasant  Place  to  Wander  Round  In,"     ....  (Full  page),  317 

On  the  Boarding-House  Piazza, 320 

Samantha  and  the  Fortune-Teller, 325 

A  Raid  on  the  Boys, (Full  page),  331 

A  Good  Shaking, 334 

Denouncing  the  Imposition, ' 338 

The  Ideal  Mermaid, 343 

The  Race  Course, 344 

Saratoga  Lake, (Full  page),  349 

The  "  Uneek  "  Barn, 352  . 

A  Rush  for  the  Race  Course, (Full  page),  357 

"  Gamblin' !" (Full  page),  365 

The  Home  Stretch, 370 

The  Four  Husbands, •    .    .    37 1 

One  Who  Has  Seen  Trouble, 375 

A  High-Flyer  of  Fashion, 382 

Toboggan  Slid-; 388 

Josiah's  Rush  for  the  Buggy, (Full  page),  395 

Homemade  Toboggan  Slide, (Full  page),  401 

Trying  the  Snow  Shoes,      •    405 

Genuine  Tobogganing, •     ....    410 

On  Mount  M'Gregor, 411 

Rescued  from  Peril (Full  page),  417 


List  of  Illustrations.  583 

PAGB. 

The  Illustriou*  Cottage, (Full  page),  423 

Josiah  Picking  Daisies, 430 

Rush  for  the  Springs, 432 

Unlooked-for  Resurrection, (Full  page),  435 

The  Wife's  Restoration, (Full  page),  439 

The  Champion  Spouting  Spring, (Full  page),  447 

Spring-House  Scene (Full  page),  45* 

Hunting  Lawn, 454 

Doleful  Strains, 457 

Samantha's  Full  Dress, 462 

Josiah  in  Full  Dress 466 

Mrs.  Flamm  in  Full  Dress, (Full  page),  473 

Trying  not  to  Look, 4$9 

Revolutionary  Scenes, 49° 

People  of  Other  Days, 5°5 

Antique  Portraits, 511 

The  Puzzled  Pilgrim, »  . 512 

A  Zealous  Churchman, $*% 

Roller  Coaster, 529 

"  Lo,  the  Poor  Indian,"  .    .    .    .  • 533 

Thrown  upon  the  Bank, (Full  page),  543 

Ardelia  in  a  Wheelbarrow, 54^ 

The  Banking  Business, 552 

At  the  Sufferer's  Bedside, 553 

Praying  under  Difficulties, 561 

A  Praiseworthy  Effort, 566 

Unconditional  Surrender 5^7 

The  End, •    / 569 


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